APOV
"What I'm trying to find out is if you'll be the size of that turkey on my wedding day," Kate jokes as she bastes the enormous bird we're responsible for cooking today. Thanksgiving 2011. This time last year it was just Ray and myself in our little warm house in Montesano. We'd opted for a chicken since turkeys rarely come in a size small enough for just two people and after a quiet meal over our well used kitchen table we'd watched football and finished off a store bought apple pie straight out of the tin.
But not this year. Nope, not even close. This year I'm married to a billionaire and if that isn't change enough, he comes with a big family and a host of expectations that both excite and annoy me. Grace and Carrick are hosting everyone but that doesn't mean they're the ones running the show. Hell no. We all are whether we want to or not.
There had actually been a family dinner three weeks ago to plan Thanksgiving, complete with Grace's party designer, a woman so far up my husband's ass I was afraid I'd have to surgically remove her. Fortunately for her, Christian had just gotten me off in the car on the way over, as he was driving, so I was the picture of serene. Until she asked him what would be a good time for the two of them to fly out to Aspen to decide on the theme for Christmas.
"The theme for Christmas?" Elliot had laughed out, clearly enjoying the way I must have looked at the woman. "Wouldn't the theme for Christmas be…Christmas?"
Ashley, or as she introduced herself to me, Ushly, merely gave him a sigh and explained that there were themes within themes stopping only when Christian finally had had enough of her blabbering and told her in no uncertain terms that I'd be handling the holidays at our house on my own and that her services weren't needed. She'd backed off immediately.
An hour and a half later we had finally delegated who was making what, Graces excitement over finally having daughter in laws that she could plan with so cute I just let her babble until she'd worn herself out. So here we now stood, two 20 pound organic, free range, local turkeys in the oven and a slew of side dishes warming in the third one.
"Did you hear me? I asked if you'd be knocked up for my wedding. I mean, we can always switch the date of course. Actually, if you're going to get pregnant or already are," Kate winked at me and shut the stainless steel door with a thud, "the baby can just be in the wedding."
"Unless you're getting married in a few years you have no need to worry about me and the size of my belly. I am not about to start bearing offspring despite what you've heard from Elliot and I swear Kate, if you or anyone else brings up the baby issue again I'm going to throw myself in this oven."
"Whoa! Take it easy there, sweetie. I was just thinking that cornflower yellow wouldn't be flattering with a belly. No harm done, no need to answer me or even acknowledge me."
Pinching the bridge of my nose and turning to lean my butt on the counter I breathe out a long breath and let the anger ebb.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you but we had another fight about it last night and instead of kissing and making up before bed or this morning, Christian busied himself with work and came out of his office only when it was time to shower and leave to come here."
"Yeah, I'm picking up on the fact that the two of you are a bit out of synch on the issue." Next to me she tosses the oven mitts and pulls me in for a hug. "I told Elliot to stop even talking to his brother about it because all he does is goad him and encourage him."
"So Elliot's talked to you about it?" Both of us quiet down then as Gretchen walks in and grabs the china to start setting the table, her huffy attitude the last thing I feel like dealing with.
"I do not like that bitch at all. Did you see the way she licked her lips when she took Elliot's coat before? Or the way she always looks down her nose when she talks to one of the two of us? Ethan said he was here a few nights ago and he came into the kitchen to get a drink and when she saw him she stopped what she was doing and tried talking to him."
"Uhh, what's wrong with her talking to him? I know your dad's an ass about getting friendly with the help but you've never been that type."
"Oh my God, Ana! Not that! She was standing there and she kept running her finger up and down the buttons of her shirt asking what she could do for him and when he said nothing, she unbuttoned the top one and said, 'Are you sure, Ethan? I've always enjoyed helping the boys in this house.'"
"Do you think…there is no way Christian hooked up with her but did you ask Elliot?"
"Hell yeah I asked him and he looked at me like I was crazy. So I asked him again and he laughed and said no way, that Gretchen came on long after he'd moved out and that he barely noticed her let alone noticed her."
Just then she walked back in, grabbed the pile of linen napkins and the salt and pepper shakers and flounced out of the room as if she owned the place.
"I don't care about Gretchen or her stupid comments. What I care about is how my sweet potato casserole turned out, how much bourbon Grandpa Trevelyan put in that apple pie and whether or not my husband is going to pout all night long. Oh, and how it breaks my heart that yet again my dad is the only single person in the room."
"Well," Kate starts, stirring the melting butter on the stove top, "you're an amazing cook so your casserole will be awesome. If Grandpa Trevelyan made the pie it's going to get you drunk and I can't help you with Christian because his pouting is legendary. As to Ray, that one's easy. Hook him up with Gretchen!"
"So how do you know this detective, Christian?" Grace, happiness radiating from her very being asks between bites of admittedly good sweet potatoes and perfectly cooked turkey.
"I was introduced to him initially through a mutual friend and subsequently hired him to do some work for GEH over the summer. His girlfriend is away for work for a while and the subject matter of his work is exhausting and frankly disgusting so Ana and I thought it would be nice to get him out of Seattle for a bit. This trip coincided with some time off of his."
What he doesn't mention is the fact that Flynn has been encouraging him to make friends outside of the ones I brought into his life. Detective Cantino is a perfect candidate. He has zero interest in Christian's money, influence or looks, he already knows the abuse Christian has suffered and has made no judgments about the lifestyle he chose and he's proven his trustworthiness buy doing exactly what he said. Handing over any and all evidence that tied Christian to Elena Lincoln and never breathing a word about it to anyone else.
"Well I think it's just lovely that you've reached out to him. I'd love to meet him one day."
Elliot rolls his eyes and takes another roll from the basket as it's passed around. "Mom, he's not twelve."
She waves her hand dismissively but the truth is, she's right to be giddy. These are the things she missed out on as Christian's mom for so many years and if she gets excited over these milestones, grown man or not, she's entitled to that joy.
"Where are you all going?" Carrick asks, his plate laden with every carbohydrate known to man.
Ethan looks around when no one answers and wipes his mouth on a napkin that probably cost as much as my graduation dress.
"The Four Seasons at Whistler. We're headed out first thing in the morning."
"No shopping for you tomorrow then, Mia?" Carrick asks with disbelief.
"Nope, Ethan's going to teach me how to snowboard." Crazy in love she looks up at Ethan and gives him the biggest smile, her infatuation with him nothing short of adorable.
"Can you teach me too?" I ask. "I've always wanted to learn but Ray only ever put me on skis no matter how many times I begged!"
"Snowboarding is for pot smoking hippies," Ray quips, acknowledging Ethan with a wave of his roll. "Present company excluded of course."
"You ski?" Christian asks, his long fingers tapping delicately on the white tablecloth.
"She sure does. Quite well too. I had Annie on skis before she started kindergarten. We used to spend every Saturday on the slopes, 'course that was when you could ski for $15 a day. Now, geesh, it's probably closer to $100!"
I blush a little out of embarrassment for my dad who is so unused to the kind of wealth I'm now surrounded by. If I've learned one thing about the uber-wealthy it's that they never talk about money. Ever.
"I didn't know you could ski. What level are you?" Christian continues on evenly, the fork holding his mashed potatoes now resting on his plate.
"I can do double blacks if that's what you're asking." My eyes meet his, the challenge in them clear. I'm not stupid, I know exactly what's going through his head. Skiing is dangerous and he doesn't want me doing it. Well I have news for him. I'm skiing. Bought a whole new Burton snowsuit to do it in and everything.
"I was unaware of this particular talent," he mused, the outright refusal hanging between us until his Uncle Jamieson starts throwing out bets on the Baltimore SanFransisco game. The Packers and the Lion's were already playing and despite his best attempt not to, I couldn't help but notice the way Christian tensed up when Detroit was mentioned.
"Do you ever watch the game? The Detroit game?" I whisper, his scent and the fact that he's bothered by the mere mention of his hometown making me feel much less inclined to fight with him.
"I try not to," he shrugged. "Elliot gets it and doesn't push the issue but nobody else really thinks about it."
"That's because to them you're a Grey, always have been, and therefore have always been in Seattle." When he says nothing I fiddle with the hem of my sweater dress and watch his leg start to bounce, a sure sign that he wants away from this table right now. "Have you made your travel plans to go back yet? Our travel plans I mean?" I rush to add the last part to remind him that he won't be making this trip alone.
"I did. Or rather Andrea did." With a sigh he runs his hand through his hair before dropping it to my knee. "Hannah should have received it and put it in your calendar already."
"You remembered her name!" I exclaim, teasing him. I'd hired Hanna shortly after we returned from our honeymoon and since then he'd called her no less than three different names.
"Finally," he laughed. "It didn't help that she introduced herself to me the way she did."
Now we're both laughing which is good because the tension between us was really starting to get to me.
"She was trying to use the bathroom, not introduce herself to you."
"Then she should have locked the door! I will forever wonder if she's wearing the floral granny panties I caught her in as she stuck her hand out to greet me."
"Poor girl. She was so excited to meet you and had to do it like that. She can't even say your name without blushing now. I swear anytime the phone rings or an email comes through with GEH attached to it she turns a hundred shades of red."
Around us everyone is chatting and laughing, the cares of yesterday gone, the uncertainty of tomorrow not important in this moment of thanks. We are all healthy, of sound mind and body and as far as I know, we are all happy. Even Ray has a smile on his face as he listens to Grandpa Trevelyan go on about a fishing trip he took a few months ago. The constant flow of good scotch between he and Carrick isn't hurting either.
"So when do we go? To Detroit?"
"December 15th. We leave at six am, I have the meeting scheduled for ten at the courthouse and we should be back on the jet by noon."
"Are you going to stop by the production facility and take a look?"
"No. I'm doing what I legally have to do and then we're getting the fuck out of that place."
Inside my heart squeezes tight with disappointment that he's unwilling to face down his deamons and also with sadness that he's got them in the first place. I'll never push him to do something he's not ready to do but I want him to at least entertain the idea that this could be a good thing.
"Two hours doesn't leave any time to do much else."
He turns, hard gray eyes on mine and presses his palm to my knee. "I know."
"Don't you want to take the opportunity to say your piece at her grave? Or at the apartments you lived in?"
"No. And I don't want to talk about it here, in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner with my mother and father on either side of me." Both of us look straight ahead and fiddle with our plates and our wine, pretending to listen to the conversations of those around us until Christian finally leans over and kisses my cheek. "We need to talk."
"OK," I answer meekly, hoping my submission will encourage him to let go of some of this anger.
"Now. I can't sit here and stew like this anymore."
"So let's go to your room after dinner and before dessert."
His brows raise, that familiar twinkle in his eyes immediately turning my stomach inside out with the want for him.
"My room, Mrs. Grey? Do you recall what happened the last time we were in my room?"
"Of course I do." I'm sure I'm blushing because I'm heated through and through but there is no way I could forget the way he'd tied me to his desk chair and tortured me with that damn crop he'd packed. We'd spent the weekend here so that the new interior designer could have Escala repainted and the kitchen redone in Christian's overzealous attempt to eradicate all traces of his previous life. It hadn't mattered to me that his previous submissives had seen the white of the walls but I admit that warming things up definitely made the place feel more like home. The fact that he'd given Gail and I carte blanche to do what we wanted was just icing on the cake.
Patiently we waited until the conversations died down and everyone had migrated into the living room for cocktails and football watching before we inconspicuously made our way upstairs.
"After you," he said with a flourish, shutting the door behind him silently and coming to me immediately. "I hate fighting with you. Hate it." He guffawed and reached for me, drawing me against his chest so that his chin rested on my head. "Anyone else and I'd jump at the chance to debate and argue and come to blows with but with you, it just fucks with my head."
"I wasn't fighting with you, Christian. We want the same thing but at different times and it's not something that can be compromised on."
"Right," he says, drawing out the word. "That would be a fight."
"No," I laugh, pushing against him so that I can sit on the bed. "It's a conversation that you're not getting your way on and that is doing nothing but frustrating both of us."
Damn him for looking so good in his ridiculously expensive Armani jeans and even more ridiculously expensive cable knit sweater as he saunters to stand in front of me with his hands in his pockets. If he were barefoot I'd be a puddle on the floor.
"I'm almost 30, Ana."
"God! Why do you and your mom say that as if it's old? It's not! 30 is young as hell."
"My mom?"
"Yes your mom! The first thing she said to me when we went into the kitchen today was 'Carrick made his famous lemon cocktails but I'd be totally understanding if you didn't want one'."
"I don't get it. Why did that piss you off?"
"Because it was her way of asking if I could drink or not. Because every time we see her she watches to see if I'm drinking and because she has mentioned, no less than ten times in the last few months, that you are almost 30!"
"She wants a grandchild! Is that so bad?" There go his hands into that mess of copper hair that I so love. "For fucks sake did you see how fucking over the moon she was about me having a friend? Do you know how fucking pathetic it makes me feel that my mom is giddy about the fact that her child, who is almost 30, is making friends? Imagine what a kid would do!"
"I get it. I do. But unless you have something new to add to this discussion, I'm not having it again. I am not ready to get pregnant or to have kids. I want them. With you. One day. Your mom will be just as happy then as she is now."
And I do get it. He wants the family he never had. He wants to show the world that he's normal and happy and having a child will do that. He wants to love and protect and nurture something that is his in a way nobody else in his life is. Blood lines do that to you. They connect when nothing else does. My mother and myself are the perfect example of that. But just because he's ready doesn't mean I am and like I said, you can't have half a kid or be a part time parent. Compromise isn't an option here.
"I'm 23. My business is just taking off, my marriage has just begun, I'm just now comfortable with the idea that I'm having sex." At that, of course, he grins. "No part of my psyche or my being feels ready for all that motherhood entails. All I'm asking is for a reprieve in this entire conversation. A deferment if you will."
He smiles at me and tucks an errant curl behind my ear, his slim waist so close to my face that it takes all the will power I have not to bury my face against it.
"Three months. I will give you three months from today before I bring it up again."
I can't help it, I roll my eyes. "This is not a business deal, Christian."
"No, it's not because I've never wanted to spank someone in a business meeting for rolling their eyes at me. Come to think of it, nobody has ever rolled their eyes at me in a business meeting at all." Crouching in front of me he rests both hands on my knees and pulls them apart. "Three months, Anastasia and we're going to hash this out again."
I have no idea if this is how every couple plans their procreation talks but for now and for us, this is the only compromise that we can come up with so I will take it and seal the deal the best way I know how.
"You never even tried to make up with me last night," I fake pout, sticking out my bottom lip.
"Doesn't mean I didn't want to," he purrs, his thumbs circling the very ticklish and very sensitive skin between my knees. "Doesn't mean I didn't lay in bed and watch you sleep. Doesn't mean I didn't pull the covers down so that I could stare at the rise and fall of your breasts as you slept. Doesn't mean I'm not going to fuck the ever loving shit out of you right now."
"My dad's downstairs," I groan out even as my panties become damp.
"I don't give two fucks who's downstairs. You're my wife and I want to feel the way your pussy squeezes my dick when you're coming."
Good God the man knows how to get me going. "I like these panties, Mr. Grey." My arms wind around his neck, his shiver as my fingers play with his hair such a damn turn on.
"Are you asking me to not tear them from what I'm sure is your very wet pussy?" With graceful purpose he pulls me forward and spreads me open for his inspection. "Just as I suspected," he murmurs when he touches the heat between my legs. Bending he inhales and closes his eyes. "Fuck yes. Let me taste you, Ana."
And because I can't say no to him, not when he's in that alpha mode I find so irresistible I lay back and enjoy the ride, my world falling apart into small white bits as he drives me forward with his tongue and finally his cock. And when his mouth covers mine as we both come hard, neither one of us is thinking about anything other than the fact that this connection we have, imperfect as it is in some areas of our life, is without question, the tether that will forever bind us together.
"Plane leaves at seven tomorrow morning so we should probably go to bed now." Christian stands from where he and Ray were having a beer together and shuts the fireplace off before stretching. "Feel free to use the media room if you want to watch a movie or television, Ray."
Dad wipes his hands on his pants and stands with a yawn. "Nah, bed sounds good right about now. That scotch your father kept handing out went down a little too smoothly and if I want to get on the road when you both do, I need to hit the sack now."
Down the hall Ray gives one last wave and shuts the door to the guest room that we've personalized for him. As usual Christian is doing a once over of the security system and making sure, again, that the alarm is set. It makes no difference that we have staff that's already done it, this is his routine every night since I moved in.
"All good?" I tease, squealing when he lifts me over his shoulder and swats at my butt.
"It's my job to ensure you're safe, Ana. I take that job more seriously than anything else in my life. The minute it takes me to check everything over gives me peace of mind. Now," he swats again, kicks our door shut and then tosses me onto the bed. "If you want to keep teasing me, I'll drag that sweet little ass of yours upstairs and stake my claim on it."
After I get a few playful spanks for the rolling of my eyes we shower together and as per the norm, Christian watches as I shave my legs and I return the favor while he shaves his face.
"You should let it grow out a bit for this weekend," I say as I slap the aftershave he uses on his face, his accompanying grimace making me laugh.
"Why?"
"It will keep your face warm when we're skiing. I mean, I know you use one of those face guards too but if I were a guy, I'd do it for sure."
"You never mentioned that you planned on skiing," he says, leaning forward so that his hands are pressed on the counter on either side of my naked legs. "In all the times we talked about this weekend and all the plans we made, you not one time mentioned wanting to ski."
He's right, I realized this at dinner but I'm not sure why it's such a big deal. Hoping to stem any more disagreements between us I weave my arms behind his head and wrap my legs around his butt, my toes kicking off the towel that had been wrapped around his lower half. If he has a problem being distracted by sex than he only has himself to blame, he's the one who perfected the game.
"I was too focused on planning the flight and dinners and all the other stuff we're doing." Pulling him closer to me I internally smile when I feel him start to harden against me. "Did you look at the itinerary I put together?"
"No," he half whispers as I kiss each corner of his mouth.
"Well, I've got the head chef whipping up some sushi tomorrow night in our suite for everyone and then Saturday morning we're having breakfast on the observation lounge. Just our group of course."
"Of course."
More gentle kisses to his freshly shaven jaw and a few well-placed shimmies against his now erect penis and I feel like this approach just may work.
"You, Elliot, Gavin and Anthony are scheduled to go heli-skiing at ten so I figured by four you'd be finished with at least a few runs and would be ready to relax so I told the staff to have the sauna in our suite ready to go."
He raises his brows at me and runs each palm up my thighs until they're gripping my hips.
"The sauna? I've never fucked in a sauna before."
As my fingers make their way down the indent of his spine and over the perfectly rounded cheeks of his perfect butt he shivers, lets his forehead fall into the curve of my neck and slides his hands up to top of my hip bones.
"Mmmhmm. The sauna. Me, you, a small room filled with steam and nothing else." Sealing the deal for peace I lean down and nip his ear, soothing it with my tongue. "I figure we'll both be sore so after we've, you know, relaxed in the sauna…" I let myself slide against him one more time, "we'll join everyone for a private dinner on one of the mountain restaurants. And for breakfast on Sunday, I'm so excited, I asked for the resort to set up a fire pit with hot chocolate. How amazingly perfect does that sound to start the day?"
With a quick fluid movement he lifts me up and walks me to the bed, laying me out in front of him so that my legs are on either side of his.
"See this," he breathes out, his palms gliding over the gentle curve where my hips become my waist. "This, this part of your body; this soft, smooth, warm, feminine dip that drives me crazy…this is the reason I'm pretending that you didn't just slip in the fact that you're skiing. Because when you're laid out for me like this, all womanly and fucking drop dead gorgeous…you know you can get away with just about anything."
"Mr. Grey!" I exclaim in mock offence. "Are you accusing me of topping from the bottom?"
"It's not an accusation. It's a fact." Shaking his head slowly he gives his dick a few firm strokes. "I can't say it bothers me either."
I smirk and raise my arms above my hands in invitation. "You neglected my breasts at your parents house," I pout.
He laughs and sits on his haunches, his erection standing proud between us just bobbing with each rattle of laughter that shakes his chest. "Well we can't have that now can we Sweet Anastasia?"
"MmmMmm. They want you, Christian." He groans when I push them together and then settles himself so that his mouth is lined up right where we both want it. And when his lips latch on to my nipple I know neither one of is thinking about skiing or babies or anything except the love that we have for one another.
CPOV
"Fucking threaten to cancel the deal and then get finance to start pulling every share we've got. I'm not in the mood to deal with this shit today, tomorrow, or next week. Their valuation isn't worth the hassle if we need to dump so much capital into it and eat up so many man hours."
Ros makes a few more comments and sends me the draft of what she'll present to the board of directors of Greenlight Energies. I don't need to read it to know it's fine so I ignore it and hang up, catching Ana's look of annoyance over the fact that I'm working on the flight up to Whistler.
"Apologies everyone." Sitting back in my seat she shifts so that I can get comfortable and then drapes her legs over my lap before motioning for Nanette to bring me a cup of coffee.
"Hell if I mind. Damn, when you said we were flying I just figured it would be commercial. I'm good just flying around in this all weekend!" Anthony says as he picks at the Denver omelet one of the new flight attendants serves to him.
Now that we're travelling more and I've made it a personal mission to show Ana the world as often as I can, this plane is no longer suitable for all of our needs. Case in point, this is the second trip with our family and friends that we've taken in a month and as great as Nanette has been, it's unfair to ask her to take care of so many people at once in a space designed for less.
In the Maldives, during one of the lazy naked days we spent doing nothing but eating, laughing and fucking, Ana and I made a list of all the places in the US and the world that we wanted to see. I've been working my ass off for years with very little personal time and the truth of the matter is, as much as I love my work, I would much rather spend my time with my wife.
So one long weekend a month we're crossing off the domestic places and each quarter I plan on taking Ana to the far corners of the earth for two weeks at a time. And while I may not be winning in the argument over when to start our family, I'm still going to prepare for it.
So that means getting a bigger plane for personal use, one that has two bedrooms instead of one and a more open floor plan that kids can play in. The ones on the market currently aren't what I want so later this week I'll make a trip to California to customize one and then have it built. I've also put the finishing of the house on the Sound as a top priority. More than anything, I want a place that represents a totally new start for Ana and myself.
Right after we got back from Vegas Elliot and I went out for dinner and while that in and of itself has become part of my new normal, running into an ex-submissive has not. Taylor had seen her first when he did his sweep and gave me a warning right before we were seated but Jillian had seen me, the telltale way she'd lowered her eyes and dropped her shoulders as I passed by was evidence enough.
Thank fuck Elliot didn't notice and damn if I was about to tell Ana an ex-sub of mine had dinner with her new Dom in an adjacent room. Taylor suggested dining elsewhere but had I done that Elliot would have asked why and I am absolutely dead set on never revisiting those chapters of my life no matter how close I'm getting to my brother. So we ate and drank and though I couldn't see her and she couldn't see me I still felt a profound sense of relief when Taylor texted that she'd left the premise.
Later that night I came home to the sound of Devin and Lisa cackling in the kitchen with my wife who was in her Pilates gear, hair a mess on top of her head as she ate ice cream straight from the carton. Domestic bliss is what my father had said when he'd asked how things were going and blissful as this scene was, it was happening in the middle of a kitchen I'd fucked 15 other women in.
And that had to change.
So the next morning I called the designer and had him and his team meet me at Escala at noon. Within three hours we'd agreed to a slightly revised floorplan and a totally revised color scheme. The only room Ana didn't want to update was the library and while I was willing to leave it alone, I did order exact replicas of the furniture and pool table. If she noticed, she hasn't said anything.
This weekend the kitchen was being gutted and updated in its entirety and while I was, on some level, looking forward to a trip with my siblings, cousins and Anthony, I was using it as a convenient excuse to get out of Escala so the work could get done.
Behind me Gavin snorts at something Lisa said, something I'm sure is over the top vulgar and funny as hell because if any woman can hold her own with him, it's her. I haven't asked Ana about what their relationship entails now, mainly because I've not thought of it at all, but I did overhear that he'd met her brother last month and that he'd somehow finagled an invite to her parents for New Years. Looks like everyone in the Grey family is growing up.
Flynn has been riding me for months about making friends and putting myself out there and I've been doing that. At least I thought I had been but then he'd told me that Ana's friends didn't count and that I needed someone outside of her tight circle. 'Right. I'm not nine and this isn't the playground. I don't need friends,' I'd said but then he'd reminded me that I'd said the exact same thing about love and a girlfriend.
So fuck him, I told Ana to plan a weekend away so that we could do the kitchen over and while she was at it, invite Anthony. I'd hoped that Jose could come too, it would have been good for both of them since their girlfriends were currently pretending to be prostitutes somewhere in the Ukraine but he'd bailed at the last minute to take a major photography contract in Brazil.
Which means that I am currently on a plane heading to a resort in British Columbia for a weekend of skiing with my wife, my siblings and their significant others, my cousin and Lisa and…Anthony Cantino. In my life, I would never have pictured this outcome. Ever. But there he is, right across from me reading an article Kate wants his legal opinion on and laughing at something Lisa just said.
Do I feel weird about the whole thing? Yes. A huge fuck yes. Do I feel like I need a friend? No. Ana fills in all those gaps in my life I didn't know were there and Elliot and Mia are now a part of my everyday life in a way they never were before. But if Ana has taught me anything in the few short months I've known her, it's that limiting myself to less than all life has to offer is no longer an option.
I admit that knowing that this man, whom I barely know, has been in the very rooms I was introduced to BDSM in and who has seen videos and pictures of me as a kid in those very situations, isn't exactly comfortable for me. But he's never mentioned it and he's not once made me feel judged. If anything, the dinner and two lunches we've shared over the last three months has solidified the fact that outside of his professional obligation, my sexual past is of no concern to him.
So I'll follow the advise of my shrink and do what I have to do to make my wife happy but if Flynn's expecting me to come back with some Kumbaya shit, he's in for a cold reality check.
"Do you like it?" Ana asks as we settle in to our suite at the Four Seasons. "I mean, God! Look at that view! The mountain is so close I feel like I could touch it!"
"From where I'm standing, the view is perfect. Perfect peaks, perfect valley's, perfect ass." She laughs when I stand behind her and then shudders when I move her hair to the side to kiss along that graceful neck of hers she's got hidden beneath her cashmere turtleneck. "This shirt has to go, baby. I can't access you the way I want to."
"I'm changing right now. Kate, Lisa and I are meeting with an instructor who will take us up on some of the easier slopes to see what our skill level is. I mean, I'm a pretty good skier but skiing in Washington is not the same as skiing here."
"No, it's not," I say cooly, turning her so that she's got no choice but to look at me. "I'm not happy that you're going skiing. Not at all. In fact, I'm pretty pissed that the first time I hear about it is at dinner with twenty other people around."
The way she bites her lip tells me that she's been waiting for this conversation.
"What did you think I was going to do all weekend?"
"Truthfully, I expected you and the girls to sit around the lodge and drink hot chocolate and read and shop. That's what Mia's always done and I'm sure that's what she'd be doing if she weren't trying to impress Ethan. Snowboarding," I snort, running my hands over my hair and then moving back when Ana steps towards the suitcase that's been unpacked for us.
"Well that sounds boring. I've been skiing a long time and this is one place I've always wanted to go. Plus, the idea of doing this with you makes me happy."
And that's the rub. Because she's excited to spend time with me and get a few pictures of a new experience we're sharing but all I can think about is her falling or hitting her head. Is it acceptable for me to forbid my 23 year old wife from doing things like this? No. Doesn't mean I'm not going to try to talk her out of it.
"They've got some of the best shopping in North America down in the village. Take Taylor and Sawyer and hit up Cartier. Do some Christmas shopping." I rush to add, "You can figure out what to get my mom and Andrea and Ros."
"What have you gotten Andrea and Ros historically?" she asks, the light blue cashmere shirt finding its way to the bed so that she can slip on a super tight thermal body suit. I am definitely going to fuck her in that before the weekend is over. Holy shit.
"Uhh, money. A bonus. When did you get that?"
"When I booked the trip I had Sawyer take me to the Ski Haus down on Fourth Street and got everything I'd need. Gail said you had gear already but I did get you a new face mask because the one she pulled out for you was a few years old and the new ones seemed warmer."
I bristle at the fact that Sawyer took her shopping and I don't even know about it. I agreed to not monitoring her every single move during the day because, as Ana so eloquently put it, I'm not a babysitter and she's not a baby. But this is the shit I have to deal with now.
With a cherubic and hopeful smile she starts to lay out my ski clothes and then shimmies into a one piece, bright pink fitted snow suit.
"You may be the first woman in history to make a ski suit look sexy. Shit, Ana." She lets me check her out and then quickly braids her hair into pigtails which just make her look sexier. When we get downstairs and meet the instructor, a young twenty something guy who can't seem to stop tossing his hair out of his face my decision is made.
Much as I want to go right to the toughest slope they've got, I'll be heading to the blues to stay with my wife. Because Flipper, or Scott as he calls himself, isn't going to get to see her do this before I do.
"C come on man, it's already mid-day. It's going to start icing up out there in two hours and if I'm going to survive heli-skiing tomorrow I need to get my legs underneath me today dude."
"Go ahead with Gavin and Anthony. I'm just going to make sure things here are copasetic."
Elliot rolls his eyes and hoists his skis over his shoulder. "Isn't that what Sawyer is for?"
"Sawyer doesn't know how to ski."
He's about to argue, I can sense it but then Flipper starts talking about the house he and his buddies live in for the season and how they're having a rager tonight. He doesn't invite them but he will. I may be head over heels in love with Ana but I'm not an idiot. Kate's hot and Lisa's pretty in a pinup kind of way so there is no way this guy's going to pass up the opportunity to invite them to a party he's hosting.
"I'll go with you," Elliot all but mutters. He likes to pretend he's not as jealous as I am but it's a damn lie.
"Ready girls?" the prick asks, clapping his hands together like some over excited game show host. His face falls when Elliot walks in front of him and grabs Kate's skis signaling that he'll be joining but to his credit he recovers quickly enough when his eye catches mine. Maybe he's not a total dumbass.
"I'm so glad you came with me," Ana says, the glare from her goggles all but blinding me as we sit in the open air lift together. And just like that, the apprehension I felt about her skiing falls away and I'm left with nothing but another memory of her happy face and the excitement that dwells in my chest bursting into happiness that I can't contain.
Until we get to the top and she dismounts, adjusts the poles in her hands and fixes her face guard. She's actually going to do this. On a difficult mountain that even I admit looks a bit intimidating at first glance.
"You're sure you can handle this, baby because we can catch the lift on the way down."
Her head tilts to the side in chastisement.
"Ready?" she asks, her voice muffled by the fabric covering her mouth. I answer honestly with a head shake. "What's the matter?"
"What if you get hurt?" The fear all but paralyzes me but she just shrugs.
"Then I'll get hurt. I've done this hundreds of times and I'm confident in my abilities. Are you afraid of falling?"
"Me?" I ask surprised. My own safety hasn't once entered my mind.
"Yeah, you. What if you get hurt or fall?"
"I won't." Because I know I won't. I'm good. Actually, I'm fucking great at this. Behind me I hear Elliot arguing with Kate about the same thing but she's actually listening to him instead of inching closer to the drop like Ana is.
"Come on, Christian. I want to do this with you."
Scott is talking about turns and how to navigate the second part of the mountain but nobody's listening to him. Lisa's nodding her head but in the middle of a sentence she takes off so he follows her, waving at me to take over the rest of the group. Glad we paid him $450 for that bull shit.
Ana reaches out, fixes my guard and then turns her skis downhill. With one final smile she pushes off and when she drops, my heart does too. I quickly follow, aware that my entire world is currently whizzing down a snow covered mountain at top speed but as I watch her navigate first a sharp turn and then a series of moguls I learn something.
She's fucking awesome at this. Suddenly watching her isn't so much about ensuring her safety as it is about enjoying her living. When the woman in front of her crashes my heart stops but Ana maneuvers around the mess and then finds a small jump a few hundred feet away, her happy scream as she sails through the air enough to make me laugh.
It takes a good fifteen minutes to get to the bottom and we did stop once to check in with each other but besides being surprised by her ability, I'm impressed. When we get back in line for the lift she raises her goggles and lowers her mask, the sight of her normally alabaster skin reddened by the wind and cold doing something to me.
It's as if every now and then I have these grounding realizations that this is my life now. That Ana is real and not a dream and that she's mine. That dinner at my parents or lunch with Mia isn't so much an obligation as it is part of what is now my new normal. Awakenings is how Flynn describes them but to me, they're so much more than that. These moments, these moments when I realize that outside of the wealth I'm really not all that different than everyone else come at me during the oddest times. When I'm not caught in my head or hung up on some trivial bull shit a moment, just like this one comes out of nowhere and all but brings me to my knees.
They're these tiny packaged reminders that instead of merely existing, I'm now living. It's not perfect but it's life and I'm living it to the fullest.
I'm not foolish enough to believe that I'll ever truly be normal. I don't know if victims of sexual abuse ever really can be and a part of me will always live with the fear that my secret will be made public. It is a minute to minute struggle to not treat Ana as a possession that I can control and for as many times as I've given in to her on certain issues, I still make her fight for every inch of freedom she gains.
As far as I've come, I do realize it's not normal to ask a grown woman if she's eaten breakfast or if she's been taking her vitamins. I'm well aware that it's not considered normal to do a background check on every single person that she interacts with. Logically I understand that I can't and shouldn't control her every move but it doesn't stop me from trying despite the fact that control, for me, is very much like a drug. An addiction that has gotten me to where I am in business but has also brought dark consequences into my life.
"Want to try a black now?" she asks excitedly once we've made it down another blue.
"Not a chance, Ana. I watched you lose your balance twice on the way down and fuck if I'm going to let you hit a harder slope. No fucking way." She knows I'm serious, I can tell by the way she drops her arms to her side in resignation. "I let you get your way with skiing at all. But you'll have to tie me down and drug me if you think I'm letting you go on a black."
Pursing her lips she looks around and crosses her arms with a huff. "Fine. You win. But that means you need to buy me a hot chocolate and some of those roasted nuts I keep seeing people walking around with." Snapping off her skis I hoist them over my shoulder with mine and walk with her to the outdoor café, one arm casually slung around my waist.
After getting us a table and ordering our drinks and snacks I make my way back to find Ana with a scowl on her face that has me uneasy.
"What?" is all I ask but she's already rearing to go.
"You. Half your face is hidden and you've still got women following you around and panting in your presence. It's so annoying!" She turns and glares at a woman at the next table who is literally staring at me so hard she doesn't even notice Ana or the fact that her kid just dumped is orange juice all over himself.
"I don't even see them, babe." I laugh when she rolls her eyes and shoves a handful of almonds in her mouth.
"Right," she mumbles.
"I didn't see them before you and I sure as shit don't see them now."
"Damn you people know how to travel. Between dinner last night and breakfast this morning and the skiing and the massage after...I may have to change professions. What is it you do again?"
"Mergers and acquisitions."
"Never mind," Cantino says with a laugh. "Sounds boring as hell. But damn, that was, bar none, the best steak I've ever had and the view is unlike anything I've ever seen in my entire life."
"It better be. Took a 45 minute gondola ride just to get to the damn place!" Gavin barks from across our private table in the very exclusive upper room of one of the five star restaurants on Blackcomb Mountain.
"It was worth every second of it too," Anthony sighs, leaning back to let the waiter clear the table.
"Well I'm beat," Elliot says on a yawn. Kate is all but asleep next to him, apparently the shopping she and Mia did all day has tired them both out because my sister is staring out into space, clearly exhausted. "How 'bout you, Ethan? You took one hell of a fall on that third run."
"Yeah," Ethan says, cracking his neck with a wince. "It wasn't pretty. I heard the guide in the chopper got it on film but he hasn't sent it to me yet. My knee is killing me though and no amount of this wine is going to help. I'm going to head down and get in the hot tub and then hit the hay." Next to him he pokes at Mia who leans against him and closes her eyes. "You ready?"
"What the hell did you two do today?" Elliot laughs as he hauls Kate to her feet to walk her out.
"It wasn't today that wore me out it was trying to ski yesterday and the fact that you wouldn't let me go to freaking sleep last night." Kate shrugs on her coat and rolls her eyes. "You and your brother are the Energizer Bunnies of sex and frankly, it's exhausting to try to keep up. Am I right or what, Ana?"
My brows raise with annoyance but Ana just giggles and stands up to stretch.
"I'm tired too, Christian. Lisa and I must have went down 15 times today."
I nod and clench my jaw because she has yet to tell me that she fell twice. I only know because Lisa slipped and told Gavin who mentioned it to me when he asked if Ana got hurt.
"Sore?" I ask on a low tenor so that nobody else can hear me.
"Well you weren't gentle," she laughs. "If I had known you were bringing the spreader bar and a flogger I'd have prepared myself."
"Well consider yourself warned then, Mrs. Grey. When I get back to the room I expect you naked, wet and wanting. If you thought last night was rough, you're in for a bit of a surprise tonight." Because I am tapping that sweet little ass of yours tonight not once but twice.
"You're not coming back now?" Around us everyone is getting ready to go but I'm too pissed about the fact that even now, four hours later she hasn't mentioned her falls. The fact that there was a pregnant woman in the lobby of the hotel earlier today didn't help either. That should have been Ana. If she were carrying our baby, she wouldn't be skiing in the first place. I see her pregnant as killing two birds with one stone.
"Anthony and I are going to have one more beer so he can catch me up on the case. I'll be down soon and when I say to get ready, I mean it."
With a final swat I motion to Sawyer who escorts the group, minus myself and Anthony, to the waiting gondola for the ride down. Besides the chef and the waiter who are professional enough to leave us alone, it's just he and I in this huge room surrounded by wall to wall windows.
"Hot toddy's gentlemen?" the waiter asks to which Anthony grunts.
"The hell is a hot toddy?" he asks right before he sips it, a nod and smile spreading across his face. "Not bad." There's a comfortable silence between us as we stare at the fire a few feet away but when Taylor sits down with a beer, it's time to get to business.
"You know we could have had this conversation back in Seattle," Cantino jokes. I'm not about to tell him this is some strange and concerted effort by my wife and therapist for me to make friends. "I'm easy, no fluff and rewards necessary outside of getting the bad guy."
"I don't know, you were pretty quick to jump at the opportunity to get away," I joke back, surprising myself and Taylor if the way his back straightened is any indication.
"Yeah well, it's been tough knowing what Wendy's doing and knowing the danger she's in. I can only work so much before the cases start to blend together so this was a good distraction. Not that I wasn't looking forward to it," he rushes to add with his hand up.
"Your insiders?" Taylor asks without finesse. "They have any new information?"
He nods and reaches for the poker, stoking the logs in the enormous stone fire place. "She's a model prisoner. Never speaks out, never fights against the system, never complains. She's been petitioning the judge to release her until the trial but her attorney has gotten nowhere." He winks. "The judge happens to be a very big fan of maximum punishment for pedophiles."
The word still makes me cringe. I was the victim of a pedophile. And through a combination of ignorance and the refusal to acknowledge what she'd done, I had allowed her to prey on others.
"We don't get too many female perps like her so when we do, the media has a field day. I'm not sure if you've been following the news but it's just now died down."
"We know," is all I say. I'm not going to tell him that I've had Barney pull together a complete dossier for me. Nor am I going to tell him how closely we're monitoring the internet and any other place we can to ensure that the link between she and I is never made. Our names have, of course, appeared in publications together since we were business partners for a few years and there was two articles that questioned the timing of me severing relations with her salon only to back another right before her arrest. But between the plants we have in the media and the influence I have in general, nothing seems to have gained traction.
"It's going to start right back up when the trial starts. I'm not privy to everything the defense has but I'd prepare myself to at least have to take the stand. The DA's office still has you on a witness list and the deeper we dig, the more likely it is that you're going to have to make some sort of declaration as to why you cut things off with her financially. Personally too since there's pictures of her and your mother and her at functions held at your family's estate."
"We've hired someone to navigate the PR that's going to be generated. She'll meet with my family as a unit and individually as things occur. Your assistance in funneling information to us before the press knows will go a long way in helping us to contain our involvement."
Cantino looks over at me and lowers his head. "She's aware of the details?"
"Not all, no. Her name is Mary Haverford and she's been made aware that after years of family friendship I was invited to Elena's home for a dinner party and found myself in a room that held pictures of her and a young boy. She's aware that I was the one who ultimately involved the authorities but she has decided, and I agree, that that information will be kept close to the vest unless I'm further…linked to Elena and her lifestyle."
"And do you anticipate that happening? You being linked to her."
"No. I do not. I took great pains to seal myself off from any leaks and thanks to you, anything she had on me has been destroyed or handed over to me."
He nods and stares straight ahead. "Good to know. It's always a blow when the victim gets re-victimized. Glad to know it's been taken care of."
Victim. Is that how he sees me? Is that the title that comes to mind when my name is brought up or when we happen to speak?
"Far as we can tell they'll set a date sometime in late July of next year. It's a pretty open and shut case but the DA has chosen to prosecute her for the laundering and prostitution charges separately from the sexual predator ones so even if she gets off on the first round, she'll never get off on both."
"Do you think she has any chance of winning?" Taylor asks incredulously. We've had numerous conversations with my team of legal advisors and my PR department in an effort to distance GEH from her as much as possible and not once has anyone thought she'd get away with anything.
"Hello no. That bitch will be in the State Pen for a long ass time. Even with the attorney she managed to hire, or I should say manipulate, into taking the case."
"Ah yes, Dean Boughton. I wasn't at all surprised to hear he'd taken the case pro-bono. He was, after all, one of her most beloved submissives. I'm sure she threatened to out him to his wife and the world if he didn't help her."
We all grunt out a laugh and order a few rounds of Macallan.
"Do you think the Mariners are in a position to chase the pennant this season? That Dustin Ackley is one to watch this year, man. I've got $500 beans on him carrying the team this year."
"Carrying the team? No way. I'll meet your $500 and raise you another grand that Smoak is the guy to watch," I toss out, the effects of the day and the altitude starting to really take their toll. I am one tired mother fucker right now.
"You're both wrong," Taylor says, leaning forward to launch into a tirade about how the young talent will let the attention derail them and that Hernandez will carry it all on his pitching. To see someone as taciturn as Jason Taylor get worked up and then go on a rant is entertainment in itself.
By the time we've run through every professional franchise in Seattle and just for shits and giggles, New York since that's where Anthony's family is from, it's close to two in the morning. We're all pretty wasted, Taylor being the exception but even he's got a green look to him on the way down to the hotel.
Ana is as I told her to be. Naked and waiting except she's waiting in our bed with the blankets wrapped around her tightly. Stripping down I slide in next to her and press my cold hands on her stomach. With a shriek she rolls away and jumps out of the bed, her perfect body glowing in the moonlight. I love it all but for some reason the strip of dark hair between her legs makes me go crazy. I'd always ordered my subs to be fully waxed. But this, this display of womanly sexuality literally makes my mouth water.
"Get back in this bed and warm me up, wife."
She shivers and stomps to the bathroom, coming back in a hotel issued terrycloth robe. "I waited for hours," she whines as she curls into me.
"I'm sorry. We lost track of time." My fingers find the knot of the sash and pull so that her skin is mine to touch wherever I want to.
"Did you have a good time?" she asks softly and for the first time I think about it.
"Yes, actually I did."
She smiles and stretches to kiss my chin. "Good. Did you talk about the case at all?"
"For all of ten minutes," I say thoughtfully. Did I really just spend three hours hanging out with Cantino? And Taylor?
"So what'd you all talk about?" she presses, the steady rise and fall of her chest beneath my hand centering me.
"Sports. Anthony's sister who's running for some state Senate seat in New York. How Taylor can't stand Sophie's mom and how he literally knows how many days it is before she turns 18 and he doesn't have to clear things with his ex anymore. How insane the skiing was today. How we should start a weekly poker game."
"That sounds fun. Who would you invite?"
"I guess Anthony and Taylor, Elliot and Ethan. Probably Gavin if he keeps showing his face around Seattle so often. Maybe Logan and Casey."
"I'll arrange it for Tuesday. Gail can make guy food and the girls can come over for Pilates while you play. I'll call her in the morning to come up with a menu!"
"You're going to call Flynn aren't you," I tease, lifting her above me so that I can get that damn robe off and then watch her bounce on top of me.
"You should ask him to play too."
"You've lost your mind."
She sinks down onto me and leans forward, pressing her palms to my chest for balance. "Not yet I haven't," she teases, biting that bottom lip of hers as she wiggles above me. "But something tells me in the next five minutes you'll change that."
"Five? You insult me, woman!"