Chapter 2: "The Reading of the Riot Act"
End of the ambulance ride. Frog-marched into another vehicle. Still blindfolded. Ride down what feels like an interstate from the smoothness of the road. Frog-marched into another vehicle. Was wondering if I was going to get my head chopped off in a federal "black site." After a day of riding and one transfer after another, I was frog-marched into a building, down long hallways, and into a room. The door slam sounded ominous. Off with the black hood.
Hail! Hail! The gang's all here! The traditional reading of the riot act to new presidents. Where their heads are threatened and they're warned that the U.S. government has Argentines standing by to shove presidential family members out of helicopters over the Atlantic Ocean. Lovely bunch these national security types.
There they were. Smug assholes. Old white males. The Elite power hierarchy. The generals from the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the head of the Central Intelligence Agency, the head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the head of Homeland Security, the head of the National Security Agency, the head of the Office of Intelligence and Counterintelligence, the head of Coast Guard Intelligence, the head of Homeland Security Investigations, the head of the Office of Terrorism and Financial Intelligence, the head of the Defense Intelligence Agency, the head of the Central Security Service, the head of the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency, the head of Marine Corps Intelligence Activity, the head of the Office of Naval Intelligence, the head of the Drug Enforcement Administration, the Chief Executive Officers of Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northropp-Grumann, General Dynamics, Raytheon, United Technologies, Computer Sciences Corporation, Honeywell, General Electric, Pratt and Whitney, Hewlett-Packard, DynCorp International, and, of course, General Motors, Ford, Chrysler, Apple, and Microsoft. No Bill Gates, though. He was off trying to save the world from malaria. Any excuse to skip the meeting. Maybe "Ruthless Bill" wasn't all bad. That Apple guy sure looked smug.
"Do you understand what the job of U.S. President is?"
"To serve the people?" I tried to keep a straight face. I tried really hard.
"No!" shouted one of the generals from the Joint Chiefs of Staff. "Your job as President is to play a role. To give the illusion to the poor deluded masses that civilians actually run this country."
"They don't?" I asked. I was using my best innocent face.
"Don't play games with us!" shouted the general. "We've all read everything you've ever posted on the internet. We know what a cynic you are! Do you hear me? We've read everything!"
"Even the p*o*r*n*o?" I asked.
The general looked down. I looked around and everyone avoided my gaze.
"Well, whaddya know?" I gloated. "I didn't think anybody read those!"
"So it's all agreed!" said the general. "Off to the White House with you!"
"I ain't doin' shit without my cat!" I interjected. The general glared at me.
"Oh, bullshit!" said the general. "We just had to get a fan-fic writer who thinks she's Katniss Everdeen!"
End of Chapter 2