Chapter 5: "Life Insurance"
"Madame President?"
"Yes?"
"You still need to pick a vice president."
The Republicans are screaming bloody murder about the mass pardon of potheads and talking about impeachment. Congress won't cooperate and I've been issuing pardons every day at five o'clock. The blogosphere is full of demands for my assassination. Who can I pick for vice president that will discourage people from shooting me? An atheist? That fat blond dude on YouTube maybe? The Amazing Atheist? He's scary enough. But he's no crazier than me as far as most people are concerned. Not scary enough.
Somebody who's gay? What celebrities do I know to be gay? Ellen DeGeneres. That's it. I can't think of anybody else. Not scary enough. Oh, wait! Rosie O'Donnell! She's gay, isn't she? Still not scary enough. Still might get shot. Need somebody who terrifies Republicans. Got it. I called for my chief of staff.
"Can you track down Angela Davis for me?" I started to giggle. Couldn't help it.
End of Chapter 5