Chapter 12: "Revenge is a Dish Best Served Black"

"So where is my Vice President?" I asked Pootie.

"In Havana, Cuba," responded Pootie.

I looked at Pootie.

"Again?! Damn. That woman loves Cuba!"

"She woke up with four government agents in her house. She didn't know whether they were CIA, some branch of military intelligence, or the FBI. She said they all looked like Agent Smith from the Matrix. One shoved a brand new passport, a one-way ticket to Cuba, and a Glock in her face. Told her she was going for a little ride. Straight to the airport. Miss Davis arrived in Havana with no visa in her passport which caused a bit of a ruckus. She told her story to Cuban intelligence and has already been granted asylum. They all assumed she'd end up dead if she returned to the U.S. My guess is she was allowed to live to send a message to you."

"And that message is don't come home, bitch!"

"Right. The House of Representatives has already voted to charge you with frivolous conduct unacceptable for a chief executive."

"After the people they ran in the primaries in 2016? Frivolous conduct? Me? The Mad Hatter is more serious than the Republican Party of 2016!"

"And the Senate is trying you right now."

"I'm still President for the moment."

"Maybe for the next hour."

I asked the Canadians to hurry and set up a news broadcast for me. I had Putin explain that time was of the essence. Show time!

"Good afternoon my fellow Americans. I'm about to get my freckled ass tossed out, but I'm still President for the next fifteen minutes or so at least. No time to waste. All you potheads who were arrested today for anything related to marijuana and only marijuana are all pardoned. Edward Snowden, Chelsea Manning, and Julian Assange are all pardoned for whatever the hell they did. Anyone in jail for stealing food for personal consumption is pardoned. I also appoint Christopher Julius Rock III my new Vice President. The Comedian. Swear him in Chief Justice!"

I fell down on the floor and began to laugh hysterically. Revenge is a dish best served black.

End of Chapter 12