Why? I hear you call.

Quite simply, I am a bored writer with no inspiration for her current works, who found several of these commentary things quite funny. Thus, she decided to do one of her own. Even if she isn't very funny…so sue me. (Haha, 'Sue' me…)

So, without further ado, here are my thoughts on 'My Immortal', the most famous fanfic of all time. I've tried to keep them as close to my first impressions as I can physically remember, as it was a few years ago I first discovered it. Personally, I have a love-hate relationship with the thing. No matter how much I read it, I still find it funny.

Enjoy.

Oh yeah, while I remember. I. DID. NOT. WRITE. THE. ORIGINAL. FIC.

My name is Zoe, not Tara. I am not a 'goff', and nor have I ever been. I do not have a friend called 'Raven'. I just thought I'd make that clear, since there's always someone who can't seem to get their heads around this fact. Got it? Good.

My Immortal- A Very English Commentary

Chapter One - I Can Tell You Shop at Hot Topic

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) Sadly, yes. 2 my gf (ew not in that way) Then why would you write 'GF'? Is this another American thing I'm not aware of? raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. I'd really hate to see the unedited version of this crap. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Oh boy…

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Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (HAHAHAHA!) and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips (That sounds horrible.) that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears (And the award for Most Overused and Illogical Description goes to…) and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). (The derpy-looking-but-still-oddly-pretty woman who has a really nice voice? I guess I'm staying then…damn.) I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. (HURRAY! INCEST! Ugh…) I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. (But do you sparkle? Bro, do you even Twilight?) I have pale white skin. (Yes, we know. You're a vampire, remember?) I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England (*ahem Scotland ahem*) where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. (Naw, really?! I'd never have guessed.)

I love Hot Topic (I CAN TELL THAT YOU, THAT YOU SHOP AT HOT TOPIC! Look, I tied the title in with the text. Aren't I a clever author?) and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing (YAWWWWWWWWWWN!) a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. (Hope you're ready for some serious blisters-oh wait, what am I saying? Sues don't get blisters. Ignore me.) I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. (So…basically you looked like a six year old who got into their emo sister's makeup kit?) I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining (It's called sleet. We're very familiar with the stuff in England.) so there was no sun, (THERE IS STILL SUNLIGHT WITH SLEET! There is still sunlight on overcast days! If there was no sun, it would be night! ARGH! *has Twilight flashback* THE STUPIDITY, IT BURNS!) which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. (Because you look stupid.) I put up my middle finger at them. (LE GASP! What a badass! What'cha gunna do next, stick out your tongue? That'll show 'em.)

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was….(DUN! DUN! DUUUUUUN!) Draco Malfoy! (The mother of all twists.)

"What's up Draco?" I asked. (The sky.

"Nothing." he said shyly. (DRACO DID SOMETHING SHYLY?! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!)

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. (Best. Sentence. Ever.)

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AN: IS it good? (NO.) PLZ tell me fangz! (Fangs. There you go.)

Well there we go, my first attempt at poking fun at this amazing rubbish. Though, in my defence, there isn't really too much to work with in the first 'chapta'. Things get funnier as the story progresses.

Review, flame…tell me a story about your cats, whatever you want. :)