Another update in the same day. This is what happens when Zoe gets bored and has no inspiration. Meh, whatever. I'm having fun with this.

Enjoy.

My Immortal - A Very English Commentary

Chapter Two - Too Goffik for Tea

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! (Raven, I applaud you for helping out your friend like this, but sometimes honestly is the best policy.) BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX – (So, this is the Satanist remix?)

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. (In England, we wake up in Buckingham Palace and have breakfast with the Queen.) It was snowing and raining again. (SLEET!) I opened the door (*ahem* I think you mean, the lid.) of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. (Queenie and I prefer tea.) My coffin was black ebony (Is there any other sort of ebony?) and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. (Sounds like the underwear of the average Chav.) I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. (I use pyjamas for pyjamas, but I guess that's just me.) Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots (Again, good luck with those blisters.) and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears (Well yes, I would hope your ears were pierced BEFORE you stuck a silly amount of earrings in them.), and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. (Least goffik hairstyle ever.)

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks (That's a bad combo for hair. She'd look like a reject from My Little Pony.) and opened her forest-green eyes. (So, she woke up…and THEN opened her eyes?! It must be a goffik thing, because I can't do that.) She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) (Nobody cares…)

"OMFG (So, that would be pronounced 'Ohmmfuhguh'.), I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. (They said, like, three words to each other!)

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. (Honey, vampires can't blush. Unless in the Harry Potter universe they can, which means they have to have some form of bloodflow, which is very interesting. SOMEBODY, PLEASE GIVE ME SOME MYTHOLOGY!)

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. (Now, I'm no expert in the Hogwarts layout, but I'm pretty sure the Slytherin common room isn't close enough to the Great Hall for the journey to last a mere sentence. Maybe they used their magic goffik powrz to teleport or something.)

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. (And then, every head that had previously been focused upon their breakfast turned and looked curiously at the barely attired girl screeching like a disturbed banshee in the doorway.)

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. (Speak of the devil, and he shall arrive. That's a funny saying, isn't it? Lucifer must have had amazing timing.)

"Hi." he said. (I am no expert when it comes to Harry Potter, but even I know Draco probably wouldn't say 'Hi'…but then again, considering the context of this fic, he probably would.)

"Hi." I replied flirtily. (How? Did you stick your chest out while sucking a lollipop?)

"Guess what." he said. (He's too goffik for question marks.)

"What?" I asked. (What a riveting conversation. This relationship is off to a fantastic start.)

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. (Isn't there a wizarding band called the 'Weird Sisters' or something? Pretty sure they'd be the only band playing in a wizarding village.)

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. (*resisting urge to add a 'u' into 'favourite'*)

"Well….do you want to go with me?" he asked. (No. You're a prat.)

I gasped.

There you go, my second attempt at being funny. :D There was more to work with here, so I think I may have managed it.

IF U DON LIK IT UR A PREP!111