A/N: Hi my dear initiates. Before you can enjoy a new chapter of Conquer Yourself I want to say a couple of things. On Christmas Eve I'll post a little Christmas present for you, a Divergent Fairy Tale which is yet untitled. The story is short, but I'll post a chapter every day until the end of the year. You And Me Against The World will be updated soon. I'm sorry for the delay but with the Christmas season and so much work I just couldn't find the time. Those who know my work know I never post just for the sake of it. But I posted two tie-ins last week, Pregnancy perks and Father-son talk.

For now, enjoy this new chapter.

Tris' POV

I walk through the blizzard and try to catch my breath. My oxygen tank is empty, there's absolutely no use of carrying it anymore. I discard it and put my backpack back on. I'm so cold. And I'm sure I am lost. This fucking blizzard came out of nowhere and I got separated from my group. Why can't I find them? They can't be too far ahead. Scott was just right next to me. And Mikey and Rob were just a few steps ahead of us. Where are you guys?

The wind has changed its course. It is hitting me full force in the face. I can't breathe. I stop and turn my back to it. My eyes are shut. I am so tired. I want to sleep. But I can't. Rule number one: don't fall asleep. I open my eyes and I see something on the ground. The snow starts to cover it up but I crouch down to inspect it.

I gasp.

This can't be.

It's Mikey.

He is dead.

Why is he dead? He was just alive.

The wind changes direction again and it hits me right in the face again. This blizzard is really getting on my nerves. Why am I not more upset about my dead friend? I look back down, but he is gone. Did I hallucinate? I close my eyes and turn around. I take a few tentative steps and hit something. I fall over. I open my eyes to inspect the damage.

Another body.

Rob.

He is curled into a ball, frozen, asleep, no, he is dead.

Poor Rob.

I don't understand. Why am I not upset? Is it because I already knew they were dead? They died on Everest, in May. How could they die again?

Where am I? Where is this strong wind coming from? I take a step back and step on something. I turn around and see a body sitting down in the snow. The head is slumped against the chest and I can't see who it is. I kneel before it and lift the head.

It's Scott.

Is he dead? I think he is.

Ow. I feel a pain in my chest. Ow. Another one in my side. Ow. My body tells me to stand up and walk. There's nothing I can do for him. But he is my friend. My best friend. He is like a brother to me. He can't be dead. Not Scott.

"Scott, wake up," I say and shake him lightly. He doesn't move. "Scott, please, you have to wake up. I can't carry you," I plead. Ow. The pain in my chest increases. I shake him but to no avail. He is gone. Scott is gone. My friend is gone and I can't do a damn thing about it. Why do we do this? What do we hope to accomplish? Is that bit of freedom we feel on a mountain so important to risk our lives? I can't do this anymore. I just lost someone I loved. It hurts me. I want to cry, but no tears come. The wind is strong and cold and I can't breathe.

I turn around and crawl away. It is so cold. I want to go home. I want to go back to Tobias. I want to curl into a ball, under a blanket and let him hold me. Let him tell me I am safe and sound. Let him tell me he loves me. I want Tobias. I need Tobias. Where are you Tobias? Please, come and get me.

I open my eyes and there he is.

He is standing in front of me, extending his hand for me to take.

He came to take me home.

I am so glad. I am so happy.

I try to get up, but it's so hard.

I try to move, but my limbs seem to have turned into lead.

I force my legs to carry my weight.

I force myself to stand straight.

I force myself to take one step.

Another step.

Another step.

And another step.

Tobias smiles softly. He talks to me, but I can't hear him. The wind is blowing in my face and his words are muffled. I move forward, I move so slowly. I can almost reach him. I am almost there. I can touch his fingertips. They are so close now. I push myself to grab his hand, but just as I think I will hold him he falls down.

The earth seems to have opened up underneath him trying to swallow him whole. I throw myself near the abyss that tries to take him away from me. He is holding on, but he will fall. I reach for him, but I am too short, too small. I grab his fingers.

I try to hold his hand.

I try to hold onto him.

I try to pull him up.

I try and try but he doesn't move.

He slips.

He will fall.

I can't watch.

I must do something.

I can't lose him.

I have to save him.

I can't hold on anymore.

I will die without him.

His fingers slip.

I close my eyes.

He is gone.

The pain in my chest is a hundred times stronger. It suffocates me. It crushes me. It burns me. It freezes me. It makes my heart stop. I can't lose him. I want him back. Please, come back.

I open my eyes and sit up in my bed. I pant. I'm sweaty and I'm cold. It was a dream. A nightmare. It wasn't real. It was just my mind playing tricks. It wasn't real. It can't be real. I wasn't on the mountain. He wasn't on the mountain. He didn't die. He is alive. He must be.

I am shaking so badly that I can't even hold my phone. It's 3 a.m. He must be asleep. Please, be asleep. Don't be dead. I dial his number. He is on speed dial. It rings. Once. Twice. Three times. Four times. I almost hang up when I hear his voice, still thick with sleep, answer.

"Hello?" he asks.

"Tobias," I say and realize my voice is raspy and shaky.

"Tris, what's wrong, babe?" he asks alerted.

"Can you please come?" I ask. This isn't the first time he holds me after I wake from a nightmare. I feel guilty for waking him and for making him come to me in the middle of the night, but I need to see that he is alive, that he is okay. That everything was just a bad dream.

"I'll be right there," he says and I can hear shuffling. "Open your window, I'll climb up," he says. I hang up and open the window. I look outside. It's dark and a bit cold. I pull my fluffy blanket over me and wait in front of the window. The dream shook me to my core.

What was that? What does it mean? My mind starts to work again. I remember Amanda gave me a Dream Dictionary for my birthday two years ago. I used it a few times, just for fun. I walk to my bookshelf and look for it. It's too dark in the room and I turn on the light on my desk. Ah, there it is. I pick it up and open it. What should I look for? What do I remember?

There was snow. I look through the book until I get to the letter S and look for what snow means. If you dream of snow it might mean that you have inhibitions and unexpressed emotions. It can suggest that you feel alone or neglected. To dream that you find something in the snow suggests that you are exploring and accessing your unused potential, abilities and talents. That's not much. What else? The blizzard. It reminded me of the one that hit us on Everest. B… B… Dreaming of a blizzard suggests that you feel excluded and left out. The wind was a constant in my dream. It was very strong. W… wind. To dream that the wind is blowing symbolizes your life force, energy and vigor. It can mean that changes happened or are about to happen in your life. A strong wind, however, signifies turmoil and trouble in your life. I saw all my friends dead on the ground and watched Tobias die. Please, don't mean death. The death of a loved one can suggest the fear of losing that person or if the person is already deceased it means you miss that person. It hurt me to see Scott's dead body and I felt like going insane when I couldn't save Tobias, but when I looked over Mikey's and Rob's bodies I felt indifference. Indifference. Indifference. To feel indifference in a dream suggests that you are trying to hide your true concerns.

I am interrupted from exploring further when I hear a noise near my window. I turn around and I sigh in relief when I see Tobias climbing into my room. I put the book on my desk and rush to him. The moment he is inside I attach myself to him and hold him close. He automatically wraps his arms around me, holding me securely in his strong arms. He is alive. Thank God. I haven't lost him.

We stay like this for a while until the cold air makes me shiver. Tobias lets go of me and closes my window. We lay down on my bed and he covers us with my warm comforter. He doesn't push me to talk, knowing that I need some time to gather my thoughts after a nightmare.

"I'm sorry for waking you," I say apologetically.

"It's okay. You know I want to be there for you when you need me," he says gently.

"I had a nightmare," I say and he just kisses me head.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," he says reassuringly.

"I want to. It was odd. I was on a mountain and a blizzard raged on. I got separated from Scott, Mikey and Rob. One by one I found them on the ground, dead," I say and he pulls me closer. "The odd thing was that I felt indifferent when I saw Mikey's and Rob's dead bodies, like it didn't affect me at all. When I saw Scott it was different. I felt pain in my chest and in my side and I shook him to wake him up but he didn't move. I wanted to give up and I pleaded for you to come and get me," I tell him and I feel tears gathering in my eyes. He must have sensed the change and turns his head so that he can look at me.

"What aren't you telling me?" he asks gently. I close my eyes and immediately the image of him hanging over the abyss and then falling to his death pops into my head. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and the tears stream down my face. He wipes them away with his thumbs as he cups my face in his palms and kisses me on the lips. It's not a passionate, demanding kiss, but a tender, sweet one filled with love. I sigh and open my eyes.

"I lost you. You came to help me and I lost you. You fell down into a crevasse and I failed to save you," I say and start crying. He doesn't stop me, he knows I need it. He just pulls me closer and whispers that everything is alright now, that it was just a bad dream, that he is here, with me, that he loves me and that he won't leave me.

It takes me a long while to calm down and if it weren't for Tobias being here and holding me I would probably cower in a corner and bite my nails. The dream is still hovering over my head an hour after Tobias arrived. We talked a little, him trying to calm me, while I kept repeating that I didn't want to lose him. Which I don't. I feel so vulnerable and weak and I hate it. I like being in control, but when it comes to Tobias, I can't. He gives me strength but he also weakens me. It is so confusing.

"Are you feeling better, honey?" he asks. I nod. I don't feel much better, but I'm glad he is here in my arms, alive and well. That's all I can ask for. That's all I want. The pain I felt was excruciating, I felt my lungs burn, my bones crack, my flesh detaching itself from my body. I never felt such a pain before and I never want to feel it again. "It was just a bad dream. I'm here. I won't leave you," he says reassuringly. I nod. I wish this could be enough, but the fear that has settled in my heart screams loudly.

He holds me close and soon I feel myself drift off. I fight it, but the fatigue wins in the end and I fall into a deep slumber.