I'm finding myself rather enjoying this commentary lark. It's becoming rather fun.

Enjoy, my beautiful little goffiks. ;)

My Immortal – A Very English Commentary

Chapter Six – The Emo Who Wished He Hadn't Lived

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

(Oh dear, someone's feeling a bit parky today.)

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The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on (It's as though she actually expects us to care.) a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. (Does anyone know what happened to the school uniform around here?) I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

*spits out tea*

(Friggin' 'ell love! Did you say spray paint?! This bairn thinks she's black as Newgate's knocker!)

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula (Must be imported then, since we don't have that in England.) cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. (Does blood come in any other colours? Can I get mine in yellow with sky blue spots?) Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. (Oh no…) He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face (You were going down his face? Why do I have this image of a goffik girl with a "HURR DURR" look slowly sliding down a giant Harry Potter face?) and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. (NO, TARA! NO! Leave Harry out of this! HASN'T THE POOR BAIRN SUFFERED ENOUGH?!) He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. (Top tip for those across the pond…we English generally do not appreciate our MANY accents being glumped into the Generic 40's BBC Newscaster accent. A Southy is a world away from us Northerners. Try that with certain people over here and you'll get it in the neck. Just a heads up if you fancy a trip.)

He looked exactly like Joel Madden. (Daniel Radcliffe looks nothing like this Joel guy.) He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't gets one you sicko. (Hey Tara, I hate to be all PC on you, but you actually can be a girl with male appendages. According to my two eternally lovely Trans friends, the period of pre-Surgery and pre-hormone treatment can be extremely difficult to deal with when it comes to physical intimacy. I wish there were more fics out there that dealt with a Trans OCs. I haven't seen any. It's a fascinating and tremendously poignant subject that I personally feel should be put more into the public eye. Anyone know any good ones?)

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter *writer slams her head onto her desk*, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. (So, wait, he went from being all shy to grumbling about his new nickname?)

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. (Harry Potter…does not…giggle. And since when is cannibalism acceptable for regular humans? I must have missed that memo.)

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. (No you're not. You blush, and you bleed. You are a pretend vampire. A real one would do the world a favour and murder you in a quiet corner somewhere. They probably wouldn't feed off you though, I expect you'd taste like spray painted road kill.)

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. (Wait, Tara, do you even know what 'roared' means?)

(These adjectives are getting out of hand. Anyone else think Tara simply looked online for synonyms of 'said' and just copied them down?)

We sat down to talk for a while. (YEY! FRIENDSHIP!) Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me (It's his penis. SURPRISE!) so I went away with him.

Well, that's this chapter over with. It's a really short one with nothing that's too interesting, though I'm sure Tara was very happy with it.

While I remember, here are the translations of sayings and words you may not of heard of. I'll probably have to do this in later chapters. Feel free to use them on friends and family.

Friggin' 'ell

It's just like 'bloody hell' or 'flaming hells fire'. It's just another way of saying it.

Bairn

This means 'child' or 'baby' depending on the situation. Pronounced as 'bearn' (bear-n).

Black as Newgate's knocker

An all-inclusive saying that basically means whatever you're referring too means trouble. "Look, the clouds are as black as Newgate's knocker!" would translate to, "There's probably going to be a bad storm soon, judging from those clouds." And "She thinks she's black as Newgate's knocker!" would mean, "Well doesn't she think she's badass." (Newgate was a very famous prison down London way. Its knocker was considered bad luck, and it was believed that using it meant you were doomed for all eternity. The prison had such a reputation that almost all around the country has a form of this saying, though some versions may no longer be in use in certain regions.)

Get it in the neck

To be in trouble or to be punished. The saying harkens back to the days of public executions by beheading. 'Getting it in the neck' meant the person was going to have their head separated from their body.

Hope you enjoyed!