A/N: Sorry for the delay. Please enjoy this new chapter. Oh, by the way, Conquer Yourself is a remake of my original novel I've written for this year's NaNoWriMo called The Highest Summit which you can find on my blog, christiwind . tumblr . com (no spaces). I loved that story and I could easily rewrite it to be a FourTris story. Tell me what you think.
Tris' POV
The drive takes us two hours until we reach the designated starting spot. We park our car and grab our things, checking Tobias' car twice if it's locked. When we're satisfied everything is in order we start our hike. We walk side by side and talk about insignificant things. We both avoid the elephant in the room or rather the woods. Nita and I sure aren't friends but what happened to her isn't something I would wish even for my nemesis. No one deserves that. I wonder how she is doing.
I check my watch and it says one p.m. I look around to see where we could rest for a bit and eat a sandwich before continuing our hike. I see a large rock and a log to my left and stop Tobias from walking further.
"What is it? Do you need me to take this?" he asks and points at the grocery bag I'm carrying. I smile and shake my head.
"We should rest a little and eat a sandwich," I say. I point toward the area I saw before and he nods. We put our backpacks down and I rummage through the bag for two sandwiches and two water bottles. As we eat he keeps glancing at me. "What?" I ask.
"I love you," he says out of nowhere. I smile at his admission.
"I love you, too," I reply. "Tobias, you do realize that I know that wasn't what you wanted to say," I say and take another bite. He nods.
"I kept thinking about what you said. About your dream," he says serious and I nod. "Tris, I promise you, you won't lose me. Even if I would decide to go with you mountain climbing I wouldn't go until I'm ready. And obviously I wouldn't start with one that is clearly not for amateurs," he tells me.
"I know that, Tobias. Logically, I agree and understand and I know that I'm overreacting," I say and he shakes his head.
"No, you're not. I know the feeling. I feel the same way about you. But you recently experienced something traumatic and you're still struggling with the aftermath of those events. It's okay to feel the way you do and if there's anything I can do to make you feel better tell me." I nod.
We stop talking and continue eating, but I know this conversation isn't over. If I would be on a mountain right now with Scott he would say to suck it up and get on with it. We would have a serious talk, but it wouldn't last more than ten minutes and it wouldn't come up a second time. The two of us just aren't wired that way. But with Tobias things are different. He listens to me, he helps me and he supports me. I know I can count on him no matter what.
After we finish eating we get up and resume our hike. We are about an hour away from the cabin which is good. It takes a while to heat up the place. Unlike before Tobias grabs my hand and holds it in his, rubbing small circles around my knuckles. I keep glancing at him and he seems deep in thought. He never pushed me into doing anything I didn't want, even though at times I could tell he wanted to ask me something. I decide to just ask him.
"What's on your mind, baby?" I ask and he looks at me. He closes his eyes for a moment and then looks at me again.
"Are you still planning on going to Argentina? I'm not trying to talk you out of it in case you want to go, I'm just wondering," he explains quickly remembering our first conversation. I smile.
"To be honest the idea of going isn't as appealing as it used to be. I thought about it a lot, but to be honest I might postpone it for later. The ideal time to climb Aconcagua is between December and March and even if I don't climb it this season there's always time to do it later," I say and squeeze his hand a little. He smiles at me and I can tell he is happy I don't plan on going anymore.
At first I thought I was doing it for him, telling myself that my decision would put his mind at ease, but truth be told it puts my own at ease. Tobias is right. What happened on Everest this year was traumatic and the nightmares I keep having are definitely taking a toll on me.
"Honey, whatever you decide, know that I will always support you," he says and raises my hand to his lips and places a soft kiss on the back of it.
"I know. And I support you," I say and return his sweet gesture.
We finally reach the cabin. I search for the key in my pocket and pull it out. I quickly send Tobias in the back to turn on the generator, which was prepared by the company who owns this cabin, while I unlock the door and enter the room switching on the light. Daylight is streaming inside, but the forest around the cabin prevents the cabin to be sufficiently illuminated just by it. We set our backpacks, as well as the cool box and grocery bag down and I let Tobias inspect the cabin.
"Babe, this place is awesome," he says.
"Yeah." I walk over to where he looks over the queen sized bed.
"Now I get why no one else could have come with us," he says grinning.
"That's not all," I say and wrap my arms around his waist.
"Is that so?" he asks raising an eyebrow and giving me a crocked smile.
"Yup. Follow me, baby," I say and let go of his waist and grab his right hand in mine. I pull him up the wooden staircase where a hot tub and the bathroom are located. The moment he sees the tub his face lights up.
"We're going to use this?" he asks hopeful.
"If you are a good boy" I say with a wink.
"Really?" he asks in disbelief. I know he joked when he asked me, but I fully intent to lose my virginity this weekend. I've been ready for a while now and I can't imagine my first time with anyone other than Tobias. I love him and he loves me back.
"Yup. But first we need to unpack and heat up this place," I say and he kisses my cheek.
While Tobias makes a fire in the fireplace I start preparing our supper. It's still early, but I want to get this over with to just relax and snuggle on the cozy couch in front of the fire. The kitchen is fully equipped with everything we might need, except for food. I decide to make spaghetti with meat balls and a tomato-basil sauce. It's not hard to prepare and done fairly quickly.
"Hm, this smells good in here," Tobias says as he enters the small kitchen.
"I'm making spaghetti," I say, looking over my shoulder. He comes to stand behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my right shoulder.
"Can I help you?" he asks.
"You can keep me company," I say as I continue working.
"This was a great idea, babe," he says nuzzling me neck.
"Baby, you're tickling me," I say and giggle.
"I thought you like my scruff," he says chuckling.
"I do, but not now. Supper is almost ready anyway. Why don't you go and set the table?"
"Sure." He lets go of me, but not before kissing my cheek.
We soon eat our early supper, chatting about school and things we would like to do together. At some point he gets up and goes to his backpack rummaging through it until he finds what he is looking for. He comes back to the table and sits down handing me a disc. I look from him to it and back to him with a confused look on my face.
"What's this?" I ask taking the disc from him and inspecting it. "20 songs that remind me of you," I read out loud.
"It's a modern version of a mix tape," he says rubbing the back of his neck a little embarrassed. "I know it's cheesy, but I couldn't help it."
"I love it," I say and look over the track list. "Wow, quite the collection here," I say with a chuckle.
"Yeah. There are more songs I wanted to include but I didn't have more space on that disc," he says and leans over to kiss me. When we part I start reading the list.
"Win by Brian McKnight. I don't know this song," I say and look at him.
"It's about never giving up and fighting on," he explains.
"The Climb by Miley Cyrus. Not really a fan, but the song's good," I say and smile. "Ha, Take my breath away," I say and look up at him.
"What kind of a mixed CD would it be without your I'm out of oxygen song?" he asks with a small laugh.
"True. Right here by Ashes Remain. I don't know it."
"We can listen to it later. Keep reading," he encourages.
"Alright. It's my life by Bon Jovi, yeah I get it. Aw, Love story by Taylor Swift. You hate T-Swift. That's so sweet you actually listened to the song," I say and get up from my seat. I sit down on his lap and wrap my left arm around his neck and kiss his lips.
"What makes you think I listened to the song?" he asks with a crooked smile.
"Because you wouldn't burn me a CD without knowing I would actually like the songs and as far as I can tell each song means something."
"You're right. But please don't make me listen to it again," he says with an adorable pout.
"No, don't worry. Let's see what else is here. Make you feel my love by Adele. I love this song. It's such a powerful ballad. Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes by Jimmy Buffett. I know this one. It's a great song, babe."
"I thought you might like that one," he says and kisses my cheek.
"Stand by me by Ben E. King, Just the way you are by Bruno Mars, I need your love by Calvin Harris, Thinking out loud by Ed Sheeran, My kind of love by Emeli Sande, Let her go by Passenger, Just say yes by Snow Patrol," I read the songs. "You wanna tell me something with these songs?" I ask with a grin.
"Just that I love you very much," he says and nuzzles my neck.
"High for this by The Weeknd. Don't tell me you brought pot," I say with a chuckle.
"No. But there are other ways to get high," he says smiling at me.
"Like?"
"Like kissing my beautiful girlfriend all day long. That always puts me in a state of euphoria," he says and I laugh a little, not because I don't believe it, but because of his choice of song.
"Whatever you say, Eaton. On the road again by Willie Nelson. Good song. We usually listen to this when we drive to a camp," I tell him, but then I remember that was Mikey's favorite song. I shake my head a little. This is not the time to get sad. "Don't stop believing by Journey."
"Yes, Tris. Never stop believing. You can do anything you want as long as you believe in yourself the way I do. I believe that no matter what, you will always stand up and keep walking."
"Ten Tonne Skeleton by Royal Blood," I say and laugh. I drove him nuts with that song.
"Another song you can listen to when I'm not around," he says and joins my laughter.
"Fuck off. Really, babe?" I ask as I see the last song. "Song of the Lonely Mountain by Neil Finn. Really? The Hobbit song?" I ask amused.
"Babe, you love Tolkien and kept singing that song for a whole week after we had that Hobbit marathon," he says and wraps his arms tighter around me.
"Come on. I didn't sing it for the whole week," I say raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, you did. I had to keep kissing you to make you shut up," he says half serious.
"Oh, shut up. You love kissing me," I say and then he does just that. He kisses me passionately and I melt against him. I put the CD on the table and wrap both arms around him pulling him closer to me than before. I open my mouth and his tongue slips inside mating with my own. I moan into the kiss and feel him harden underneath me. This is it, Tris. Today is the day you become a woman. Today you'll become one with the man you love. Tobias groans and pulls back slightly, resting his forehead on mine.
"We should stop," he says.
"No, we should continue," I say.
"Tris, if we don't stop now, I don't think I'll be able to control myself much longer," he says breathless.
"Then don't," I say and his eyes shoot up to watch my face. He is trying to read my mind, trying to make sure that what he heard is what I said. "I'm ready, Tobias. I want this. I want you," I say and feel heat rising into my cheeks.
"Tris, we don't have to," he says weakly.
"I know we don't, but I want this. Unless, you don't," I say. Maybe I was so focused on what I want that I completely ignored what he wants.
"Babe, I want this too. I want you so badly," he says breathless before capturing my lips again. I moan again and Tobias stands up making me do the same. He lets his hands travel down my sides and cups my behind with his large hands. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms go around his neck. He slowly moves us toward the large bed, taking small steps in the unfamiliar space. We pass the fireplace and I can feel the heat of the fire against my right side. Gently, he lays me down on the bed. He quickly lays down over me, but makes sure not to put all his weight on me. He resumes our kiss holding himself up on one elbow, while his free hand travels along my side caressing it tenderly. I shiver underneath his touch and breathe heavily as the tension between us increases. Warmth spreads through my body and I feel tingling in my genital area, as if my body knows and can't wait for what is about to happen between us. I've waited a long time for this and I am sure. This is it. Tobias is the one I want to share this with for the first time and hopefully many times to come. No pun intended.
He kisses me on the lips for a brief moment before his full lips leave mine to kiss along my jaw and neck, lightly sucking the heated flesh leaving tiny love marks here and there, but I don't mind them at all. His hand moves from where it was resting on my stomach to my left boob kneading it through the fabric of my shirt, eliciting more noises from me. I had no idea that I could even make such sounds. They sound foreign to me, as if they aren't coming from me at all. I arch my back feeling this urge to be closer to him. I open my legs and he settles between them without his mouth leaving the exposed skin it can find. I wrap my legs around his waist pulling him down to me while my arms snake around his large back. I allow my hands to roam his body as much as they can from this position all the while he continues his ministrations.
After what seems like hours he lifts himself up a little to gaze into my eyes. His own are darker than I've ever seen them before. His usually dark blue eyes are now dark, almost black. He smiles softly which in turn makes me smile too.
"Are you sure?" he asks. I nod, because there is suddenly a lump in my throat. He leans down and captures my lips in a loving kiss before he abruptly pulls back looking at me with wide eyes, a shocked expression on his face.
"What? What is it?" I ask alerted.
"I don't have condoms. I mean, I have some in my glove compartment, in the car," he says and tries to stand up, but I hold him tightly pressed against me.
"I'm on the pill," I say and he looks at me surprised.
"Really?" he asks.
"Yeah. Been on it for over a year now. The doctor prescribed it for something else," I explain, as I see his mind racing somewhere else.
"Oh," is all he says.
"Unless you don't want to."
"No, it's okay, I guess. I never did it… you know…bare," he says a little shy.
"I didn't do it at all," I say and my stupid joke makes him smile. "I'd like to change that," I add, trying to reassure him that I'm ready.
"You know, the way things go right now it would seem I'm the virgin not you," he says with a chuckle.
"In that case, I promise I'll be gentle," I say and he laughs.
"That's very considerate of you. Thank you," he says as he kisses me again.
He leaves my lips and stands up removing his shirt. I sit up and he reaches for the hem of my own, pulling it slowly over my head and tossing it on the floor next to his. His eyes nearly pop out when he sees the see-through bodice I put on this morning, fully intending to elicit this exact same reaction from him. He kisses my collar bone while unbuttoning and unzipping my pants, pulling them down leaving me in just my underwear and socks. As he looks over my lingerie covered body I feel heat rise into my cheeks. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
"You are so beautiful and you look so hot in this," he says as his large palms slide along my sides.
"You are not so bad yourself," I say smirking, trying to cover up the nervousness that is slowly eating me from the inside.
"Please, promise you'll stop me or say something if it's too much or I hurt you," he says seriously.
"Don't worry. I trust you. And I love you. I wouldn't be here, like this, with you if it were otherwise."
He nods. I reach out for his zipper and pull it down, I unbutton his pants and they fall to the ground. He steps out and resumes his hovering position over me.
We kiss, we caress, we whisper sweet nothings filled with love and adoration as we give ourselves to the other. The pain I feel from being stretched for the first time is nothing compared to the incredible sensation of being united in such an intimate way with him. We move in sync as if we have been doing this our whole lives. Our love grows only more as we moan each other's names reaching an invisible state of pure bliss.
A/N: I know that you might have wanted some smut here, but I figured for their first time it'll be better to be a little more classy. You know I can be dirty, but this chapter required something more soft. I will update soon, I promise. I just have to rewrite the next chapter to make it sexier :)
If any of you reads The Highest Summit remember not to spoil things for others. You'll get it when you read.