Another update from Your Friendly Neighbourhood LittleEnglishLass! :D Because why not!

Enjoy!

My Immortal – A Very English Commentary

Chapter Eight – You Dense Motherflucker!

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do de prep! (To quote the good sir Cryaotic on his own hilarious dramatic reading of this fic; "What the fuck is 'flassing'?")

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Everyone in the class stared at me (Yup, I'd imagine they would do. I doubt even Hogwarts often sees scantily clad emo chicks with silly hair bursting into classrooms and yelling gibberish.) and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. (That's some dedication. I mean, seriously!)

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. (Hmm, I guess you can scream sadly. Most people would describe it as 'a cry of anguish' or something.)

My friend B'loody Mary Smith (She means Hermione by the way.) smiled at me understatedly. (She smiled at you sarcastically?) She flipped her long waste *giggles*-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. (She looked at you, smiled, flipped her hair and THEN opened her eyes? Why where they closed? Wasn't she in class? What's going on? HOW DO I LOGIC?!) She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. (POINTLESS! That's like a dark-skinned person wearing dark makeup to make them look darker.)

Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. (Not possible. One, vampires can't even do the deed that results in children unless the universe dictates they have some sort of bloodflow. Two, they're already half-dead. Killing one would be very difficult indeed. Suicide would be even harder.) She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. (I thought this all happened when she was a baby? Do vampire babies have exceptional memory?) It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?!) Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. (Everyone in Slytherin is a Satanist? Somehow I don't see that happening.)

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" (I have no idea, thou cream faced, addle-brained Spanish purse! Thou dull-witted cox-comb, born of a flea-bitten mongrel bitch!) Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. (So…you were with Harry then? I thought you were shagging Draco?)

Everyone gasped. (Of course they did.)

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. (Wait…who's talking?!) I had went out with Vampire (Oh, it's Emo Draco.) (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. (Why do I get the strangest feeling that this 'Britney' represents someone Tara knows?) We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. Haha, like I would hang out with a prep(HOLD EVERYTHING! Since Draco has this tattoo saying 'Vampire', this would mean Harry was goffik BEFORE he broke up with Draco. So…I once again find myself confused and angry.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" (Me no like you no more. Me ignore your perfectly reasonable explanation to be all huffy. Me on super-mega-ultra-period or something. Me an Emo!Sue.) I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility (Virility. Wide range of masculine characteristics viewed positively. Confused is the commentator.) to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. (How does one be smashed or broken into tears exactly?)

I think I need to stop. :D I'm getting the uncontrollable urge to 'fix' this fanfic as best I can.

Hope you enjoyed, stay tuned for more random comments! *web-swings away into the glorious sunset*