~Until Your Heart Stops Beating~
"It doesn't hurt me... You wanna feel how it feels? You wanna know; know that it doesn't hurt me? You wanna hear about the deal I'm making? You be running up that hill. You and me be running up that hill..." I sing softly to myself as I stare up at the ceiling of my prison. I bounce my right foot as my right leg is crossed over my left. "And if I only could make a deal with God and get him to swap our places... be running up that road, be running up that hill, be running up that building. If I only could..."
I had finished the book Edward had brought me days ago and had resorted to trying to occupy my mindless hours on my own. I hadn't seen Edward in days, which was strange. I was so used to seeing him so often and now it had been nearly a week since he had come to collect my blood.
"You don't want to hurt me... but see how deep the bullet lies; unaware that I'm tearing you asunder. There is thunder in our hearts, baby. So much hate for the ones we love? Tell me, we both matter, don't we? You, be running up that hill. You and me be running up that hill. You and me won't be unhappy." I lay my legs down flat on the cot, still keeping my right leg crossed over my left. "And if I only could make a deal with God and get him to swap our places; be running up that road, be running up that hill, be running up that building. If I only could... 'C'mon, baby, c'mon. C'mon, darling. Let me steal this mo-"
My singing is interrupted by a knock on the door to my cell. I sit up immediately and let my left foot dangle off the cot. The door opens and Private Jenkins walks in with Edward close behind him.
"Thank you Private. You can go." Edward nods his head at Jenkins and he walks out, leaving us to our business.
"Wow. I was beginning to think you didn't like me anymore." I smile at him and drag my other leg off the cot. I lace my hands in my lap and stare up at him. If only he knew how true that statement felt to me. I truly was beginning to think I would never see him again, never see anyone again.
"What were you singing?" He asks as he moves closer and sets the medical box in its usually spot on the cot beside me.
"Placebo; Running Up That Hill." I reply and watch as he opens the medical box.
"How are you feeling today? Sore? Fatigued? Maybe a little sick?" He asks and pulls on a pair of gloves. I shake my head and watch as he cleans the area on my left arm. "That's good."
He pulls out the needle and a vial, starting the process almost immediately. Usually we had a nice little chat before we got to business. Something was wrong.
"Edward?" My voice is soft. Edward pushes the needle through my skin and begins drawing blood. It stays quiet and I debate with myself over whether or not asking him what was wrong. Or asking why he had stayed away so long; maybe even why he was rushing right now.
I pull myself from my thoughts and look down at him, watching him as he watches my blood filling the small tube. I take notice to the small, hard swallowing in his throat and then look at his eyes. I could see the familiar gleam of bloodlust swirling around the yellow that should have been a molten gold. I understood now what the color change meant. I had seen it so many times before.
"How long has it been?" I ask and tilt my head to the side slightly to look at him better. Edward seems to snap out of his trance and quickly changes vials, keeping his eyes away from the blood now that he had been caught staring.
"Since what?" He asks finally and looks up at me. I arch an eyebrow and then nod my head at my arm.
"How long since you've fed?" I clarify, though I knew very well that he had understood my question the first time. He stares me in the eyes a moment longer and I could tell he was really trying to think of how long it had been, but he resorts to shaking his head.
"I'm not sure." He replies and takes a quick look down at my arm, swallowing hard again at the sight of my blood. I feel my stomach churn uncomfortably and slowly I lean closer to him. I raise my right arm and gently brush back some of his floppy brown hair to see his left ear. He freezes. "What're you doing?"
I ignore his question and gently run my thumb over the tip. I click my teeth and unknowingly shake my head at what I saw and felt. It had been a while since he last ate. His ear was a sure sign of it. It was slowly becoming pointed from blood deprivation and if he continued to refuse human blood, then he would turn into one of those things; one of those real monsters from our nightmares.
I look into his eyes and let my thumb trace over the small point of his ear again. He takes my hand and pulls it away from his ear, setting it back in my lap with a confused stare. He doesn't let go though.
"Edward, you need to eat." I comment softly as he looks down at my arm and replaces the vial with a new one. He holds my wrist firmly with his right hand while his left held the needle and vial in place.
"I can't." He replies simply, refusing to meet my gaze.
"Why not?" I ask confused by his words.
"I just can't. I can't drink human blood." He replies a little more stern. I knit my eyebrows together and look off to the side in thought. Vampires can't get sick. So, what could it be? The fact that he just didn't want to?
"If you can't pay for it…" I start tentatively, not really believing that it was out of his price range since he worked for the world's leading farm of humans, "Then just take some of my-"
"No...!" Edward's grip on my wrists tightens as his eyes narrow and smolder violently, "No, I won't. I'm not… I'm not going to drink your blood."
He bears his fangs like I had attacked him as his hold on my wrist gets tighter. I feel my face start to contort in pain though I tried to hide it. I bend to the left and try to pull my arm from him, hissing slightly at the pain searing through my arm. Any tighter and he might just break it.
"Alright, alright... Ow Edward; my wrist. You're hurting me." I hiss out as I flex my hand, still trying to pull out of his grasp. He quickly releases his grip on my wrist as he snaps out of his trance. His fierce expression drifts away as he relaxes and looks anywhere but at me.
"Rosaline, I'm sorry." He whispers out and takes a deep breath, quickly switching the vials again. He closes his eyes and takes another deep breath, lowering his head slightly. I flex my hand and look down at my wrist where I was surely to get a bruise.
After another moment, I look over at him and see him watching my blood again. His face was hard and his breathing was shallow and slow. He was fighting the urge; resisting his nature. I had seen this before too.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" I ask softly, not actually asking him, but someone else; someone who had long since passed. For years, I had seen vampires do this and for years I have been unable to come to a conclusion on my own.
Edward looks up at me for a brief moment and then at the floor. Something told me that it was a much deeper reason then him feeling sorry for the human race like I knew some did. What could it possibly be then? He was a vampire. He didn't have to fear death or illness. He didn't have to worry about other vampires hunting him down. What was it then?
Edward removes the last vial of blood and places it in the medical box. I watch him as he carefully pulls the needle from my arm, trying to not hurt me. He places a piece of gauze over the pinprick and grabs the roll of tape while realization sets in on me.
"Oh Edward..." I breathe out as my eyebrows knit together in sympathy. Edward freezes in his movement of placing the piece of tape over the gauze. Slowly, he smooths it down and packs up his things including the book at the end of the bed, keeping quiet. He stands up ready to leave and takes a step towards the door. I quickly lurch out, trying to grab his arm, but get his hand instead. "Sit down."
"I can't, Rosaline. I have to get back to work." He tries to pull his hand from my grip, not wholeheartedly. He wants to stay, wants to hide away in my prison with me; shut out the darkness he is forced to live in.
"They will survive without you for a few more minutes." I argue and tug on his hand again. Edward looks over his shoulder at me and then sits down on the cot beside me, setting the medical box down. He pulls his hand from my grasp and laces it with his other before him, leaning his elbows on the top of his knees. He rests his chin on his laced hands and stares at the wall across the room.
I watch him carefully, trying to make out what he was feeling. He looks exhausted, not how humans normally look, but of someone who was exhausted with their way of life. He drops his chin from his hands and bows his head lower, laying the top of it against his hands almost as if he were praying.
Slowly, I stand from the cot and kneel down in front of him. I raise my hands and take his, holding them tightly despite how cold they are. His fingers wrap gently around my hands as he lets out a soft sigh. I gently rub my thumbs over the back of his hands and move a little closer.
I let go of one of his hands and run my fingers through his hair at the top of his head slowly. I do it again and then start once more, but let my fingers travel off to the side and down to his jaw. I cup his icy cheek delicately in my hand and continue to rub my thumb over the back of the hand I still held.
Slowly, I feel his head turn towards my palm, his lips brushing my skin. He raises his free hand and places it against my hand on his cheek, holding it there. I begin to run my thumb over his cheek bone below his eye, my heart aching. He slowly lifts his head with his eyes closed and turns to place his lips against the palm of my hand.
"I can hear your heart beating in your chest... the blood rushing through your veins..." He whispers out, his breath tickling my skin. He begins to lower his head again, but I stop him by running my other hand through his hair and gently brushing passed his pointed ear. I could feel pressure building behind my eyes.
"You're not going to lose your humanity, Edward." I whisper and as I blink. I feel a hot tear run down one of my cheeks. I had never seen a man like this, let alone a male vampire. I could just feel his despair, his anguish, radiating off of him like heat from the sun. It made me so sad to see him this way. "You're not going to lose yourself."
"I already have." He retorts and opens his eyes to look at me.
"No, you haven't." I shake my head and smile for him. "If you had. you wouldn't be so nice to me and you wouldn't let me borrow your books or talk to me like we're equals."
"Rosaline," Edward begins and takes both my hands in his, holding them between us. He stares down at them and then looks me in the eyes, "do you trust me?"
"Yes." I reply, unsure of where he was going with this. I trusted this man, this vampire, more than anyone else in the world at the moment. Something about him had reached out to me and snatched me. I trusted him with my life.
"Good. That's... that's good." He nods his head a few times and stands up from the cot. He picks up the medical box as I stand up as well. He looks down at me for a moment and then nods once more to me. He walks towards the door as I stand there confused.
"Edward?" I ask meekly and turn to face him. He stops before the door and looks back at me. "I don't understand."
"Neither do I, but when I do I'll tell you. I promise." He replies, staring at me a moment longer. "Just don't lose your trust in me. Please Rosaline."
"I won't." I nod my head and he walks out of the room. I sit back down on the cot and then lie down, staring at the ceiling. I was so very confused by him and his behavior. He acted as if something was going to happen. Like something was going to happen to me.
It worried me, but he wanted me to trust him. He had never given me a reason not to. But he was a vampire and I was a human. Why was I not afraid of him as I was Private Jenkins or Caruso? Was it because I had no other choice? Or something else?