Zoe is bored once again. :)

Enjoy! *web-swings away*

My Immortal – A Very English Commentary

Chapter Fourteen - I Hate Enoby

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. (Is it pathetic that I'm starting to dread the times Raven isn't here to help?) im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. (Oh, no you didn't. You're not pulling the wool over anyone's eyes, little Miss Kiddiewinks.)

PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! (Tara, if you managed to get famous enough for any god or goddess to get up of their lazy arses and actually prove their existence by reviewing, then I think we'd all have to begin hailing you as some sort of hero.)

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WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. (Scray? I like this word.)

"Ah Kelsey, you moronic idiot. You're looking extremely scray this morning!"

"Aw! Thanks, you horny simpleton."

VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. (It is advisable shit yourself while reading this.)

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. (Well of course not! You went to see Volcemort, not Voldemort!) Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. (Pretty sure it was Voldy who killed Cedric.) Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. (Snaketail? Which bastardised HP character is this?) Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail. (Is it Wormtail? I really can't tell.)

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" (I love it. This is my new thing.) he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun (WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!) he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. (Mary Sue pwrz, ACTIVATE!) "Ebony I love you wil u have sex with me." he said. (Well…that…was sudden.) (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) (Okay. Seems legit.)

"Huh?" I asked.

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard."(Wait, I thought Enoby was a sadist? She should be turned on by now.) I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. (With…the gun?) Blood pored out of it like a fountain. (Tara is so descriptive. :3)

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. (HAHAHAHAHA! Best description of a character death….EVER!)

I brust into tears sadly. (Enoby isn't a very good sadist at all, is she?)

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" (Oh great, here comes the Deku Lord.) called Voldemort. Then… he started coming! (I did not need that image, thank you. I've so far managed to successfully stay away from such questionable fics, though I'm sure there's a ton of them if you filter in the name 'Bellatrix'. Oh great, now I'll have to Google that.) We could hear his high heels clacking to us. (It's sad that this is not the most ridiculous sentence within this fic.) So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. (But…didn't you teleport there in the first place?)

We went to my room. Vampire went away. (What, no; "Gee Harry, thanks so much for figuring out how to teleport into the lair the most wanted man of all time within the space of a few seconds!") There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco (I doubt Draco would ever use pet names.) taking off his clothes so we could screw. (Geez, and people think men are obsessed with sex.) He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) *sigh* and a really huge you-know-what and everything. (To quote Blackadder; "Size is no guarantee of quality, Baldrick. Most horses are very well-endowed, but that does not necessarily make them sensitive lovers.")

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." (I'm about to slap a bitch. Enoby has to be one of the single most obnoxious Mary Sues of all time.)

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. *sigh* (ENOUGH with the 'slut' crap already.)

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! (But...isn't he dead?) I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" (Um...maybe because your features are decided by the parental genes and not mythological creatures? Might have something to do with it. Blame your parents Enoby. HOLD THE PHONE! Do we actually know anything about Enoby's parents/family?) I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.

(I need to go hit a wall or something.)

And thus, another chapter of this beautiful monstrosity ends.

Out of interest, what's the worst Sue/Stu any of you have come across?