Dun dun duuuun! Another update!
Laugh of the Week; apparently someone who has nothing better to do with their life has added this story to a completely and utterly ignored community called 'Reportable Offence' along with near enough 9,000 other stories (some dating back years, literally, years) that have somehow violated FF's so-called 'rules'. Know something? None of them have been reported or taken down. They're all still there. :D It's such a cute little club! They think people actually give a shit about FF's silly nitpicky rules. Evidently not.
They'll forgive me if I don't hold my breath in anticipation. I'm too busy laughing anyway.
Hope that got a giggle out of you, if not, then here's another chapter of my very naughty story! Shh, don't tell the Internet Police! ;) They might take drastic measures and send me a polite but slightly passive aggressive private message. Audible Gasp! THE HORROR!
My Immortal – A Very English Commentary
Chapter Sixteen – BAKA!
AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! (As far as my research into the word 'prep' tells me, it's a derogatory term applied by anyone who likes to think they're 'non-conformist' to anyone who doesn't follow the 'LOL GOFF ANTI-MAINSTREAM EMO GOFF IM SOOOO UNIQUE AND ORIGINAL LEL' teenage phase. The irony surrounding these 'non-conformists' is delicious.) raven u suk u fuken bich (OOOH! A DEVELOPMENT! It comes to something when the author notes are more interesting than the story itself.) gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! (Oh no…that means Raven didn't help…*screams*) BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!
(Oh dear. If she can't even speak English properly, there's no hope for the Japanese.)
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We ran happily to Hogsmede. (That's not very 'goff' is it?) There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. (I swear, this is the only song Tara even knows.) I was so fucking happy! (Eh, the 'goff' phase didn't last very long did it? Never does really.)
Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da (THE! SERIOUSLY, HOW HARD IS IT TO TYPE T-H-E?!) pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection (I'm fine with PDA, frankly I encourage it because it's so nice to see people actually enjoying being in each other's company these days, but that's just nasty.) but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da (THE!) only true ones for eachother. (Evidently that concept is a one-sided affair.)
I was wearing (And off we go again…) a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched.
"Êtes-vous vous amuser?"
"Pourquoi oui Ebony, je suis bien!"
We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort (WHO?!) and da Death Dealers! (I wish this was a real band…)
"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. (The only logical way to explain this bit is if Enoby was having some sort of vision.) "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" (STOP LICKING MCR! That's sexual harassment!)
"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And this is how you know that if Tara was truly being serious with this fic, she must have been around 12-13. Most people over the age of 15 have absolutely no issues talking about sex, as they happen to be amidst the raging hormones typical of both teenaged males and females. I happen to find sex a fascinating subject, as the societal viewpoints and individual discriminatory behaviour greatly affect the act itself and the way people view it to a massive extent. It's quite interesting.)
"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.
"We won't do that again." Draco promised. (But…you've been shagging all this time before…)"This time, we're going with an ESCORT." (Hold on, did Draco just say he'd hire a prostitute?)
"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?"
(And this is why I laugh at people who think they're 'OMFG SUPAH SPESHUL' just because they dress in gothic/emo clothing ect. It's a minority of people, but they drag everyone who likes the style down with them. They're not special or original. They're just following a common trend associated with adolescence that they'll likely grow out of in a few years. They ARE 'mainstream'. My very best friend loves the gothic/emo style, but she doesn't think of it as anything more than that. A style. It's not a statement, or an expression of the darkness within or whatever people say these days. It's just a fashion choice.)
*mini rant is over*
"NO." he muttered loudly. (This sentence is so confusing.)
"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily. (How did him offering to hire a prostitute instead of sleeping with Enoby because apparently now she has a problem with sex equate to 'prep' in Tara's mind?)
"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da (THE! FOR SANITY'S SAKE!) world is black' by GC to me. (Why?)
I was flattened (Oh…I really wish you had been.) cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me! (I know loads of songs that aren't singles. It's hardly a worthy feat of intelligence and dedication.)
"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched
"Ceci est honnêtement devient ridicule."
"Je suis d'accord. Peut-être une certaine forme de cours d'anglais langue serait souhaitable que l'auteur."
4 a while and I went up 2 my room.
B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). (It actually doesn't mean that, but if it did, that would still be totally inappropriate thing to say to someone who's supposed to be a good friend. "How do you do?" is something that should be said when you first meet someone. BAKA!)
"BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) (Oh Tara, you're so mature. How did we ever doubt the utter depth and astuteness of your mind?)
"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.
Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. (I suppose that one IS kind of a gothic film, if we're talking about the art style and general feel of the film.)"Maybe Willow will die too." I said. (Pretty sure nobody dies in The Nightmare Before Christmas. I should know, since it's one of my all-time favourites.)
"Kawai." (That's not cute in any way.) B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. (Energetically lethargically?) "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." (WHAT?!)
"Kawai." I commnted happily . (WHAT?!)
We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie. (How?)
"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA." (Totally not girly or anything…)
B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY.(RaNDom CapS aREN't a GoOD thING.) "Omfg totally lets go shopping." (Still not girly…totes goff lol! Teehee!)
"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde. (Good lord.)
"No." My head snaped up.
'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" (Oh yeah sure, because Hot Topic is the ONLY place in the world that sells gothic style clothing and how DARE she consider going for a less tacky clothing line. *eye roll* Tara seems to honestly think we agree with her skewwhiff version of reality, and that's what I find so irritating about this fic.)
"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all." (See Tara, there are OTHER shops in the world besides Hot bloody effing Topic.)
"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo *barely supressed giggles* or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). Or me. (If you'd told her about them…why are you asking who told her?)
"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."
"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly. *ominous thunder sounds in the distance as dark clouds begin to gather* (The Watcher is very angry with you Tara. You keep confusing The Watcher with your strange, contradictory sentences. The Watcher doesn't like that.)
"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."
We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE (It's actually VERY possible. Tom Hiddleston, Chris Hemsworth, Benedict Cumberbatch, Martin Freeman, Chris Evans, Kevin Cheng, Mikey He and many others are MUCH more attractive.) and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs." (Then why are you giving them to Enoby?)
"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.
"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! (Yeah man. Totally dude. Awesomely radical maaaaan!) Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."
"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing (NO!) a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.
"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said. (Of course he did, he's a salesperson. They say that sort of crap.)
"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary. (She's your best friend, so she HAS to be nice to you.)
"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. (Well, he's sacked for sure.) Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.
"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?" (Oh how mature, make up an excuse to write your Sue's full name just so you can draw attention to the fact you replaced 'Raven' with 'Tara'.)
"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. (She can't be this stupid right?) "maybe I'll see you there tonight."
"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" (Enoby is such an irritating bitch.) I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him (Oh but she's 'nut a snob or anyfing'…), Hargrid flew in on his black broom (He flew into the shop…on a broom?) looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"
I have nothing even vaguely witty to say here. My brain hurts.