Once more, we shall delve into the depths of madness. Hopefully we shall climb out unscathed.
Also; Guest. I'm sorry your last review wasn't published, but for some reason I can't approve it. FF just doesn't respond when I try, and sadly I can't PM you so I'll have to respond here. :( Anyhoo, I don't see how calling a vampire 'half-dead' is a mistake by any means. (Please be aware that in a different chapter, I did in fact refer to Enoby as undead. I use the two interchangeably.) As far as I am aware, vampires can be referred to as either half-dead or members of the undead, depending on the mythology within the universe which is completely up to the author. I have seen several versions of vampires noted as being in a kind of half-death state, meaning that while they do not age, their hair and fingernails continue to grow at a normal rate and will grow back if cut. I have also seen versions of them as fully fledged members of the undead, existing somewhat like zombies but without the rotting part, e.g. cutting their hair short would cause it to permanently be that way as it would not grow back due to the death part of their immortality. As for the suicide thing, I suppose the sun would be an obvious way to do it for normal mythos, though keep in mind I was referring to the mythology of My Immortal, where vampires can survive out in the sun, have bloodflow, and eat cereal. Not exactly your typical vampire mythology is it? I can only assume that within Tara's universe, the vampires are of the half-dead variety. :D And I refuse to include Twilight as a legitimate version of vampire mythology. Those weren't vampires; they were some wussy babyfied crap passed off under the guise of vampires to get people interested in a series that would have otherwise been ignored by the educated world. I mean...sparkles?! SERIOUSLY? So yeah, the only logical way for a vampire to commit suicide involves the sun (and even that depends upon the mythology, some have vampires only getting very bad sunburn if they're under the glare of the sun), though Tara has already established that her version of vampires can survive in the sun. Suffice to say, wrist-slitting isn't really a viable option no matter which version of vampires you're thinking of. :D
My Immortal – A Very English Commentary
Chapter Seventeen – Dracula's Bellybutton
AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! (I really wish I could take this quiz…) pz willo isn't rely a prep. (Hmm, realising how screwed you are without her eh?) Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! ("Please write my story for me, but I'll still credit myself as the author, even though you basically wrote it all.")
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Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. (Yeah, he's definitely sacked.) He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). (How does being Bi mean you automatically have to be interested in overpriced face paint and tacky 'goff' clothing?) Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." (…'fjucking'…I have a new word of the day,)
Well anyway Willow came. (I did not need that image, thank you very much. Wait, wasn't willow dead? Nevermind, I forgot that continuity has no meaning in this story.) Hargird went away angrily.
"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said. (No she doesn't.)
"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. (Kiss arse.) She was wearing a short black corset-thingy (Tara is so descriptive. :3) with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. (Her boots did that?) She had a really nice body wif big bobs (Bobs?) and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. (So she looked like a hideously skeletal corpse? That's not a very nice thing to say, Tara!)
"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.
"Yah." I said happily. (That's not very goffik.)
"I'm gong with Diabolo." *commentator is quietly snickering* she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. (Oh dear. That is most certainly not an image I wanted.) They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing (NOBODY CARES!) a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing *commentator slams head on laptop* black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Mart (Is that like a supermarket for goffs or something?) was going 2 da concert wif Dracola.
Dracola used to be called Navel (I shall call him Dracula's Bellybutton from now on, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me.) but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. (Of course they were…)They dyed in a car crash. (Really keeping to the general vampire mythos there Tara. Good job.) Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. (All Slytherins are Satanists apparently. I don't really see that happening to be honest. They're much too busy worshiping themselves to add a red dude with goat legs into their hectic schedules of Mirror Time.) He was wearing *SLAM* a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. (We have established this.)
Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) (Uh…actually no, I don't get it. Anyone care to explain?) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. (All those are bad anyway, but you'd probably kill yourself if you tried to do all those at once. Well, killing yourself faster than taking them on their own I suppose…) Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. (Ironic, isn't it? Tara calls 'preps' stupid when she can't even spell 'those' or 'fucking'.)
We soon got there….I gapsed. (Enoby gasps a lot. Does she have asthma?)
Gerard was da (T.H.E!) sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. (Pretty sure he has green eyes, Tara…) He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. (Ethnic? Like Bob Marley?) We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. (Tell the truth Tara, 'Helena' is the only one you know, isn't it?)
Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. (SOMBODY GET THIS GIRL AN INHALER!) It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man (Voldy is the LEAST 'preppy' character in HP.) wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!
(No, you're not going crazy. This has happened before. The only way I can explain this crap is if Enoby is having a vision.)
"U moronic idiots!" (I like it.) he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!" (No, you're Vlodemort. It was Voldemort who said that. Dear oh dear, you lot weren't cloned very well were you?)
"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife. (I guess Russian Voldemort Clone doesn't use wands. He probably thinks they're 'homosexual propaganda' because sometimes fairies have them, fairies are associated with rainbows, and rainbows are BAAAAAAAD because they symbolise equality and equality is BAAAAAAAD. And yes, that is a dig at Russian laws. Fuck you Putin, fuck you hard. I hope the terrorists do something useful for once and blow that bastard out of the sky.)
*rant over*
Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. (I'm imagining an old due with a pair of smoker's lungs on his head, waving a burnt baguette around.) He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. (Um…okay.) He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away.
It was…DUMBLYDORE!
(That would have been more effective if she'd spelt it right…and hadn't used it several million times before.)
Well done, you've made it this far. Truth be told, this is only the beginning.
Hope you enjoyed.