I WENT TO PRIDE! :D I got so much rainbow stuff. And a huge flag. I can't wait for next year's Pride, it's going to be even better. They're considering asking Stephen Fry to be a guest speaker/stage show presenter. It just gets bigger and better with every year.

Enjoy!

My Immortal – A Very English Commentary

Chapter Twenty – AUDIBLE GASP!

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.

(Bullshit. One, if you were REALLY going to 'Transylvania' you would know it's actually called Romania. Two, since when do people go on holiday for three days? Newsflash, they don't. Not in other countries halfway across the world anyway.)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

All day I wondered what the surprise was. (I'm trying so hard not to make another Portal joke.) Meanwhile, I pot on a (And she's already describing the clothes? This has to be a record somewhere…) blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots.

MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort (ANOTHER VOLDY CLONE?! I better get the Hamato Brothers, this Krang cloning epidemic has gotten completely out of hand. DONNIE! Grab your gear sweetpea, you have a long night ahead of you. I'll bring the coffee.) had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited.

(Once again Tara, you confuse The Watcher with such statements. The Watcher does not like being confused. The Watcher is not a wrathful being with malicious intent; no…the poor Watcher is merely sick of the headaches such confusion brings.)

(Think of the poor Watcher, what did it ever do to you?)

Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes (I like how she specifies the colour of said clothes.) and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. (I really don't know if that's Tara's misspelling of the song title or if that is the actual song title. It could be. It sure sounds like a song title from an emo band.) I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped *commentator imagines Enoby with a halo hopping around a crypt* inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again.

(Professional character relationship development here everyone, you can all go home.)

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! (Didn't he go with Snap to St Mangos? Wait, why am I asking about continuity in My Immortal?)

"R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled. (Um…what? Watcher, I beg of thee for some clarity in this madness I hath taken as my quest…Watcher…? …uh oh…) I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.

*obnoxiously loud record scratch*

(I've only just realised this, but since Enoby is supposed to be seventeen, Snap and Loopin's attraction to her isn't actually paedophilia. It's weird and gross definitely, but it's not paedophilia. Enoby is an adult.)

(Why am I still looking for logic in this fic?)

(I need help.)

(WATCHER! PLEASE COME BACK!)

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell) (Very droll Tara, you should go into stand up.) kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily.

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally. *sigh* (Sometimes, there are just no words…)

"Fuker." He said, gong away. (Haha, "Fooker" is a great word. I may need to implement it into my vocabulary.)

Well anyway, I put on (BLAH BLAH BLAH…) some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. (Tara is so descriptive. :3)

Den I gasped (AUDIBLE GASP!)….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1

*silently grabs Brain Bleach and tips it into ear*

(Call my therapist, tell him he's a rich man!)

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" they both shooted angrily when they saw me. (You must've caught them right at the end…either that or they really do have a fetish for Enoby.)

Dobby ran away crying. (DOBBY! HERE, I HAVE MORE BRAIN BLEACH!)

Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) (A young female randomly changing the canon sexuality of characters for personal enjoyment, looking on the relationship in a sexual way and explicitly stating that same-sex relations turns her on, but still degrading males for doing virtually the exact same thing? Heh, maybe this is Tumblr after all…) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now) (Of course he has. Why not?)

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)

(Well done Tara, I commend your absolute genius.)

*slow clap*

(Oh good, my slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that at least.)

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily. (It's because of this fic that I have an imaginary pet mouse called Lumpkin Loony McMoony.)

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed.

"Oh hey Enoby! I know I'm supposed to be in a secure ward right now and I did perv on you a few nights ago, but can I borrow some condoms? I'm thinking I'll go shag a fellow teacher in the middle of what I can only assume is the entrance hall, with some house elf traumatising on the side."

(Yeah, I can see that going over particularly well.)

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then…I took out my black camera (Why not a white camera, huh? Racist!) and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything. (Well yes, you did just take a photograph. One would assume you could see the details of the scene you captured, else you may need to invest in a new camera.)

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked.

(Enoby Sue, the Snarking Snarklon from the fair planet of Snarktopia in the galactic empire of Snarkion. Live long and snark.)

"So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. So fuck off, u bastards!"

I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. (You threw your wound?) Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.

(Can we make this into a meme or something?)

"And there was ***, looking extremely fucking hot."

(This is my new thing, and none shall sway me from this path.)

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." (He may need to see a doctor then.) Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?"

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. (AUDIBLE GASP!) It was a black car. He said his dogfather Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it.

….I gasped. *throws inhaler at her*

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing. (Playing what? Tiddlywinks?)

Vampire and I began 2 make out (Aren't you going out with Draco? Filthy cheater.), moshing to the muzik. (I don't think Tara knew what a mosh was. You can't 'make out' in a mosh pit.) I gapsed, looking at da band.

(HOW MANY TIMES MUST THIS BITCH GASP?!)

I almost had an orgasim. (You almost had an organism? Interesting.) Gerard was so fucking hot! (You mention it practically every chapter, I think we get it by now.) He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner.

*insert dramatic chipmunk here*