Carry You Over To A New Morning
He woke to darkness, unexpectedly, the heavy sting of a headache brimming behind his eyes. Drowsy with sleep, he forced his eyes open, and flung out an arm. He missed the nightstand on his first try, but then his fingers clasped around the strap of his wristwatch and he held it close to his face, the hands blurring into view. It was only five o'clock.
The warmth of summer had faded into an unexpectedly autumnal September. This, combined with the fact that he seemed to have misplaced the necessary winter coats and scarves, meant that when October melted into a wet and cold November, he'd already been on the receiving end of several colds, which required a handful of Pepper-Up Potions to chase away.
He let out a deep sigh, but tossed the covers aside, gingerly lowering his feet upon the wooden floor, which was pleasantly warm. He pushed aside the sashed cream-coloured curtains and found the sky cloudless and misty, barely concealing the last hazy red-purple rays of the sunrise, which faded into a bleak grey. Behind him, the silk sheets rustled, and then Valerie was stood next to him, resting her head on his shoulder.
'Couldn't sleep?' she asked, her voice small and child-like.
'I didn't mean to wake you,' Remus said, leaning his head against hers.
Valerie and he would be hosting their families for Christmas this year. One evening, over dinner, she'd suggested as much, looking up at him with questioning eyes. Remus had stared at her in stunned silence, the gulp of wine he'd just taken feeling suddenly sour in his mouth. In the end, Remus acquiesced in her decision, if only because she seemed so enthusiastic about the idea.
Since that conversation, Valerie had thrown herself into planning the party, sparing no expense. Although she'd never asked Remus for any money before, he thought it was only polite if he contributed. Most of the money he earned was spent on food, expensive wine, and lavish Christmas decorations, including a large tree in the formal dining room and two other, smaller ones, lit up with fairy lights and shining silver and green baubles.
Despite being an excellent cook herself, Valerie had chosen to have the party catered by one of her favourite restaurants. They were even to have servers, who would be walking around with ornate silver trays she'd shown Remus just the day before. They were expecting about seventy people to show up at Valerie's flat and even though she had never hosted such a large party before, she didn't ask Remus to help with anything, dealing with everything herself, meticulous and capable.
His headache, meanwhile, had dimmed in its ferocity, tucking itself neatly at the back of his head. He had difficulty keeping his eyes open, and he let the curtains fall, plunging the room, again, into darkness.
'You didn't wake me,' Valerie said, softly. 'I've been awake for a while. Just thinking.'
'Everything all right?' he asked.
'Yes, darling,' she responded, kissing his cheek. Her floor-length nightgown was powdery blue and filmy, and he could feel the outline of her body pressed against his own. 'It's just work. Breakfast?'
'Okay,' Remus responded, his headache and her sleeplessness forgotten, and took her proffered hand, following her out of the bedroom.
'So, Remus, should I be expecting the announcement soon?' Marlene asked him at lunch, a few weeks later.
The three of them – Alice, Marlene and he – had been talking about the recent development of Containment Charms over lunch. Although the Charms were meant to be used to contain matter in a space, Remus had argued that they could, with some tweaking, perhaps be adjusted to work with certain hereditary wizarding diseases, although he would need the Ministry's permission to start experimenting. And then Marlene had come out with that question, out of the blue.
'Pardon?' Remus asked, bewildered.
'The big fancy party for your family and Valerie's?' Marlene pressed.
Remus blinked at her. 'I don't know –'
She laughed, clapping him on the shoulder, interrupting his thoughts. 'Don't think too hard, Lupin, you'll hurt yourself.'
The wand in her hand vibrated, then, summoning her back to work. Her lime green robes swirled as she stood up, the fabric brushing softly against Remus's arm. Marlene had only been promoted at the beginning of the summer, and she said the collar of the robes still stuck to her skin oddly. When she left, Alice smiled at her and returned her wave.
'What is she on about?' Remus asked her.
Alice turned to face him and then gave a smile, her soft, rose-coloured lips quirking at the edges. 'Your engagement to Valerie, I expect,' she said, eventually, carefully.
'My what?' Remus demanded, but Alice's wand was already buzzing, and she gave an apologetic murmur that wasn't really a reply, leaving him sat alone at the table by himself, annoyance tight in his stomach. The wrapping of the sandwich he'd bought in the Staff's Tea Room glinted under the soft yellow light that filled the room, and made a thin, plasticky sound as he crumpled it.
The thing was, it hadn't been the first time that conversation had come up. When he ran into one of his mother's friends in Diagon Alley, he'd received a similar inquiry, heavily veiled but unmistakable. Apparently, after you'd dated someone for four years, people expected you to be sensible and get married. He hadn't mentioned the encounter to Valerie, given the way she had acted whenever the subject had been broached in the past. And if she'd received similar comments from anyone, she certainly hadn't mentioned it to him.
And, if he were perfectly honest, he didn't really think he was the marrying type. He liked being with Valerie, but that didn't necessarily mean he was ready to settle down with her, move into a home, and have tons of children. There was also, he thought warily, the subject of Sirius. He didn't know how the boy had become part of the equation but his presence was, unmistakably, there, because of the strange relationship they had formed.
Not that they'd spoken at all over the last few months. Hogwarts had started again, and he presumed Sirius had mostly forgotten about him. His debt had been repaid: he told Remus that he wasn't speaking to his family any longer (not even Regulus, although Sirius didn't care to expand upon the reasons why), that he had no interest in filing a report because he wasn't permanently scarred, or anything (his words, not Remus's); and had insisted that really, he was fine. So Remus had accepted this, because there was little else he could do. He didn't realise he'd come to feel so protective of Sirius until the boy showed him that there was nothing he needed protection for; he had managed on his own, with some help from Remus, and that was that.
Despite this, Remus couldn't help but think back, sometimes, to that summer afternoon. It had been a very long time since he'd felt so comfortable with someone the way he had felt with Sirius, and he couldn't quite understand it. He was about half Remus's age, and yet he was smart, and interested, and hadn't laughed when Remus had confessed, softly, that he'd always dreamed of opening his own practice. Instead, he'd looked up at Remus with a bright smile, and had told him he couldn't think of anything that suited him more.
He didn't know what their afternoon had meant. Perhaps they were friends, now. Or acquaintances, who got to know each other under strange circumstances. Neither of them had brought up the kiss. Privately, Remus thought it was meant as a thank you, because however short it had been, it had also been desperate and hard, as if Sirius could not say anything with words, but everything with that kiss. He sometimes, irrationally, felt sorry for Sirius, who must have felt so very alone for so long. But he was good, he was safe at Hogwarts, with his friend James Potter, and their afternoon had ended on a polite note. It was out of Remus's hands, now.
Presently, Remus got up and made his way to his office, feeling suddenly very tired. The party would be later today, Christmas Eve. Valerie had decided to host it a day early, so they could spend Christmas by themselves. Remus was looking forward to just being with her, alone, and preferably with a book and some tea. He often felt that there was something comforting in tea.
As he tapped the door to his office, which recognised his magical signature and opened dutifully, he found, inexplicably, Valerie there. She was neatly dressed in a set of mauve, tailored robes that complimented her white blond hair.
'Darling,' she said, when she spotted him, with an enormous smile. 'I'm so sorry to disturb you at work.' She kissed him on the cheek. There was something formidable about her today, which somehow put Remus on edge. 'I haven't heard from your grandparents yet. Are you sure they're coming to the party?'
'I think so,' Remus responded, slightly weary. He wondered, not for the first time, if she wasn't fussing too much about this party. It was all they had spoken about for weeks, now; everything else seemed unimportant in comparison. He walked over to his desk. 'They told my parents they would attend.'
'Would you be a dear and check for me, please?' she said, her tone gentle but persuasive. When he looked up at her, his eyebrows raised, she smiled charmingly.
'Fine,' he sighed. 'I'll let you know.'
She smiled. 'Thank you, you're a star. I'll see you tonight.'
Remus hummed noncommittally, holding a hand up in greeting as she left his office, the door falling shut behind her. He turned and glanced outside at the sky, which was bitterly grey, and thought, suddenly, of Sirius. He sighed and leaned his head against the window, feeling the cold glass against his skin.
He left the hospital early, wanting to help Valerie with some last minute preparations, but when he Apparated into the foyer, he realised there was no need. The flat was magnificent. It was decorated in tones of green and red and gold, the Christmas trees Valerie had insisted on getting lit up by fairy lights in the living room and the formal dining room, which blinked in the easy warm light that the fireplace emitted.
The whole flat smelled of cinnamon, cider, something sharp Remus couldn't quite put his finger on, and of roasted turkey. As he made his way to the bedroom, lazily tugging off his robes, he realised there was a record playing, the female singer breathily whispering out words in a dark voice Remus had never heard before.
'Valerie,' he said.
Startled, she whirled around, the perfume she had just put on falling down into the empty air where her face had previously been. She was wearing an elegantly tailored robe of the brightest blue. Her hair fell in waves over her shoulders, and the earrings he'd given her on their first Christmas together gleamed in her ears.
She was breathtaking.
'Remus,' she said. 'You're home early.'
'Thought you might need help with the decorations,' Remus mumbled, feeling a bit like an idiot, gesturing behind him. 'Clearly not.'
She laughed, not unkindly, and sprayed on her perfume. It filled the room with the hazy scent of orchids and plums. 'Nonetheless, I appreciate the sentiment. It's not often they let you off early.'
'No,' Remus agreed, folding his robes neatly and putting them on the bed. 'I'll just take a shower, then.'
She smiled at him, and winked before he shut the bathroom door.
He'd met most of Valerie's family members over the years. She was an only child, like he was, but her father had four married brothers; their wives and children had been invited, and Remus was currently speaking to the eldest brother and one of his daughters, a beautiful girl of about two.
'Would you like some more?' Remus asked, having gotten down on his knees, where he could look the girl in the eye. She pressed herself more eagerly into her father's legs, but nodded.
Remus smiled at her, motioning a nearby waiter, who dutifully handed him a slice of brioche and some chicken liver pâté, which Remus then held out to the girl. At her father's direction, she sat down on a nearby chair and ate it cautiously, her eyes large and brown.
'You're wonderful with children,' the man, whose name Remus had forgotten, said. 'When did you say you were planning on getting married to Valerie?'
'Ah, well,' Remus said, not for the first time that night, 'we're not planning on anything soon.'
The man blinked at him, shocked. 'Preposterous,' he said, eventually, his nostrils flaring. 'Surely, you're aware you're being inappropriate. I realise your family hasn't been in the proper pureblood circles for some time, but usually, engagements are announced within a year of courting.'
Remus, who felt his temper rise, was spared a response when Valerie appeared at his side. 'Uncle Edmund! How divine of you to come!' she crowed, kissing him soundly on both cheeks. Then, Valerie spun on her feet and exclaimed, in a loud, commanding tone, 'Dinner is served, if you would all follow me into the dining room.'
It was now after twelve, and Valerie was showing the last of their guests to the door. Currently he was in the kitchen, looking over the bill the snooty chef who had been in charge of the food had presented him with. It was enormous, and Remus felt something icy drop in his stomach when he signed the parchment which promised he would deposit four months of pay into the restaurant's Gringotts vault. The parchment glowed to indicate the transfer being a success.
'Thank you very much for tonight,' he said, looking up at the man, manners not forgotten. 'The food was truly spectacular.'
The man smiled dully, rolling up the parchment. 'Thank you, Mr Lupin. Our warmest regards to Miss Glassborow.'
Remus nodded, and watched as the man, and his staff, Disapparated with sharp cracks out of the kitchen. He turned and left the kitchen, following the scent of Valerie's hazy perfume through the now empty flat. He ended in the bedroom, where she was stood, undressing with uncharacteristic anger and disregard to her clothes. The earrings he'd given her were lying, abandoned, near a bedpost.
Remus picked them up, and glanced up at her, frowning.
She noticed him, then stilled, her robe pooling neatly at her feet, revealing the dress underneath.
'What a disaster,' she breathed, angrily.
Remus blinked. 'I thought it had gone well?'
'Well?' she demanded, and Remus got a glimpse of the Valerie he rarely saw, the woman who ran the Daily Prophet with a certain degree of ruthlessness and perfectionism that was unparalleled. That side of her only came out as they were about to have a spectacular argument. Suddenly, he felt tired. 'Were you at the same party I was?'
'I think so,' he said, coolly. 'My parents were delighted.'
'I'm glad they were!' she snapped. 'Mine kept asking when the hell you were planning on proposing! My grandmother hugged me and spent twenty minutes giving me tips on how to best combat morning sickness, because she thought I was pregnant!'
She spat out the last word as if it tasted foul in her mouth. Remus said nothing.
'All this work, all this planning,' she said, undoing the fastenings on her dress, which fell to the floor. He blinked at that and she looked disgusted with him, pulling on a silk robe Remus had never seen before to cover up her body. 'And all people talk about is you and weddings and babies. Honestly,' she added, angrily.
Remus, who really wasn't in the mood for the fight she was obviously angling for, sighed wearily and then headed into the bathroom.
'Well?' she demanded. 'Aren't you going to say anything?'
'What do you want me to say?' Remus asked, with a calmness that seemed to infuriate her further. 'We both decided we weren't going to get married just yet. I can't control what people ask about our relationship.'
She glared at him, her mouth twisted down, and then suddenly, the anger seemed to whoosh out of her, and she sat down on the bed. 'It's just,' she said, so quietly Remus had to strain to hear her, 'that I'm so tired of people seeing us, instead of me.'
He finished brushing his teeth, and then leaned against the doorway of the bathroom, his arms crossed as he looked at her. He had known, somehow, that this was going to happen one day. His relationship with Valerie had always been different. They were companions, friends, and they had both been very content to remain that way, distant, but not unaffectionate. Valerie would make him a wonderful wife, he knew that, beautiful and social and smart as she was, and yet, the subject had never been broached naturally. He had been satisfied, simply being with her. After all, his parents' marriage wasn't made up of much more. And yet, it had always seemed like she wanted something he couldn't give.
She looked very young and small sitting on the bed, her face clean of make-up and her hair loosely braided. 'Tomorrow, we have a shoot in New York. I'm going. I need some time to think. When I come back, we can discuss where we stand,' she said, thoughtfully.
He was quiet, for a while. 'Would you like me to leave?' he asked, eventually.
'No,' she shook her head. 'Somehow, I expected you to be mad,' she added, smiling thinly.
Remus shook his head. 'I care for you, Valerie,' he said, simply, making his way over to the bed and sliding under the sheets.
'I care for you, too,' she said softly, turning off the lights with a wave of her wand, and getting into the bed with him. She turned on her side, her back to him. 'Goodnight,' she said.
'Goodnight,' Remus echoed.
Author's Note: Thank you very much for the reviews. They make me so happy!