Chapter 15

She was avoiding him. If he asked her about it, she would deny it, but Damon knew that ever since their surprise blind date, Bonnie had been avoiding him. She always found a way to cut their phone calls short and half of his text messages went unanswered. He wanted to be mad, but he knew his little witch well enough to know that she was only avoiding him because she was trying to figure out how to proceed. She was naturally cautious and wary, traits that he both admired and found annoying, so the major shift in their relationship was something that she had to work out for herself.

Still, checking his phone every five minutes for some sign of her was starting to get on his nerves. When she once again dodged his attempts to contact her, Damon decided to take things into his own hands. He headed to the Whitmore student activity center and compelled the person at the front desk to let him in since he didn't have a student ID. He made his way past several open classes of yoga, racquetball, and cycling and went up the stairs to the dance classes. All of the classes had wall-to-wall windows and glass doors, so passersby could look in. He found Bonnie's class, all the way at the end of the hall, and he took a sit on a bench outside of it.

It didn't take long to spot Bonnie. She was right up front, perfectly following the moves of the teacher. She didn't see him, and he was happy that she didn't, because she probably would have gotten embarrassed and stopped. She looked so determined, with sweat on her forehead and bare arms and soaking through the front of her sports bra. His eyes trailed down her damp stomach and landed on her butt, which was perfectly encased in a pair of skin-tight yoga pants. Her hips swiveled to the right and left, always on beat, and he idly wondered if she would be so confident if she was throwing it on him like that.

Damon didn't even realize he was smiling until his lips fell into a displeased frown, as one of the male students in the class walked up behind Bonnie and took possession of her waist. The guy practically dug his crotch into her backside, moving in time with her, as all the other boys in the class did with their partners. What irked him even more was the sly smile on Bonnie's face. Jealousy flared in his veins, and he watched with his lips set tightly until the class finally, mercifully, ended. The teacher clapped her hands and congratulated them on a good class. Everyone struck up conversation, but Damon was only interested in one.

"You are by far the best dancer in class," the guy who had been all up on Bonnie's ass said, as she was bending over to pick up her gym bag. Much to Damon's pleasure, she pulled a hoodie over her exposed top half.

"Thanks," she said with a smile. "It's nice to have a good partner."

The boy smiled, and Damon frowned even further. "Can I walk you out?" he asked.

"Sure."

Damon watched as they walked out, and Bonnie didn't see him. He fought every urge to follow them out, and instead, he stayed on his bench and listened as they walked.

"So I was wondering if maybe we could exchange numbers," the boy said. "You know, so we can talk or whatever before the performance at the end of the semester," he stammered.

"Sure," she said again, this time with a laugh. Damon listened as they exchanged numbers and he learned that the nerd's name was Jared.

"Cool, cool," Jared said. "And I was also wondering, if maybe some time, you would want to hang out with me? Like go to a movie or something?"

Damon's ears honed in to their full vampiric abilities, as he waited almost as tensely as Jared for Bonnie's answer.

"Uh well..." she hesitated.

"I mean, no pressure or anything," Jared added hurriedly. "It's just...you know, you're really pretty and such a great dancer, and I've kind of had a crush on you since the start of the semester."

Damon wanted to gag, but he could practically hear Bonnie's grin.

"Thank you, Jared," she said sweetly. "That's very flattering."

"But...you're not into me," Jared concluded.

"It's not even that. You're really cute and sweet and I think under other circumstances, I would love to go out with you. It's just..." She hesitated. "My life is a little complicated right now, and I'm not looking to date."

It wasn't the answer Damon was looking for, but at least she turned the guy down. He waited while they said their awkward goodbyes, and then he hopped off his bench and quietly followed Bonnie out of the gym. He waited until she was just about to put her hand on her car door handle, when he leaned in close to her and said, "nice of you not to break that kid's heart." Bonnie leapt in the car and spun around, her heart on her chest. When she saw him, she rolled her eyes.

"You scared the shit out of me," she said.

"Keeping you on your toes, Bennett."

"What are you doing here? And why are you following me and listening to my conversations like a creepy pervert?"

"Listening because I'm both creepy and a pervert. Following because you have been avoiding me."

"No I haven't."

Damon gave her a look, which she tried to avoid by searching through her bag for something he was sure she didn't need.

"Try again on someone who doesn't know you as well as I do," he said. "You haven't been calling me or texting me or coming by. The writing's on the wall. You're completely freaked out by the fact that I want to blow your back out."

Bonnie's head jerked up and she glared at him. "Nice, Damon."

"Oh come on," he sighed. "Admit it. You're running like a scared rabbit."

"I'm not scared. I just need some time."

"You've had time. I've been very uncharacteristically patient and now my patience has run out."

"So what are you suggesting? That we just drive back to my place and rip each other's clothes off and have sex without first considering the consequences?"

He smirked. "Sounds good to me."

She groaned. "That's how I know you're not taking this seriously."

"Oh my God," he grumbled. "Fine. Let's talk. You can tell me all your ridiculous fears, I'll talk you out of them and then we can bang like bunnies. Your place or mine?"

"Neither," she said a little too quickly. He arched an eyebrow. "Your place is too far away and mine is...dirty."

"It's dirty," he said dryly. "You act like I haven't seen it messy before."

"Yeah, well, it's really dirty this time."

Damon could tell by the way her eyes were bouncing everywhere but his that she was lying. It didn't take a genius to know that she didn't want to be in a small space alone with him. The realization that she was afraid she wouldn't be able to control herself around him filled him with a little too much glee.

"Fine," he said. "Let's meet at the coffeeshop around the corner." He started to walk off, but then spun around and pointed a finger at her. "And don't even think about not showing up, or else I'll come to your apartment and punish you like the bad girl you are."

Even in the darkness outside in the February night, he was pretty sure he saw her blush. He grinned and turned on his heels and damn near skipped to his car. On the way to the coffeeshop, he thought up a whole speech that he would give Bonnie to get her to relax that judgey little brain of hers. He got there before her, so he took it upon himself to get her a drink. He learned from his previous mistake exactly how she liked her fancy coffee and once he was sure he had it right, he found a table for them. He didn't have to wait long for her arrival, and he almost chuckled at how frazzled she looked. She sat down and he slid her the coffee. He opened his mouth to tell her all the reasons she shouldn't worry, but she beat him to the punch.

"I don't think we should do this," she said.

Her words deflated him for a second, but he brushed it off. "Yes, we should."

"No, we shouldn't."

"Why not? We're friends already. You said yourself that we know everything about each other. I thought the best relationships were built on friendship."

"Relationship?" she asked, wide-eyed. "In case you forgot, you'll still with Elena."

"So that's what this is about."

"Of course that's what this is about. You've said loudly and repeatedly how much you love Elena. How she's your epic love forever and for always, and now you want to sleep with her best friend?"

Damon clenched his jaw and smiled tightly. "She's not here. She wanted me to move on, as everyone keeps reminding me."

"I doubt she wanted you to move on with me."

"So you're going to let Elena control your life, even while she's in a coffin." He scoffed. "I should have known you would chicken out. You're thinking about this too much."

"And you're not thinking about it enough," she said sharply. "Have you even thought about how this would affect our friendship? What if we have some huge fight and this whole thing doesn't work out? Then what? You're my closest friend and I don't want to lose that."

"Sometimes you have to risk a good thing to get a great one."

She fell silent after that and he thought, for a moment, that he had won her over. But then she started shaking her head and he could tell from her expression that he was losing her. He tried to think of the right thing to say, but he had no idea what that was.

"I can't be your substitute," she finally said.

"What?"

"Your fill-in while you wait for Elena to come back. I can't be your friend during the day and a warm body for you to screw at night. I can't be your distraction while you count the days until I'm dead and she comes back."

Her words hit a spot in his chest that simultaneously sparked anger and hurt.

"Is that what you think this is?" he asked.

"Isn't it?"

Damon didn't respond immediately. Instead, he slowly shook his head and stood up.

"I guess you're right, Bon-Bon. You are just a distraction for me. That's why I stayed by your side while you slept for three days. That's why I stayed at your side while you were in the hospital for two weeks. That's why I've been pretty much at your beck and call whenever you need or want me." He gave her a tight smile. "I'm glad that after all the time we've spent together, you still find a way to think the worst of me."

He walked way from her, but she reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Damon..."

He pulled his arm out of her grasp and left her alone in the coffeeshop. He drove away before she could try to stop him, and he drove with no particular place in mind. The nagging pain of rejection pulled at his heart, and even though he was all too familiar with the feeling, it didn't hurt any less. His phone rang a few times and he knew without looking at it that it was Bonnie, so he didn't answer. In fact, he tossed his phone into his glove compartment and kept driving until he came to a bar somewhere in between Whitmore and Mystic Falls. He found a spot at the bar and ordered bourbon after bourbon until he lost count of how many he'd had.

"You gonna be okay to drive?" the bartender asked.

Damon hadn't paid the woman much attention but when he looked up, he saw an attractive brunette, smirking at him.

"I'll be fine," he said.

"Well you're still sitting upright. That's impressive."

"It takes a lot to affect me."

"Hm...what's got you drinking so much, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Look, honey," he said gruffly. "I'm not some lonely drifter who needs to tell his woes to the hot bartender. I like to drink. That's all there is to it."

Her smirk deepened. "Fair enough. I'll drop the sympathetic act and get right to the point. You're the finest thing that's walked in here and I'd like to go home with you. I get off in about an hour. Interested?"

A single eyebrow rose on Damon's face. He hadn't had sex since Elena went into her coma and his body's gut reaction was to say yes. Those girls who littered his hotel room in Vegas were just to fulfill his blood needs. Bonnie had been working him up lately, whether she knew it or not, but since that was a no-go, he nodded his head.

"Okay."

She smiled. "Cool. Wait for me here."

So he did. He drank and watched her interact with the other customers until it was her time to leave. She threw on a leather jacket and got in his car with him, no questions asked. He wanted to warn her about how stupid it was to get into random cars with handsome strangers, but he didn't have the energy. She kept her hand on his thigh while he gunned it back to the mansion and once they were inside, he led her to the first open bedroom upstairs, which happened to be a rarely-used guest room.

"Sit on the bed," she directed, and then she pushed him down onto the mattress.

He watched as she shed her jacket and boots and then slowly pulled her top off, revealing a toned stomach and large breasts showcased in a black lace bra. She was seductive with her movements, like she had done the routine many times before. She eased out of her skinny jeans and then crawled onto the bed and on top of him, like a cat on the prowl. She eased his shirt up his stomach and kissed his skin and he closed his eyes and tried to enjoy it.

As hard as he tried, though, it just didn't feel right. She was hot, no doubt, but she didn't smell like lavender and jasmine like Bonnie did. She was too sure of her movements, not slightly clumsy and unsure and endearing like he imagined Bonnie would be. He was stiff and uncomfortable underneath her body and after she realized he wasn't responding to anything she did, she sat up and frowned.

"Am I doing something wrong here?" she asked.

"No."

"Then what's the problem?"

Damon scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed. "You're not the girl I want you to be." Before she could ask what that meant, he compelled her and said, "go to sleep." And just like that, she crumpled into a snoring heap on top of him. He rolled her off of him and took the time to fold her clothes and place them on top of the dresser. He found a shirt for her and pulled it over her body and threw a blanket over her. He went to his own room and fell face down on the bed and he lay there until he gave in to a fitful sleep.

...

Bonnie sat at the coffeeshop by herself for several minutes after Damon's departure. She replayed their conversation in her head over and over, wondering what she should have said or done differently. Ever since their date, all she'd thought about was him and their predicament and how she was going to handle it. She was sure she had made the right decision, until she saw the hurt look on Damon's face. When he reminded her of all the ways he had been there for her, with no strings attached, guilt settled into every bone of her body and she wanted to take it all back. She called him, repeatedly, but he never answered.

When she got to her apartment, she was ready to crumble on her bed and wallow in her own self-pity. Instead, she was met with the sight of Caroline sitting on the couch in the living room, watching reality TV and painting her toenails.

"Hey," Caroline said with a bright smile. She held up two bottles of toenail polish, one blue and one purple. "Want me to do yours?"

"Maybe later," Bonnie sighed. "I need some girl talk."

"Uh-oh, what happened?"

Bonnie dragged her tired body to the couch and plopped down on it. She hugged a pillow and shook her head.

"I screwed things up with Damon."

"Details."

"Well, you know I've kind of been avoiding him since that ambush date you sent us up on."

"It was not an ambush, but okay."

"He found me today after my dance class and wanted to talk. Long story short, he wants to be with me and I told him no. And then we got into it about Elena and our friendship and how it's too complicated and blah blah blah." She sighed and rolled her head towards Caroline. "I told him that I don't want to be his substitute and I guess that hurt his feelings because he huffed off and now he won't answer my calls."

"Hmm."

"What do you mean, hmmm?"

"I mean, which of those reasons is your real reason? We both know that you like him. Actually, we both know that you love him. So why are you holding back if he wants to be with you?"

"Because he belongs to Elena and he always will," was Bonnie's automatic response.

Caroline nodded and thought for a minute before she answered.

"Would it make you feel better if I told you that Elena already knew that you and Damon had feelings for each other?"

Bonnie's eyes widened to the sizes of saucers. "What? How could she have known that? This just happened."

"No, you and Damon just realized that it was happening, but the rest of us have known since he got back from the prison world. You should have seen how he acted when he thought you were dead. You should have seen how he acted when he realized you weren't dead. Oh my God, he was driving us all crazy. It was all Bon-Bon this and Judgey that. He put Elena to the back burner because all he could talk about was you! She even asked me if I thought something had happened between you two."

It took Bonnie a minute to process everything Caroline had said.

"Why didn't you tell me about all that?" she asked.

"Honestly, this is the first time I've thought about it." She turned fully to Bonnie and took her hand. "We've been friends for a long time. You know I am always looking out for you, and if I thought that Damon wasn't into you, I wouldn't be encouraging it. But the truth is that I think he really cares about you. And yeah, Elena's going to be an issue at first, but it's not any different than any other ex that you would have to deal with. If you want to be with him, you should go for it. And if he messes up, we'll kick his ass together."

Bonnie cracked a smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Just think about it."

And she did think about it for the rest of the night, until she finally made up her mind and found sleep. When she woke up, she had a new attitude and confidence about her. She got ready and before she headed out of the front door, she stopped by Caroline's room and found her friend still in bed.

"Hey, sorry to wake you up, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to see Damon," Bonnie said. "I'm going to tell him that I want to give us a chance."

"Oh yay," Caroline said with a big smile. "Give me five minutes. I'll come with you."

"You will?"

"Yeah. I think it's time I took my own advice and give it a shot with Stefan."

Bonnie grinned. "I'll be in the living room."

It didn't even take Caroline five minutes before she used her vamp speed to get ready. She walked into the living room looking refreshed and ready, and the two friends set off for the Salvatore mansion in Bonnie's Prius. They blasted Beyonce all the way there, and Bonnie was feeling happy and sure of her choice when they walked inside and found Stefan in the kitchen. He was sipping a mug of blood and reading a newspaper when he smiled at them.

"Good morning. To what do I owe this early pleasure?" he asked.

"Just stopping by to handle some business," Caroline said. She wiggled her eyebrows and Stefan frowned but smiled.

"What does that mean?"

"Is Damon here?" Bonnie asked.

"His car is here but I haven't seen him," Stefan said.

"You don't mind if I go up and see him, do you?" she asked.

Stefan shook his head and gestured for her to go up, but before she could, they all heard talking and footsteps coming their way. Coming into the kitchen was Damon, wearing only some low-hanging pajama pants, and right behind him, a woman wearing just a shirt that barely covered her thighs. Damon stopped when he saw Bonnie, and the woman, who was in the middle of saying something, shut up when she saw the shocked looks on Bonnie's, Caroline's and Stefan's faces. She looked to Damon to say something or break the ice, but he was staring at Bonnie.

"Uh, okay," she said, "I'm sensing some tension here."

All eyes fell on Bonnie, who was staring at Damon so hard that it was a wonder he hadn't caught on fire.

"Why don't I give you a ride home?" Stefan offered, as he nodded his head to Caroline to give them some space.

"Oh, no, that's okay. I'm sure Damon wouldn't mind," the woman said.

Damon turned to her and compelled her by saying, "let my brother give you a ride."

She turned to Stefan and smiled. "Sure, that would be great."

"Great," Stefan said dryly. "Putting on some clothes might also be a good idea."

He took the woman by the elbow and they left the kitchen. Caroline followed behind and she made sure to bump her shoulder very hard into Damon as she walked by. He moved a little but never took his eyes off Bonnie, who was struggling to contain the rage and betrayal that she felt by seeing Damon with another woman. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had gone on between them, and all the excitement she felt about talking to him melted into bitter disappointment. He didn't help matters at all while he stood there, half-naked and nonchalant.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Leaving."

She tried to walk out of the kitchen, but he sped in front of her and blocked her way out. She gathered what was left of her patience as she stared at his bare chest.

"Get out of my way," she said.

"Not until you tell me why you're here. Surely, you didn't drive all this way just to show up and leave."

"You're right. I didn't," she said as she met his eyes again. "But what I had to say is irrelevant now, so please get out of my way."

He smirked in that devious and annoying way of his and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Don't tell me you're jealous," he said. "Last time I checked, you rejected me. So you don't get to be jealous."

"I didn't reject you, Damon."

"Funny, that's not how I remember it."

"Rejecting you would have been my saying that I don't like you, or I'm not attracted to you, or 'sorry, you're not my type.' That's not what I said. What I told you is that our friendship is important to me and I don't want to jeopardize it because of lust."

He shrugged one shoulder. "Tomato, to-mah-to."

Bonnie laughed in disbelief and moved away from him as she backed up.

"You are unbelievable, you know that?" she asked. "And to think that I was coming here this morning to apologize to you for hurting your feelings yesterday and to say let's give it a try. But then you pull this stunt and remind me of exactly why you and I could never work out."

His smirk disintegrated into a hardened line. "Oh yeah? Why is that?"

"Because you're an impulsive, thoughtless, spoiled little jackass and you lash out at the slightest thing. Is that what you would do if we were together and we got into a fight? Would you run to the first girl you met just to hurt me?"

He clenched his jaw. "I guess we'll never know, will we?"

They shared a heated stare down before Bonnie shook her head. "No, I guess we won't."

She walked past him and headed for the front door. She pulled it open, only to have Damon's hand appear above her head as he closed the door again. She spun around, officially out of patience and ready to give him a piece of her mind, when he spoke first.

"I didn't sleep with her," he said.

Bonnie's face morphed into one of confusion. "What?"

"That girl you saw. I didn't sleep with her."

"Right."

"Look at me." He stared at her with those electric blue eyes. "You know when I'm lying. I didn't sleep with her."

She searched his face for any sort of clue that he was not telling the truth, but she didn't find any. She was as mad as she was relieved.

"But you let me think that you had?" she asked.

He shrugged. "You were getting all mad and cute and I wanted to see how far it would go."

"This isn't a game, Damon," she snapped. "My feelings aren't something for you to play with."

"I know that. And that's why I'm telling you the truth. If you really don't want to be with me, she shouldn't be a reason." He brought his other hand up to the door, boxing her head in between his arms. "I didn't do it because I knew it would screw up whatever tiny chance I might still have with you."

Bonnie looked at him in disbelief.

"You are the most juvenile, irritating, manipulative moron I've ever met," she said.

He smiled, which made her a lot less annoyed than it should have.

"Yeah," he agreed. "But you love me."

He dropped his hands to her hips and pulled her into him, and through the thin material of his pajama pants, she could feel him...all of him. Warmth rushed into her cheeks and throughout her body and the anger from earlier dissipated with the knowledge that he hadn't actually had sex with his houseguest. Suddenly, she was able to appreciate his naked chest and the heavenly, homey smell of his skin.

"Don't you?" he asked, as he leaned his head down way too close to hers.

"Don't I what?"

"Love me."

Their eyes connected in a moment of thick silence. She could tell from the look on his face that he already knew the answer to that question. She wanted to lie to him, to make him think that he had lost her with all his shenanigans, but she had never been a very good liar.

"Yes," she said quietly.

Damon smiled like a victorious little boy and he leaned his lips down to kiss her, but she backed away...far enough that they could look at each other, but close enough that their noses were just a hair apart. He raised an eyebrow.

"I won't be your fill-in," she said quietly. "If we do this, you'll get my whole heart. And I want the same in return. Don't do this if you can't give that to me."

He searched her eyes for a moment, before he said "okay." And before she knew what was happening, his mouth were on hers and her face was in his hands. His lips were so soft and he applied just the right amount of pressure. It took her a second to comprehend the situation, that they were really crossing that line, until she kissed him back and pressed her mouth against his. They went back and forth like that, kissing and pecking, and it was sweet. Until Damon slid his tongue into her mouth. It felt so good, and forbidden, that Bonnie couldn't stop the shiver that hit her entire body. He worked his tongue with the same confidence that he did everything else and with each swirl and suck and nip of her lips, she became surer and surer that there would be no going back for them. He was either going to have her heart forever, or break it beyond repair.

And that was a risk she was willing to take.