Looking at the thick letter in his hand, Dimitri ran his finger across where Rose had written 'Guardian Belikov.' That, alone, spoke volumes. He would have expected 'Dimitri' or perhaps even 'Comrade.' Her use of his formal title somehow seemed significant. Maybe it was a letter filled with recrimination and bile? If it was, it was no less than he deserved. He'd told her he'd be there to help her with the darkness, and mere days later he walked away.

He'd told himself he'd left to save her career and reputation, but he knew he'd left because he was gutless; not man enough to tell everyone to go and get fucked – that he was staying with the woman he loved! It was a decision he'd regretted even as he was making it; even before he knew just how severe the repercussions would be. He could almost cope with the idea of Rose happy and living a life without him if that's the way it had to be. But this outcome was intolerable. He would never forgive himself for letting this happen.

Not knowing what to expect, or Rose's state of mind as she prepared to take her own life, he mentally prepared for the worst. Leaning back so Janine couldn't read over his shoulder, he carefully lifted the back flap of the envelope, pulling out a sheaf of three folded pages.

Comrade,
I left your letter till last because I know it will be the hardest to write. But now that it is time, I hope I can find the right words to say goodbye.

On Tuesday when you left it felt like you took a part of me with you. Because you're not just the one I love, you've become the one I share everything with. The one I trust with my hopes, thoughts, and dreams.

After you left, I thought about what you said. I've thought about it all week, and in the end, it comes back to 'we have no future together.' While I didn't understand then, and it's taken me a while to figure it out, I understand now, and you're right. To be a guardian you have to be able to devote yourself 100% to your charge, and loving each other would not allow us to do that. The prejudices of our world wouldn't let us do that. So that's why I hope in time you can grow to care for Tasha. That way you really could have it all. Love, a proper home and life in the human world, a family of your own; I want nothing less than everything for you. Because no matter how I feel about us, I want you to be happy. If anyone deserves it, you do.

I've been thinking a lot since you left. It's probably the first time I've stopped and taken any time to reflect since the crash with Lissa. It feels like I've been lurching from one disaster to another – running away, coming back, looking after Lissa, all the extra schoolwork and training, the Victor thing, Spokane, us. More than anything I'm tired. For a long time now I've done what everyone else needed me to do. I put them first. Well, I did until us.

The week we spent together was undoubtedly the best of my life. I've never known what it felt like to have someone love me so completely. So while it was short, while it had to end, I don't regret it. Not one bit. But you were right again there too. You said you had no idea how we were going to live with the knowledge of what could have been had things been different for us, and that's the thing. I can't. I don't want to.

Which leads us to here I guess.

I've been going outside the wards. It turns out I was right about Lissa's magic making darkness. Shadows I can and have been taking for her. That Newton guy said every action has an equal and opposite reaction, and he was spot on. Lissa's magic is hope and life, but the tradeoff is shadows of anger, despair and death. I think that's why they come to me – because I've been dead before.

It also turns out I can also see ghosts. I've been speaking with Mason. Now before you think I've completely lost it, I promise I haven't. I talked to Father Andrew about it, and he said spirits could stay up to forty days after the body dies, and I think that's what's happened with Mase. I was sitting outside the wards when I first saw him, and I've been visiting him every day since.

I've missed him so much, and now that you're gone it's nice to have someone to talk things through with.

He said he's in an in-between place, but that he has to leave soon. He said the place he's going to is peaceful and happy. There's no fear or pain there, and that's what I want. I'm sick of fighting, Comrade. Not the physical fighting – I've always loved that, especially with you. But I want peace. I want it to stop hurting. So I've made the decision to go with him. It's my fault he's gone, and with everything that's happened I don't want to stay, so Mase and I will make that final trip together.

I haven't been sleeping well since you left, but last night I had the best dream ever. We were back in the cabin, and it was you and I sitting on the sofa under the quilt cuddling and talking. I don't think I ever properly thanked you for organizing that trip for us. From the moment we left it was magic. The junk food, the lookout, the kisses, making love, cuddling on the sofa, eating the dinner you made us, falling asleep beside each other, waking up so in love in your arms – everything was perfect. I've never known such a complete joy and happiness as I did for those two days we had alone together. I once read that heaven might be spending eternity in your very happiest time and place. If it is, my eternity will be spent in that cabin with you.

So now onto the practicalities. I'm giving you these instructions because I know I can trust you to make sure they're carried out.

I don't want a funeral. I want to be cremated with as little fuss as possible and next time you're in Siberia in spring spread my ashes somewhere there. You said you'd take me, and I'm relying on you to make good on your promise!

Please look after Lissa. She needs help managing her magic. I can't describe just how destructive the shadows are, but take my word for it – they're deadly. She's going to need you. Perhaps you and Tasha could move to be near her and Christian? If not, please keep in touch with her. I feel so guilty leaving her knowing what the darkness can do, but I just can't hang on anymore.

Please let Eddie know I love him, and that Mase does too. Mase asked me to pass on that he shouldn't give up, and that red is a beautiful color (I am not sure what he meant by that, but he said Eddie would know?). Mase also wants his Mom to know he is ok and he loves her very much.

Keep an eye on Alberta, Mom and Adrian and let them know I love them and I'm sorry.

And finally you, Comrade. My first and only love. Please be good to yourself. Focus on the good not the bad. Death comes to us all eventually, but I'm glad mine came to me after I got to know how good love feels. So thank you for loving me. I know you closed yourself off after you lost Ivan, but don't do that this time. Keep yourself open to the possibility of love. If not Tasha then find someone else who can take your breath away. I want that for you.

In closing I'm going to steal a line I saw on a Valentine's Day card. To the world, you are just one person, but to this person, you are the world. I love you, Dimitri. With all my heart and I always will.
Your
Roza

Dimitri read the letter once and then a second time, tears falling down his cheeks. "Milaya," he muttered. "You're the only one who takes my breath away."

Adrian had roused and insisted on coming into Rose's room, followed by Lissa who was leaning heavily on Christian. Alto had fallen asleep outside sitting upright in a chair.

"What did she say?" Janine asked.

Dimitri met Janine's eyes for the first time, passing her the letter. "You can read it aloud," he said, recognizing the others were desperate for any insight as well. They were going to find out about him and Rose anyway, but it was easier if he wasn't the one to tell them. It seemed fitting it came from Rose in her own words, so he stood up, giving Lissa his seat at Rose's bedside.

As Janine took the letter, reading it slowly for everyone to hear, Dimitri started taking his boots off and emptying his pockets. He had his back to the others hanging his duster in the hospital cupboard and stowing his duffel, not wanting to see their faces when Rose's declarations of love and affection were made.

There was silence when Janine finished, each taking in what they heard and reconciling this new information.

"She loves you," Janine said sadly as she passed him back his letter. No one looked surprised, other than Lissa. Rose and Dimitri's mutual regard was obviously big news to her.

"I love her," Dimitri replied. "I've resigned my post as Tasha Ozera's guardian. Rose needs my love and undivided attention, and she's going to get it." His words weren't threatening, but there was a hardness behind them they all heard. If anyone thought as Rose's mother Janine was going to be running this show; they were sorely mistaken.

"Christian? Can you get Dr. Olendzki?" Dimitri asked.

When the doctor appeared, Dimitri asked question after question about Rose's condition and prognosis. The upshot was everything that could be done had been, and Lissa and Adrian had both healed her as much as they were able. She was unconscious, but physically at least she seemed to be out of the woods. However, there was no way of knowing if or when she would wake. It was now a matter of wait and see.

"What did she mean she'd died before?" Janine asked. "And she's taking Lissa's 'darkness'? Had she lost her mind? Is that why she did this?"

"It's a long story, and Adrian is probably the best to tell it," Dimitri said, deferring to the playboy Moroi. While the effects of spirit and being bonded most intimately concerned Lissa, she was clearly in no state to outline her unique connection with Rose; since Janine had read Rose's letter to Dimitri, Lissa had been weeping inconsolably.

So Adrian started the long story about spirit. He told Janine about Rose dying at fifteen, being bonded with Lissa and shadow-kissed, about spirit and what it could do including the darkness. It was a sobering tale, and by the end of it, Janine wore a remorseful expression.

"I had no idea," she murmured.

"I followed her when she went to speak with Mason, and she was taking in so much darkness I couldn't see her own life force anymore. I didn't realize it at the time, but I think taking the darkness is what allowed her to see Mason," he explained. "Almost like the more darkness she took, the closer it brought her to the land of the dead."

"So you think she really did see him?" Janine asked, a little uncertainly.

"I'm certain of it," Adrian replied.

"What's her aura like now?" Dimitri asked.

"It's almost not there. It kind of fades in and out. It's just a guess, but I suspect she's with Mason now – in that in-between world."

"Then why is her body still alive?" Dimitri asked with exasperation.

"Because we healed her," Lissa said, speaking for the first time. "She's not fully here, but she's not fully there."

"Do you think she could come back to us?" Dimitri asked, desperation evident in his voice.

"I think she could if she decided to," Adrian said cautiously, not wanting to give the man false hope.

"Adrian? Can you try dream walking her?" Lissa asked, the thought suddenly occurring to her. "I know you're pretty drained, but it would help a lot if we knew if she could hear us."

"I'll give it a go," Adrian said, closing his eyes. "Truth be told all the darkness from the healing might be a help."

"Make sure she knows we're all here. Please tell her I love her, and I'm not leaving again," Dimitri said urgently. "Ever."

Adrian nodded, his eyes still closed. He wasn't an idiot; he knew if anyone had a chance of convincing Rose to come back to them, it was Dimitri.

Lissa was right, he was pretty drained, yet he slipped into a trance-like state, searching for Rose with his mind. At first, he couldn't find her, and that scared him. But after a few minutes, he caught a glimpse of her with his mind. He tried to pull her into a dream but he couldn't. It was like trying to grasp mist in his hands – there just wasn't enough of her essence to capture. So instead he tried talking to her from where he was.

"Rose? Rose it's Adrian? Please tell me if you can hear me? We're all here, Rose. We're all here, and we love you. Dimitri is here. He loves you so much; he needs you to come back to him."

He didn't think she was going to answer, but he felt her presence before he heard her reply.

"Adrian? What are you doing here? Are you dead, too?!"

"Little Dhampir!" he greeted, relief in his voice. "You're not dead. You're in the infirmary. They found you in time and pumped your stomach and Lissa and I healed you."

It was such a different sensation; as well as hearing Rose's voice he could feel her emotions. Surprise, frustration, anger, dismay, curiosity and last of all a tiny bit of hope.

"We're all there with you. Dimitri was already on his way back to the Academy when you were found."

"He came back?" she asked, and Adrian could tell she was curious in spite of herself.

"He loves you, Rose. He's resigned his post and he's come back. He said he's never leaving again."

"But it's too late, Adrian. I'm here with Mason, now," she said, although Adrian could detect a note of indecision.

"It's not too late little Dhampir. We're all here, we all love you, and we all want you to come back."

"But I made Mason a promise. He needs me," she said, the resolution in her voice apparent.

"Mason is going to a happy place," Adrian argued, knowing he had to pick exactly the right words; he might only get one shot at this. "He doesn't need you as much as we do. You should see Dimitri. He's beside himself, Rose. He loves you so much – this is tearing him apart."

"But he left me, Adrian. I don't think I could ever trust him again."

"I don't think he did it by choice, little Dhampir," Adrian said quickly. "You should give him the chance to explain. We all have things we want to tell you, Rose. You don't need to go straight away - please give us a chance?"

"I don't know how to?" she said. On the plus side, Adrian could tell she wanted to.

"Imagine you're taking my hand," he instructed, hoping this would work. "I'm going to pull you back to your body; a bit like a tug boat with a ship. I don't think it's going to fully bring you back, but you should be able to hear us."

Adrian could feel Rose's presence more strongly, so he started to imagine her body; pulling her back towards it. Coming to, he could see her aura brighter than it had been since this catastrophe started.

"I think she can hear us now," he said wearily, seeing a shift of Rose's aura in response. "Yes. Yes, she can."

Dimitri was the first to act. He very gently lifted her to one side, climbing onto the bed beside her. It was heartwarming to see the tender way he lifted her. She had a catheter in, as well as a drip, and was still attached to several machines, but he carefully shifted the wires and tubes so he could sit beside her on the bed, letting her lean back against him as he caressed her. While almost everyone there was surprised by such a blatant display of affection, no one said a word.

"I'm here, Roza. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. Everyone knows about us now and everyone's fine with it," he told her soothingly, carefully resting his hand on her waist.

"I'm here, darling," Janine said, stroking Rose's face. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I should have been here for you more before now. I love you."

"This is my fault," Alberta said, gripping Rose's hand. "I found out about you and Dimitri and I told him to get another allocation. He didn't want to leave you. I'm so sorry, Rose."

"Please come back to us, Rose," Lissa whispered. "We all love you so much."

If they'd expected any response, they were disappointed. Rose lay there not moving, her breathing and pulse unaffected by their loving words. After a few more minutes Dimitri looked at the exhausted crew.

"Everyone needs to get some rest," he said. "I don't want her left alone so I'll stay with her. We don't know when she may or may not be listening or try to come back to us, so I'd like there to be someone here and conversation at all times. Perhaps we could take it in shifts?"

They quickly divided themselves into timeslots, Janine and Dimitri taking the first. While there was a palpable tension between the two of them, there was also the knowledge that they were working towards a common goal; and they'd do whatever it took to bring the woman they both loved back.

The others said their farewells and headed to their beds, but not before Alberta and Christian moved a comfortable recliner into the room, placing it right beside Rose's bed. Janine climbed into it, taking one of her daughter's hands between her own.

"What do you think she'd want to hear?" Janine asked Dimitri, a little lost.

"I know she has a lot of questions about her heritage," Dimitri suggested. "It might help if you could share some of that with her? It might help you, too?" he added kindly.

"I know she thinks I don't love her; that she's a disappointment to me. But honestly, nothing could be further from the truth," Janine started, not able to look Dimitri in the eye. "I was twenty when I fell pregnant with her. She thinks it was an accident, and I've never led her to believe otherwise, but the fact is she was very much wanted. I was in Turkey at the time; on my first allocation to an aged Moroi Prince. It was boring as far as allocations go; lots of Royal parties and standing around and pandering to the whims of a cantankerous and erratic old man. It was there I met Rose's father. He was young and handsome and I don't think either of us expected to fall in love, but we did.

"It was a whirlwind romance. He showered me with gifts. From the first time we kissed, he sent me flowers every day. Roses. Hundreds and hundreds of roses. That's why I called her Rosemarie, you know," Janine said, looking at Dimitri where he lay beside her daughter. "Rose after all the flowers he sent me, Marie after my mother Màiri."

Dimitri hoped Rose was listening. He knew she'd always wondered about her past and why her mother had abandoned her. Hearing she was wanted would mean so much to her.

"We were both so excited when we discovered I was expecting," Janine continued, a far away look in her eyes. "I thought we'd have a boy, but Abe was convinced she was a girl. He was going to be the proudest Papa in the world, and nothing would be too much for his little Princess. We had it all planned out – I would be his guardian and we were going to travel the world the three of us. It might have worked out that way, had it not been for his business interests. He's a powerful man, and like most powerful men he has a lot of enemies. One of them found about his interest in me and put a contract out on my life. They probably didn't know I was pregnant, but it didn't matter. Abe took care of the threat, but the damage was done."

Janine sighed, coming back to the present, stroking her daughter's hand.

"We talked about it, and decided for the baby's sake it was safest I disappeared from his life. I went to a convent in Romania for four years. That's where I had Rosemarie and where she lived for the first four years of her life. Her father saw her only once, just before I brought her to America. He adored her and she took to him instantly. We were both terrified someone would find out she was his, so I never told her who her father was. He was going to get in touch when she was eighteen. He promised me he'd let her have a safe childhood, so he stayed away, but he's always wanted to know her."

"Have you told him what's happened?" Dimitri asked.

"Yes. I rang him after I got the call from Guardian Alto. He's on his way here now. He's always loved her and he's desperate to come see his little girl," Janine said, dissolving into tears.