Chapter 19

September 23, 2014

Dear Elena,

I'm writing to you from Amsterdam. I know that seems completely random but I'm here doing a study abroad program. I was supposed to be here with Damon, kind of a like a learning experience wrapped in a romantic getaway, but we broke up. You're probably wondering what happened between the last time I wrote to you and now. And the truth is that we broke up because of you.

I'm sure that sounds crazy, considering that as far as I know, you're still in a coffin. Long story short, one of the heretics claims that he can bring you back to life. I talked about it with Damon and I realized that if you came back while I was still alive, Damon would choose you. On some level, I always knew that. I guess I just blocked it out because I never thought there would be the chance that you and I could exist at the same time again. Maybe this is what I get for moving in on my best friend's boyfriend while you're not around. This is karma, I guess.

This will probably be the last time I write to you for a while. I guess I just need some time and space to myself, if that makes sense. If you do come back while I'm still away, then I hope you and Damon are happy together. You deserve happiness. And so does he.

Bon

...

Amsterdam was beautiful and totally unlike what Bonnie thought it would be. She expected some place seedy, with people smoking weed on every corner and prostitutes walking the streets. But the truth was that the city was clean, easy to navigate and very welcoming. At any other time in her life, Bonnie would have enjoyed it immensely. But as she sat in her International Human Rights class and stared out the window while the professor lectured, all she could think about was how much she missed Damon.

They hadn't spoken since she'd walked out of his apartment, and she missed everything about him: the sound of his voice, his smell, his lame jokes. She had picked up her phone more than once to call him, but she always hung up before the phone could even ring. She wondered if he missed her or if he was even thinking of her. For all she knew, Elena was back and the two of them were reuniting, repeatedly. The thought nearly made her cry.

Bonnie was brought out of her depressing thoughts when the professor ended class and there was a chorus of shutting books around her. She gathered up her things and left before everyone else. She was walking out of the door when some rain sprinkles hit her. It had rained every day she'd been there. Not all day, and not a large volume, but it rained at some point every single day so she'd invested in an umbrella. Just as she was trying to get it open, the sprinkles turned into a downpour and she hustled underneath an overhang before she got drenched. She kept trying to get her umbrella open and when she finally succeeded, it turned inside out.

"Guess this is what I guess for buying a cheap one," she muttered to herself.

"Need some help?"

She turned and saw one of her classmates standing with an umbrella that was actually working. He was tall and even in her Damon-induced fog, she could see that he was handsome. He had smooth brown skin and head full of neatly arranged dreadlocks. He was smiling at her, revealing pretty teeth, and he gestured to the rain.

"I could walk you wherever you need to go," he said. "I'd hate to see you get wet."

She almost declined, but when she looked at the rain coming down in buckets, she changed her mind.

"I'd appreciate that. Thank you."

She stepped underneath his big umbrella and they walked together into the elements.

"Bonnie, right?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm Bonnie. And you're Lance?"

"That's me. Short for Lancelot," he said with a chuckle.

Bonnie raised an eyebrow at him. "Your mother named you Lancelot?"

"My mother named me Lancelot. She's a hippie." Bonnie's mouth formed a small smile. "But I like it. It's a conversation starter with beautiful women."

She acknowledged his compliment with a small nod and they walked in silence for a few blocks as they headed back towards the dorms.

"So, where are you from?" Lance asked.

"Mystic Falls, Virginia. You?"

"Bunn, North Carolina," he said with an exaggerated Southern accent. "Ever heard of it?"

"Can't say that I have."

"You're not missing much. There's nothing to do there but get into trouble."

As they continued to walk, Bonnie did more listening than talking. She learned that Lance was an only child, that his dad was a police officer and his mom was a teacher, and that he was in his last year at Duke with hopes of going to law school. He was easy to talk to, and listen to, and it was only then that she realized how much she had isolated herself on what was supposed to be a fun adventure. They were about to walk past a restaurant and her stomach grumbled, probably from skipping breakfast, and on a whim, she stepped in front of Lance to halt his walking.

"Do you want to have lunch with me?" she asked.

His face lit up into a bright smile.

"I'd love to," he said. "And here I thought I was talking your head off."

"You're not," she assured him. "It's nice to talk to somebody."

They walked into the restaurant and were taken to a small table in the back where there was a window with a beautiful view of one of the canals.

"Have you not had people to talk to since you've been here?" Lance asked. When Bonnie gave him a questioning look, he said, "you know, since you said it's nice to talk to somebody."

"Oh." She settled into her seat and shrugged. "I guess I just haven't been very social. I've been kind of going through the motions here instead of enjoying it, and it would be nice to make a friend to hang out with."

He nodded like he understood and said, "you must have left a boyfriend back home or something."

"Kind of," she sighed. "He was supposed to come on this trip with me, like a big romantic kind of thing, but we broke up shortly before I came."

"Hence the sad looks and faraway glances," Lance guessed. "I wanted to introduce myself since the first day I saw you, but you didn't look like you wanted to talk to anybody."

Bonnie grimaced. "I didn't realize it was so obvious."

"So what's this guy's deal? He must be stupid if he let someone like you off the hook."

She cocked her head to the side and asked, "someone like me? This is our first conversation. You don't even know me."

"No, I don't. But I'm a pretty good judge of character and you seem like the kind of woman a guy would be lucky to have."

She half-smiled and accepted a menu as the waiter came by and took their drink orders. Once he was away from their table, she sighed again.

"He's not over his ex," she said.

"I've been there. Sucks, doesn't it?"

"That's probably an understatement."

"Well you know what? You're here in a beautiful city with tons of new people to meet, including me. And if you'd let me, I'd really like to get to know you and take your mind off of him."

She considered it, and although she knew that Lance was hitting on her and she wasn't anywhere near ready to consider dating someone else, it felt nice to be noticed.

"I'm really not looking for anything more than a friend. If you're okay with that, then I'd love to get to know you, too. Does that sound good to you?"

He smiled. "Yeah. It does."

So over the next few weeks, they hung out. In fact, Bonnie was with Lance more than she was with anyone else. They walked to class together in the mornings and hardly separated until they were back in their dorm for the night. Lance had stayed over late a few times as they watched movies, and every now and then, Bonnie actually didn't feel depressed over Damon. She was in one of her better moods when she opened her computer and called Caroline for some face-to-face time.

"Hey!" Caroline said excitedly. "You look great! How's it going?"

"Good," Bonnie said with a big smile. "I'm feeling better than I have been."

"I can tell from that grin on your face." Caroline narrowed her eyes and looked around Bonnie's room as much as she could from the screen. "What's with the luggage? Are you going somewhere?"

"Yeah. We have a long weekend break from class and a friend and I are going to catch a train to Paris."

"A friend, huh?" Caroline smiled slyly. "Girl friend or guy friend?"

"Guy friend," Bonnie admitted, even though she hated to because she knew Caroline would run wild with that information.

"Good for you. You should be having fun over there and not moping around. Is this guy friend of yours hot?"

"He is, but it's not like that. We're just friends and we're staying in separate rooms when we get there." Caroline rolled her eyes in response and Bonnie's smile faltered a little when she looked down at her nails and picked at them. "How is Damon?"

"I wouldn't know," was the flippant response. "He broke his lease from the apartment and I haven't seen him since. Stefan's talked to him a couple of times. He says Damon always sounds drunk, but that's not exactly new for him. He's probably stumbling from city to city, killing people and feeling sorry for himself."

Bonnie eyed her friend with displeasure. "As I recall, you were all for me and Damon being together and now you act like you hate him again."

"I was all for you being happy, Bonnie, even if that meant being with Damon. He doesn't make you happy anymore so now I want you to move on to someone who does."

"He does make me happy," she defended automatically. "Well...he did."

"Yeah, and was that before or after you realized he was still in love with Elena?"

Bonnie knew that Caroline regretted the question as soon as she said it because she got that big-eyed guilty look on her face. She opened her mouth to apologize but Bonnie held up her hand to stop her.

"You're right," she said softly. "Anyway, I need to go. We're leaving soon."

Caroline opened her mouth again, probably to attempt to say she was sorry, but decided against it and said, "call me when you get there?" Bonnie promised that she would and after they hung up, she tucked her laptop inside. She grabbed her duffel bag and when she opened her door, Lance was just leaving his own room. He smiled brightly at her and asked, "ready?" And then they were off.

They caught a train to Paris and spent the whole ride talking about their lives, learning things about each other that they hadn't shared in the first few weeks of their acquaintance. Their talking made the ride fly by and after they were in the city of love, they stuck close together and navigated their way to the hostel that would be their home for the next couple of days. The rooms were right next to each other, small and nothing fancy but with a great view of the Eiffel Tower in the backdrop. They left their luggage, hit the streets and jumped on the first tour they could find that took them all around the city. When the tour ended and the night wound down, they found themselves on the grass right in front of the Eiffel Tower, laid on their backs and looking up at the magnificent structure.

"Now this is the life, isn't it?" Lance asked as he turned his head to look at Bonnie.

"It really is," she said, mirroring his position. "I can see why they call this the city of love. Being here with someone you care about...you could get swept up in all of it."

He nodded slowly and then propped himself up on one elbow so he could see her better.

"Do you wish he was here with you instead of me?"

"What? No, no, not at all," she said quickly. "I'm really enjoying my time with you. You've been such a great friend and being here with you is great."

He half-smiled and plucked a piece of grass from her hair.

"But?" he asked.

"But...?"

"You miss him."

Bonnie's head rolled back so that she was staring up at the Tower, which was lit up against the night sky.

"Yes, I miss him."

"What's he like?" She looked at him with a questioning eye, silently asking him if he really wanted to know. "I mean, you never talk about the guy other than a short comment here or there. It's always good to know a little about the competition."

He gave her a cute, innocent smile and Bonnie chuckled before she shook her head and sighed.

"He's...I don't know. I can honestly he's not the kind of guy I ever thought I would end up with. I always went for the safe ones before him, you know? Nice, quiet, nothing too exciting. He's the total opposite of that. He's loud and demonstrative and a jackass half of the time. But then he's also really sweet and funny and loyal."

"So what's the problem? You mentioned something about an ex before you never went into any detail."

"He's not over his ex." She turned her head to him and smiled impishly. "And his ex just happens to be one of my best friends."

Lance's eyes widened and he grimaced. "Oh."

"Yeah, it's a big mess. But it's not like I ever pursued him while he was with her. I didn't. I don't think I even knew I liked him back then. But then she left, he and I got even closer, and it just kind of happened."

"And now she's back?"

Bonnie made a face. "Something like that."

"You're being pretty vague."

"Trust me, the details would make your head explode." She propped herself up on her elbow again and watched some of the couples walking by. "I love him," she says. "And I know he loves me. But this whole thing with Elena is just too much to ignore, and I don't feel like I should have to worry about my place in my own relationship. I want to be secure that I'm the one he wants, you know?"

"Of course. And that's how you should feel. And just so you know, there are plenty of other funny, loyal and sweet guys out there that would love to have you as their girlfriend. I can think of one in particular."

He smiled, and Bonnie smiled softly but shook her head.

"You know I'm not ready for anything," she said.

"I know. And I'm not trying to pressure you. I'm just saying that whenever you are over him, I'd treat you like a queen."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"That's all I ask."

They lay on their backs again and spent the next couple of hours staring up at the Tower, talking and laughing. When they finally decided to call it a night, they walked back to their rooms and each stood by their door.

"You up for a lot of walking tomorrow?" Lance asked. "I saw another tour that looked cool if you're interested."

"I am."

"Okay. I'll come get you in the morning."

"Sounds like a plan. Good night."

"Night."

Bonnie let herself into her room and momentarily plopped down on her bed. She looked out the window at the Eiffel Tower, which was still lit up in all its glory. She briefly thought about what it would be like to be in Paris with Damon but she banished that almost as soon as it entered her brain. Instead, she let herself wonder about how much fun she would have with Caroline, drinking wine and shopping and hunting for French hotties. The thought made her laugh, and she was still chuckling as she disrobed and stepped into the shower.

As the water ran down her body, she could almost hear Caroline in her ear, telling her to forget Damon and have fun with Lance, even if that's all it was. You only live once, Bon, she would say. Go next door and ride him like a stallion! Bonnie was a little ashamed to admit to herself that she was entertaining that idea, if for no other reason than to actually do something wild for once in her life. She was wrapping the towel around her body after the shower when there was a knock on her door, and her heart leapt into her throat thinking that it was Lance.

What if he had come to proposition her? She had no idea what she would say and the thought of sleeping with him suddenly didn't seem as appealing as when she was having an imaginary conversation with Caroline.

"Uh, hold on," she called.

She looked through her bag and found some shorts and a top to throw on, and she was still trying to come up with what she would say to him when she opened the door.

"Look, Lance..." she started.

Only, it wasn't Lance. It was Damon.

"Hello, Bon-Bon," he said. "Did you miss me?"