Wow, we're over 40 reviews! And they're not even all from me! Thank you so, so much for your amazing support, and to you too who reads in silence, thank you for sticking with us :)
Due to traveling and meeting family again, then starting work again, I may be publishing a lot less often from now on. My aim once normal life starts again is to publish one chapter a week, and I am estimating this story to be about 5 or 6 chapters away from its planned end. I hope I have been doing this story justice so far, you certainly have with your support and kind words. This chapter here marks another milestone in Alice's development, and, my development as a writer lol because it's my first time (be gentle with me). I hope it isn't butchered.
Wishing you all a happy new year and plenty of happiness for the new year, and I will return hopefully in a week with more. Thank you and hope you enjoy!
Before Vaas returns, Alice manages to push Alec into explaining that he's found the passport in the envelope of money she's given him to pay for Vaas' order, but she seriously has no idea how it got there, and isn't sure the doctor believes her when she tells him that.
She hides the passport under the pillow as the pirate returns with some clothes. He's chosen a wide, comfortable t-shirt and some shorts, which look more like men's underpants, which they probably are.
The doctor acts like nothing happened, gives her the ointment and asks Vaas to hold her hand as he disinfects her wounds. He's right, it is painful. It feels good to hold Vaas' hand, although she cannot stop blushing. He's whispering soothing things in Spanish.
'Mi amor' he called her on the phone, and 'baby'. Alice doesn't know how this makes her feel.
Well, she does, but she doesn't really want to fully acknowledge it. What was the plan again? Earn his trust, try leaving again? Seems a really abstract concept now. She rests her cheek against the hand holding hers,closes her eyes as the doctor starts working on her legs. After a few seconds, Vaas' other hand comes up and starts stroking her hair,comforting. She had no idea he could be this gentle. Sometimes he makes it really easy to forget what a ruthless murderer he is.
The hand on her hair feels so good, stroking innocently. Then his fingers entangle into her now shortish hair, holding but not pulling, almost massaging her scalp, and it feels amazing. Alice becomes abruptly aware that this is probably how his hand would feel on her head if she ever were to... She blushes furiously, opens her eyes.
"So you said four to six times a day, right?"
"Yes. More, if you feel like you need it. I would advise to keep using this for a few weeks, and to keep applying the ointment even when it looks like you are fully healed. Unless of course you do want some scars!" He chuckles, stands up. "We're all done, my dear. Put your clothes on. I'm going to give you five bottles of the stuff, and some of these for the pain. Now, I advise you to take it easy, sleep, eat well, and drink plenty of water."
"Thank you doctor." Smiles Alice. Vaas lets go of her head, takes a step back.
He turns to speak to the doctor and Alice retrieves her passport, stuffs it into her knickers, under the shorts. She stands as the doctor leaves to wash his hands, and Vaas and her are left alone in the bedroom.
"What do you wanna do, nena?" Asks the pirate.
"Go home? Maybe get some sleep?"
He smiles, nods. He makes to walk to the stairs but Alice catches his hand.
"Listen, Vaas... I just wanted to apologise for having got caught so easily, and for, you know, all the trouble it caused."
He frowns, walks over to her,his hands cupping her face.
"You're a fucking badass, you know that? You took out loads of their men, you jumped out of a moving van like you were in an action film or some shit, it's fucking amazing. Like James fucking Bond."
His fingers are feeling the shorter locks of hair. He lets go suddenly, turns away from her like he's annoyed with himself.
"And you sure as fuck aren't easy to catch," he mumbles. "Come on let's go."
When they get back to camp, Alice notices for the first time that there really are less and less pirates around. Is this all Brody's doing? Hasn't he died in the helicopter crash?
Vaas is showing her off, telling everyone how she escaped, jumping out of the van and getting rid of her captors before walking all the way to Badtown to give him a ring. The pirates smile at her, some wink, she even gets a pat on the shoulder from Carlos. Her dog shows up and Alice drops to the ground to cuddle him. He's overjoyed, unable to decide whether he wants to climb onto her lap or jump up to lick her face. Alice hugs him, rubs his belly, pushes him playfully, avoids his invading tongue whilst Vaas watches from a distance. As the pirates get lost in their celebration - they killed a big number of Rakyats that day - Alice inches her way towards the shack, and collapses onto the settee. She falls asleep immediately, and when she wakes she has been set onto the bed, and is once again reluctantly moved by Vaas' gentleness.
She needs to remember the facts. The hard ones. Like how he's keeping her here against her will. How he's murdered Brad. That boy he sliced open while forcing her to watch, the boy's guts dropping to the floor in one gross, steaming, wet pile. How is she supposed to hold on to all of this when he is being nothing like himself? He's not a gentle man, what is he playing at?
Later, a look in the mirror shows her the extent of the damage.
Her hair looks a mess, it's been unevenly cut around her face and the shorter locks reach her chin while the longest ones graze her shoulder. How is it possible to mess up a haircut that badly? Her face doesn't look too bad, it's cut on the lip and forehead, but it is her arms that caught most of the damage from the fall. They look like they've been grated. Her knees look awful too, and Alice is glad she hasn't broken anything, apart from her opinion of herself.
How could she lie to that man like that? It had felt so easy, as well! Is he still there?
But the main issue which really occupies Alice's thoughts at present, is the passport. Her passport. It's clearly Vaas who left it in the envelope, for her to find, not for the doctor. Who else's le have out it there? Carlos ? Impossible. Or was she being framed? Or not? Somehow Alice is convinced it was in fact Vaas who left the passport in there, but the question is why? Was it part of the test? Alice would believe so, if it wasn't for the memory of what happened in the clearing, right after Tim's death.
'Do it.' Vaas, holding her gun to his heart. 'You want your freedom? Do it. I'll never let you go.'
It's twice now that he gives her a chance to leave. The passport in the envelope full of money wasn't a test of her loyalty, it was a chance to go, and if anyone was being tested it was him. Is this about what happened the other night, when he got a bit rough with her? Alice is desperate to believe so. Desperate to hold on to any shred of humanity Vaas shows her.
What does it mean,that Alice never even looked inside the envelope? What does that say about her?
What should she do with the passport? Keep it? He'll never trust her if she does... Return it? She'll never get it back.
Over the next few days Vaas is being incredibly kind to her, helping her apply her ointment, helping her brush and even out her hair, making her food and bringing her fresh water. She overhears conversations which suggest that things aren't going great though, as Vaas confides in Carlos that he doesn't believe Jason Brody is dead. He never once takes out his anger on Alice again though, and the young woman slowly comes to the realisation that she is craving his touch.
It's not a comfortable state of mind.
Vaas has stopped being too intimate with her, never initiating a kiss, and she knows it has to do with his behaviour from the other night. He probably thinks she is afraid of him, which she is, but not in the way he thinks. She is scared of how he is making her feel, how he is growing into her, how just plain happy she is to be back in prison. The lack of physical proximity, something which she would have been so grateful for just a few days before, now weights on her and drives her insane, especially at night. He touches her, yes, but innocently, without a hint of sexual desire. One afternoon she cannot take the distance anymore, and Alice pulls him down and kisses him, proactively, nipping his lips and teasing his tongue, her arms around his neck, her hands feeling his Mohawk, and she moans appreciatively as he finally returns her eagerness. He doesn't try to take things further though, and eventually she is kissing a shaking mess, so she stops. His eyes are dark, his breathing ragged, his hands grip the table against which she's cornered him. She understands that this must be the first time he has to hold back, and Vaas is not, by nature, one to hold his impulses back. He's holding back for her, and how is she supposed to remember the evil side of him?
She doesn't want him to hold back.
The realisation that she wants to have sex with Vaas dawns on Alice little by little over the next few days, destroying every last piece of self esteem that she's been carefully safeguarding. Perhaps it is precisely the fact that she does not have much love for herself anymore, while his love for her seems to grow, that is pushing her towards these deep dark waters. She wants him. It is an almost primal, animalistic need, one she can hardly put words on. She wants him. Perhaps it is also the fact that he has given her a chance to escape which has somehow resulted in her wanting to stay, but nevertheless the results are the same. Alice wants him. And she wants him to want her. It's so incredibly twisted.
She makes her decision.
She is drowning in confusion, she cannot even start thinking of all the complexities around her situation at present. She'll have to deal with that later. She just needs some human contact. She wants to have sex with Vaas, he obviously has been wanting to 'fuck' her for months, so why not? Why not? It's just lust, nothing more. Once she gets this out of her mind, this morbid curiosity, she'll feel better, right? Right?
One night, Alice is giving herself this pep talk when she finally acts on her desires. She sits up in bed, her heart beating wildly. He's right there, in the next room. Probably naked. She stands, silently paces around, both excited and terrified. What if he rejects her? She passes her hand through her hair, smoothes out her t-shirt, hesitates as her fingers reach the elastic of her knickers. Should she take them off? Somehow, the idea of him taking them off for her is far more arousing, and Alice leaves them on. She snorts. She's already wet, and she's not even left the bedroom. Just how desperate do you get?
And what if he rejects her? What if he's terrible in bed? What if he thinks she is terrible in bed?
Well, then you'll know. Maybe he'll let you go. Come on.
With one last rush of inspiration, Alice takes her passport.
Alice walks into the main living area. Vaas is asleep on his couch, completely naked. He's handsome, for real. Muscly, dark, with hairs trailing accross his chest and down to his private bits. He really is attractive. He has nice green eyes, and when he smiles the lines at the corner of his eyes are charmingly rugged. Alice suddenly feels very self conscious. She's nothing special.
He wants you,remember? He's wanted you from the beginning. You're a mermaid, remember, nena?
"Vaas?" Alice calls out, gently. He stirs in his sleep. "Vaas?"
When he wakes, his eyes take a minute to get accostumed to the dark, and when he recognises her he sits up abruptly, blinks.
"Nena! What the fuck, are you ok? Something wrong?"
"No, no, nothing's wrong."
"Then why the fuck do you wake me up then?"
Oh god, he's angry. Not good. Retreat. Retreat.
"I just uh, I wanted to... It's ok, go back to sleep. I'm sorry for waking you up."
She's escaping, but he catches her wrist.
"Wait." He rubs his face, makes a very visible effort to keep his calm. "What do you want?"
Alice walks back to him. She's not even thought of how to put it. Is she supposed to say 'wanna fuck'?
"I uh... I don't know how to say it!" She laughs nervously. "Is 'I wanna have sex with you, if you're not too tired' a bit too abrupt?"
He freezes.
"What?"
Did she say that aloud? Did she really say that aloud?
"You heard me." That's right Alice, play it cool.
"The fu-... What?"
Alice takes a deep breath. She takes a tentative step towards him, raises her knee and puts it down at his side, then does the same with her other knee, straddling him. She doesn't quite dare to fully sit on him. She's watching his reactions, careful, looking for any sign of anger.
Vaas looks like he's been turned into a statue. He's staring, in shock, silent for once, trying to comprehend what is happening. He's not pushing her away though, and Alice takes that as an invitation to keep going. She sits on him, carefully, her eyes never leaving his. Her hand reaches up, showing the passport. Without a word, Alice puts it next to him, on the settee. This is the right move, definitely. Keeping it would make him forever doubtful of her. Sleeping with him could potentially garantee his loyalty, especially if she gives him the passport. If she escapes she doesn't really need a passport anyways, just any embassy of any kind, they'd help her. Tourists get their passports stolen all the time.
Having sex with him once and for all will eliminate this insidious curiosity around the act, all the sick mystery, and is probably the best tactical move she can make at present.
'I mean it' she tries to say with her eyes. 'I want you'. She wraps her arms around his neck, trying not to be spooked by his lack of reaction, and leans in to kiss him.
When their lips finally connect, that's when Vaas breaks. His whole body seems to come to life, his arms snaking around her body and pulling her to him, hands roaming her back and her thighs, squeezing, as his hips push upwards, rubbing against her. He takes over control, leading the kiss, moaning deep in his throat. Then, his hand leaves her thigh and gives a gentle but firm smack on her bottom. Alice pulls back, startled, but Vaas keeps her in place as he chuckles:
"That's for saying sorry,nena"
Alice laughs, and their kisses grow more heated, as she presses against Vaas, trying to feel even closer to him. He stands, lifting her up, and takes her to the bedroom. Alice's heart has started beating wildly again, and once again she cannot tell if she is excited or terrified. It's probably a bit of both. He lets her onto the bed, kneels on it above her. He seems to hesitate, looks at her. Alice keeps her eyes on his face, tries not to look at his erection.
"You sure, nena?" He asks. "It'd be fucking rude of you to regret this tomorrow."
Without a word she reaches up and pulls him down on top of her, wrapping her legs around him.
It's amazing how she'd never realised until now how vividly she could feel lust. His hands touch her everywhere, and somehow it isn't quite enough. He rests on his side, kissing her, licking and nipping at her throat, then he pushes her shirt up and she helps him take it off. He's licking and kissing her chest now, almost biting her nipples, except the only pain she feels is the one between her legs. A delicious kind of pain. It's just curiosity. It's lust, it's biology.
She touches him too, loving the feel of his chest hair and hard muscles, amazed at how soft the skin of his sex is, but it is hard to stay focused, especially when his hand trails down to her centre and she is reduced to a whimpering mess as he strokes and teases her in the most intimate way. She was supposed to be the one driving him wild, not the other way around. He's feeling really warm, his breath short against her skin, his erection hard against her hip, and he's whispering hot, loving words in Spanish. How he's even forming coherent words Alice doesn't know, because she certainly is unable to. Her hand reaches down and squeezes his as he slips a finger inside her and she archs her back, a cry of both surprise and pleasure on her lips.
"You're so fucking hot, you know that? So fucking hot. So fucking wet." He whispers the dirty words lovingly, as he kisses her temples, her eyes, her cheek. She can only gasp in response. She's never been this turned on in her life. Guilt mixes with intense pleasure as she rubs against his hand, her arm holding at his neck. This is a tactical move. His mouth nipping at her ear, his fingers inside of her, his sex rubbing against her, her need to feel him even closer, it's all tactical, it's all curiosity, it's part of the plan.
Vaas' hand eventually leaves her, pulling gently at her underwear. It slides easily along her legs, and she is fully naked under him. He rolls on top of her, places himself between her legs. His hands on either side of her face. The tip of his erection presses at her entrance and he pauses. He seems so in control of himself, only the slight shaking of his arms betrays him.
"Look at me." He commands. "You know what this means, no? You really want this?"
He's sounding a bit defensive, but Alice knows he is unsure of himself. He's giving her one last chance to pull away, and this is precisely why she presses forward.
"I really want this, Vaas. I really want you." It's not even a lie.
His sigh of relief breaks into a throaty moan as he inches into her. She holds him close, clinging on to his back and shoulders, as he rests his forehead against hers and catches his breath.
"You chose me." He says, then starts moving. Pulls out, pushes back in. Loses control. "You chose. You're mine, Alice, you're fucking mine!" his movements grow steady and assured, possessive. His chest is against hers, he presses open mouthed kisses to her lips as he grunts without restraint, and Alice's hands travel down his strong back to feel the powerful thrusts of his hips. He bites her lip when she digs her nails into his backside, then he kisses her softly to apologise. How is she supposed to pretend to be somebody else when he calls her by her name?
Beforehand, Alice had expected Vaas to be rather rough in bed, and a bit selfish. She couldn't have been any further from the truth. He is gentle, surprisingly so, yet undeniably passionate, and seeks her pleasure as much as his own, if not more. He angles his thrusts, listens carefully for any change in her breathing, repeats whatever makes her moan the loudest. Alice is probably being a disappointment, her own pleasure blinding her so much that all she seems to be able to do is hold him close, wrap her legs tight around him and whimper breathlessly. He speaks, occasionally, whispers words of appreciation and encouragement, both in Spanish and English. At one point he lifts himself onto his forearms and angles his hips slightly differently, his pelvis rubbing against her cliroris in time with his thrusts, causing Alice to cry out. She's very ashamed to admit to herself that she's never enjoyed sex this much.
"You like that?" He asks, and Alice, who had always thought sex talk to be a massive turn off and a borderline ridiculous practice, finds herself almost purring in response. "You like it when I fuck you like that? You want more like that?" He speeds up, and the electricity in her centre starts spreading to the rest of her overly sensitive body.
"Yes, YES!" She cries, forgetting herself, toes curling, legs shaking, and Vaas starts swearing in Spanish as his thrusts grow more desperate, more brutal. Alice is almost afraid to let herself dip into this void she is nearing, but Vaas doesn't give her a chance to hesitate, as he pushes her over the edge with each slam of his hips and her orgasm takes over her consciousness. He follows soon after,loudly, and collapses on top of her.
They remain motionless, the only sound around being that of their breathing. Have they been heard? Her whole body is tingling. She feels light headed, both guilty and satisfied. He's humming against her breasts, content.
It wasn't that big a deal, she thinks. And it wasn't half bad. She could do this again. The fan is spinning above them, its breeze feels chilly on her hot skin. He pulls out, kisses her, and she feels his hot, liquid sperm running down her inner thighs. They've just had unprotected sex. Shit, she never even thought of that. What the hell is wrong with her?
"¿Qué te pasa, nena?" Vaas is sudenly above her, concerned. Alice realises she is crying.
"I'm fine, I'm fine."
She's choking now, sobbing uncontrollably, laughing because it doesn't make sense, she's just had the most amazing orgasm of her life, so why is she crying? Vaas is clearly alarmed, he's stroking her forehead and kissing her cheeks, her tears. It's not his fault, that much is sure.
"I hurt you?"
"No, no, you didn't! You can hurt me like that any time you want." She tries to laugh but it turns into a choked up sob. "I'm crying because it was good. Great, even. It doesn't make sense." She wraps her arms around him. "Hold me."
And he does, he holds her, cuddles her, gets her under the sheet and holds her close as she slowly comes to her senses again. She buries her face in his chest, hides from herself, breathes him in.
Oh god, she thinks, what's this? What's happening? It was great. He was great. She cannot leave him. She wants him, and it's so much more than that. What the fuck has she done? What's going on?
What the fuck am I going to do?