A/N I am so sorry for the wait! I've had a few hectic weeks at work, but I finally managed to find some time this weekend to write and edit. I promise that the next chapter won't take so long. Enjoy!

Izaya flung the door open and yelled Shinra's name as loud as he possibly could. His muscles had moved on their own. He didn't even comprehend what he had done until he saw Shinra sprinting down the hallway, Celty alongside him. It felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the entire building. Time slowed. It looked like Shinra and Celty were running toward him in show motion, their feet connecting with the floor only once every few minutes. His heart hammered in his chest, his throat, and his ears. He had never heard it beat so loudly, so violently in his entire life. His brain felt empty. That was a new sensation. Even more than empty, in fact, it felt hollow. It felt like he'd never be able to think again. It was pure helplessness and he absolutely hated it, but there was nothing he could do.

Shinra and Celty nearly crashed into him as they bolted into the room. Despite their speed, however, they appeared calm. There was no glint of terror in Shinra's eyes, no shaking limbs or sweaty palms. Izaya watched as they examined Shizuo, the heart monitor was still blaring in the background. Other mechanical noises were echoing throughout the room, as well. Blinking lights from machines that Izaya couldn't identify, blinded him, debilitating him even further. Shinra and Celty weren't talking, just moving. They were so methodical, every arm extension or shift of their feet was practiced and calculated. After a few seconds or minutes—Izaya no longer had any concept of time—Shinra looked back at him with a mixture of sympathy and seriousness.

"Get out of here."

"No," Izaya croaked. He was honestly surprised that he had been able to speak at all. His tongue felt bloated and tasted like sand.

"Shiki, bring him to my office," said Shinra, his eyes now focused on Shizuo, "get him some water."

"No," Izaya repeated as Shiki took him by his good arm and gently tried to urge him out of the room. He didn't move.

"Come on, Izaya," Shiki's voice was strangely soft, almost paternal, like a father comforting his upset son, "they need to focus, okay?"

Izaya felt himself slowly, reluctantly nod. He let Shiki lead him out of the room into the brightly lit hallway. Shiki closed the door behind them, but he could still hear all the machines beeping frantically.

Neither of them spoke during the short walk to Shinra's office. Izaya wasn't sure if he was grateful for the silence or despised it. Everything just felt so wrong, and it had all happened so suddenly.

Shiki made Izaya sit down on the striped couch in Shiki's office. The fabric was worn and faded, white stuffing stuck out here and there. The colors looked strange, like they didn't fit together at all. Was that stripe orange or brown? Pink or red? He traced along the edge of one of the stripes with the nail of his index finger. He thought that it was strange that he was noticing arbitrary details of Shinra's couch while a person he cared about was potentially dying just a few rooms over. Maybe that's just how shock worked. Was he in shock? Should he ask Shiki? Would he know? His mind was all questions and no answers.

Shiki placed a mug of water in his hands.

"All the cups in the kitchen were dirty," he explained, although Izaya hadn't asked or even looked at him. He didn't even realize that he had left the room at all. He took a sip of the water. It didn't taste like anything. It didn't even feel wet in his mouth. Shiki took a seat on the couch, forearms supported on his thighs, hands clasped in front of him. Out of the corner of his eye, Izaya saw him open his mouth as if he was going to say something, but he closed it.

"What if I never get to tell him?" Izaya asked. He wasn't sure if he meant to say it out loud or not.

"Tell him what? That you love him?"

Izaya shook his head, "That I'm sorry for everything I did to him. This is all my fault. Not just what's happening now, but everything."

Shiki didn't say anything.

"He deserves an apology. No, he deserves so much more than that, but I don't know if I'll…" his voice trailed off, the words caught in his throat. It took him a moment to realize that he was crying. It wasn't dramatic, like he imagined it being. Tears weren't streaming down his face. There was no loud sobbing or snot running out of his nose. His cheeks were damp and his face felt warm. His throat and mouth felt raw, as if someone had rubbed them with sandpaper. Using his sleeve, he dabbed at his eyes. For a split second, he felt as though he might laugh, after all this entire situation was absurd. When was the last time he, Izaya Orihara, had cried? Even he didn't know.

A warmth spread across his shoulders. He looked up and realized that Shiki had put an arm around him.

"I'm sorry," Shiki said. Izaya so desperately wanted him to say something like "I'm sure he'll be fine!" or "You don't need to worry!" But he didn't. Izaya was pretty sure he didn't because he didn't want to lie to him. There was no guarantee he was ever going to see Shizuo alive again. That thought sent more tears spilling onto his cheeks.

"Damn it," he said, furiously wiping his eyes.

Izaya wasn't sure how long they were sitting there before someone knocked on the door.

"Come in," said Shiki.

Celty appeared and walked over to them, phone in her outstretched hand. It took a moment for Izaya to focus his sore eyes on the screen.

He's in surgery again. He was bleeding internally. Shinra is doing everything he can.

"Thank you," said Izaya faintly, with a small nod.

Celty typed out another message and held it back out to him.

I'm sorry. I'm going to go back now and help him. I'll be back when we know more.

Izaya managed to crack a weary smile in thanks, and then Celty turned and left the room.

Despite everything that was happening, Izaya suddenly felt exhausted. All the energy, emotional, mental, and physical had been drained out of his body. His eyelids were impossibly heavy. His heartbeat had slowed.

"Shiki?"

"Hm?"

"I think I'd like to lie down."

"Okay," Shiki stood and began to look around Shinra's office. There was a cabinet by the door that caught his attention. Izaya watched him open it. It was utterly packed with books and bandages, but Shiki managed to find a stiff pillow and a ratty-looking blanket. He slipped the pillow under Izaya's head and pulled the blanket up to his chin.

"Thanks."

"Get some rest, if you can."

Izaya closed his eyes and blacked out almost immediately. What came to him, however, wasn't necessarily rest or sleep, but unconsciousness.