47

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The Count of Monte Cristo

"Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart."

― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

Lucy sighed in relief as she and Natsu finally crawled into bed. It had been a very long day of planning and preparing and more planning and she was exhausted. She didn't want to think about what the actual fight might be like at this rate. The whole thing was enough to make her head spin.

They were too tired to even play anymore. Some caresses and kisses were exchanged while they got ready for bed, but there wasn't enough energy for it on either side. Which was odd considering it was Natsu, but she had the idea that everything today had brought a lot of uncomfortable memories to the surface for him.

Something like that was enough to exhaust anyone.

There was a sort of tiredness clinging to the edges of Natsu, smothering his usual vibrant spirit. All the talk about Zeref and Igneel had drained him, and he didn't appear to be in a very romantic mood. His mind was distracted and far away, which wasn't conducive to her showing him something as special as their story.

When she shared it with him, she wanted his heart to be at ease. Not filled with turmoil and fears of the unknown. Not while they were planning a war.

Perhaps soon, when they could get a day just to themselves, where Natsu wasn't forced to dredge up memories of Igneel and his brother, she would pull it out from her hiding spot.

But for now she was happy just helping him relax and forget the day.

So she pulled on her most comfortable night clothes and snuggled up to him with a tired smile, "Good night Natsu." She murmured and leaned up to kiss him one more time.

"G'night Lucy." Natsu smiled, the strain he'd felt all day falling away as he held her close, chuckling a bit as his fingers got lazily slapped when he groped her, and relaxed enough to drift off to sleep.

His dreams, however, were not as relaxing as his bed companion was.

It didn't take long before he found himself in a familiar looking library and staring at a very familiar looking figure.

"Zeref!" He snarled, furious at just the sight of his brother.

"Hello Natsu." Zeref smiled as he looked up from his book, "It's so very good to see you again."

Natsu flexed his fingers, his eyes drawing around the foggy room. It was not entirely familiar, the dusty tomes of books aged and old stretched from floor to ceiling.

In every corner there were bookcases, a richly painted dark wood that were each impressive and beautiful works of art. Some were heavily carved with the Fairy Tail insignia, others were plain, unadorned and simple.

This was Mavis' library. Natsu had only seen it once before - the day he had destroyed it. So many details of this place were foggy, missing from chunks of his memory.

But the man sitting at a table in front of him, lazily flipping through the crisp pages of a book, reading on as if undisturbed by their strange surroundings.

"Mavis' library," He commented, eyes flashing over to Natsu, "It seems appropriate you would pick this as the place for us to talk."

Wary, Natsu advanced a few questioning steps. This was a dream. Natsu was aware of that fact.

So why did it feel like he was somewhere else.

"I had been trying to get in contact with you for a while now, it seems you had a rough conversation today that finally opened you up to me. That's fine. It just makes it easier for me to talk to you," Zeref finally looked up, his dark eyes a liquid calm, "Natsu. Please sit."

Natsu didn't budge, his jaw locking furiously as he glared at the man before him, "Think I'll stand."

"You're alive now, and projecting your thoughts to me somehow?" Natsu hissed.

"Something like that," Zeref began, but cut off when Natsu lunged at him with a furious roar. His fingers were curled into angry talons, deadly intent written on his face.

Zeref disappeared before Natsu could even touch him.

He reappeared a few feet, just out of immediate reach behind the dragon, a cool smile on his face.

"No need to be so touchy, I just wish to speak with you Natsu. I believe you also have questions for me," Zeref said patiently.

It was true. Natsu had a hundred and one questions for his brother. The one who had supposedly been dead for longer than Natsu cared to think about.

But none of his personal questions were important.

"Why do you want Lucy?" Natsu demanded, struggling to contain his rage enough to think with any sense of clarity, "You used to be able to open gates on your own. Why can't you do it yourself? Leave her out of it!"

Zeref looked faintly surprised. His eyebrows raised at Natsu and he strode past him calmly, returning once more to the seat he had been reclining in previously.

He turned critical eyes on Natsu.

"Don't tell me you have grown a fondness for this girl," Zeref said warningly, "You can't love her, can you?"

Natsu's eyes flared in challenge, and his brother gaze him a pitying look.

"Foolish Natsu, Dragneel men don't have the best of luck when it comes to love," He said with almost a fond smile on his face, "Our loves will always destroy us, unless we eliminate them first."

Natsu ground his fangs together furiously before snorting and crossing his arms, "Wow. Reduced to lying now? That's just pathetic. Not that I had any respect for you before after what you did to me and to Igneel."

If Zeref was upset by his barbs he didn't show it. Rather he smiled even more, his amusement showing through clearly. As if Natsu was still the child he'd once been and he was the ever indulgent big brother.

"Natsu..." He said in a tone that made Natsu want to try and rip his face off again, "I'm afraid it's quite true. I loved Mavis quite dearly." He laughed a little, "I still do I suppose. Nevertheless, she nearly destroyed me long before you were even brought back. It was only by pure chance I was able to escape our little family curse."

"If you've truly fallen in love with young Lucy, be careful brother." He purred, "All may not be as it seems."

He shrugged, "Not that it matters in the end. Your demonic brothers and sisters will collect her for me and she will open the gate. She's the only one who can. A child of magic born in a land without it. Quite ironic really."

"Then again, I suppose it was those circumstances that gave her the strength she has to push through and work magic where none should exist. Truly a remarkable talent don't you think?"

"You aren't getting your hands on Lucy!" Natsu snarled at his brother, anger pulsing through his body. He couldn't help but rise to his brother's light teases. He knew exactly where to press.

He grabbed Zeref by the collar, a vein throbbing in his temple, giving way to the blood which roared like the fire he held in his chest.

At least that explained why he was after Lucy, but that didn't put Natsu's mind at ease. In fact it only made him worry more.

Zeref put his hand over Natsu's wrist, his touch cold and chilling, almost as if it suffocated the heat in Natsu's entire body.

"Such dedication," Zeref gave Natsu a look of genuine concern, "And to a woman who holds secrets from you."

"Lucy doesn't have any secrets from me!" Natsu roared in frustration, his temper getting the better of him. He gave Zeref a rough shake, finding no satisfaction in the way his head rolled on his shoulders carelessly.

His breath caught in his chest at the humored expression on Zeref's face. Natsu's grip went limp and Zeref pushed backwards, shoving space between them.

"Don't be so foolish Natsu. Everyone has secrets. Even Lucy," Zeref taunted, "Especially someone like her."

"If you don't believe me," He said patiently, "Then why don't you look in her bottom drawer in her nightstand? I can sense it's there, and I'm sure you'd be very interested in what she's kept hidden from you. She only met you because I wanted her to."

"What?" Natsu blinked, scoffing a bit at Zeref, his lip curling up.

Zeref didn't seem interested in listening though. Instead his eyes were drawing back towards the window. The fog around them thickened.

"Ah, well it seems we've wasted too much time now. You're waking up," Zeref sighed, "But I suppose you'll recognize it when you see it. Now that you remember…"

The library fell away in a tunnel of darkness, wrapping back around Natsu and sinking into his uneasy heart.

Natsu's eyes flew open at those words and he panted softly as he tried to reorient himself. That had been an insane dream.

Except...

He wasn't sure if it had been a dream.

He rubbed his hand over his face, grateful he hadn't woken Lucy up with his nightmare. He'd always known his brother was connected to his demons. More than he'd ever wanted to admit.

He'd told himself for centuries that the little voice in the back of his head he heard almost every night before going to sleep or waking up was just his imagination. Zeref had been dead and his memory was trying to haunt him. That was all. Except that wasn't all, was it? Zeref was alive, and trying to open the gates again.

What if the 'ghost' had been more than that?

He grimaced as his thoughts spun, and bit back the urge to snarl in frustration. That would definitely wake Lucy and Happy up.

Okay, there was one easy way to figure out if he was dreaming or not. He would just check the drawer real quick and prove his stupid brother wrong.

Galvanized by that thought he gently extracted himself from Lucy's embrace, kissing her softly when she whined in protest over the loss of his heat. That settled her back down and he smiled a bit as he climbed carefully out of bed and headed to her desk.

He'd never gone rifling through it after the first couple times had earned him a Lucy Kick to the face, so he'd never investigated all of the drawers on it.

He crouched down curiously and pulled it open, a little surprised it wasn't locked, and peered inside.

There was a book there.

One that said Fairy Tail on it and held the emblem. He remembered seeing Lucy carry it around with her a few times before it suddenly disappeared. But - ...

Zeref in the library.

His heart began thumping inexplicably as he reached in and carefully lifted it out. This was no diary. He knew what her diary looked like. He'd read it a time or two early on. This was something else. He could practically smell the age and magic on it.

He nervously lifted the front cover to look at the first words.

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a mighty dragon...

Natsu's grip tightened on the spine, unease trickling down the back of his neck. His eyes flashed up towards Lucy, lying innocently in a tangle of covers. She let out a sigh into her pillow.

It was inviting, urging Natsu to put the book back down and forget he had ever seen it. But it was in his hand, and he was curious.

Lucy hadn't told him about this.

But it couldn't mean anything bad, could it? Lucy wouldn't hide anything from him.

He would just read a couple of pages to put his mind at ease...

-::-

Dawn broke over Magnolia, a sliver of light piercing through the curtains in Lucy's home. She groaned, shivering under the thin blankets.

The seasons had long since begun to change, although Fiore had a tendency to swing from one extreme of a season to another in the blink of an eye. One day it could be snowing, the other it could be blistering hot outside and she would be shoving Natsu off the side of the bed.

It was not one of those days.

Speaking of her personal heater, Lucy cracked an eye open, finding the bed uncomfortably cold without him in it.

"Natsu...?" Lucy croaked hoarsely, scrubbing the heel of her palm against her eye.

No answer.

Seeing Happy still curled up in his nest of blankets, Lucy slowly edged out of bed and walked around their apartment to locate her missing dragon.

"Natsu?" She called out a second time, again receiving no response.

She circled around the entire floor, trying to discern where he had run off to. It wasn't like Natsu to head off to the guild by himself, or even wander off somewhere else on his own. Natsu had a tendency to pick fights wherever he went, and it was almost a habit for him to antagonize the townsfolk.

Just as she was about to give up and head to the guild to see if he was there, Lucy caught sight of the window above the sink open.

She poked her head out, remembering Natsu sometimes had a penchant for climbing onto rooftops when he was bothered like he had when they first were getting used to one another.

Struggling for a handhold, Lucy twisted her body over the sink and counter, which was already uncomfortable enough to maneuver on its own.

She managed to scrabble up the side of the roof, climbing up enough to hook her leg up to get enough leverage.

Her thoughts turned murderous as she caught sight of his form, hunched over on the opposite side of the roof as her and facing the street.

"Natsu! What're you doing up here?" She demanded, getting up from scraped knees and onto unsure legs.

His head twitched towards her, but Natsu didn't turn to look around.

"I was reading," He replied, voice flat and strange sounding.

Lucy frowned and held her arms out for balance, taking a couple of tumbling steps towards him. She froze as she felt a warning wave of heat roll off Natsu when she drew close.

"Lucy don't come even one step closer to me," Natsu growled, a sound so cold, so warning, she felt a sharp pang twist through her chest, "My magic isn't stable. I could hurt you."

His scarf fluttered around his neck, catching Lucy's attention for the first time. There were new rips in the material, a few of the scales flaking off in a clatter around Natsu. What was most concerning was how dark it was.

At one point, the once dirty scarf looked almost new again. Just a day ago it had been a bright white, and aside from a small hole or rip there, it looked wonderful.

Now though- his prized scarf looked like it was barely holding itself together. What had he done to it overnight?

"Natsu," Lucy said, growing more alarmed by the moment. Because she was beginning to suspect his scarf was not an ordinary piece of fabric, "What's the matter - your scarf it's...?"

"Oh, yeah," Natsu's let out a harsh laugh, his hand lifting towards his neck, squeezing at the fraying fabric, "Pretty messed up now, isn't it? I think I finally get it."

Lucy swallowed and edged in closer, "You said you were reading something. What did you read?"

Wordlessly, Natsu held up a familiar book. The one that had started everything off.

Lucy felt a knot tighten in her throat, her heart stuttering in her chest. Guilt churned in her stomach, reminding her of the worry she felt before over Natsu finding out about it.

"You went looking through my drawers..." Lucy said between stiff lips, "Natsu that isn't-"

His head whipped around and he rose, finally looking at her. Eyes dark, nearly black with anger, Lucy almost didn't recognize the expression on his face. He looked like a stranger.

"Now I really know why you never wanted me looking through your desk," He snarled and tossed the book on the roof with more force than necessary, letting it land in front of her.

"Did you think it was funny? Peeking into my thoughts like this? Finding a way to tame the dragon like some domestic dog no one would ever fear again?" Natsu's jaw locked, his eyes flashing with betrayal.

He thought she was different.

But she had been using him the same way everyone else had wanted to in the past. Using Zeref's book to find clever ways to respond to him. To get him to open up to her.

It all made frustrating sense now in hindsight. The easy way he opened himself up to her was only logical. She had a way into his head. This whole time.

He had opened his heart to her, completely trusting her. Thinking Lucy could see a man instead of a monster.

But this wasn't a fairy tale, was it? The dragon was the villain, and he wasn't Lucy's prince. That wasn't Natsu's role to play. He was just her pet.

Lucy's heart clenched painfully at the accusations he was flinging at her, "No! It wasn't like that Natsu!" She exclaimed, panic and heartbreak warring inside her, "Please listen! I haven't even loo-!"

She was cut off when a surge of blistering heat hit her and she took an unconscious step back.

"You expect me to believe you?!" Natsu roared furiously, nearly incoherent with rage that she would try and deny what she'd done. Zeref had wanted her here. For this.

"I swear it's not what you think!"

"Shut up!" Natsu roared again, bursting into flame all over as he prowled forward, "I'm not interested in your lies Lucy!" He clenched his fraying scarf even more tightly, "You're just like all the others!"

Fireballs curled around his fists and Lucy felt a chill of real fear. He wasn't listening to her. He didn't believe anything she was trying to say. He didn't even want to hear the possibility that there was a different story than the one he'd put together in his head.

She looked up into his eyes and felt her heart shatter at the look of complete anger she saw there, "Natsu... please..." She entreated, reaching out to him despite the danger, "Let me explain."

"Stay away from me Lucy." Natsu snarled a warning, his fangs bare. There was a true hint of strain in his voice as he fought to keep his spiking magic leashed. He ground his heels into the roof and took a wide step backwards for distance, "I don't have the control to deal with you right now."

"No Natsu, I'm not leaving!" Lucy shot back, her bottom lip trembling but her stubbornness insisting she keep pressing. To try and get through his hard head and make him see the truth. His eyes flashed a menacing crimson.

She had never seen him this close to a razor's edge before. There were times she forgot he was a demon at all because of how far deeply it was buried under the discipline taught to him in his dragon slaying. But it seemed that fine tuned control had been stripped away under the force of his bitter emotions.

"Don't!" Natsu shouted, the flare of red in his eyes a warning.

Lucy stubbornly tried to touch him anyway, but the gesture proved one too many as there was a surge of fire from him that punched her squarely in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her, and enveloping her as it shoved her off balance and tumbling off the roof.

Lucy screamed in mingled pain and terror as she felt nothing but air beneath her. There was a moment of perfect stillness as she stared at a shocked Natsu who lunged forward to try and snag her at the last second. The fire around her immediately vanished, though the pain from the burns it had left behind didn't, but that didn't stop gravity from re-asserting itself as he vanished out of sight and she fell.

She tried to curl up and brace for impact, but already knew there wasn't enough time. Her house wasn't that tall. However, impact never came.

"I gotcha Lucy!" Happy exclaimed as he held tightly onto her. He'd been woken by Natsu's roaring, and although he didn't understand what was going on exactly, he knew that something really bad had just happened between Natsu and Lucy.

He flew back up so they were above the roof again, "Are you okay?" He asked Lucy in worry.

"No." Lucy choked, trying her best not to cry with Natsu looking, "I'm not."

She looked up at the dragon, her tears stinging her eyes anyway, and tried to understand what had happened to the dragon she'd fallen in love with. The one she'd thought was her partner and nothing could get between them.

She tried to open her mouth to say something, anything, but no words would form around the lump in her throat.

It seemed that even if she had been able to speak Natsu wasn't interested in hearing them anyway. His face, which had been open and raw with shock for a moment, went blank and then dark as he turned and stalked towards the other side of the roof.

"I'm leaving." He growled darkly, "Do yourself a favor and don't come looking for me. You wouldn't like what happens if you do."

Lucy watched as the one person she'd thought she could count on to always be by her side vanished, and lost her battle against her tears and pain.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I hope 2016 is great for everyone!