BELLA POV
On the walk back to my house from Jess's, I think back to leaving The Clubhouse last night. When I left, there was still no sign of Briggs.
Now that Jess says Briggs didn't come home last night, it makes me wonder if he's taken. Did he sleep at his girlfriend's place last night? Maybe he feels guilty about us talking like we did and that's why he won't even look at me. Even if he is taken, it changes absolutely nothing on my end.
With the combination of alcohol, Jake's seduction and my infatuation with him, everything got all switched up at the last minute. I had planned to see Briggs again, not Jake… and even though I'm glad that I did see Jake, I still want to see what Briggs is all about.
I don't regret what I've done with Jake by any means, I mean, I plan to live in the moment and be in the moment as much as possible now that Charlie is gone.
Life is so short, too short, to not be reckless. Life is too precious to waste one single second saying no to your wants, desires or needs. I vowed a few weeks ago that I wouldn't say no anymore. I won't be that girl anymore. I refuse to live by a set of rules placed by a society that doesn't even know me. Who's to say what's right and what's wrong? What's wrong for one, might be right for another and so on. We aren't a blanket people, I refuse to conform to a blanket set of guidelines.
I will live how I choose... to my liking and fuck if I'll feel any kind of anything I don't want to feel.
I just wish I could turn the sadness off when it creeps in. That ten minutes of numb I felt last night was heaven. The sex quieted all of it. Took me away. It didn't diminish it, but it sure did put a buffer on the pain. And I already crave that feeling again.
.
.
.
When the sun goes down, Alice calls me. She's back at The Clubhouse, helping the boys out and when she puts Jake on the phone, I stutter.
"Did you forget something last night?" His voice is deep and smooth.
I recognize him immediately and my tummy flips. I love the sound of his voice over the phone. A voice so similar to Josh Hartnett, that he could pass as a voiceover. Smooth, buttery tones.
I slide down into the sofa and smile.
"H… Hey." I hope he can hear my smile through the phone.
"You got outta here so quick last night that I didn't even get your number."
"Yeah... last night." I say timidly, remembering his mouth on me.
"What're you doing right now?"
"I'm just watching tv, hanging out... keeping it low key." I pull a loose thread on my jeans free, still grinning ear to ear.
"Last night shouldn't have ended. Come see me."
He's so forward. Right to the point. I'm not used to it. But I like it, it feels good to be wanted.
"I don't know. I'm pretty busy," I tease in a sing song voice.
"Alice will tell me where you live, so either you get your pretty ass back up here, or I'll be there within twenty minutes."
"Easy. Easy... okay," I laugh lightly, "I'll be there soon."
.
.
.
Operation get-a-boyfriend-to-make-Edward-jealous got off to a quick start.
While I'm happy about it all, something deep down whispers that I'm jumping into something I'm not quite ready for. But again, living in the moment and all.
At any rate, isn't this what I've always wanted?
Countless daydreams have played out in my head exactly this way. I meet back up with him, we come together in heated passion and Jake declares how I'm the love of his life and he's missed me every day that I've been gone.
And though the last part hasn't happened, I honestly never believed the first part would.
I waste no time digging through my closet, trying to find something a little sexier to wear.
.
.
.
"So let's hear it... what's your story, angel?" He grabs the toothpick, putting it in the corner of his mouth, eyes sparkling over at me.
"For starters, I'm not very interesting." I take a sip of my coke and continue, while he touches a finger to my knee… softly caressing as I speak. I wonder for a moment if he's even listening.
"I'm twenty-two, grew up here, moved to Arizona with my mom when I was nine, dad died, so I moved back." His finger stops moving and he takes the toothpick out of his mouth. I continue,"So, I inherited his house, his things, and now I'm sitting here, talking to you."
"Wait, what's your last name?" He looks at me with true concern.
"Swan."
"You're Charlie Swan's, Bella Swan?"
I nod, waiting to hear what he has to say... does he remember me now?
He tucks my fingers in his, bending his head, turning my hand over, and places a soft kiss on my wrist. His eyes come back to mine and he looks sincerely sorry.
He rises and continues, "I knew Charlie really well. Very close to him. Hell, I'm still processing it. It was a shock and a huge loss for all of us."
My face must reflect the melancholy mood that takes me over because he comes close, pulling my stool to his, and wraps his arm around me. It's still too soon you know? Just hearing Charlie's name still gives me a frog in my throat. It's the memories of him through other's eyes that stab me right in the chest. Those are the hardest to hear. I just miss him.
Immediately I block this feeling, this pain coming through. I just want to be normal. Not crying anytime someone drops a word. And though I feel open, exposed and vulnerable and this is really the last thing I want to talk about right now, I'll talk about anything with him. I mean, I've dreamed about this day for years now.
"Charlie was such a good man. Good person. He really looked out for all of us here. We carry the utmost respect for that man."
"Thank you" I tuck my hair behind my ear and continue, "I appreciate it. I miss him."
He pulls me closer and I study him. His beautiful tanned complexion and thick dark lashes. The stark whites of his eyes meet the brown edges that burst into gold rays, giving way to the most beautiful shade of mint that pools around, and bleeds to the outer edges, making intricate patterns of color. Truly exotic.
I hear what he's saying but his eyes distract me as he goes on.
He speaks quietly, "You know, I couldn't even make it to the funeral," He takes a sip of water and continues, "My dad and I ran into some trouble the night after Charlie died," He looks over his shoulder to the bar but continues, "So we were locked up until two days after the funeral."
He wipes his hand over his hair, tucking the toothpick back in the corner of his mouth, telling me what's on his mind, like I'm not a stranger, but someone he's known all along, "Shit's been crazy here since he died." He leans forward rubbing his hands on his knees. I can tell this subject really bothers him.
"Heat on our backs left and right. No shelter. Charlie would've never let this stuff go on." He turns back to me, bringing his arm up, tucking my hair behind my shoulder, rubbing my neck softly as he continues,"This new Sheriff… she's fucking crazy and she's got it out for all of us. It's one thing after another lately."
What I hear isn't surprising. I've heard stories for years about the type of guy Jake is, so it doesn't really concern me. Maybe I've just become accustomed to the idea of this bad boy that he is. Maybe I just like bad boys in general.
"But enough about me… let's hear more about you." He smiles bright at me, rubbing the back of my neck and I glow. I like how freely he touches me, like we've been this way for years.
I welcome the change of subject even if I dislike bringing attention to myself. "I'm not really that interesting. I have no life goals, aside from fun, happiness and health." I peek at him, shaking my head, like I have nothing more but I continue, " I know like ten people in this town," He holds his hand up, and I correct myself, "Okay, eleven." We both smile.
He puts both of my hands in his. "So, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that after last night, you're single?"
I blush at the mention of last night and agree with him. "I'm completely single."
"We can't have that." He shakes his head, "Nah... you should be mine." He's smiling wide, putting on the charm, enjoying this. His teeth clench down on the toothpick, moving it up and down.
"I don't mind it, being young, having fun, not being tied down," I look at him as I bring my straw to my lips and sip.
"Tied down, huh?" He cuts his eyes to me and I laugh as he teases.
He's got a gun metal grey t-shirt on and I admire how fit he is as he talks, "Nah, I get that. I've been single for years, myself… I'm getting to that point where the thought of coming home to someone at the end of a rough day, doesn't sound so bad, though."
There's not a pretentious note in his tone and I believe him. I can relate to wanting that feeling too and I nod.
"So what are your thoughts on love?" He tilts his head to the side. "You a hopeless romantic or one of those convinced that love isn't real?"
"No… I don't think that at all," I say. "I'd rather fall in love ten times and have my heart ripped apart all ten times, than to never have experienced it, you know?"
"You read my mind." He smiles.
When he stands and takes my hand, lacing his fingers through mine, he pulls me to stand. "I've gotta get outta here in ten minutes, so we have no time to waste, come on… let's go fall in love."
I giggle and grab my coke, as pulls me through the bar over to the dart board.
He grabs the darts out of the board while I put my drink on the table next to us. I look over at the girls and see they're all watching us.
.
.
.
It's been thirty minutes and Jake is late for something but he doesn't let it bother him. I like that he laughs and smiles a lot, and how he touches me constantly. He lets me win the last two rounds and kisses me softly, telling me that it's time for him to leave... he's really got to go. When we open the door, the white light from the posts drapes the gravel lot as we walk. When we reach my car, he's the perfect gentleman, touching my chin and bending to kiss me.
The tickly feeling, of my first crush kissing me, bubbles to the top when his lips touch mine and I'm come over with emotion, which I deliver into the kiss. He presses me against the car and our hands are moving, tongues are touching, those static thoughts in my mind are going silent, and we don't even leave space for breathing we're so close... full on making out in this gravel parking lot.
If something doesn't stop soon, we'll have a replay of last night, right here, on top of my car.
"Mmm. I need more of you." He speaks against my lips, reaching to stroke my neck, "I haven't stopped thinking about it." He's against me... breathing hard, lips still touching mine.
"Me either, " I lie.
While I have thought about it a lot since, I've thought about other stuff too. like Edward. And what an asshole he is and how I can't wait to give it right back to him, the same way he gave it to me at that party.
And Briggs. And what if. And why he's ignoring me.
He steps back after placing a kiss on my cheek. "I wanna call you later." He hands me his phone. "Punch in your number for me?"
I take his phone, tapping my name and number, handing it back to him with a soft smile.
One hand on my car, the other on my neck, he kisses my neck and asks, "When can I see you again?"
"Anytime, just call me." I move my face to kiss him first this time and he holds tight to me before gently pecking a last kiss on my lips.
He opens my door and while I get in my car he leans over the door. "I want you to think about what I said. About being mine." And then he turns to leave.
I watch him through my windshield as he walks through the lot, to the back of the compound and I feel excited, and wanted. It feels good... but I'm not ready to be tied down. I am ready to flaunt him in front of Edward though.
On the drive back, I enjoy the feelings of butterflies as I think about last night, and tonight. How Jake looks at me, touches me, speaks to me.
And then I pass a motorcycle and think about Briggs. Again.
When I see Jess's number light up on my phone, the decision to go straight to her house comes instantly.
When I answer she asks what I'm doing, and I tell her I'm on the way to her house. She tells me she's about to get in the shower, they've called her into work, to just come on in when I get there.
So I do.
And damn… it's there, parked on the side when I pull in.
He doesn't look up when I come in, he just keeps pressing out push ups on the floor. The top of his head is facing me, feet behind him. Shirt off, muscles bulging, and I think I might die if he looks at me right now, but I keep staring, quietly closing the door, laying my purse on the stairs.
When he stands and notices me there, he's larger than the room and the face of the tiger stretched across his stomach is wild... its mouth opening below right where his belly button is.
He takes one bud out and says "What's up." While grabbing and pulling one foot to his butt, stretching his leg.
"Just stopping by to see Jess for a minute."
He grabs his other leg, stretching it the same way and my eyes can't stay on his. I look at the muscles bulging from his sides, his abs... how even through all the ink, they're completely defined. He's got nothing but running shorts, earbuds hooked to an ipod and Nike's on. He looks like a Nike ad.
"I think she's in the shower." He stretches his arms now.
"Yeah, she told me."
Something is different between us. Tense.
He starts towards me and when he passes he says, "Going for a run. I'll catch you later." Putting his other ear piece in and walking out the door. I go straight to the window to watch him as he jogs down the stairs, stopping at the mailbox to stretch more.
He crosses his legs, bending at the waist to touch his toes. When he's satisfied with his stretch, he looks back and sees me there, just staring. I don't move because I don't mind that he knows I'm watching him, I mean I was pretty forward about my attraction to him last night, why hide it now?
We share a look and the cold steel in his eyes sends feelings through me that I don't like. Feelings that I'm on a shaky path right now.
And he's off.
I'm not leaving until he gets back.
A/N: For all on Team Briggs, you're my favorites. I truly love you. Your time will come, and good things come to those who wait, I assure you.