Edward… 23 years old
I'll be the first to admit it. Sex is a necessity. And at my age, sex is mandatory.
No matter how much I hate the idea of relationships and all that shit, that's exactly where I found myself two years ago, just after my 21st birthday.
My dad's new business partner had a daughter that was cute. She had brains, a nice body and she was into me. But the best thing about her? She was a safe bet.
I didn't have to treat her like shit to keep her away from me, because she was no threat. I didn't feel any type of weird feelings when I was around her, she never mentioned the L-word and I benefited from my relationship with her father.
Back when I first met them, I used to race whatever I could get my hands on… but when my Dad's clientele moved from dealership sales to contacts looking for luxury cars… that's when he partnered up with Davis Enterprises.
I met Brooke at the company dinner that night, where her dad drove up in a pearl white Bugatti and she stepped out of the passenger side looking like the sexiest thing, with her dark brown hair. She reminded me of a girl in a stolen picture frame, that I kept hidden in my room. I was instantly drawn to her. But, when I saw that car, there was no stopping me. I wanted to be behind that wheel.
So that night, I got to know Mr. Davis. We talked briefly about cars, racing and the sorts. Turned out, he was also a speed enthusiast just like I am and he knew about the underground racing scene. Ironically, he remembered me from a few of my past races. And that's when he agreed to turn over the keys to the Bugatti and let me take it for a spin.
I've never been more hard in my life, than sitting in the driver's seat of that fucking Bugatti. And in return for the kind gesture, I didn't fuck his daughter that night.
It was two weeks later, after we made a side deal that worked for both of us, that I fucked her. Right on the hood of that Bugatti as it sat in her daddy's garage.
So now, not only is my father in business with Mr. Davis, but I've sold my soul as well.
The rest is history… I gave Brooke the girlfriend title so I can get pussy without hassle. And okay, I do like her more than any other girl I've fucked before. But mainly, I like that I get to race luxury cars that most people don't have access to. And I get paid for doing it.
It's a two hour drive to where she goes to school, so I don't have to see her all the time, which is a good thing. I should have enough money saved to buy the car I want after these next two races, so I'm trying my fucking hardest to hold on.
She knows where I stand, though. It's not like you need a fucking book to read me, I've been honest from go.
And two years ago…when this all started, all I could think was what could go wrong? And now… everything is wrong.
This girlfriend shit is breaking me down. I know it's going fucking nowhere, and on top of that, I'm feeling trapped.
The second I break his daughter's heart, the easy money and the cars... it's all gonna be over. He'll cut me off.
So I'm just biding my time, accepting the late night phone calls I get from her while she's still at college, and saving every penny I have.
After my mom left, there was no one to coddle me and say the words I love you. So, there are times when the touching and hugging stuff feels foreign to me, and she gets it. She doesn't push.
But there are other times, when I pretend she's someone else, and it feels good. So fucking good it scares the shit out of me.
So I push that feeling far far away. Just like the times when I try to remember my mother's face and the way it felt when she held me, except it's blurry. And not only that, there's something there, in those reflections, that's so damn deep and painful that I dismiss it. Block it out.
Because love is such a fucking lie.
Or it's so true and painful that I want it to be.
The only memories I have of that word are in the frame I keep in a drawer and blurred memories of my mother that I'm not even sure are real anymore.
It's been so long, so many years.
.
.
.
A few weeks later...
Charlie left me a message last week. Said it was important, he had something he needed to talk to me about and I didn't call him back.
I didn't stop by the other day, when I had the chance either. I was busy... I kept thinking, "I'll call him tomorrow, or I'll stop by tonight," and with all the shit going on between my job, my dad, my living situation and my goddamn girlfriend, I've just put it off.
And now, as I lean against a tree across the cemetery, I look on from a distance as people dressed in black hug and cry, each tugging a flower from the top of the casket before leaving.
I'll never know what Charlie needed to tell me now.
But I'll always know what Charlie told me while he was here.
And that's what makes this day the hardest for me.
Before getting to know Charlie, I didn't believe love existed. I didn't believe it was real, but Charlie consistently showed me what it was like to truly care for another person in the ways he cared for me through the years.
I watched him go from Officer Swan to Chief Swan and he watched me change none.
I can't count the nights I spent on Charlie's couch, on his porch, in his cruiser, listening to his comforting words of wisdom after he'd picked me up yet again and saved me from another charge or ticket.
Charlie never judged me.
He only ever showed me mercy and kindness.
Not only did he inspire me to be a better man, though I'm not, he gave me hope.
Charlie showed me love.
And now? He's fucking gone too.
People always leave.
When I see the men close the vault and start to lower the casket, something inside me shatters, and for the first time in my adult life, tears fall from my eyes.
I can hear Charlie's words in the back of my mind as his casket lowers out of sight and it steals every breath I have.
I kept putting off becoming a better man, just like I put off calling him back... and now he'll never see the difference he made in my life.
He'll never know that I loved him.
And this is why that word has never appealed to me. It hurts. Who wants this kind of pain?
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.
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A/N: One more short Edward POV coming right up and then it's go time.