Disclaimer - I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. Yet...

'Get those socks in the centre!' I shouted at the Private Blackhammer. He dumped them in the centre of my transmutation circle. 'No, not like that, man! Do you think I can transmuate this disorganised mess with any precision? They must be neat! Arrange them properly, dammit!'

Private Blackhammer is a new recruit, and it shows. Look at how he places the socks with an inconsistent angle, or not in the same direction! Disgraceful! Eventually however, he manages to get them all arranged neatly. 'Very good.' I checked over my transmutation circle, before noticing something terrible. 'Private Blackhammer, where is the replacement sock cloth?'

'Er, I don't know?' Private Blackhammer replied nervously. 'There wasn't any in the store cupboard.'

'What?' I shouted, aghast. I ran to the stores, but to my horror Blackhammer was right. Only a few strips of material (scrap wool cloth, black or undyed) remained in the crate. 'This is impossible! We should have had some more delivered yesterday!' I unfortunately was not in that day, due to some trifling matter of my son's birthday.

Blackhammer saluted. 'Shall I pop into the city to get some more, sir?'

'Are you mad, man? We can't go wasting money on buying more than we need!' I was torn by indecision. Despite what I said, if I didn't get the material then dozens of socks would remain with holes in them. That could mean a full company of soldiers walking around barefoot! Part from their shoes.

And possibly they have spare socks. But that is beside's the point.

It was time for me, Egbert Lomgwood, to go into action once more!

'I will track down the material!' I said, gathering things I would need on my mission – whip, cloak, transmutation gloves, bus ticket – and headed out the door. 'Hold the fort, Blackhammer! Defend it with your life!'

My first port of call was the quartermaster, Major Arling. The man is, in my most humble opinion, a slight oaf. His attitude was most casual, thinking such things of no importance to his work. Does he not realise that discipline permeates into all things? As such, he would be commonly found amongst the piles of crates, him and his men half out of their uniforms. Right now, he sat on a bag of potatoes, cigarette on his ear, flicking through a clipboard.

'There's your problem.' He pointed at a piece of paper. 'The scrap cloth from East Area got marked for Central High Security Prison. We sent it there instead.'

'How could this have happened?' I asked, trying to contain my righteous anger. 'Why was it not delivered correctly?'

'Hey, don't be like that.' Arling took a puff of smoke. 'They get sent a lot of it, and you only were to get a few bags. It's an honest mistake. I'll send a lad over there in a few days to get it.'

'A few days! Why not now?'

'Look, it's just a few rags. I have a big munitions shipment at the moment, and a hundred over to sort out. It'll be dealt with soon enough.'

This was intolerable! A decision was made in my mind. 'Do not worry about that, Major Arling.' I replied, turning away. 'I will deal it with it personally!'

I knew that I had much to do. It would be a busy night. For you see, while at first glance the solution might seem unthinkable, a second thought would prove it unthinkable to not do it. The lesser treachery to prevent a greater treachery, you see.

For I had to break into the prison!

I am no fool, however. I realise that this would be a difficult task. The prison was high security, with a large number of guards present. I would not be bold enough to suggest that I could defeat them by myself. Instead another idea occurred to me.

In the prison is rumoured to lay a prisoner of some great infamy. His name is Solf Kimberly, once known as the Crimson Alchemist. While I cannot claim to be a friend, State Alchemists are well aware of each other, especially those who serve in the military. And while I loathed to do it, I realised that it was a necessary evil. I would pretend to visit Kimberly, and then use his inside knowledge to locate the material I require. It was the only choice left to me!

In preparation, I decided to purchase a gift for Kimberly. However, I struggled over the purchase. I had not interacted with him enough to know his opinion on such things. Eventually, I decided to get him a scarf. One can never go wrong with one of those.

I walked up to the guard at the entrance to the prison, and showed him my pocket watch. 'Egbart Longwood, Cloth Alchemist. I need to visit a prisoner.'

The guard saluted. 'What's the reason, sir?'

I probably should have thought of that. I said the first thing in my head. 'It's his birthday. Can't be alone on your birthday! A terrible thing!' I got by by quoting my son from last night.

'Yes, sir.' The guard lead me into the entrance of the prison. 'Who is it you want to see?'

'Solf Kimberly.' I replied. 'The Crimson Alchemist.'

'Er sir, I'm afraid that that prisoner is under the highest security. Your clearance won't allow you to see him. Sorry sir.'

'That is a shame.' I said. 'By the way, your dress uniform might be a bit delayed. It might not be ready till after your parade.'

The soldier was torn with indecision for a moment. It hurt me to do stoop this low, but needs must. Eventually he said 'I'll need to search you first, sir.'

'Of course! In fact, I insist it! Search everywhere! Everywhere.' As I suspected, the search was inimal and most certainly not everywhere.

Finally, the soldier brought a out a signed slip of paper. 'Here sir, you can see him. I'll escort you through.'

'That won't be necessary, soldier. I'll do it myself.' I said, gathering my things.

'Sorry, sir, I must insist. I need to be with you.'

Time for plan B, it seemed. I grabbed his clothing, and transmuted it. The threads wrapped together, turning his uniform into a straight jacket. A second turned his hat into a gag. I picked him up, and put him in a side room. 'I'll be out in a few minutes, don't you worry. You can check afterwards no one escaped. Keep quiet, and you'll get a few new socks for yourself at the end of it.' He seemed to nod.

With the notice in my hand, I walked through the prison, towards the Crimson Alchemist. Eventually I reached the cell in which Kimberly was held. He had his hands in wooden cuffs. 'Well, if it isn't the Laundry Alchemist. It's been a long time. When was it I last was saw you? Seven years ago? In Ishval?'

'Hello Kimberly.' I said, then began whispering. 'I need your help.'

'Really?' Kimberly leaned back against the wall. How dare he! He should stand up straight in a fellow officers presence! 'And why does a respectable Alchemist need the help of a mass murderer like me?'

'I need to know where the supplies for the prison uniforms are kept.' I continued.

'Ah, is that it?' Kimberly grinned. 'So why should I help you at all? What's in it for me.'

'I got you a scarf.'

'Yeah, ok.' Kimberly said, taking the scarf from me. 'The supply closets down the central hall, at the eastern side.'

'Thank you.' I said, walking off briskly, looking out for guards.

The storage unit was a big building, but thankfully there were no guards outside it. As I entered, I saw it was a large building, utterly full of a huge number of materials. The only thing for me to do was begin searching.

It took me a long time to find the bags of cloth. They were located at the back of the storage room, next to what looked like some tunnel. At finding the three bags I needed, stamped with my department on them, I must confess to not noticing the other figure till they called out to me.

'Hey! What are you doing here?'

I turned around. It was a suit of armour, with a cleaver in its hand. Was this another moving suit of armour? I have to say I detest of this new fashion!

'I am just here to collect some supplies. Won't be jiffy!' I reply, picking up one of the bags.

'Oh yeah? I don't recognise you. What's your name?' the suit asked me.

'I am Major Egbart Longwood, The Cloth Alchemist. At your service.' I replied.

'Ah, I don't know your name. And if I don't know your name, and you come wandering around here, then it means I can chop you up!' And the suit leaped up, cleaver held high. How dare he! No honourable man would use a cleaver to kill a man! He should use a sword at least!

I flickered out my cloak and transmutated it out towards my foe. The cloak slapped into his helmet, blinding him. I took this opening to leap behind a pile of crates.

'Ah!' the suit shouted. 'Running away, are we? Well come on out, so we can kill you!' I was in fact planning to come out as he asked. But I would do it upon my own terms! I pulled out my whip, and slipped it over onto the path of the suit, and then I transmutated the whip, flicking it around his leg. I pulled, flipping the suit onto the floor with a loud THUNK, and allowing me to jump forward in a majestic arc. Like a kite. The bird, of course. Other kites are far less graceful.

My landing brought my foot down on the suits hand, kicking the cleaver up and into my hand. The suit pulled himself up, and grabbed onto my whip. The two of us held onto the whip with pressure on each other.

We stared at each other. I stared at him. He stared at me. And he let go, and ran away. 'Fine, I won't kill you!' the suit shouted, running towards a door in the tunnel. I was stunned for a moment. How dare he run from a game of tug-of-war?

I attempted to give chase, but the suit was fast. He got into the door, and locked it behind him. To my dismay, the door was not made of fabric. I sighed. One day.

I picked up the bags, and left the room. As I got the entrance, I went to the guard and transmutated his clothes back. We had a quick discussion, and came to an agreement.

I arrived back the next day, to find Private Blackhammer still in the room. He looked a little tired. 'Sir, can I be excused? I haven't slept for twenty four hours.'

'Your sleeping schedule is your own problem, private!' I replied, placing down the bags. 'Now go get some Ishvalan cotton!' A few sheets of that should keep the prison guard quiet. But for now, I had to deal with these socks with holes in them!

Well, challenges had to be overcome, but I eventually managed to get the material I need. Dozens of men will be able to go on patrol with all their clothes, and I saved a total of a 1000 cens! Though, I did have to spend that amount for a scarf, and more for the guards bribe. But regardless! The delays have been prevented, and people can sleep at night knowing that the efficiency of my department is maximised as much as possible! But we must be always vigilant! So soon will it will necessary for me, Egbart Longwood, the Cloth Alchemist, to do his duty again!

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