Chapter 60
Quynn had watched the incident as if it were a movie in which she had somehow participated and she expected Staefyn to release her from his memories once she had seen how Xuxa had entrapped him. But he was not done and what followed surprised her so much that she wondered what was true and what was his imagination. She had always thought that Taeron and Amyr were close friends, but the truth was that Amyr treated Taeron as if he were a troublesome servant that he was glad to palm off to Staefyn. So Taeron and Staefyn would sneak away, finding deserted corners of the palace, and when they had grown, in the city, and when they visited the Guerani Hills, which they did frequently, they returned alone to the hot spring.
Taeron and Staefyn were closer than many brothers as they grew, and if Amyr noticed, he did not seem to care as his attention was diverted by females and he was glad not to be troubled with them. Staefyn's powers grew and Taeron did not care when Staefyn read his mind, and he liked it when Staefyn healed the usual cuts and scrapes he got as a child although he often cautioned Staefyn to heal sparingly because he might harm himself in the process and Taeron might have a difficult time explaining how this cut or that bruise had suddenly disappeared.
They did not see the old woman again for several years even though they frequently spent time at the hot spring, and once or twice they had sought the old woman's hut and failed to find it. Staefyn did not care because he was uneasy when he thought of the crone. He was sure she was dead, that she could not have survived the harsh conditions of the hills in the cold months or the rainy season.
The year that Amyr came of age, Taeron had more time to spend with Staefyn because Amyr would spend hours in the day lying in his pillows with naked females. Whenever they were in the practice yard, Amyr would become distracted by them and Taeron and Staefyn would abandon their own practice to discreetly follow him when Amyr followed a female to a secluded corner where they would see them rubbing their bodies together.
Taeron and Staefyn laughed about his foolishness until the time came that Taeron was no longer a child and Staefyn was disappointed that Taeron often watched females when they passed by. Staefyn would turn to see what interested him and he could not understand why Taeron would watch a female's rolling hips with his jaw slack. Before he realized what was happening, Taeron was spending more time in Amyr's shadow and he caught him more than once touching a female that had pushed him against the wall to rub herself against him. Staefyn knew the female had been sent by Amyr, and when such females tried to accost Staefyn, he shoved them away, disgusted and revolted to the point of nausea by their touch.
He told Taeron about his reaction to them and Taeron was puzzled that Staefyn did not feel the excitement he did with females. He suggested asking Apolo about it, but Staefyn did not want his uncle knowing about his problem, not when Apolo watched him suspiciously as it was. Staefyn had kept the Guerani from touching his hands and he was careful to use his powers far from them, but it was harder and harder until he learned that he could block him from sensing him.
The first few times he had used a ward, it had been weak and Staefyn hid from Apolo when he turned his head to find the source of the power. Fortunately Shamara had been nearby, so his uncle believed it had been her. After that, Staefyn did not practice warding his powers from his uncle unless his sister was nearby so that they would think the other had done something. The first time he had used his powers to read Amyr's thoughts when his mother was nearby, the risk was offset by the joy at discovering he could block her. Then again, his mother did not often use her powers for fear that the imperials would brand her a sorceress and demand her removal.
He learned to initiate trances on his own, the first time taking himself to the hot spring even though it was winter and very cold in the hills, and when he told Taeron about it, Taeron wanted to go as well, so he pulled Taeron along with him. They did it many times, spending many days together in the hills and at the hotsprings, and Staefyn was glad that he could offer Taeron something that Amyr and his females could not.
But that enjoyable experience was cut short when Taeron suddenly became obsessed with pleasing Lord Duo so that governor of the second moon would claim him. Staefyn was sure that Lady Larya had lied to Taeron about his father, that Lord Duo would not have mated with the abhorrent female, but when he offered to find out the truth for Taeron by using his powers, he stubbornly refused and forbade Staefyn from doing so. He claimed it would be disloyal to his mother to ask a Guerani confirm the truth of what she had always claimed. Staefyn did not want to know the truth. If Taeron's mother had lied to him, he would be devastated and if he confirmed her claim, he would be equally hurt to know for certainty that Lord Duo rejected him for no good reason.
Although Staefyn trained with Taeron, Chaela and Amyr, he did not put in near the effort that Taeron did in his obsession to be an imperial guard. Amyr usually grew quickly bored and often he slipped away as Staefyn and Chaela remained to watch Taeron perform feats that awed their instructors. Staefyn was happy for the brother of his heart and when they finished with instruction for the day, they spent many hours talking about the future. Taeron pressed Staefyn to tell his family about his powers, but Staefyn was afraid they would send him away to train with Apolo at the Edgeland Fortress, especially since he showed little aptitude for being a warrior. Staefyn did not want to be separated from Taeron, and when he begged Taeron to help him with his training, they would return to the practice field when it was deserted to train, but they spent more hours in trances that left Staefyn exhausted but which allowed him to earn his imperial sword.
As it turned out, they were fated to be separated anyway. Taeron and Staefyn were sitting in Staefyn's room on a mat near the window and they were about to enter a trance when Chaela burst into the room with the news that she overheard her parents discussing Taeron's future. Shamara was returning soon from Bayman and she heard their father say that it was time for Taeron to undertake the test to become an imperial guard.
While Taeron was speechless with joy at the news, thinking that being Amyr's imperial guard was the pinnacle of his life's work, Staefyn was sad to hear that he would lose Taeron. Taeron would have to spend all his time with Amyr, guarding him every moment of the day. They would no longer be able to visit the hot spring together, not in this world, not in a trance. So Staefyn suggested that they take a trip to the hills together one last time. Because they often visited the hills, they were not questioned when they requested an escort to Edgeland Fortress, but Amyr demanded to accompany them. Staefyn had read his thoughts to discover that he was growing bored with the females at the imperial palace and expected to glut himself on Apolo's daughters. Apolo's daughters were females that he had rescued as infants from exposure in the Wastelands that some imperials had stubbornly refused to cease. He had nearly a dozen young females at the fortress, but Amyr was a fool if he thought Apolo was going to let him touch any of them.
Amyr accompanied them anyway and Staefyn was annoyed that he kept Taeron's attention focused on him on the two day ride to the fortress. But once they got there, Taeron assured him that he would slip away with Staefyn to the hot spring. Taeron knew it would probably be the last time they would do so and Staefyn felt that Taeron's sadness matched his own.
But the morning they had planned to ride to the hills together, Staefyn waited for Taeron to join him, his horse saddled and ready for him, but Taeron did not come out, so Staefyn went in search of him. He found Taeron with Amyr, and they were flirting with a couple of pretty serving women, touching them where they should not, allowing the females to touch them, and Staefyn felt physically sick to watch.
Angry at what he perceived as Taeron's betrayal, Staefyn mounted his horse and rode away from the fortress as fast as he could. The wind dried the tears to his cheeks and he ignored the voices in the wind that called out to him, trying to comfort him. Staefyn went to the hot spring alone, ordering his escort to wait down the road, far enough away that they would not see where he went. This was his and Taeron's private place and he would not have it spoiled by his father's guards.
He knew they mocked him because he did not join Amyr and Taeron in their diversions; Staefyn knew that Apolo questioned his manhood and wondered if his uncle had sent the female to his room after they celebrated his coming of age. Staefyn did not want to think about how terrible that experience had been, and the only thing that kept it from being completely shaming was that he was able to block the female's memories so she could not report his failure. Knowing how his father had felt at having his own memories taken from him, Staefyn had to fight guilt at doing the same to another, but he did not want his uncle to know. Staefyn was also starting to feel guilty about not telling anyone about his powers when they first came to him seven years earlier. His parents would be upset, if not angry, for his secrecy. Staefyn hadn't planned for it to go on for so long, but he enjoyed this one thing he shared with Taeron.
As he neared the path that would take him to the spring, he began to feel warm and he wondered if the water would be too hot, and when a wave of weariness rolled over him, he thought he should go back.
Suddenly a shadow moved and Staefyn felt momentary fear until his body suddenly became rigid and a heat that he had never felt before engulfed him. The part of him that had not reacted no matter what the female sent to him had done to try to arouse him did so now with painful swiftness. He detected a scent on the wind that scrambled his thoughts, and he climbed off his horse to follow it to its source.
When the old woman stepped from the shadows, Staefyn thought he should be repulsed, and his mind screamed at him to turn away, but his feet took him quickly to her. His heart was pounding and blood was rushing through his body, making his knees weak with wanting something from this female.
She was even more wretched than he remembered, but he closed the distance to her and he could not even control what he did then. What he had seen Amyr and Taeron do with females could not even compare what he did to that old crone in the shadow of a tree. No part of his being saw anything wrong with how he used her, and she responded by guiding him, teaching him to please her.
They did not even stop until he was too hungry and thirsty to continue, and then she took him to a small cave near the hot spring to which she had moved when imperials had chased bandits into the area. They did not believe she wasn't harboring them, so they burned down her hut and she had been moving around to keep the imperials and clansmen alike from finding her until she recently discovered the cave. Staefyn did not even care about her story. He demanded that she ease the persistent ache he felt and she knew many ways to do so.
Staefyn did not leave for several days, and even then he was reluctant, but she assured him that she would remain there for him. His escort had made a camp to wait for him, not surprised that he would stay away so long since they had been with him and Taeron several times and saw nothing unusual in his absence. But Staefyn was surprised to find Taeron with them.
"Where have you been?" he demanded, seizing Staefyn's arm and dragging him away from the other men so that they could not hear. "I was worried about you! I went to the spring but you were not there!"
"When did you go?" asked Staefyn. "I waited for you that morning and you did not come to meet me." He could not keep the resentment from creeping into his voice.
Taeron's face flushed guiltily and he ran a nervous hand through his long hair. "I am sorry. I was … distracted."
After what he experienced, Staefyn could now understand Taeron's attraction to the females. He smiled at him. "You did not have to worry about me. The ancestors kept me company." By the gods, that female was old enough to be an ancestor!
"We can go in the morning without worrying that Amyr will bother us. Apolo is angry at him because he tried to seduce Iliaene, so he sent him back to Imperia three days ago. I have been looking for you since then."
Staefyn was as glad as Taeron that Amyr was gone and he read in Taeron easily enough that he was happy to spend time alone with him. Since the second sun was setting, they settled in the camp and Staefyn was glad to have back the Taeron that he had grown up with. As they reminisced about their visits to the Guerani Hills, Staefyn realized that he was not losing Taeron. Their friendship was deep enough to survive any separation. He knew the wisdom came from the ancestors whose whispers eased the ache he felt at the prospect of losing Taeron. They told him that Taeron would always be there for him, that they had long ago accepted him as the brother of his heart.
When they grew tired, Taeron held Staefyn under his cloak with him and he spoke of his deepest wishes, of his desire to have Lord Duo look him in the eye and call him son. Staefyn ached for Taeron, but he was afraid he could not help him, but long after Taeron fell asleep in his arms he wondered what he could do short of betraying his oath not to use his powers regarding his father. He had no answer before he fell asleep except that he must trust the gods to help Taeron.
He awoke some time during the night before first sunrise, and he felt overly warm. Knowing the cause, he eased away from Taeron and after quietly taking his horse, he led it away from the camp before mounting to head back towards the hot spring. When he had come close enough, he hid his horse tied to a fallen tree, then hurried away, ducking into the bushes and following his instincts to reach the crone's cave. She was not surprised that he had returned and welcomed him eagerly. He did not care that the cave reeked of whatever animal had inhabited it before she found it or that the weeds she used as bedding were not fresh. He had a great need that only she could ease and she did so in many ways that numbed his mind with pleasure.
Time had no meaning for him in that cave, and when he was coherent enough to understand her, she told him that she was his mate, that she had known that the gods had chosen him for her when she first saw him that day at the hot spring. Staefyn did not question her because he knew by the reaction of his body that she was telling the truth, and he would not question the will of the gods for pairing him with this female. He was too happy to be with her and did whatever she asked so that she would not regret the gods' choice for her mate.
He did not know how many passings of the suns had gone by, but this morning when he awoke in her arms, he sensed that their seclusion was about to be invaded. Staefyn gently nudged her and she made a mewling sound of protest that she was too tired. He considered proving her wrong, but he was more concerned about protecting her.
Pulling on his leggings and boots, Staefyn seized his sword and he stepped out of the cave.
He almost did not see him, but Staefyn sensed his presence. Taeron stood nearby in the shadows created by the first sunrise, his own sword in his hand.
"What are you doing here, Staefyn? Why did you not return?" Taeron was hurt and Staefyn was almost staggered by the depth of his feeling. But Taeron glanced at the cave and Staefyn moved to put himself between Taeron and the cave where his mate lay sleeping.
"You should not have come here." For the first time, Staefyn felt that what he was doing was wrong, unnatural, and he saw it mirrored in Taeron's eyes.
"Who is in there, Staefyn?"
Staefyn swallowed nervously and he could not say the words that he should.
But she stepped out then, and she was wearing Staefyn's tunic to cover her aged body. As repulsive as she must looke in Taeron's eyes, Staefyn wanted to tear the garment form her body and claim her again and again.
"I am his mate," she announced. Her eyes raked Taeron and she sneered. "I remember you. You are Larya's bastard."
Taeron started and he swiveled his head to spear Staefyn with his dumbfounded gaze. "Is this true?"
Staefyn reluctantly nodded. "She is the mate the gods intend for me."
He had a small hope that Taeron might be happy that he had found a mate, but Taeron raised his sword and he headed toward her. Staefyn quickly threw up his sword and stepped between them.
Taeron was shocked. "You cannot expect to challenge me over this foul witch!"
"She is my mate," Staefyn said through gritted teeth. Why didn't Taeron understand?
"By the gods! Are you that much of a fool?" Taeron shoved his sword back in its scabbard and he turned his menacing gaze on her. "Who are you? How have you done this to Prince Staefyn?" He looked at Staefyn. "She has bewitched you! Can you not see?"
Staefyn did not know what to say, but she laughed. "I do not use spells. I have done what women have done since the beginning of time to protect themselves."
Staefyn did not know what she was talking about, but Taeron looked at him. "Did you take her blood? Did she bond you to her?"
He shook his head, ready to deny it, but when he looked at her, he saw her clench her hand at her side, the smile on her thin lips and then he knew what she had done to him many years ago. Gods! How had he been so stupid? Tears sprang to his eyes and when he met Taeron's gaze, he saw that his dear brother felt as much sorrow as if Staefyn had taken a sword to his heart. Staefyn knew that his life was over.
She seemed to fear for her own survival because she hurried to Staefyn and seized his arm. "He will kill me!"
"He won't kill you," Staefyn said dully, hating that his body wanted hers even now with Taeron looking upon them with revulsion.
"Do you even know your mate's name?" asked Taeron. "Did you intend to creep out here to mate with her in secret?"
She stiffened behind him. "I am not this princeling's dirty secret to hide in the hills awaiting his pleasure. I am Xuxa, lady of emperor Zeno's court! I will return to my place at his side!"
Taeron stumbled back in shock and Staefyn quivered in response. He knew who Xuxa was, had heard the stories of her machinations at his grandfather's court, and while part of him was sickened by what she had done to him, he had no choice now but to protect her.
Taeron turned to leave and Xuxa pushed Staefyn after him. "You have to kill him! He will tell others and they will hunt me! You must protect me!"
Her terror leeched into Staefyn, so he quickly headed after Taeron, to prevent him from reaching their escort. But Taeron was running and only Staefyn's fear for his mate enabled him to catch up and with a final leap at him, he tackled Taeron to the ground. They struggled for several moments, wrestling for dominance until Taeron drew a dagger and pushed the point under Staefyn's chin.
They both knew he could kill him, but Staefyn knew that he would not, had read it in his thoughts. But Taeron was not going to let him kill him either and he did not know what to do.
Tears glistened in Taeron's dark eyes. "I cannot kill you, Staefyn."
"I know."
"Will you kill me?" Taeron was afraid even though he held the dagger.
"Put aside the blade. I will not kill you. But I cannot risk you telling anyone about Xuxa."
"What are you going to do?" Taeron's breathing was erratic, and Staefyn knew he was afraid of his powers now, and he could see that his glowing eyes reflected in Taeron's wide eyes.
Staefyn was sad that after all that they shared, the brother of his heart feared him, but he had not choice in what he must do. He held Taeron's gaze for a moment longer until Taeron was unable to move and Staefyn pried the dagger from his hand. After tossing it aside, he quickly seized his hands, and straddling him, he lowered their joined hands to his side and leaned forward to peer into his eyes.
"I am so sorry, Taeron. There is nothing else I can do."
Tears spilled out the corners of Taeron's eyes, but he was unable to speak what Staefyn felt pouring from his heart. Nobody knew more than Staefyn how moved Taeron was by the story of what Dax the Demon had done to Staefyn's father and now Staefyn had no choice but to take from Taeron what they both had held precious for so long.
Closing his own eyes to blot out Taeron's blurry face and bank his own tears, Staefyn entered Taeron's mind. Taeron's heart was racing, his mind screaming in agony as Staefyn rifled through his memories, twisting them, moving their private moments, their shared joys, their sorrows and any memory of Xuxa. He pushed the memories into a far corner of his mind and wrapped them with a seal so tight that they could never escape. The experience had drained him as much as it had Taeron, so when he finished and opened his eyes, Staefyn dragged himself away to retch nearby. Taeron lay staring up at the sky, his eyes blank, his face emotionless, so Staefyn returned to whisper instructions in his ear before he stumbled away to find Xuxa.
She was pacing outside the cave, twisting her hands before her, and when she saw him, she threw herself at him with relief. He was disgusted that he wanted to take her there, but he managed to hold her at arm's length.
"I have taken his memories."
Her lip curled and her face darkened with anger. "Do you think it will last? Your pathetic grandfather did it to Trey, and did that last?"
Staefyn saw her for what she was for the first time. "You did this to me to revenge yourself on my father?"
"And that Wasteland whore!" she sneered. "She caused the death of my son!" Seeing his dismay, she laughed and put her hand under his chin. "Does it matter? You are mine now." She slid her finger down his chin, down his chest and while his mind screamed to end her life, his body ached for the relief that only she could give him.
But she withdrew her hand and his knees buckled in physical disappointment. "Go kill him."
"I won't." He did not know where he found the strength to deny her, but he could not kill Taeron.
"I will do it myself."
Staefyn could not physically harm her, but he hoped he could prevent her from killing Taeron. He quickly followed her to where he had left him lying helpless in the grass, but Taeron was gone, and Xuxa crept through the forest until she came to the road. They hid among the bushes to watch as Taeron was mounting a horse brought to him by the escort.
"Where is Prince Staefyn?" asked one of the men.
Taeron shrugged his shoulders. "He must have returned to the fortress. I saw no sign of him." Staefyn was grimly pleased to hear him speak aloud the thoughts he had given to him. He was sure that Taeron's memory of what he had seen was completely blocked and as he watched him ride away with the men, Staefyn felt overwhelming sadness.
"We will find another way to dispose of him," murmured Xuxa, tugging his hand. "Come with me. I must teach you the consequences of your actions, and then I will forgive you."
He had no choice but to follow. His future belonged to Xuxa.
"One moment of arrogance, a lifetime of regret."
The whispered words brought Quynn back to the present, but when she turned her head to look for Staefyn, she saw that he was gone, leaving behind feelings of grief and sorrow. She burst into tears, not just for what Staefyn had taken from Taeron, but for what Staefyn had lost.