It's official.
I'm a pussy.
Against my better judgement, I took Emmett's advice to be totally honest and put myself out there. To show Bella my softer side, whatever that is.
I didn't even know I had a softer side.
And now I've never wanted to break into someone's house and find their phone to delete my voice mails, more in my life.
If this doesn't payoff- and I'll know by her tone and her words, if it did- Emmett's gonna get his skull cracked.
She's got my balls in her hand and she's pulling towards her… leaving me anchored right here, waiting for her acknowledgement.
I don't even care if she texts or calls back just to say fuck you, it's not happening. Which, I would change her mind if that's the case, but regardless... I need an answer.
This waiting isn't good for me. I fucked up three orders by noon today. And just now, I was supposed to order the brake pads for a 2014 model Silverado and ordered and a catalytic converter instead.
I decide to turn my phone on silent until I'm through the orders on my desk, and I toss it in the drawer.
About an hour and a half later, I double check the written orders, comparing them to the one's I've just placed online, and I lean back in my chair, saying a silent thank you to God that I was able to correct my fuck ups from this morning and get these last orders in right.
I reach into the drawer and pull my phone out to see a few notifications, one being a missed call from Bella.
Of course she would call the minute I put my phone down.
There's no voicemail but then again, that's not an option.
I don't call her back and I don't even think about it. I lock my office and ignore everyone on my way through the lobby, walking fast to my car.
Tires grip the pavement as I accelerate toward her house.
When there's no answer at her door I decide to just wait here.
We're gonna talk face to face. I won't push, but one way or another, I've gotta know how it's gonna be.
If I can just see her eyes… read her body language, I'll know.
When I hear commotion downstairs, I hang up the phone, tossing it on Briggs' pillow.
The second I turn the corner from the top of the stairs I look down to see Seth pulling Jess off her feet and into a soft sweet hug. Jake stands behind them, as they shuffle into the living room. He shuts the door and senses me coming down.
When I'm halfway down the stairs we look at each other, and it's not awkward like I anticipated… there's no guilt or tension in his eyes, and I don't feel any animosity or resentment.
My life has changed so much since my last rendezvous with Jake that it's just not important— what we used to be. So we both give each other half smiles, like friends do, and we say hi to each other.
He hugs me when I get closer to the bottom step and it's genuine and friendly, not a come-on type of hug.
Seth has carried Jess into the kitchen, I can hear her giggling and the muffled sounds he's making against her neck. Jake and I are alone in the foyer and he speaks first. "Can we talk?"
"Sure," I tell him, making my way to the sofa where I slouch down into the comfy cushions.
Jake looks really good today as always, layered in distressed denim and black leather… his shiny black hair is styled to perfection with a clean distinct part high on the side. The whites of his eyes give way to the almost fluorescent mints and ambers and when he smiles at me like this is awkward for him, I reach out, touching his hand to tell him everything's cool.
"You know it wasn't about you, right?" He says this with sincerity.
To be honest, my pride is a little bruised but I'm so cool with it… because he's right. It's just as much not about me as it wasn't about him. We weren't cut out for an intimate relationship. Like right now… this feels right. This friendship.
"I get it, Jake… trust me. You and Rose are good together. I knew how much she was into you. I told her to go for it."
"She told me. I still need to apologize." His leather jacket makes sounds as he twists into a more comfortable position.
"You don't owe me an apology, Jake."
"No, I do. I shouldn't have let it go down like that, without at least talking to you first. You know… clearing our thing up."
"I think you and I both knew that our thing wasn't really going anywhere." I cut my eyes to him.
"Ouch." He rests his hand over his heart playing like he's just taken a bullet and I laugh at him.
"Jake." I nudge him giggling, "You know what I mean. I'm just saying spare the apology. It's cool, I promise."
"Damn girl. At least pretend like it was fun while it lasted, you know. Leave me a little dignity here."
"Says the guy that fucked my friend while I was still there." I turn my eyes to him with a twisted smile on my lips. I don't mean it. I'm just giving him a hard time. It's what he came here for anyway.
"Ooh. I'm gonna need an ambulance." He's laying back on the couch looking up to the ceiling, feigning death and it's funny. I like him so much better this way.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding." I fake punch him in the arm and tell him that he's not the only one who's sorry. "You aren't the only one that was dishonest. Pretty sure I was in love with Briggs for a while before we got together. "
He looks up at me then and his smile is bright when he says, "He's really into you, you know?"
My smile reflects his. This is the last thing I pictured Jake and I doing. Sitting on a couch side by side, sharing smiles and talking about how much we like Briggs and Rose.
"It's funny how things have a way of working out, you know? I'm not blind, Bella. I caught the looks between you and Briggs every now and then. And I'll just be straight with you, I've always had a thing for Rose. It just wouldn't go away. It just happened the way it did, you know?"
"I know. Same with Briggs and I. It was never planned. It just happened."
"So you and me," he points to himself and then to me. "We're good?"
"Of course, we are."
I bop him on the knee when he smiles and he reaches around me, pulling my shoulders into his side, giving me a brief hug. "Rose is worried you know."
"I know, I'm gonna call her, I've just been busy."
"I told her. She knows what's been going on, but she thinks you're mad at her."
"What did she say when you told her I was with Briggs?"
"You think she'd be pissed about that?"
He looks at me surprised and continues, "Gah, give me a little credit at least. You think I'm gonna be with a girl that's in love with another dude? Besides you, obviously."
"Ooh, you fight dirty." I roll my eyes at him and elbow his ribcage. "I just mean because they dated and I never mentioned this thing I had for him."
He lifts his large black boots up onto the table, "Nah, she's good with it. She said you guys were a perfect fit."
That's a relief. Not that I was actually worrying over Rose's approval of mine and Briggs' relationship, I just don't care for tension in any area of my life. If I can avoid it, I do.
"Looks like we both dodged a bullet then."
"Right?" He holds his hand out for a fist bump and after we bump knuckles Seth comes around the corner with Jess in his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist.
They don't acknowledge us as he whisks her away and up the stairs. When we hear her bedroom door slam behind them we both smile, knowing what's about to go down.
I'm reminded that I left my phone upstairs and tell him that I'll be right back.
I try to ignore the sounds coming from Jess's room as I quietly creep up the stairs. She's never going to stop talking about this, I already know I'll get an ear full tonight.
When I grab my phone I look to see if Edward has called me back and I see a text from Briggs. Feelings trickle through as I clomp back down the stairs.
Guilt
Longing
Need
Jake's got a beer in his hand, must've helped himself.
He takes a gulp and looks up to me. "What's wrong, Angel?"
"Briggs texted a minute ago. I just miss him."
"Tell me about it. Shit's not the same here without him." He stands up, pulling his phone from his back pocket before sitting back down.
"How's his grand dad doing?"
"It's different every day. The last I checked it wasn't so good though."
"Yeah, that sucks man. He told me a little about it before he left. It's a hard pill to swallow."
"Yeah."
Jake turns to me and speaks, "I met Briggs when we were just kids, man. And we clicked from day one. Been by each other's side since."
"He really cares about you, Jake."
"When I was little, I remember asking for a brother for Christmas every year. And every year I went to the tree expecting one."
He laughs and shakes his head like it's such a silly thing, but I look at Jake with new eyes. I see the small, lonely child there, not the hard core, grown Jake I've known. And I don't know why, but this feels important. That he's sharing this with me, so I tell him to go on.
"After my twelfth birthday I gave up asking for a brother. When I met Briggs he didn't have much family, you know… Jess and her mom. We just kind of took to each other. He's been the brother I've always wanted. I love him, you know? I mean yeah, I've got my other guys but Briggs… he means a lot to me."
He looks at me and I tell him that I do know. Because I love him too. And I know how much Briggs respects Jake.
So I tell Jake how Briggs loves him too. How he put boundaries between us for months and how he told me he wouldn't cross Jake and not to push him to do that.
"I hope he gets back here soon."
"I do too. I need to call him back. Will you tell Jess that I'll call her later? I'm gonna walk back to my place."
"I'ma head out in a few too. No tellin' how long they'll be up there." He smiles pointing up to Jess's room as he stands up next to me and pulls me into a hug, "Tell our boy to hurry up and get back home to us, alright?"
"I'll tell him."
.
.
.
I leave through Jess's back door and dial Briggs. When I reach the butterscotch peonies he comes into view on my screen. He's sweating again. At the gym again.
Looking so hot again.
"Hey baby."
"Hey." I smile.
His voice. It's so warm and sexy and home and the hurt of missing him swells up from below, rising gradually to my throat, threatening to form tears.
I crunch through the pine needles as I walk staring at my screen. "You almost done?"
"You caught me on my last rep. Done."
"Why do you work out so much?" I ask him...teasing.
He angles the screen to his bicep as he flexes and then it's back on his gorgeous face. He speaks low, letting out a guttural breath while putting the weight he holds back on the rack. "So I can pick you up in these big arms and put you on this big dick any way I want to."
His words take my breath and the need to be close to him and touch him is so strong.
I wonder if it's as bad for him as it is me.
"I can't take it, babe. You can't say stuff like that to me while you're so far away."
"Oh, you can take it. You took it all, remember?" He's got a teasing smile on his face and it kills.
"Briggs." I laugh at him but my tone is sad. I meant what I said, he's killing me.
"Yeah. We gotta get you on a plane. I need to be inside you." He's serious.
"I've never been to New York and I'm not good with directions. I'd never make it."
He's laughing at me now.
"You think I'd let you fly across the country and not meet you at the airport? What kinda guy you think I am?"
We're both laughing at me now. But it feels like we're both grasping onto this relationship through the phone. And it hasn't even been one week. And who knows now, how many weeks or even worse, months, it might be.
I'm not giving up on this relationship for anything, but the fear that Briggs might… that's what keeps me on edge.
I'm no genius when it comes to men, but I do know that if you aren't making your man happy, giving him sex and telling him how great he is, there's a whole world of other beautiful women out there who will. I don't know how long Briggs is used to going without sex. I know his last relationship was nine months ago, and I'm not dumb enough to believe he actually went that long without it, especially after seeing how some of The Clubhouse staff ogle him.
He's running up the stairs to his grandfather's place now, I recognize the door he's just come to.
When the door opens he drops his gym bag by the door and he asks if it's okay for him to check on his grandfather. I tell him of course as he walks toward the room at the end of the hall.
When he enters, the first thing I notice is the beautiful woman by the bed at the window.
She's got shiny dark hair that hangs to the middle of her back and even though she has on scrubs, they accentuate all her curves like they were tailored just for her.
Briggs tells her hello, and she looks straight at his phone as he says, "This is Bella. Bella this is Nahuel… Pop's new nurse."
She smiles bright and the normal reaction to meeting someone is to smile back, but I'm so taken aback by how beautiful she is that it's hard for me to behave the way that I need to. A whole array of feelings flood through, but I try to get a grip and politely tell her it's nice to meet her as Briggs moves on to his grandfather to whom I force a wide, sweet smile across my face.
I'm so caught off guard.
Feeling like I'm breaking down but acting like I'm not is a hard feat, but I push through. Why am I reacting this way?
I ask Mr. Hendry how he's feeling and try my best to follow his answer without listening to the tiny voices in my head that scream there's a girl next to Briggs and it's not me.
When Briggs is satisfied with checking on his grandfather he turns to Nahuel to ask her about the hour that he's been gone and they talk to each other like they've known each other for years.
Isn't this the new nurse? The one that just started?
They smile at each other and she makes a little joke about not letting Mr. Hendry give her a hard time when she fed him his chicken and green beans for lunch.
It makes Briggs laugh.
I don't want her to make him laugh.
This feeling inside has thrown me off my game.
I'm so stuck in my head in these racing thoughts that I don't even want to talk to Briggs right now, but I smile when he turns the phone back to his face and I see her in the background watching him go as he walks out of the room and down the hall.
"I looked at flights and I want you to come in next week."
"Next week." I swallow. It's not like I have any plans but I don't like flying. I wasn't really prepared to even have to fly to see him, always assumed that he would be right back home.
"Yeah, if you could come next Wednesday that would be good."
"I'll look at my calendar and get back to you. I'm pretty busy though."
I tease him and silently pat myself on the back for digging up some humor when it's the last thing I feel right now.
"So how's he doing today, with the change and all?"
"So far, so good. He's a little more confused today than usual… not wanting to eat and stuff, but Nahuel is really good with him."
"She seems really nice."
"Yeah, we got lucky with her. Pops liked her the minute he met her."
"That's cool."
I refrain from acting like a ten year old and sticking my finger in my mouth and making a vom sound. Instead, I smile while he goes on about her photography she showed him last night.
"Besides the nursing, she's got some sick photography skills too. She took some cool pics of Pop's hands, and when she showed them to me I was blown away. She's instagram famous from her stuff... got a whole account with the photos she's taken on them. Some really cool stuff."
"You never seemed like the instagram type to me, what else do I not know about you?"
I tease him, but really feel like hanging up and crying. Why am I being such a child.
"I don't do any of that stuff, you know that. I just thought her work was pretty cool. Unique stuff."
"Like what?"
"Stills of people. Body parts. People alone, people together."
"Like porn?" I dodge the tree I nearly walked right into and come to the fence.
"No… not like that. Girly romance stuff, that you would like, they looked professional."
"Cool."
I mean, what else do I say to that. I'm not really interested in anything about this girl at all. Why is he?
He tells me that his grandfather got out of bed last night and almost face planted. That if he hadn't fallen asleep in the chair next to him, it could have been bad. And then he starts to tell me about Nahuel's shifts and how she's going to take every other night so that he can get some rest and I feel heat flare up inside me.
She's young, like me… except she's sickeningly gorgeous. Long, shiny, dark hair. Big, light, whisky colored eyes. Makeup is perfect. Eyebrows perfect. Lips, perfect. Cleavage, outstanding. Voice, sweet and innocent. Everything about her is exceptional.
She made scrubs look sexy but she didn't act like she knew it.
She was tentative and patient as she helped sit Mr. Hendry up, holding the small cup to his mouth after I'd told him goodbye. There was a kind and gentle air about her, which was immediately attractive. Admirable.
And I instantly liked her, because there's nothing to dislike. She's given no reason for any other reaction.
There's a sick, nauseous feeling oozing all over me though. Pretty sure it's jealousy, I just don't want to admit it.
But I am.
I'm so jealous and I hate that there's a gorgeous girl in the same house with Briggs.
And I hate her too.
She's done absolutely nothing to make me hate her. She's beautiful, kind and obviously caring.
But she's there, with Briggs, being beautiful… walking around looking like a sex bag and I'm not. If I can tell how gorgeous she is, then I know Briggs does as well. And she's his type. The pretty type. The sweet, smart type. She has a career, looks, she's kind. She'd be good for him even.
They talk to each other like they've known each other for a lifetime, their body language is comfortable. Friendly. But more than that, they have chemistry. It's a friendly chemistry, they have, but still.
I've always been strongly in tune with my intuition, and it's never been wrong.
I can tell that if I weren't in the equation, it might be different for them, like a whole new relationship possibility— different.
I try to calm my jealous thoughts and remind myself that she is his grandfather's new caretaker as Briggs continues talking to me about his night, and I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt and quit listening to my jealousy.
Maybe he is just trying to get to know what he can about her before turning his grandfather over to her alone, I don't know. And I just don't care.
"So about this flight. You think you can get back to me by tonight to let me know so I can buy the tickets?"
I hear his question, but this sadness is taking over me and I've never wanted to feel pretty or relevant more in my life than I do right now.
I walk around the edge of the house and stop suddenly at the sight in my driveway, quick to turn my phone from Briggs' view… forgetting that he can't see in front of me when he's looking at me.
Adrenaline takes over, leaving my nerves in the dust. I turn the volume on my phone down as my brain starts to work for the first time our entire conversation and I quickly turn back to the side of the house telling Briggs that I'll call him back in a bit, that I'll go check to see if next Wednesday can work.
He's not upset with my abrupt decision to get off the phone, but sweetly tells me he loves me and it makes me melt as I lean against the house, quietly telling him that I feel the same. That I can't stand being without him.
"Hey." He says before I disconnect.
"Yeah."
"Smile for me before you go."
And I do.
When the screen goes black, I try to gather my breath. And still my beating heart.
Before taking another step, I try to tamp down all of these icky feelings that make me feel so insignificant right now.
The sight of Edward Cullen in my driveway, leaning against his car, has my heart pounding wildly out of my chest.
I take a deep breath and step off the side of the house, walking until Edward comes back into view.
The sight of him has me feeling nervous, and adrenaline is racing.
He's so tall, standing against the slick white Vette with his hands in his pockets. His wild hair moves with the breeze and when his eyes meet mine, there's a metal thread connecting our gaze and a massive current runs through. A buzzing, almost tangible, energy crackles between us.
This couldn't be a worse time, my vulnerability is at its highest, but this couldn't be a better time because I don't want to be alone with my doubts, fears and insecurities. I need this distraction, and as I come closer he doesn't move, but keeps his intense eyes glued on mine.
And here it is again, that open-book feeling. Like he can read how I'm feeling. What I'm thinking. That I'm nearly knocked out by the sight of him.
My eyes burn embarrassment at the thoughts running through. How handsome he is. How I'm not one hundred percent sure of myself around him, how intimidating he is. How I like the way he dresses. Nice and clean cut. How his eyes pool with the same beautiful bright amber color that runs through Jake's eyes.
It takes years to get to him and he's so calm and patient as I come close. He runs a hand through his wild hair, eyes still on me and he brings his palms together, rubbing them against each other… like he can't wait for this conversation.
I feel like I'm not ready and I'm momentarily distracted by his rolled up sleeves, and that big silver watch on his wrist. I'm turned on. And before I can stop myself, my eyes head downward. But I gather some self control as I step onto the gravel and the scent of his cologne hits me.
Eyes back on his, he smiles. "You called?"
"I did."
I have a shaky nervous feeling inside as I approach him, but his warm voice is soothing when he speaks. "How you doing?" His eyes search mine as I quietly look up to this tall beautiful creature in front of me. He's sincere, studying my eyes, always looking deeper.
"I'm good."
"You don't look like everything is good." He softly puts a strand of my hair behind my ear, keeping distance between us.
I don't know how he does this thing he does, how he peels me open like this. It's both unnerving as well as nice. For some reason, it makes me feel like I mean something when he looks below the surface. And I know it's not right, but I like this feeling.
"It's just been one of those days, you know?" His gaze is still intense and I turn to lean against the side of his car with him, staring out toward the late afternoon sun.
"You too, huh?" He twists the watch on his wrist, bringing the face from its crooked position back to the center.
"How was your day?" I ask him while acknowledging that this small talk thing has never happened with us.
I need it right now to calm this shaky nervousness inside though. I'm thankful he didn't go right into talking about that kiss. Or us.
He steps from the car and my eyes follow his body as walks around us, speaking. "I fucked up everything I touched today."
"Work?" I ask him.
"Among other things."
We're silent for a moment and this buzzing intensity gets louder and louder until he speaks, breaking the silence.
"Are you hungry?"
I ate at the diner earlier with Jess but that was hours ago, and I just picked at my food… my stomach growls just then, before I can answer and Edward's lips stretch wide in a humorous smile as he steps forward and opens his passenger door.
He doesn't ask. And he doesn't have to.
"Get in."
I appease him and walk around as he holds the door for me. I sense him breathe in when I'm beside him and it's erotic how he comes so close to the back of my neck, breathing in, but makes it seem perfectly platonic and normal.
I can smell him all around me, and I try to remember if I put on perfume this morning or not. Probably not. I've been so lazy with my appearance since Briggs left. Thankfully I put on makeup and dressed half decent.
I dip down low and fold into the seat, loving the smell of new leather and Edward's scent. He gently closes the door and he's beside me in no time.
He brings his cleanly shaved face so close to mine as he reaches over, pulling my seat belt towards him and fastening it, and I look to him thinking I could have done it myself but jesus.
He smells so good.
Once his belt is buckled the roar of the engine sounds and he pulls slowly out of my driveway.
This is the last thing I thought I would be doing this afternoon. It sure beats sitting at home thinking about the hot nurse and all the miles between Briggs and I.
The minute Edward passes the first light, he looks at me and smiles as he presses the pedal down and it sits us both back, pushing us into our seats as we pick up speed.
A huge smile breaks out over my face and my hands slide under my thighs as he speeds down the road and I squeal.
"You're a maniac." I tell him through my smile.
"I'm a good driver," he corrects me. He's got one hand on the wheel, the other on the gear shift as he pops it into 5th and his watch slinks down a little.
He's going way too fast and I'm loving it.
There's still a heavy nervous feeling in my belly and when his fingers brush my thigh before he reaches to turn the volume up, a zing runs through me.
I look at him and he's watching the road as heavy notes seep out from the speakers. The strums of a guitar sound and a deep dark melody begins before a humming bass line buzzes.
I've never heard the song before but it sounds just like this ride feels.
Intense.
His speakers are loud and crisp. Every time he glances at me, it feels so heavy… so seductive. But it's just a glance.
This is that same feeling I get at a live music set. The awesome feeling of each beat seeping in through the chest, and the blood beats out and syncs to it's rhythm as the melody starts to play. The bass line hums making you want to move and then that strong powerful voice sounds out, so loud and so melodic and all of those things come together to form such a sweet crescendo of senses and you don't want that song or that moment to ever end.
That's also what being alone with Edward is like. His body language. His stare. His confident control. Just the air around us, all of those things build up to this crackling intense energy.
We don't talk as he speeds through town, but we share a look every few minutes and when his gaze meets mine, I feel like he reads me like an open book. Just one scan of his eyes, I'm laid out for him to see.
And it turns me on.
And that's the problem.
I wonder if he has the same thoughts that I do. If he's thinking about that kiss like I am right now, and I squeeze my thighs together.
I can't control the tummy flips that continue their assault as we whiz past the San An sign.
When the song ends, we pull to the red light and he looks over to me and asks me if Italian is okay and I tell him that I love Italian.
"I know the perfect spot."
I turn my phone off and pocket it, feeling my wild heart race along with the car, as we pull from the light.
A/N: Please check out the tumblr for new updated spoiler's and Thrust's new banners... I love them. Just a reminder that I don't do betas. Sorry for any mistakes.
Fic rec: The Waste Land by BZA
She's a young writer and this is her first story. I found her when she fav'd Thrust (I like to know what all of my readers are writing and reading) and I was blown away by her pretty words with just 4 reviews. She's working on the second chapter now and I would love it if you would give it a read and send some encouragement her way.
Thank you all so much for reading. I cannot wait to give you these next few chapters. How did you like the sweet new nurse, Nahuel?