Somebody asked if I knew you.

A million memories flashed through my mind but I just smiled and said..

I used to.

—

Arizona's POV :

Knew the signs,

Wasn't right…

If I told you that my heart was thinking of Calliope even before I walked into Alessandra's house, would you believe me?

Taking a seat at the table, I momentarily forget my thoughts when I am brought back to the present by the symphony of harmonious scents presented on the elegant table setting. Other than a snickers bar at lunch, I had not eaten as I had been pulled into an emergency surgery that took longer than anticipated. When I had arrived, I was starving but after seeing Callie, I lost all sense of appetite.

Alex re-takes her seat next to me and plants a tender kiss on my cheek. She had went to check with the chef if my favourite dish was prepared and ready.

'I love you' she whispers. She does not expect reciprocation of the sentiment and I don't reciprocate, but not for the reason Alex thinks. I am currently at war with my heart.

Alex is great. We had met at work. Being one of the directors on the board of the hospital at Seattle Grace, I am often in meetings with our legal department to ensure that all protocol is followed and to vote on the way forward whenever it came to malpractice suits.

Alex had fought and won a case of ours involving one of our top orthopaedic surgeons who was sued by a high profile patient for negligence. After a successful hip replacement, an infection on the patient's incision site caused clots in his legs, eventually leading to amputation. The reason for the infection was due to a sponge left in the patients body, a move that was deliberate by the surgeon as the patient quickly became unstable during surgery.

Post winning the case, Alex asked me out and 2 years later, here we are. I always considered our relationship to be easy.

But then there was Calliope…

What happened? you ask.

Well, I will let first let Callie tell your her side. Then I will tell you the truth.

I was stupied for a while…

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most? Saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

Flashback

I storm into Callie's apartment, soaking wet from the torrential rains, somewhat mirroring my internal state. After the biggest fight of our short relationship, I broke up with Callie unable to bear the lack of trust in our relationship, aggravated by rumours of cheating.

Quickly realising that the rumours were untrue and I didn't want to live without Callie, even though I could, I walked into her apartment, gaining a little bit of satisfaction that it would drive the brunette insane that I was dripping water all over her expensive carpet.

'I lied! I'm not out of this relationship. I'm in. I am so in, it's humiliating because I am begging. Okay here it is. Your choice. It's simple. The other women or me. And I'm sure they're really great. But Calliope, I love you, in a really, really big - pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window - unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you.

So pick ME.

Choose ME.

Love ME'.

I wonder if not begging would have hurt less?

Swept away by you

And now i feel like a fool…

'I want to marry you, I want to have kids with you. I want us to build a house. I want to settle down and grow old with you. I want to die when I am one hundred years old, in your arms. I don't want a girlfriend. I want a wife, a lifetime'.

Callie's proposal was mesmerising.

I chance a look at the brunette beauty but something else distracts me before I could look into her eyes. Around her neck is a simple, plain chain. Hanging from the chain is the engagement ring which she had given to me when she proposed..

So confused,

My heart's bruised,

Was i ever loved by you?

Unable to bear staying at the table without my tears spilling over, I excuse myself and walk away from the table to the open deck for some fresh air. The night is cool and the chill in the air makes me shiver. I hear footsteps tap against the wooden deck. Turning around, expecting to see Alex, I am met instead with Callie. She is standing so close to me that I can feel her breath against mine. Had I been intoxicated, I would have given in but I walk away from her. Seeing my decision, she leans against the rail and looks at me, unsure if she should say what is on her mind.

'Arizona.. I love..'

'NO! You DON'T love me. You just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe I was just good for your ego. Or, or maybe I made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love me. Because you don't destroy people you love' I tearfully respond.

'I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! YOU'VE ALWAYS ASSUMED THE WORST OF ME!' Callie screams.

Thankful that we are no where near the dinner table, I take a deep breath in to calm myself and squarely face Callie.

'You don't get to tell me that you didn't do anything. I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the flirting, the bars, the brother issues, who cared? Because I was done. YOU LEFT ME!'

'YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN! YOU ASSUMED A WHOLE LOT OF THINGS AND YOU JUST PACKED AND LEFT! Now I am in this Godforsaken house, celebrating this ridiculous engagement to my damn cousin!'

'YOU LEFT ME! YOU CHOSE DIFFERENTLY!' I yell. Taking a step back, I try to cool my temper.

'I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to tell me how to live my life'

'Arizona -'

What I am sure would have been a great spiel, is interrupted when we hear the footsteps of someone approaching.

'Love, are you okay?' Alex questions.

'Yes, just needed some fresh air' I respond. Callie pretends to not notice Alessandra, staring into the darkness, so I talk for the both of us.

'I will be there in a minute. Callie and I are just discussing some medical innovations' I lie.

Alex looks between me and Callie strangely, nods and walks back into the house. Great, something she will definitely want an explanation for later.

I turn my attention to Callie and carefully think about my next words.

'Callie - Hating you is the most exhausting thing and I don't want to do it anymore'.

Callie and I look at each other, with defeated looks. I turn away from her and walk towards the entrance leading to the house. Callie's voice stops me momentarily and I turn around to fully absorb her words.

'Arizona.. You deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy. Somebody who won't complicate your life. Somebody who won't hurt you. But, no matter what happens, no matter what you decide to do, I.. I am going to love you until the end of time'.

Out of reach, couldn't see

We were never meant to be.