Easter Sunday, April 16
Dear Oliver,
Friday I was having coffee in the cafeteria when I bumped into the chaplain, literally bumped into the chaplain. My coffee became a new camouflage for his fatigues. I apologized profusely. He laughingly said that was fine and that I could come to the Easter service and hear his sermon as my penance. I had no intentions of going. However, I woke early, couldn't go back to sleep, and just decided to go.
Last week was difficult. I lost sleep, worried about having to stay longer than anticipated, engaged in an ugly argument with Steve, and wrote a painful letter full of doubt about whether you even missed me.
I took my doubts and my worries and went to the Easter service. In the service I heard about another doubter named Thomas. The chaplain read, "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe."
I know that the story was about a far greater belief but I thought about how I can't see you right now. There are things about our relationship, and I do use that word cautiously, that we have yet to see. If I am fully honest, in some of my letters I have been rather presumptuous. Perhaps, I presume too much. Yet there are certain things in which I have decided to believe. I have chosen to believe.
I choose to believe in the big things – in the resurrection of life, of hope, of love. I choose to believe in miracles. I also choose to believe in you. I hope that you choose to believe in me.
I mentioned that last week, after an argument with Steve, I wrote a letter expressing my doubts about you even missing me.. You may call it an act of faith, or an act of repentance, but I shredded that letter. I chose to let go of doubt and chose to finish this course with hope.
With hope, and faith, and love,
Shane