James rolled over on his back with a grunt. For a moment he just lay there and tried to regain control over his breathing. The high had been intense and some of the tension he had carried around with him during the whole day dissipated. He enjoyed the feeling of the sheets against his bare skin. He had always liked sleeping naked and after sex it felt even better.

'Well, that was something else,' said Amber's voice to his right. She sounded amused.

'Was it too rough?' asked James without looking at her. It was the day before Halloween and Gryffindor had just lost a very close Quidditch Match against Hufflepuff. James had been furious after the match and Amber had dragged him up into her dormitory straight after the match. James had taken out some of his aggressions on her and had shagged her much harder than he usually did. It had been an interesting change.

'No, I like it rough,' she said, scooting closer to him and resting her head on his shoulder.

'You could have told me,' he said. 'I would have shagged you roughly earlier if I had known that you like it.'

'I don't like to ask for rough treatment,' said Amber. 'Do you feel better now?'

'Yeah,' said James. 'I do. One more thing is missing though.'

He twisted his body to the right, so he could reach the pack of cigarettes on his bedside table. He grabbed it and returned to his original position.

'Are you going to smoke them in here?' Amber asked.

'Sure,' said James. 'Nothing better than a fag after shagging. Do you want one?'

'I have quit,' she said.

'Right,' said James. He put a cigarette in his mouth and took a drag. The magical cigarette ignited immediately. He blew a cloud of blue smoke into the darkness. He had cast a Silencing Charm around his bed as well as Imperturbable so that his mates could not barge in. Thanks to the charm, they would not notice the smoke. He placed the cigarette in his left hand and used the right one to pull Amber closer. Her naked skin felt delicious on his.

He took another quick drag of the cigarette before stealing a quick kiss.

'Thanks for cheering me up,' he said. 'You are a great girlfriend.'

He could feel her stiffen for moment. That was not the reaction he had expected. They had never put a label on their relationship before and with the exception of their first date in Hogsmeade James had never asked her out. Still, with the increasing amount of time they had spent with each other, he had assumed that this was where they were heading. Also, he had grown quite fond of Amber in the meantime. She was affectionate, quick to laugh, easy to be around and as mad about Quidditch as he was. When he was with her, it was very easy not to think of Lily Evans. It alerted him that she seemed surprised by his words. Was he rushing things? Well, he could hardly take it back now.

'You have never called me your girlfriend before,' she said.

James twisted his head so he could look at her properly. It was hard to make out the details as he was not wearing his glasses, but he got the general idea nevertheless. She looked solemn, not at all overjoyed at his affection. That was not a good sign, but he could only power on. Backing down now would do more harm than good.

'Well, we have never quite talked about the nature of our relationship, have we?' he said carefully. 'But it seems to me that this is where we are heading, so why not call it by its name?'

'There is something I have to tell you,' she said, a look of grim determination on her face. 'You will not like what I am going to say, but hear me out, will you?'

'I will,' said James. He was quite worried now. He had no idea what she was going to say. Peter had informed him about everything he had heard about Amber in the Hogwarts rumour mill. It wasn't much and what little he had heard head been innocuous.

'Promise me,' she said. 'Promise that you will not say anything until I am done.'

'I promise,' said James, even though Amber's request did not reduce his anxiety. It must be serious if she was making such a fuss.

'You have probably heard that I broke up with my boyfriend Michael Knight at the end of last year,' said Amber.

'Yeah, he was the one we met in Hogsmead,' said James. 'I assume that it wasn't an easy breakup?'

'You could say that,' said Amber. 'But more important is the reason for the breakup. As you know I come from a pure-blood family. Michael is a muggle-born and my parents have never been thrilled that I dated him. They wanted me to find a more suitable match at Hogwarts. I never gave their wishes much thought, after all most parents are disappointed with their children's partners. However, I underestimated their resolve. As I made no effort to find a rich pure-blood as a boyfriend they have arranged a marriage for me in my absence. I am supposed to marry Peter Fawley. When I got home from the holidays they spared no time in telling me. The wedding will be in July, a few days after my graduation.'

James opened his mouth to say something, but Amber shot him a glare causing him to close it again. Apparently, she was not yet done.

'I raged for a week and tried to come up with a way out of this situation, but after a while I had to admit defeat. I realized that I could spent my days fighting the unavoidable or I could try to make the best out of a bad situation. My first step was to tell Michael the horrible news. He tried to talk me into running away with him, he even proposed right on the spot, but I could not do it. I am not willing to throw away my life, just to remain free. So, I broke up with him. It was hard and both of us were hurt in the process, but it had to be done. After this was over, I asked my parents to arrange a meeting with my fiancé. Honestly, it was much better than I expected. I met him a week before the end of the holidays. He and his parents joined us for dinner. The Fawleys are a well-respected and traditional family, as you most likely know, and from my experience they are quite friendly people. Peter was a perfect gentlemen and we shared a few nice moments together. I think given enough time, we could be good for each other. Of course, it is hard to tell if you have only spent a few hours with another person.'

'Sounds like you parents made a good choice,' said James. He could not stay silent any longer. He knew he was breaking his promise, but he did not care. 'The Fawleys are traditional, but they are no purists. My father is quite fond of Gerard Fawley, I think he is your future husband's grandfather. But I have to ask, why did you say yes when I asked you out if you are going to get married?'

'I was going to explain that,' said Amber. She had winced when he had said the word 'husband' but now she was looking him directly into the eyes. 'After meeting Peter I felt a lot better about the arranged marriage, but obviously it wasn't what I wanted in life. I thought that I was going to be alright, but then I met Michael in Diagon Alley a few days before getting back to school. We had a very awkward conversation and afterwards I felt miserable. I made the decision to enjoy my last term at Hogwarts to the fullest, because afterwards I was going to be married woman and my life would be completely different. I wanted to have some fun, to take my mind off the coming wedding. So, I decided to have some fun with a cute boy and when you asked me out it seemed like the perfect way to do just that.'

'You have shown interest in me even before I have asked you out,' James pointed out. 'You never would have watched the try-outs otherwise.'

'Alright, you caught me,' she said. 'It had my eyes on you from the moment I spotted you on the platform. You were laughing with your mates and I thought that there is no better person at Hogwarts to cheer me up. I just did not want to inflate your ego.'

'My ego has just the right size thank you very much,' said James with a small grin on his face. It felt good to hear her say she wanted him, even though she had not been telling the full truth mere moments ago. 'Nevertheless, your upcoming wedding leaves is us in quite a pickle, doesn't it? To be honest I had a feeling for a while now that you were not telling me the full truth. I never would have guessed that it was because you were going to get married. I assume that this is the end of our relationship.'

'It does not have to be,' said Amber quickly.

'And how is that supposed to work?' asked James. 'You have to marry, you have said so yourself.'

'I know that I will have to marry Peter,' said Amber. 'In the beginning I thought I could just use you as a distraction. You know, a small, fun fling with no strings attached. I thought it would be just the right thing to get back on track and that it would not last long anyway. After all, the Marauders are not exactly known for their huge fondness of long term relationships. But I was wrong. I enjoyed your company more than I would have guessed and I have grown quite fond of you, James. I would like to continue seeing each other until the end of the school year. It has to end when I get married, but there is no reason for us to break-up now.'

James was taken aback at the suggestion. The idea of having a relationship for a limited amount of time was alien to him. He had to admit that he had grown quite fond of Amber as well and the thought of delaying their parting was tempting. However, Amber had admitted to using him and he could not just ignore that. Of course, he had also used her to get over Lily, but two wrongs did not make a right. He had gotten fond of her over the last month even though he had seen the warning signs. He had even called her his girlfriend mere minutes ago. It was strangely fitting that his first shot at a real relationship which did not involve Lily Evans in any way got killed before it had any chance of blooming because he picked a girl who was already engaged. The irony of it all was bitter in James's mouth. He knew that he probably should terminate their relationship right here. It would be better to make a clean break than to drag it out until Amber left school. However, he had always been terrible at making clean breaks in his love life. The amount of time he had spent chasing Lily Evans was proof for this. Bloody Lily Evans. James could picture her smug face as soon as she learned about the end of his relationship. After the ribbing he had given her about her boyfriend, she would surely strike back given the opportunity. He had no desire to hand her any ammunition. Also, he had been happy with Amber of the last few weeks. Maybe they could be happy for a few more months. It would not be a proper relationship as they never would be able to marry or to stay together for longer than the school year, but it could be fun nevertheless. Maybe there was little harm in just giving it a try and maybe something good could grow out of this. On the other hand it would probably hurt like hell if he really fell for her and she left to marry her betrothed at the end of the year. Merlin, why was dating witches so bloody complicated? He needed some time to think this over. Maybe he should talk with Sirius about it. However, Sirius was hardly experienced in having a proper relationship. Maybe he should include Remus in this conversation as well. His werewolf friend actually had relationships even though they never lasted long. Yes, he needed some time and some advice to sort out this mess. Otherwise, he was going to be burned. Merlin, he really had a terrible love life.

'So, what do you say?' asked Amber, after he had not said anything for a while. She looked anxious at his response. For some reason, it made him angry.

'I think you should go,' he said. Her face fell. 'I need some time to think.'

'Of course,' she said. 'Find me when you have mulled it over.'

She gathered her clothes, dressed quickly and snuck out of the room. James knew that he should get up too and do anything productive to clear his head, but he did not have the energy. Instead, he lay back on the soft mattress and slipped into uneasy sleep.

Two days later, James was sitting in the library and tried to focus on his charms essay. Remus had dragged him into this accursed room which James normally avoided at all costs. The hushed, tense atmosphere made him nervous. Even though he like to work in silence, he was much better at focusing his thoughts in the loud common room than in the dusty room with the overzealous librarian. It did not help that Lily Evans was sharing a table next to them with her boyfriend. She had politely greeted Remus, but had given James only a cold look. Apparently, she was still miffed with him. James did not really care. The strange situation with Amber had wiped Lily Evans from his mind for the moment. He could only focus some part of his mind on girls at a time and Amber was taking more than her fair share. He had not yet discussed the situation with Sirius or Remus. Sirius was currently very busy. If he was not off fooling around with some bird, he was playing Quidditch or stalking some Slytherins. Sirius had taken Remus's advice and had managed to avoid landing himself in detention for the last month. However, this did not mean that he was breaking less school rules. Instead, he simply spent much more energy on not getting caught. He had started to spy on Snape's doings both with the help of the Marauders Map and James's invisibility cloak.

As Sirius had suspected, Snape seemed to have taken Regulus under his wings and both of them were spending a lot of time with the more shady Slytherin students like Avery and Muliciber. James knew that Sirius was furious about this. Sirius would not admit it, but James knew that his best friend actually cared about his brother and had hoped that he would follow his older brother's footsteps. Watching his little brother become everything he hated must be terrible for Sirius. Given his hatred for Snape, it was very easy for Sirius to place all of the blame on the greasy Slytherin. James knew that Regulus probably believed in blood purity himself and he considered it unlikely that Snape had such an intense influence on Regulus. Still, he could understand Sirius. His best mate had covertly hexed Snape twice already in the past two weeks. Snape had retaliated just last week, hexing Sirius while James and Sirius were on their way back to their common room after Quidditch practice. He had hit Sirius with a nasty cutting charm, before retreating and vanishing in a secrete passage. Sirius had wanted to rush after him, but James had stopped him. James had suspected an ambush at the end of the passage. They had rushed back to their common room to get the other Marauder's and to grab the map. However, at the time they had activated the map, Snape was back in his common room with the other junior Death Eaters. Sirius had grumbled over the missed opportunity to hex Snape for days and had insisted on retaliation. However, James had gotten him to lay low for a while, so that they could come up with a proper plan. Sirius had grudgingly agreed, but his best friend was not a very patient person.

James himself would prefer not to retaliate at all. He loathed Snape and had enjoyed hexing him in the past, but Sirius had started this mess and continuing to aggravate Snape would not help them in any way. However, there was no way his best friend would agree to letting it slide. He would just have to make sure that Sirius did not go overboard with his revenge and that they would not get caught. He sighed. His life seemed to grow more complicated with each passing day.

'Are you alright?' asked Remus quietly. 'We have sat here for half an hour and you have not even written half a page of parchment. I know that you don't like charms, but usually you are much faster than this.'

'I can't concentrate on charms right now,' said James. 'I am worried about Sirius's vendetta with Snape. I think this will get ugly very soon if we don't find a way to break the circle. Sirius is not known for his restraint and Snape has used some nasty curses in the past. Personally, I think we should just let it slide, but Sirius will never accept it.'

'You are right, he will not,' said Remus. 'Sirius can be very vindictive and stubborn. I don't think that you can talk him out of taking revenge on Snape. Is this still about Regulus?'

'Yeah,' said James. He glanced at Evans on the next table just to make sure that she was not listening. He did not know how she felt about Snape since their falling out at the end of last year. Still, it was better to play it safe and to keep her out of this whole mess. He had had enough arguments with her about the slimy git for a life time. 'Sirius has hexed Snape because he supposedly is corrupting Regulus. He tried to be discreet, but Snape did the math and figured out it was one of us.'

'I remember,' said Remus. 'This was the cause for the trouble a few days ago, right? Sirius is naive if he thinks that hexing Snape will bring his brother back to the light.'

'I know,' said James. 'And I think deep down Sirius knows this as well. He just wants to do something, even if it is futile in the end.'

'Understandable,' said Remus. 'Still, fighting a war with Snape is the wrong way to go. Do you think you will be able to talk him out of it?'

'Can't you try?' asked James. 'I feel like I am holding Sirius's leash all the time.'

'You know that Sirius will not listen to me,' said Remus. 'The only person he sometimes listens to is you. And you are feeling like you are holding his leash all the time, because you are.'

'Alright, alright,' sighed James. 'I will try to talk some sense into him, but I doubt that I will be successful.'

'Thank you,' said Remus and focused his attention back on his essay. James followed his lead, but he was still too preoccupied to do school work. Amber was swirling around in his head. He still was unsure what to do with her. A part of him just wanted to make a clean break and be done with it while another wanted to hold onto their relationship for as long as possible.

Five minutes later Remus noticed that James was still not working properly on his essay.

'Alright, what's eating you?' he asked. 'It isn't just Sirius, right?'

'No,' admitted James. 'There is something else. I had a rather interesting conversation with Amber some time ago. She told me some things about her and I am not sure what to do know.'

'Are you sure, you don't want to talk with Sirius about this?' asked Remus. 'He has the most experience in wooing the fairer sex.'

'I wanted to, but I never managed to trap him into a proper conversation,' said James. 'But I think you might be even more helpful here than him. Sirius usually only shags a girl a couple of times before moving on. You actually have proper relationships.'

'Which only lasts a month or two,' said Remus dryly. He had lowered his voice even more so that James had to strain his ears to properly understand him. 'I cannot risk anyone discovering my secret. I am not sure how I can help you, Prongs. I don't believe in true love or serious relationships, but you do. Just because I don't use girls like Sirius does, does not mean that I can help you with a relationship problem.'

'I know Remus,' said James. 'I completely understand your position. Some secrets cannot be shared even with your girlfriend. At least not without taking certain security measures. The thing is, maybe your cold logic is exactly what I need in my situation. Normally, I would simply listen to my gut, but my feelings are too conflicted to form a proper picture. Your analytical view should be more helpful here.'

'Alright,' said Remus. 'I am listening, but I am not making a promises.'

'Thank you,' said James and explained the situation to his friend. After he was done, Remus had a stunned expression on his face and did not say anything for a few minutes.

'Well?' asked James. 'What do you think?'

'Wow,' said Remus. 'That's definitely something. I think the right course of action depends on you, James.'

'What do you mean?'

'Well, it is obvious that Amber and you don't have a future together. This implies that you should not get too attached to her as you will only hurt more in the end if you do. If you have enough control over your emotions to have sex with her without falling in love, then you can keep casually dating her. You should probably already prepare moving on, though. If you cannot suppress your feelings like this, you should make a clean break now and prevent getting dragged down by this mess.'

'That's cold, Remus,' said James. 'But I guess it is what I asked for.'

'Happy to be of service,' said Remus with a small grin on his face. 'I am sorry that it is not the magical solution to all your problems which have hoped for. I am just concerned that you tie yourself up in yet another impossible relationship. You were chasing Lily for ages and now that you have finally moved on, you should not enter a doomed relationship with Amber.'

'Yeah, you are right,' said James sighing. 'Do you know what the worst part is? I think that Amber and I could have been very happy. Well, maybe in another life.'

'Nobody can have everything,' said Remus gently. 'Not even you, James.'

'I have only wanted one thing for a very long time,' said James his eyes drifting to Lily at the neighbouring table. 'And I have never gotten her. I have accepted defeat and tried to be a better person and I all get for my trouble is a relationship with a girl which is already engaged to another man. Just my bloody luck.'

'Sadly, we don't always get what we deserve,' said Remus wisely. 'Whatever plan the universe has for us, it does not follow any rules we could understand.'

'The universe can go fuck itself,' grumbled James. 'Well, enough wallowing in self-pity. I will think about this your advice and make my decision. What's going on with your life? You have been rather absent during the last weeks. Are you seeing someone?'

'You know I am not seeing anyone,' said Remus. 'I don't do relationships as you should know.'

'I am not talking about relationships,' said James. 'I am talking about simply enjoying a girl's company. And her body, of course.'

'You are confusing me with Sirius,' said Remus.

'That's not a no,' remarked James. 'And no, I am not confusing you with Sirius. Sirius gets bored with girls after shagging them once or twice. You are monogamous by nature and under better circumstances would have proper relationships. You fancy a girl and you start fooling around. This goes on for some months and then you break things off. I have seen the signs, show just spit it out. Who's the lucky girl?'

'Fine, fine,' said Remus. 'You have caught me. I have been sharing some quality time with Emmeline Vance. But it is not a relationship. I have been very clear on that part. How did you know? You are usually not that observant.'

'Not that observant?' asked James indignantly. 'I am observant enough to notice on my own that one of my friends has a new girlfriend, thank you very much.'

'You saw it on the map, didn't you?' said Remus with narrowed eyes.

'Yes,' admitted James.

'So, why did you even ask me if you already knew?' asked Remus.

'I wanted to hear you say it,' said James. 'I think you should talk more about your love life. Especially regarding your special situation. Maybe we can help you see solutions for problems you could not see.'

'I appreciate the thought, but I am not as public with me love life as you are, Prongs,' said Remus. 'And I highly doubt that you can think of a miracle solution for my furry little problem.'

'Well, you can never know,' said James loftily. 'Anyway, I have to get out of here. I cannot study tonight, there is too much on my mind. I am going for a run.'

'It is raining outside,' said Remus, pointing to the windows where the November rain was tapping against the glass. 'You are going to get a cold.'

'Rubbish,' said James. 'A warming and an impervious charm and I will be fine. I have done this countless times in the past and I have never gotten sick.'

'Alright then, do as you must,' said Remus. 'But you should really do your homework later. The charms essay is due in two days.'

'Will do,' said James. 'Thanks for the advice, Remus.'

'Not at all.'

James got up, grabbed his things and left the library. He was going to clear his head and mull things over. Tomorrow he would make his decision and tell Amber. He had spent too much time on this issue already.

On the next day, shortly after dinner, James was waiting for Amber on the Astronomy tower. He had sent her a quick note after breakfast and asked her to meet him here. At this time, they should be able to have a private conversation without getting overheard. She had already replied and said that she would be there. James was looking forward to seeing her again. He had missed her, even though it had only been three days. He wondered if she had missed him too. The speed of her response might be a sign that she did, but he could not be sure. James stepped out of the tower onto the platform where they normally gazed at the stars. He fumbled into his pocket and grabbed a package of muggle cigarettes. He lit them with his wand and took a long drag. They tasted different from wizarding one's. James was unsure which one he liked more. He looked up at the sky while exhaling and watched the blue smoke vanish in the starry sky. He had thought long and hard about his situation after his talk with Remus. A long run and a night's sleep had helped in making his decision. Now he only had to tell Amber. He felt better now that he had over the last few days. While there still was some doubt simmering in him, he was still determined. He was about to take a risk, but he had always been a bit of a gambler.

His cigarette was half gone when he heard footsteps. A few moments later, he could hear Amber's voice in the tower.

'James?' she asked. 'Where are you?'

'Out here,' said James. She joined him on the platform mere seconds later. James looked at her. She was looking very pretty in her snug school uniform. Her blonde curls tumbled down her head. In the moon light they looked almost silver.

'Smoking again?' she said with a raised eyebrow. 'I thought you wanted to cut back.'

'I want to do a lot of things,' said James, before taking another things. 'Sadly, things don't always happen like I want them to happen.'

'Nobody always gets what he wants,' said Amber, echoing Remus's words from yesterday. 'But you did not ask me to come here just so that we could speculate about the nature of life, did you?'

'No, I did not,' said James. 'I asked you here to talk about our relationship.'

'I thought so,' said Amber. 'Have you made a decision? I meant what I said that night. I think we could have a lot of fun together even though I will get married in the summer.'

'I agree,' said James. 'I cannot pretended that I am not... disappointed about you getting married. But I get that you wanted some fun and that you started to hit on me on a whim.'

'I am not proud of what I did,' said Amber. 'I never wanted to hurt you.'

'You haven't,' said James. Maybe she would hurt him in the future, though. 'To be honest, I was using you as a way to get over someone.'

'Lily Evans?' asked Amber with a knowing smile on her face.

'Yeah,' said James. 'Was I that obvious?'

'Your attraction to her is well known in the school,' said Amber. 'I can see why, she is very pretty. I think she is stupid to not give you a chance. You are a good bloke, James.'

'I would like to believe that,' said James smiling wryly. 'But enough about Evans. I have thought about what to do next and I think the best way would be to just continue what we have started. When we both entered this, we wanted a carefree, fun relationship with no strings attached. So, let's do just this. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend. We are friends with benefits. And when you leave school and marry your fiancé we simply drop the benefits and are just friends.'

'That sounds great,' said Amber with a smile on her face. 'I think we can have a lot of fun together. However, we should be careful: Being friend with benefits can be very confusing at times. Often one partner ends up wanting more and everything falls apart. I think I am rather save as I have a fiancé waiting for me and have accepted my fate by now. You are more at risk as you don't have a girlfriend or a girl waiting for you when I am gone. I don't want to hurt you, James.'

'I know,' said James trying to sound convinced. He was not sure whether we succeeded. He knew that he was entering dangerous and uncharted territory. He just hoped that it was the right decision.

'Everything will be fine,' said Amber with an encouraging smile on her face. She stepped closer to him. Suddenly she was so close that James could see every one of her eye lashes. They were very lush, he wondered why he never noticed them before. She took the almost completely burned down cigarette out of James's mouth and tossed it over the balcony of the tower.

'I was not done smoking that,' James said, more to himself than to Amber.

'I don't care,' said Amber before kissing him soundly on the lips. It was surprisingly easy to lose himself in her afterwards. James knew that he was on a dangerous path, but he could not bring himself to care.