Many thanks for the feedback on last chapter. We're jumping back into the always intriguing mind of Dr. Reid for this one. Hopefully you enjoy it. I'm optimistic I'll be able to get one more holiday-themed one written and posted before the holidays are through.

Happy reading =)

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." – Nelson Mandela

"Oh god. I'm never eating ever again," Morgan moans as he stretches his arms outward.

"I second that," Emily says with a groan as she collapses onto the couch next to her husband. "Thank you for a wonderful last meal though, Dave," she deadpans before cracking a small smile.

Everyone chimes in with their own moans and groans of simultaneous pleasure from enjoying such a wonderful meal and pain from enjoying too much of such a wonderful meal. Then they begin declaring their gratitude to Rossi for hosting and preparing such a feast.

"It was my pleasure. It's an honour to have such a wonderful group of people in my home and to be able to cook for you all. I couldn't have asked to be a part of a better family," Dave says, raising his glass to the group. We all follow suit and a round of "hear hear" is sounded out from us all.

"Dad? Is it time for presents yet?" ten year old Henry asks Will with hopeful eyes, interrupting the sentimental moment. Will chuckles loudly and looks toward Rossi who smirks in reply.

"All right, I think we've made them wait long enough," Rossi says with a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. "Let's get started on these presents, shall we? Jack, if you could hand out a few?"

Jack gets up grudgingly and selects a few presents to distribute, trying in vain to curb his enthusiasm so as to maintain his "cool" persona. The once excitable little boy who eagerly jumped at the chance to distribute the presents at the annual BAU Christmas soiree had turned, predictably, into a somewhat moody and status-conscious teenager. We all watch as those with gifts open them up and express their thanks before Jack hands out the next round. Steadily the pile under the tree depletes, until all the gifts have been opened and before long the kids have all disappeared with their new books, toys, and gadgets, leaving the adults behind to enjoy some more wine and conversation.

"So, pretty boy. How's married life treatin' ya?" Morgan asks, starting up a new conversation.

I can't help the grin from spreading on my face. "Like a dream. Better than I ever could have imagined."

"Well, it helps that you've got a good woman keepin' your head on straight," he says with a smile. "Makes all the difference," he adds flashing a trademark Derek Morgan grin at Emily, who shakes her head in amusement.

"For once, I would tend to agree," I say, squeezing Amelia's hand. "I don't know why she puts up with me."

"Trust me, that's a question you'll keep asking yourself for a very long time. God knows I ask myself every single day why this one agreed to marry me," he says while jerking his thumb toward Emily.

"Don't be silly, Derek. Everyone knows she married you for your body," Amelia quips, a smirk tugging at her lips.

It takes a fraction of a section for her words to be comprehended, but laughter then erupts from the room's occupants, save for Emily whose jaw drops and eyes widen while a slight red tinges her cheeks, likely thanks to the fair bit of alcohol she'd consumed over the course of the evening.

"I knew I liked you, Amelia!" Derek declares in between bouts of his jovial laughter. Eventually the laughter dies down and various smaller conversations start up among the members of our quirky group.

A few minutes later, I'm deep in conversation with Emily and Amelia about teaching practices when I feel a gentle tugging on my arm. I look down to find Tegan looking up at me with those impossibly large brown eyes framed by equally long eyelashes that she'd undoubtedly inherited from her mother. "Uncle Spence," she says shyly. "Can we play chess?"

"You... You want to play chess?" I ask in confirmation. My efforts at teaching Henry to play when he was her age ended with him crashing the pieces together in some form of a superhero battle, so it's a bit surprising to me that Tegan, usually so energetic, wants to sit and play chess. It's even more surprising when you consider that she, in addition to having numerous new toys and books, has the entire Rossi mansion at her disposal to explore and play in.

She nods fervently. "Yeah. But I wanna be on your team."

"But there aren't usually teams for chess..." I say slowly, feeling a bit guilty when her expression falls in disappointment. "It's almost exclusively played between two individ-"

"Sure there are," I hear Emily interject just as Amelia elbows me in the side. "I'll play you two."

"You will?!" Tegan says enthusiastically, a wide toothy grin appearing on her face and her eyes beginning to sparkle in excitement.

"Sure, I will. But you'll have to help your Uncle Spencer. I usually win when we play each other," she says with a smile.

"Can I? Can I? I'll help, Uncle Spence! We'll beat Mommy together!"

My mouth drops open in slight shock as I try to process Emily's suggestion and Tegan's excitement. I see both Amelia and Emily give me a reassuring nod, and so I turn to Tegan's still hopeful gaze and utter a quiet, "Sure. Let's play." We make our way to the study where Rossi has his chess board set up. "Have you ever played chess before, Tegan?" I ask, wondering how much of the game is going to be spent explaining the intricacies of the game.

She gives a non-committal shrug of sorts. "Kinda. Mommy tried to teach me once, but I forgot."

"That's all right," I say as Emily smiles fondly at her daughter, who is looking up at me with utter reverence. "I'll help you to remember."

"Okay!" she says with another wide grin, climbing up onto my lap and leaning over the board in excitement.

Forty minutes later I'm shocked to find Tegan not only still on my lap, but focused intently on the game. Her eyes are beginning to droop with tiredness, but her gaze remains stubbornly fixed on the board. Emily moves a knight and utters "check" softly.

"Okay, Tegan. What do you think we should do?" I ask, looking down at her.

Her face scrunches in concentration and she swings her gaze back and forth over the board a few times before a worried expression forms. "I don't know," she says, her tone a little panicked. "I don't know what to do! What do we do?!"

"Don't worry, let's just look at the options," I say as my eyes scan the board quickly. "Okay. Here's what we'll do," I whisper into her ear. "You move the rook to the left two spaces."

She nods fiercely and moves her hand slowly. "This one?" she asks in confirmation, her hand hovering over our remaining rook. I nod in response and she silently picks it up and counts out two spaces before putting it down dramatically.

I look up to find Emily's eyes on me, a soft smile on her face. I frown slightly and shoot her a puzzled expression. She shakes her head gently and moves her bishop before sticking her tongue out at her daughter and proclaiming "check" once more.

"Uncle Spence! We gotta protect the king!" Tegan says anxiously with traces of her drowsiness starting to become more and more apparent. Emily looks at her daughter and then meets my gaze, subtly glancing to the board. I nod almost imperceptibly, and realize that Emily's left us in a position to end the game.

"You're right, Tegan. And we can do one better," I whisper.

She turns her head to face me. "How?" she whispers, her tone one of wonder.

"We're going to win the game," I say with a smile.

"We are?!"

"Yep. Do you remember how to move the knight?" She nods once. "Good. We're going to move that knight so we capture that pawn there," I say while pointing. I watch as she picks up the knight and focuses intently on moving it forward, and then to the right, pushing aside the pawn and picking it up and placing it beside the board. "Do you remember what you say when you win the game?" I prompt her

Her face scrunches in concentration again before she proudly exclaims, "Checkie-mate!"

Emily and I share a laugh as Tegan grins widely. "We won!" she says turning around in my lap and throwing her arms around me in a tight hug. I'm a little shocked by the affection, especially considering children don't usually respond well to me. "You're the best, Uncle Spence!"

"All right, Tee. It's way past your bed time..." Emily says gently.

"But mooooooooooom," Tegan whines. "I want to stay up and play with Uncle Spence s'more."

"You'll see him again soon, Tee. And I'm sure he'll play with you again, but right now it's time for bed," Emily says firmly.

"But I don't wanna," she pouts.

"Tee," she warns. "What have we said about the whining?"

Tegan meets her mother's gaze with a fiery glare, engaging her in a staring contest. It's a fierce battle of wills between Emily and Tegan, and definitely one I'm not keen to get stuck in the middle of, but I can't help but wonder if there's something I should be doing to help out Emily. It hits me suddenly in that moment just how similar mother and daughter are. Emily often complains that both her children are all Derek, and that you can barely tell she had anything to do with either, but there are so many instances where I see similarities between her and her children. My musing on the subject is rendered moot, however, when Tegan finally gives in as a yawn overcomes her.

"Let's say goodnight to everyone and then get you and Matty tucked in upstairs," Emily says patiently.

"Mm 'kay," Tegan says sleepily, her previous stubbornness dissipating thanks to her tiredness.

The three of us make our way into the living room where the group is still engaged in conversation. As Tegan walks over to Morgan to give him a kiss goodnight, Emily stoops down to ask Matthew to make his way around the room to say goodnight. The two make their rounds, making sure to say goodnight to everyone in attendance, and both earn a proud smile from their parents when they thank Rossi for dinner without any prompting. I watch as Emily picks up a very tired Matthew and then bends down to listen to Tegan whisper something in her ear. Emily responds with a, "Why don't you ask him?" and a warm smile before turning her gaze to me.

Tegan bites her lip for a moment before making her way over to me. "Uncle Spence? Will you tuck me in tonight?"

I feel my eyes widen again in surprise. My mind tries to process this new caveat to the evening, and I find myself drawing a blank. I've never had much success with kids liking me. Sure, I could amuse them with magic tricks, but beyond those small moments of interaction, kids generally don't like me. It was just a fact that I'd come to accept. And yet here was a child, looking up at me with her mother's big brown eyes, hopeful that I'd be the one to tuck her in. As much as I don't want to disappoint her, my inexperience screams at me to decline. But just as this disbelief in my own abilities takes hold, I feel Amelia slip her hand into mine, giving me the silent strength I needed.

"Are you sure you want me to? I've never tucked anyone in before..." I reply nervously.

She smiles shyly. "Well I'll teach you how, just like you taught me to beat Mommy at chess."

I smile at her very pragmatic take on the situation. "Okay," I say with a nod. "Let's go tuck you in," I say as I scoop her up into my arms.

"Emily," I hiss. "I don't know what I'm doing," I finish as we climb the stairs, panic settling into the pit of my stomach. I'm not used to being in situations where I'm not well-versed on the subject matter. I'd never read any books on how to tuck a child into bed. The only time I'd even come close to tucking a child in was when I was charged with babysitting Henry while Emily, Garcia and JJ had their ladies' night before Emily had left the team. He'd fallen asleep on the couch and I'd carried him upstairs and put him in his bed, covering him with a blanket before heading back downstairs. But he hadn't woken up and wasn't expecting anything from me. Tegan is not only awake, but also certainly expecting a great performance.

"Relax, Spencer. She'll tell you exactly what to do," she replies softly. "Rossi said we can use this bedroom here," she says while nodding toward a closed door on our right. We make our way into the room to find two twin beds fitted with expensive sheets and I wonder if Rossi had these added just for the nights when Tegan and Matthew stay over. Emily moves to the bed furthest from the door and pulls back the sheets before gently laying Matthew down.

I mimic her actions, pulling back the sheets and laying down Tegan gently. She meets my gaze and blinks sleepily. "How come you don't know how to do this?" she asks.

"I've never done it before," I answer with a shrug.

"Why not?"

"I've never had to."

"Why not?" she asks and I hear a muffled laugh come from the other side of the room where Emily is observing our interaction, apparently having finished tucking in her son.

"Well, I... I don't have any kids of my own."

"Why not? Don't you like kids?"

"I do," I assure her, seeing her face fall slightly at the thought that I didn't like her. "I just..." I trail off trying to form an appropriate answer for her three and half year old level of understanding. "You know how you have a mom and a dad?" She nods. "Well the lady I thought would be my children's mom died."

"Oh," she says sadly. Her brow furrows in sympathy and the striking resemblance between mother and daughter hits me again suddenly, so much so I have to blink to remind myself it's Tegan and not Emily I'm looking at. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you for saying that," I reply with a sad smile. "But can I tell you a secret?" I ask in a quiet whisper. She nods again. "I think your Aunt Amelia and I are going to have some kids."

Her eyes widen in recognition. "So I'll have more friends to play with?"

I smile widely and nod. "Yeah. But it's time for you to get tucked in, Tegan. Now, what's next?"

"You gotta tuck the blankets around me so I don't get cold," she explains. I smile and pull up the sheets and thick duvet, making sure no cold air can sneak in. "Good," she says while snuggling further into the warmth of the bed. "Now you gotta check for monsters under the bed," she commands.

I oblige her request, kneeling down and peeking underneath the bed. "Nothing," I report.

"And the closet," she says, sneaking her hand out from under the blankets to point across the room.

I walk quickly to the closet and open it up, finding only a few lonely coat hangers and spare sheet sets. "Nothing resembling a monster in the closet," I report as I close the doors tightly.

"Good. And now you kiss me goodnight. Right here," she says, pointing to her forehead before tucking her hand back under the covers.

I walk back to the bed and lean over, gently pressing a quick kiss to the spot she indicated. "Goodnight, Tegan," I say, brushing some stray strands of hair from her face.

She smiles sleepily and meets my gaze between her long, drawn-out blinks. "You did good, Uncle Spence."

"I did?"

She nods slowly. "Yeah. Thanks."

"You're welcome, Tegan," I say and slowly begin to exit the room, meeting Emily's gaze, who is now standing in the doorway observing our interaction.

"Uncle Spence?" Tegan calls out softly.

I turn around and shoot her a quizzical look, wondering what I'd forgotten to do. "I'm here."

"I think you are gonna be a good daddy."

I feel a wide smile form on my face at her vote of confidence. "Thank you, Tegan. Now close those eyes and go to sleep," I reply softly before making my way out of the room. Emily steps in briefly to press a quick kiss to Tegan's forehead and say goodnight, but soon joins me in the hallway, pulling the door partially shut behind her.

"She's right, you know," Emily says, meeting my gaze. "You're going to be an amazing father."

"I'm not so su-"

"You will," she insists. "You and Amelia will be wonderful parents."

"You think?" I ask nervously. The subject of kids had been rattling around the Reid household for a couple weeks now, but no consensus had been reached.

"I know so," she says firmly. "The kids all adore you. And you can see how much Tegan loves you. She's always talking about her Uncle Spence."

"But what about my mother?"

"What about your mother?" she asks with a frown.

"Is it fair of me to have children who might have to live with schizophrenia?"

She sighs lightly. "You think too much sometimes, Spencer. Answer me this, is having kids something you want?" I nod once in reply, surprisingly quickly. "And what does Amelia say?"

"She says we shouldn't fixate on everything that could go wrong, but instead consider all that could go right."

"She's a smart woman, then. I understand it's scary, hell I was terrified when I got pregnant that I was too old and my kids were going to suffer because of that. But you have to look at what you get for facing that fear. I got the two most precious things in my entire life, and I can't imagine not having them."

"But how did you know it was worth the risk?"

"I didn't. Not really at first, anyway. I talked to JJ and asked what it was like to be a mother and she told me it was the single most important thing she'd ever done and would ever do, but it didn't sink in until I was pregnant. But I can tell you that having kids changes you, and it really is the most amazing thing you'll ever do."

I shift on my feet and try to process her words.

"Listen, Spencer, I admire you for asking yourself those hard questions and not just diving into it and hoping for the best. Having children certainly isn't something to be taken lightly. But you asked whether it was fair that you might pass on that potential for a mental illness. That's only one way of looking at it. If you ask yourself that, you also have to ask whether it's fair that you let a potential mental illness control your life."

"But I-"

"I know you watched your mother struggle with it for years, and lived with that fear that one day the person you knew to be intrinsically you might slip away, and I can't imagine what that feels like. But are you going to let that continue to rule your life? Or are you going to be brave and figure out what you want?"

I stand there slightly stunned at her words. They make perfect sense, and even though I'd heard them countless times before, they hadn't really sunk in until she'd said them.

"Spencer. Don't let the fear win," she says, taking my hands in hers and squeezing gently, her eyes never leaving mine. "Because when you conquer that fear you get the best things in life."

As I return her gaze I consider the fears she's surmounted over the years and what she's gotten for her efforts. She'd faced her past in the worst way with Doyle coming back to exact his revenge on the woman who'd ruined his life. But I remember her telling me once that in some ways living through all of that gave her a new appreciation for her life and the family she had. She'd gone against ingrained behaviour when she let Morgan in and fell in love with him, but she'd found her soul mate. She'd overcome her paralyzing fear of having children and being unable to give them a safe and loving environment. But as she'd just told me, she'd been given the two most precious things in her life and in raising her children was doing the most amazing thing she would ever do.

I smile in appreciation and understanding, giving her hands a quick squeeze in recognition. She returns my smile and then releases my hands, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "C'mon, handsome. I don't think you want to leave poor Amelia alone with my husband for much longer. His sense of humour gets exponentially worse with alcohol consumption," she quips.

"Actually, from what I've observed it's not actually expo-"

"Spence, just...never mind," she says with a shake of her head.

We make our way down the hallway and down the stairs, heading back toward the living room where everyone is seated. Halfway down the stairs I grab her arm gently, halting our movement. She looks at me quizzically.

"Thank you, Emily," I say sincerely.

She smiles warmly and nods. "Of course."

As she begins making her way down the rest of the stairs, I let everything she'd said to me sink in and wonder if having children wasn't so scary a thought as I'd initially believed. Maybe it wasn't such a crazy idea. Maybe all it would take is me finding some courage. And when I think about everything that Emily's been through and then come out stronger on the other side, I think that maybe being a little brave isn't so hard.

Well, what did you think? Let me know. Reviews make my day.