'I still can't believe that they made you of all people head boy,' said Remus, as he moved his knight. 'And... check.'

James scowled down at the chessboard between them. They were four weeks into the summer holidays. Remus had come over to visit James and Sirius. His werewolf friend still looked rather pale and peaky from the recent full moon, but he was in a particularly good mood tonight. It was about an hour after dinner. As James wrecked his brain to come up with a move to get him out of his currently rather bleak situation, Remus spoke again.

'I haven't seen Sirius since dinner. Do you know what he is up to?'

'He is meeting Marlene for drinks,' said James with a grimace, before moving his queen to stop Remus's assault.

'They are still not-dating then?' asked Remus.

'They sure are,' said James darkly. 'You know, I actually asked Marlene why on earth she had started to date Sirius. Do you know what insane reason she gave me?'

'His good looks?' asked Remus. 'No, it was his rebellious attitude, wasn't it? That usually is what the girls see in him.'

'No, to both of these,' said James. 'You remember that Davies proposed to her, right? And that she said no?'

'I do,' said Remus. 'I know that you don't like Davies, but I can't help but feel sorry for him. From what I have heard he was crushed when she refused. I don't understand Marlene, Davies was a decent bloke. I like Sirius, but he is anything but decent.'

'Yeah, well,' said James. 'The point is that Marlene chose Sirius, because she thinks that he is never going to propose to her. She is absolutely mental! She felt overwhelmed when Davies asked her, so she jumps to the most notorious heartbreaker at Hogwarts to avoid getting cornered like this again.'

'Oh dear,' said Remus. 'Well, it makes sense on a certain level, but I can't say that I like the idea. I mean Marlene does not even like Sirius! It seems like a terrible idea to use him of all people to get over Davies.'

'I know,' said James. 'But what's even weirder is the fact that the two of them are still doing their non-dating. It has been more than two months since Marlene broke things off with Davies and more than a month since she started fooling around with Sirius. Normally, his flings crash and burn within two weeks, but they still seem to be going.'

'It makes you wonder, how temporary they really are,' said Remus. He frowned before making his next move. 'Checkmate.'

'What?' asked James, staring down at the board in shock. Realizing that his friend was right, he cursed loudly. 'Bloody hell that is the third time in a row that you have beaten me. How on earth do you do that?'

'I am thinking ahead,' said Remus rather smugly. 'Honestly, James if you would concentrate properly on the board rather than being so distracted all the time, you would probably do a much better job.'

'I have got a lot on my mind,' said James.

'Like what?' asked Remus. 'Marlene and Sirius? James, you have got to realize that there is nothing at all you can do about them seeing each other. While I agree that it probably is a terrible idea, you are not going to achieve anything arguing with them about it. I don't know Marlene that well, but I know that Sirius is bound to do whatever you want him not to do.'

'I know, I know,' said James. 'And I try to be supportive and accepting, but it just rubs me the wrong way. There are dozens of other girls in Hogwarts which Sirius could shag, why does it have to be Marlene?'

'I would like to say something sappy about true love knowing no bounds, but you know that I don't believe in love,' said Remus casually. 'Personally, I am convinced that Sirius just fancies Marlene for her good looks and because she is a forbidden fruit. And Marlene is just wanting to use him to proof to herself how very independent she is. So, in the end they are just both using each other.'

'Wow, I always forget how very cynical you are, Moony,' said James. 'That is a bit grim, don't you think?'

'No, I think it is accurate,' said Remus. 'And you would share my opinion if you were like me.'

'Maybe,' said James. 'But I still think that you are being overly pessimistic here. There are some wonderful girls out there. And one day, you will find the one who will accept you who you are and you will see that I was right all along.'

'You are a romantic, James,' said Remus. 'You know if you ever manage to snag Lily, you should probably tone down your expectations a bit. Maybe she is not that wonderful a person as you think. And I would be very hesitant to tell her any of your secrets. Or mine, for that matter.'

'Moony, I would never betray your secret like that,' said James, aghast at the accusation. 'I can't believe that you think I would give away all my secrets, just because Lily asked me to.'

'Can't you?' said Remus, looking very serious and much older than he was at the moment. For a moment he reminded James of his father who adopted the same grave manner whenever something of importance was discussed. 'I have learned over the past few years that there is very little you would not do for Lily. I would like to believe that our friendship is stronger than whatever infatuation you have, but I had too many doubts not to say anything.'

'Merlin's beard, Remus,' said James, running a head through his hair in agitation. 'I know that I have done a lot of stupid things because of Evans in the past. And yes, if I ever get her to go out with me, I will probably be too happy to pay much attention to secrecy. But I would never betray you nor will I tell Lily that I am an animagus without need or without taking precautions. I may be a romantic and too bold for my own good, but I am not stupid.'

'Intelligence has nothing to do with this,' said Remus. 'Just look at Sirius. He is very smart and still he never hesitated in betraying all of us. But I am glad to see that you are on the right track. Throwing everything away for a piece of skirt would be foolish.'

James felt his temper rise at the disdain in Remus's voice. He would have thought that Sirius would be the one arguing against him potentially dating Lily, but apparently Remus was the much bigger obstacle. James could understand that his werewolf friend was worried about keeping his secret and that this fear had been heightened by Sirius's recent betrayal. Nevertheless, he was not at all pleased about being interrogated like that nor was he pleased about the derogatory comments aimed at Lily. Remus's self-pitying refusal to date any witches must have left him more bitter than James had thought. He seemed to be developing a general distaste for all things romantic. Not a good development at seventeen.

'Watch it,' growled James. 'I know that you are still not over what happened with Snape, but you are in dangerous territory. I don't like what you're implying at all, Remus.'

James glared at his friend and for a while Remus just glared back. Then, he let out a gust of air and dropped his eyes.

'I am sorry, James,' said Remus. 'I am still feeling the effects of the full moon. I know that you would never betray me.'

'It's fine,' said James, even though he was not sure that it was. Remus might be more cranky and bad tempered than usual, but James was very sure that Remus did not completely trust him to keep their secrets with Lily. That lack of trust was a bitter feeling, but James could not deny that it had a grain of truth in it. After all, he had demonstrated often in the past that he would do almost anything for Lily. But surely Remus had to know that his friendship to the other Marauders would always be more important than any girl in the world? James decided not to push the issue. He was not dating Lily, nor was he sure that he ever would. There was no reason to prolong that uncomfortable conversation.

'I think, I should go,' said Remus. 'It is rather late and I need to rest.'

'Sounds like a good idea,' said James. 'Come on, I will show you out.'

'No, it is fine, I can find the way by myself,' said Remus and hastily rose from the table.

'Are you sure?' asked James. 'I don't mind.'

'I am sure,' said Remus. 'I will see you around James. Have a good night.'

He wheeled around and left the room hurriedly. James sighed deeply. That was Remus to the core. Normally, his bookish friend tried to avoid all confrontations. If he ever had to argue about something, he would be fierce in one moment and then lose his courage and flee the next. James felt a wave of pity for his friend run through him. He wondered how different Remus would be if he had never been bitten. The intense self-loathing of his werewolf friend needed to be managed every day and it could be quite exhausting at time. Without Sirius, Peter and him to take care of him, Remus probably would be miserable at Hogwarts. James clearly remembered how carefully Remus had kept his distance during their first year at Hogwarts. Always on the lookout for anything which might give away his well-kept secret. James could not imagine living like that. Being on edge all the time, must take its toll. He put away the chessboard and wondered what he should do next. It was still too early to go to bed and he probably would not be able to fall asleep anyway after that loaded conversation. He needed a smoke and preferably a firewhiskey to go with it. James pondered slipping outside for a smoke, but the rain spattering against the window discouraged him. The summer had been extraordinary rainy so far and James was itching for some sun and heat. Well, he would just have to smoke in the house then. He made his way over to the salon, the only room in the house were his mother tolerated smoking. When James entered the room, he spotted his father who was sitting in his favourite armchair. Judging by the traveling cloak lying on the table next to him and his still windswept hair, his father had just arrived back in the manor. James furrowed his brows. He had not even known that his father had been out.

'Ah, James,' said his father. 'I thought you were busy with Remus.'

'He left already,' said James. 'He is still feeling under the weather. The full moon was the day before yesterday.'

'Of course,' said his father distractedly. He pulled out his wand and gave it a sharp flick. A bottle of firewhiskey as well as a box of cigars zoomed out of their respective cupboards and landed neatly on the small table next to his seat. 'Do you want a drink as well? I would offer you a cigar, but I know that you don't care for them.'

'I will take a drink,' said James. 'Were have you been?'

'Out on family business,' said Richard Potter. He summoned two glasses and poured both James and him a healthy amount of the amber liquid. 'And now I definitely need that drink. Here, take your glass.'

James picked it up. He started to feel rather troubled by his father's attitude. Richard Potter rarely drank and usually was very calm and collected. Tonight, he seemed agitated and not at all in control. That was definitely a bad sign.

'Did something happen?' asked James. 'Is someone dead?'

'No, it is not that bad,' said his father. 'But let's have our toast first. To the great future of our noble house.'

He drained his whiskey with a single gulp. James drank as well, but preferred to sip it instead. He had a feeling that he would need his wits about him. His father refilled his glass immediately and raised the glass to his mouth again, before reconsidering. He put it back down and just stared at it for a moment. Then, he picked up his wand again, vanished the whiskey in the glass and made the bottle zoom back to its place in the cupboard. He seemed more collected than a moment before but still rather rattled. Sighing, his father grabbed one of the cigars and lit it with his wand. James waited until the cigar burned properly before speaking.

'Dad, what's going on?' he asked. 'I am starting to get seriously worried.'

'I may have overplayed my cards,' said his father with a grimace. 'I have been rather busy during the last few months. You know my plans and I have continued them as planned. To get us out of the crossfire, I have intensified my contacts with the more traditional families. You know, meeting the right people, dropping a few well-crafted comments, claiming to support the right law changes, the usual deal. Well, I may have been overly successful. A few days ago, I received an invitation of Walden Macnair himself.'

'Macnair?' said James. 'But he is one of the worst Muggle haters out there! He probably was only trying to lure you into a trap! Don't tell that you went to meet him.'

'Don't think the thought had not occurred to me,' said Richard Potter. 'I am quite sure that Macnair is a Death Eater and even if he is not, he still is a very unpleasant person to have dinner with. But in the end my curiosity got the better of me and I agreed to meet him. Fortunately, we agreed to have dinner at the Silver Snake in Manchester. You know that fancy but rather grim restaurant all the traditional pure-bloods like so much. It is neutral ground and very tightly secured. So, I figured that I was in no immediate danger there. If Macnair had asked me to visit his manor, I naturally would have refused. Your mother strongly argued against me going, but as so often, I have ignored her well-meant advice.'

James grinned at that. His father's stubbornness had driven his mother up the wall countless times. It did not help that James had inherited that part of his father's personality as well.

'And did Macnair show up?' asked James.

'Oh yes, he did,' said his father. 'He seemed surprised that I had showed up to be honest. Well, anyway, we made the usual meaningless small talk for most of the meal before things got interesting. Macnair said that my efforts to bring the family back into the fold of the traditional pure-bloods has been noted. He praised our noble blood and that it was about time that we forgot out Muggle-loving past ways.'

'Seems like your plans are working then,' said James. 'Naturally, a git like Macnair will demonize our past ways. I would not have expected anything else.'

'Neither was I,' said his father. He took another puff on his cigar, before continuing. 'Well, I painted myself as an enlightened believer in blood-purity for Macnair, but I am not sure whether he really believed me. He said that it was time I started playing a more active role. When I asked him what exactly he had in mind, he dared to suggest that I should donate some money for the advancement of the cause.'

'What cause?'

'That was what I asked him as well. He just smiled enigmatically and said that surely I knew what he was talking about. That swarmy git! Macnair may be a violent thug, but he certainly is not dumb. He knew that he could not admit to being a Death Eater in public, but he knew that dropping a few suggestions would be enough. Well, anyway, I said that I was not overly interested in funding any cause which put my son in the hospital and injured my wife and myself. That wiped that smug smile off his face, I can tell you.'

'I don't like where this is going at all,' said James. 'It is one thing to pretend to be in league with the Death Eaters, but another one thing entirely to fund their sick crusade! Giving them any money is actually a serious crime! You could go to Azkaban, dad!'

'Don't you think I know that?' snapped his father. 'I am not fool, James! Of course, I will not give these murderers any money! They have killed friends of me for Merlin's sake! Anyway, Macnair was quick to assure me that no member of my family would ever be hurt again, as long as we stayed true to the cause and supported whatever was necessary to achieve it. I told him that I needed more than his words to be sure that my family would be protected. And that I would not give a single knut to anyone unless I was sure to actually benefit from giving my money away.'

'Wow,' said James. 'That was awfully bold, dad! What did Macnair say to that?'

'Well, for a moment he just looked at me and let the silence linger for a moment. He was either trying to make me nervous or was still trying to figure me out. I just looked him straight into the eyes and waited. I knew that I could not back down now and that I must not show any weakness. After a minute or so, he said that he was disappointed in my lack of enthusiasm and that I was driving a hard bargain. I was not sure what to say to that, so I just stayed quiet. I think that was the right decision, because Macnair said that we had nothing more to talk about for today and that he would be in touch. He paid for his meal and hurried out of there.'

'I see,' said James thinking hard. 'I am not sure yet what to make of this. But I don't see why you are so wound up about this. It was going alright, wasn't it?'

'I am not sure it did,' said his father. 'Obviously restoring some kind of civilized contact to the traditional families worked much better than I would have expected. It seems that they are quite eager to welcome any lost sheep back into the herd. Not too much of a surprise, given how few of the old pure-blood families remain, but given our strong reputation as blood traitors, I would not have been surprised had I encountered more resistance. I mean, even the Weasleys have a better reputation then we do regarding keeping the blood line pure! I bet that they have just been so welcoming because we are a rich family. But I am getting side-tracked here. My strategy requires me to be more or less loyal to both sides in this conflict. As long as both consider our family allies, they will not harm us in any way. However, we must not get pulled too much into either side. As soon as anyone sees us as truly committed to their cause, demands for support are going to be placed on our family. They are going to ask for gold, for favours, even for us to help them fight! Naturally, that is exactly what we don't want to happen. We need to toe the line, we need to be indecipherable!'

'And you are worried that you have been to forward with Macnair?' asked James. 'I mean asking for money like that is a pretty bold move. He probably would not have dared to do it if he was unsure of our loyalties, because he would risk scaring us away.'

'Yes, precisely,' said his father, running a hand through his grey hair. 'Though, now that I think about it, maybe he was unsure about our loyalty and wanted to see whether we are committed enough to give some money to Voldemort. Ah... it is frustrating to no belief! No matter how you look at it, you see possible mistakes everywhere! I even have to worry about our side as well. My increased contact with the purists has been noticed. The Shacklebolts have already commented on it and it is only a matter of time before others do as well. It would not do at all to be under suspicion by them or the Ministry. Maybe I should just give up and show our true colours. This whole strategy is become more and more costly every day. I never expected that we would have to disguise ourselves for so long anyway. I thought the Ministry was bound to catch Voldemort by now. It is all spiralling out of control.'

'Have they made any progress regarding Voldemort at all?' asked James. He was not sure what to else to say. He knew too little of his father's political machinations to guide him in this situation. One the one hand, he was itching to fight the Death Eaters, on the other one, he was afraid of the possible consequences and not yet willing to give up his dream of becoming a professional Quidditch player. He could emphasize with his father's position. His own life would be a lot easier as well if Voldemort got caught.

'They have made a few arrests,' said Richard Potter. 'But from what Moody told me most of the subjects are innocent and even the ones who are Death Eaters are junior members. They are not getting any closer to the big fish as far as I can tell. Crouch is pushing harder and harder for changes in the legislation. He wants to allow the aurors to use unforgivable curses.'

James made a noise of protest.

'I know, I know,' said his father. 'The curses are filthy and despicable magic. Allowing the aurors to use them is a sign of desperation and should not be an option in the first place. All of this is true, but I have lived long enough to know that morality is a luxury you cannot always afford.'

'We would be not better than the Death Eaters if we started to fling Unforgivable Curses around,' said James stoically. 'You have to see that.'

'Do I?' asked his father. 'Magic is just a tool to solve certain problems. The intent is equally important to what you are doing in the first place. Using an Avada Kedavra to save your family is not the same as murdering someone in cold blood.'

'That's true,' admitted James. 'Nevertheless, the curses are evil and we should not legitimize using dark magic! There is a reason these curses are illegal for anyone to use.'

'Don't get me wrong, James,' said his father. 'I hate dark magic as much as you do. It was Grindelwald's dark magic which took away my brother after all. However, I am pragmatic enough to consider almost every option when necessary. And doing something is certainly necessary. The Ministry likes to pretend that everything is under control, but it is clear for anyone paying close attention that they are no closer to finding Voldemort then they had been years ago.'

'What do we do if they don't catch him?' asked James. 'As you have said, we will not be able to stay out of the fight for long.'

'Well, then we will have to fight these murderers,' said Richard Potter. 'Either that or we will have to flee the country.'

'I will never flee!' said James fiercely. 'I am not giving this scum free reign to terrorize this country! They are pure-bloods like we are, dad, and it is our responsibility to stop them.'

'I thought that you would say that,' said his father. 'I am very proud of you James. I just hope that it will not come to this. These people are monsters and a decent boy like you would not last a minute against them. I have seen what fighting dark wizards does to people. Not many field aurors reach retiring age and the few who do have never been the same. It has been a very long time since I have been in the field, but my reflexes are still in place. I still check the wards every night before I go to bed. I still avoid sitting with my back turned to a door or a window, I still scan everyone in my vicinity for any shady movement and I still discretely check food for poison if I don't trust its source. And I am a mild case, because I took a desk job rather quickly. Look at Moody if you want to see an extreme case. I like him, but he clearly is not right in the head.'

'So, you are saying that I should not fight?' asked James, incredulously.

'No, I am saying that you should be aware of what you are getting yourself into,' corrected his father. 'This is not some grand adventure. It is a war and while I have never been at war myself, I knew a lot of people who fought in the war with Grindelwald. I have told you about my brother already. He was one of the many who never came back, but quite a few of his friends were as brave as he was and made it back alive. I knew them before they went to war and most of them were in bad shape afterwards. Two actually killed themselves a few years later. I know that sometimes we have to fight for our beliefs, but just because you are brave enough to consider going to war, you should not do so recklessly.'

'Sometimes I wonder how you ever made it into Gryffindor,' said James wryly. 'I thought being reckless was the flipside of being bold.'

'The two do go hand in hand,' said his father with a smile. 'The Sorting Hat did indeed consider putting me into Slytherin, but decided against it in the end. You remind me a lot of my father. He was Gryffindor to the core and I did not always agree with his decisions. Well, anyway I am going to head to bed. I need some time to think about today's events. Have a good night, James.'

He stubbed out the cigar even though he had only smoked about a quarter of it, rose from his seat and left the room. James looked after him for a moment and then lit the cigarette he had wanted to smoke since he came here. When he retired to bed himself about an hour later, his mind was swimming with Death Eaters, Voldemort and Remus. He slept uneasily that night.