Get It Right

by Mishra

James Potter has tried to win Lily Evans's heart for close to two years but he could never get it right. After their falling out at the end of the fifth year, he admits defeat and gives up on her. But sometimes, giving up is exactly what is needed to get what you want.

24. Chapter 24

Two days later, James was sitting in the library and had his head buried in a thick tome on advanced human transfiguration. He had just turned a page, when a familiar voice broke his concentration.

'I thought Remus was joking we he told me to come here of all places,' said Lily quietly as she slid in the seat opposite of him. 'I never thought that I would see the day were James Potter was studying in the library.'

'Hey Lily,' said James looking up at her. She looked very pretty this evening with her hair loose rather than in her usual pony tail. 'Yes, my reputation is getting damaged more and more. First I become head-boy and now I am even in the library.'

'Oh, what will your fan-club say?' asked Lily jokingly. 'But seriously, what are you doing here? I thought you hated that place.'

'I do,' said James. 'It is McGonagall's fault that I am here. Do you remember the essay she asked us to write?'

'The one on human transfiguration?' said Lily. James nodded and she continued. 'That essay was a nightmare to write! I am normally quite good at transfiguration, but it went right over my head. But surely it was no problem for you, James. After all, you are a prodigy at transfiguration, as you like to remind me every day.'

'Guilty as charged,' said James with a bright smile. 'No, the essay itself was no problem. However, it got me thinking about human transfiguration in general and I decided to pay a visit to the library to find more about certain questions which popped into my brain. Have you ever asked yourself, why wizards never have any magical animals as their animagus form?'

'Not particularly,' said Lily honestly. 'I have never thought about being an animagus in general. I mean, it is a very impressive bit of magic, but I just can't imagine what being a human with in an animal's body would feel like.'

'I see,' said James. 'Yes, from what I have read, it does take some time getting used to it. It all depends on your animagus form, obviously. Some animals are more different from humans than others. Just imagine being a bird! On one hand, you will be able to fly, but will you actually know how to do it? I mean young birds have to learn how to fly and as a human you never had anyone teach you. So, are you able to fly or not?'

'I... I am not sure,' said Lily. She seemed rather thrown by his example. 'I would assume that you can fly, you are a bird after all. You probably just have to practice a bit, but then you should be fine.'

'Yes, that seems plausible,' said James. 'However, there are very few insider experiences from actual animagi. I once asked McGonagall how she dealt with her improved sense of smell in her animagus form and she told me that she got used to it after a while. She also said that even in her human form her senses have improved after she became an animagus. Did you know that this happens?'

'No, I did not,' said Lily. 'I knew that your animal form reflects certain physical attributes of your human form, in McGonagall's case her square glass, but I never thought that the connection went both ways. I guess becoming an animagus really changes you forever. That is probably one of the reasons the Ministry makes everybody register.'

'Yeah, I guess so,' said James. 'I image a bad person with a fitting animagus form could cause a lot of trouble and nobody would be the wiser. Just imagine a magpie animagus going around and stealing things. Everybody would just assume that is it just a rogue bird! I think that probably has more to do with why the Ministry closely monitors all animagi than the rubbish they say about protecting them.'

'You don't think that an animagus transformation is dangerous?'

'No, I know that it is dangerous, I just think that the Ministry is not going to be there to save you if things go badly. No matter whether or not you register, you will probably be one your own. Also, not everybody can register. They would never allow someone underage to become an animagus, for example.'

'And with good reason,' said Lily sharply. 'What reason could someone that young have for becoming an animagus? And why would his parents ever agree to such nonsense?'

'I don't know,' said James. 'Maybe he wants to prove that he can do it, maybe he wants to help someone or maybe he just is interested in the subject. If he does not tell his parents and just works here in school, nobody would ever know.'

'I refuse to believe that anyone could be so foolish,' said Lily, shaking her head. 'Besides, only very few people are good enough to even attempt it. So, the pool of people who are both proficient at transfiguration and completely reckless is small enough that probably no one has ever attempted to become an animagus while still at school.'

'Probably,' said James, though he struggled to hide his smile. Lily had no idea how dedicated the Marauders could be if they put their mind to something. 'But I got side-tracked. I originally came here to find out why people cannot turn into magical animals. I mean your animagus form is the animal which represents your character best. Every person is different so why shouldn't some wizards have a magical animagus form or a magical patronus? Maybe he is a unicorn at heart so why shouldn't he have this form? It does not make any sense.'

'And did you find out why?'

'No,' said James, running a hand through his hair in frustration. This was on old project for him. When he became an animagus back in his fifth year, Sirius and he had argued about the topic countless times. Sirius had never cared for the reason why one could not transform himself into a magical animal. He had just accepted the restriction and never gave it a second thought. The fact that James had continued to rope him into a discussion about possible reasons had annoyed him immensely. In the end, he had told James to shove off and not bother him with this nonsense anymore. James had actually listened to him and had pushed the thought to the back of his mind. He had been very busy with exploring his new animagus form back then anyway. However, McGonagall's essay had rekindled the small ember still simmering in his mind and now he was back to his obsessive behaviour. 'I have read a lot of theories, but most of them are not backed with any hard facts. Some researchers argue that it is not possible in general, while others say that the right wizard just was not born yet or has never attempted to become an animagus. Some say that the size and majesty of your form depends on your magical prowess, but I think that is just wishful thinking. Just because you are a powerful wizard, does not mean that your character is best represented by something impressive as well. I don't know whether Slytherin was an animagus, but he probably was a snake. That's hardly majestic.'

'I agree,' said Lily. 'McGonagall is pretty powerful and her animagus form is not impressive at all. Also, I think if it was possible to become a magical animals, someone would have managed it by now. I mean wizards and witches have been around for thousands of years. Someone was bound to do it just to prove that he could.'

'Exactly,' said James. 'So, there has to be some factor which prevents it. But what could it be? It is not that every magical animal is powerful or even impressive. Take a flubberworm for example. There is no reason why someone should not be able to become one of these. Naturally, no one would want to, but it should be possible nevertheless.'

'You have thought a lot about this,' said Lily. 'I never knew you cared so much about transfiguration.'

'Well, that is a bit of an obsession for me,' said James. 'Sirius thinks that I am wasting my time thinking about it. He thinks it is enough to know that it is not possible and that I should move on. Giving up has never been my forte, though.'

'I noticed,' said Lily and her lips twitched. 'Listen, I wanted to apologize to you for giving you such a hard time yesterday. I should not have snapped at you like that when you admitted that you have not made any plans for your time as head-boy. You never expected to get the position after all and did not have as much time to adjust to it as I had.'

'Apology accepted,' said James, pleased by the turn of events. 'To be honest I felt rather stupid when you rattled off everything you want to change in this school. I guess I am rather out of my depth with the whole head-boy thing.'

'You will grow into it,' said Lily. 'You are a good leader after all. Marlene has always been very pleased with how you head the Quidditch team. She has complained an awful lot about you being insane though.'

'Yeah, well, I don't deny it,' said James with a grin. 'Marlene knew what she was getting into when I became captain. She has known me for most of my life and I have always been dedicated to Quidditch.'

'She mentioned that you would like to play professionally after school,' said Lily. 'Is this still your plan?'

'It is,' said James. 'At least if nothing major happens until I am done with school. A lot is going on in our world at the moment and my plans may well be null and void until I finish school.'

'Are you thinking off the war?' said Lily.

'Among other things,' said James. His thoughts strayed to his father's machinations and, surprisingly, to Amber.

'I think your plans will be fine,' said Lily. 'No matter how bad the war gets, there will still be Quidditch. It is the most popular sport in the Wizarding World after all.'

'That's true,' said James. He hesitated for moment before continuing. 'I have toyed with the thought of becoming an auror. I cannot just sit back and watch the world go to hell.'

'Yeah, I feel the same way,' said Lily. 'But I don't think that being an auror would suit me. I think you are going to fit right in, though. You are more than reckless enough for the job.'

James laughed.

'Yeah, I guess that's true,' said James. 'My father used to be an auror and he is not excited by the idea, though.'

'Why not?' asked Lily. 'Didn't he like his job while he was still active?'

'He did,' said James. 'He just warned me about the long-term effects of the job. He is a bit paranoid and he knows lot of aurors who are even worse off when he is. If you ever meet Mad-Eye you will know what I mean.'

'Mad-Eye?'

'Alastor Moody, nick-named Mad-Eye Moody,' said James. 'He is an auror and an old friend of my father. He is one of the best at his job, but seriously touched in the head. Paranoid, you see? For example, he only drinks and eats what he has prepared for himself as he is afraid of poison.'

'Oh dear,' said Lily. 'Why is he called Mad-Eye though? Seems like a very odd nickname.'

'He lost an eye,' said James. 'They replaced it with a magical one. It looks... odd and allows him to see in two directions at once. It is very creepy.'

'It does sound creepy,' said Lily. 'Do aurors often lose body parts?'

'It happens,' said James. 'There are a lot of nasty creatures and curses out there. And once you lose a body part it is impossible to restore via magic. If you spent decades in the field like Moody did, you are bound to lose some parts of yourself. He also lost his leg and good chunk of his nose. He's not a pretty sight.'

'I can imagine,' said Lily with a shudder. 'Maybe you should stick to your original plan then and become a Quidditch player. I am sure that things are going to get better soon.'

'I hope so,' said James. 'However, it seems that I have become rather bad a sticking to the plan in the last few months.'

Lily pulled a face.

'I am sorry about Amber,' she said. 'Marlene has told me that the two of you are no longer together and that she is married by now. I did not even know that she was engaged.'

'Thanks,' said James gruffly.

'Did you know that she was bound to marry Fawley?' asked Lily in a would-be-casual voice. James suppressed rolling his eyes. He should have known. Lily was a girl after all and all girls loved gossip. Well, it could not do any harm telling her the old news.

'Not a first,' said James. 'She told me after some time and we decided to keep seeing each other nevertheless. She was looking for a distraction after all.'

'And what were you looking for?'

'I am not sure,' said James, evasively. He could not admit that he had tried to get over her after all. 'It seemed like a good idea at the time.'

'Hm…,' said Lily, pursing her lips. 'Well, it does not seem very fair of her to use you as a distraction when she is about to get married.'

'I knew what I was getting myself into,' said James. 'Or at least I thought I did. Amber did not trick me in any way. And her marriage was arranged. She deserved some happiness even if it was only temporary.'

'Was it really?' said Lily, intrigued. 'I did not know that arranged marriages were still happening in Britain.'

'They are not that rare in traditional pure-blood families,' said James. 'My parent's marriage was arranged.'

'Oh, and do they get along?' said Lily. 'No, don't answer that, it is too personal.'

'It's fine,' said James quickly. 'And yes, they do. They grew fond of each other over the years. They were very lucky.'

'They are,' said Lily. 'I can't imagine having an arranged marriage. Getting married to someone you don't love and who you may only know in passing must be horrible.'

'I suppose,' said James. 'Amber was not too happy about it either.'

'How did she handle it?'

'She was very cool and collected about it,' said James. 'Always keeping up her guard, hiding how she truly feels. I have met her husband and he seems alright, but I am not sure how she feels about him.'

'And the two of you?' asked Lily.

'Amber and I have not spoken since she became married,' said James curtly. 'I expect that we will meet again at some point, the pure-blood community is not that big after all, but we will just be friends then.'

'It's a shame it went that way,' said Lily. 'You two were a lovely couple.'

'Do you think so?' asked James, who was rather surprised by that statement. 'I can't remember that you ever saw the two of us together for longer than a few seconds.'

Lily blushed furiously and everything clicked into place for James. She was referring to the time she had watched Amber and him shag in the showers. This would be fun.

'There is something I have to tell you,' she said. 'After the Qudditch finals last year, I went into the changing rooms. I was looking for Marlene and I thought she was still inside. She wasn't but I could hear water running in the shower. Among other things.'

'And you just could not resist taking a peek, could you?' asked James in an amused voice. Lily blushed even harder at that. 'You saw Amber and me, didn't you?'

'Yes,' said Lily. 'Are you mad at me?'

'No,' said James. 'I am not that modest a person. Also, I already knew that you had been there.'

'You did? But why didn't you say anything?'

'At the time, I was rather busy and I did not want to disturb Amber. Afterwards, I was not sure what to say and it did not matter anyway. Confronting you would have been awkward, so I decided just to let it go and see what you would do about it. Did you enjoy the show?'

'I am not going to answer that,' said Lily in a scandalized voice.

'So, you did,' said James with a wide grin on his face. 'Well, what can I say Lily? I am unusually talented in multiple ways.'

'Oh yes, how could I forget?' she said, rolling her eyes at his antics. 'I thought you would be angry with me. But you really don't mind at all, do you?'

'I don't mind,' said James simply. 'Just try not to make it a habit. It could get both of us in trouble.'

'It was an accident,' said Lily in protest. 'I am not a pervert who gets off watching other people shag!'

'Maybe you just like to watch me?' suggest James innocently. She hit him on the shoulder for his cheek.

'Prat,' she said. 'Are you quite done making fun of me?'

'Almost,' said James. 'Well, I am just glad that I never stumbled over Palmer and you doing dirty deeds during prefect patrol. That certainly would have been awkward.'

'You wouldn't have,' said Lily, looking rather shocked at the suggestion. 'Luke and I were always very discreet. In contrast to you, we do not perform for an audience and don't move quite as fast.'

'That's good to know,' said James. 'I will keep things discreet then if you ever find your way in my bed.'

She hit him again.

'Have I ever told you that you have anger management issues?' asked James, rubbing the smarting spot on his shoulder where she had struck him.

'No, but you really should know better than to provoke me like this,' said Lily huffily. 'And you should not make jokes like that. Someone might get the wrong idea. Luke was always badgering me about you and your interest in me. He kept expecting you to turn up and sweep me away. I have never seen someone that jealous.'

'Well, seems like he knew he would never be able to compete with me, so he at least wasn't dumb,' said James cockily.

'Yes, he would never be able to be as humble as you are,' said Lily, rolling her eyes once again. 'Thanks to your over-the-top behaviour every boy in this bloody castle believes that you have some kind of hold over me. Luke half expected you to hex him when you learned that the two of us were going out.'

'Ridiculous,' said James dismissively. Of course, he had thought about hexing Palmer but had decided against it as he knew that Lily would have went ballistic. 'I was rather occupied at the time and I don't hex people just because they are dating you. At least not anymore.'

'How very mature of you.'

'I know,' said James, choosing to ignore the sarcasm. 'Marlene told me that the two of you are not going out anymore. What went wrong?'

'Oh, we just did not fit that well together as I thought we would,' said Lily. 'The relationship just grew stale very quickly. Luke is a nice guy, but he is not very exciting to be around. He is dependable and smart and gentle. He cares about his homework, he never says a bad word about anyone. He is...'

'...incredibly boring,' finished James. 'And you thought he was everything you wanted, only to realize one day that you were wrong.'

'That is a rather blunt way to put it,' said Lily. 'But you are not wrong. I thought that Luke and I were a good match. He is good looking and he and you don't share a single character trait.'

'Should I be offended about you choosing your boyfriend because they are not like me?' asked James lightly. He felt a stab in his chest at her words, but knowledge that her relationship with Palmer failed soothed the wound a bit. Still, it was a testament to how badly he had messed up trying to win her heart. Well, at least now he knew exactly what not to do, if he ever decided to give it another go. They were in a strange limbo right now. They were friends, but not quite. Being around Lily was different from being around Marlene or the Marauders. There was some underlying tension here which made every conversation feel charged like the air before a thunderstorm. He wondered whether she felt it too.

'Maybe,' admitted Lily. 'Still, I just admitted that I was wrong, didn't I? And today I know that you are a much better person than I thought last year.'

'Thanks,' said James simply. It meant a lot to him that she no longer considered him scum like the junior Death Eaters. Still, it was a long way from not hating somebody to shagging him and despite all his efforts to get over her, he still wanted to shag her more than he had ever wanted to shag anyone else. Maybe that was the reason this head-boy thing was so hard, no pun intended. Being around her more often certainly was not going to help him.

'Did Marlene tell you that Luke thought I had cheated on him?' she asked suddenly.

'She mentioned it.'

'Did she also tell you who he suspected to be my partner in crime?'

'No, who was it?'

'You,' said Lily. 'I think his insecurities about you have led him to this conclusion.'

'You are kidding,' said James.

'Sadly, not,' said Lily. 'I wish I was. Up to that point our break-up talk had been... well, not pleasurable but at least bearable. When your name got mentioned things got ugly very quickly.'

'Defended me in front of your ex, did you?' asked James, grinning. 'I never thought I would see the day where you of all people defend my virtue.'

'I was not defending you,' protested Lily. 'It just seems highly unfair that he was blaming you for something you did not do. You often evade punishment for your misdemeanours, but in this case I obviously knew that you were innocent, so I had to tell him.'

'And did he believe you?' asked James. It was interesting that she had not bother to point out how ludicrous the thought of her cheating on her boyfriend with him supposedly was. James wondered whether this meant something or if he was just over-interpreting things.

'I am not sure,' said Lily. 'I tried to tell him that I would never cheat on anybody, but he seemed fixated on the idea. I think he was just trying to come up with a reason to blame me for the end of the relationship.'

'Well, you did break up with him,' James pointed out.

'Well, I would not have had to if he had made more of an effort,' said Lily huffily. 'He could have realized that things were not really working out between us after all.'

James said nothing. He knew that he was in dangerous territory. In his opinion, one could not fault Luke Palmer that was a boring stick in the mud. It was his nature after all. As soon as Lily had realized that he was boring her, there was nothing Palmer could have done to hold onto her.

'It does not matter any way,' continued Lily after it was clear that James was not going to say anything. 'Relationships come and go. It is perfectly normal to break up with your boyfriend. Just look at Marlene for example.'

'I still can't believe that Sirius and she are still going strong,' said James.

'Sometimes love can be found in the strangest places,' said Lily. 'I was more than a bit sceptical when I learned that Marlene was dating Black of all people. I thought that she was just asking for trouble by going for him of all people in the school. I know that he is your best friend, but he does have reputation for breaking hearts wherever he goes. I really liked Charlie Davies and I thought that he was perfect for Marlene, so her breaking up with him certainly was a shock. I tried to convince her to give him another chance, but she flat out refused. Apparently there is too much scorched earth between the two of them by now.'

'Davies is an alright bloke,' said James. 'I don't like to admit it, but it is a fact. Still, he should have known better than to propose to Marlene. She is easily scared away if you get too close to her.'

'Yes, I know,' said Lily. 'Do you have any idea why she behaves that way? You have known her for a lot longer than I have.'

'I am not sure,' said James. 'When she was younger, she was a rather shy girl. Don't look at me like that, I know that it is hard to believe, but it is the truth. She certainly has made huge improvements in that regard, but I think that she has still trouble trusting other people. She is always trying to prevent getting hurt, usually by keeping people at a distance. You might have noticed that she does not have many close friends.'

'Yeah, I did,' said Lily. 'Well, then it makes sense that Charlie scared her away like that. Still, she should not have been so harsh about it. She just could have told him that she was not ready yet and they could have waited.'

'I suspect that she just panicked,' said James. 'And you know how hot-headed Marlene can be. She just blew up on him and things went all downhill from there. Well, I suppose that's just the way it is. To be honest, I was not pleased than I learned that she was seeing Sirius. Not pleased at all.'

'Really?' asked Lily. 'Why not?'

'Because I know both of them like the back of my hand,' said James. 'Sirius has the habit of ditching witches as quickly as he picks them up and Marlene is always looking for an excuse to bail. It just seemed like a recipe for disaster and I did not fancy getting caught in the crossfire.'

'And what do you think about them now?' asked Lily.

'Now, I am not sure,' said James. 'Staying with one girl for such a long time is a new record for Sirius, so something must be going well then. I suppose time will tell whether my first assessment was right.'

'I don't like to admit it, but I think they are good together,' said Lily. 'You know that Black and I don't get along, but Marlene is much happier since the two of them dating. I think she is even happier than she was back with Charlie. Everything is much less serious now and I think it suits her very well. And it is about time that Black had a proper relationship. He would run out of fresh witches to seduce otherwise'

'I have told him that myself, but he just said that new witches turn fifteen every year,' said James with a shrug.

'Disgusting,' said Lily, wrinkling her nose. 'He really is a pig.'

'Well, Marlene seems to like it,' said James. 'And plenty of other witches as well. I think you are one of the view in the castle which are not all affected by his charms.'

'I don't go for blatant womanizer,' said Lily. 'And he is too much of pretty boy for my taste anyway. He looks like he spends and hour each morning to get his hair just right.'

'He usually gets it right in about half an hour,' said James with a smile. 'He always says that I should make more of an effort with my hair as well, but I have given it up as a bad job. Besides, it just adds to my mystique, don't you think so?'

'Totally,' said Lily dryly. 'If you aim for a permanently windswept look, then you are nailing it. You know it would not be half as bad if you did not mess it up further all the time.'

'Old habits die hard,' said James. 'Speaking of habits, I am going to get out of here and have a smoke. I don't think that I will make any more progress here. Do you want to come?'

'No, I still have some work to do,' said Lily. 'I will see you around, then.'

'I guess you will,' said James with a smile. He grabbed his things and hurried out of the library, knowing that he would need some time on his own to mull over this conversation.