Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

-O-

Sakura thinks that whoever said motherhood was a blessing was either unbelievably optimistic, or off their rocker. She does not regret her child; she cannot look at the too large eyes of her daughter and call her a mistake. The love she feels for this tiny human being that she made pales in comparison to the love she feels for anyone else. She does not think that she has loved someone so intensely, as unconditionally as she does her baby girl.

But at just a little over three weeks old, little Uchiha Sarada is proving to be much more than a handful. The infant is inconsolable on most days, fussy at best, and Sakura is torn between comforting her and dissolving into tears herself.

It is a silent night when Sakura finds herself awake at two in the morning, and she feels hopeless as she rocks her wailing child in her arms. She checks if Sarada is hungry, if she has soiled herself, if she has any reason to be crying so intensely. Tears come to her eyes because it has been a longtime since Sakura has felt weak and hopeless. She desperately coos at her baby, attempts to muffle the distress she feels at feeling so useless, and wishes someone were there to help her—wishes someone were there to do anything.

She is struck with the thought that this must be what single mothers feel like.

Kakashi hears the crying from the streets on his way home from the Hokage tower. He passes by her house every night, discreetly checks in on the family to make sure they are doing well, and never overstays his welcome. Sakura invites him many times for dinner, but Kakashi feels as if he is imposing if he does. It doesn't occur to him that Sakura might be lonely—not really.

But tonight, when Kakashi uses the spare key she gave him months ago to open the front door of her home, he finds her frantically bouncing her child in her arms. Dressed in just a large shirt that dwarfs her frame, she turns despaired green eyes to his own and Kakashi feels his heart clench. She looks so small, so lost and desperate that he crosses the room in three large strides and takes Sarada from her arms.

It is the first time he holds her, and his unfamiliar arms cause the little child to pause and peer up at him with dark eyes so like her father's and yet so unfathomably different . He watches as her face twists into the beginnings of a piercing wail and he hurriedly rushes to calm her. He strokes her too soft hair and whispers sweet nothings and rocks her, the security of his arms and the safety of his presence lulling her to sleep.

Sakura sniffles once, twice, and then dissolves into silent tears, falling dejectedly onto her couch. Kakashi walks to Sarada's room, lays her in her crib, checks the baby monitors and walks back to Sakura.

He is silent, offering no words, and envelops her in his arms. She climbs onto his lap and he comforts her just as he has done many times before.

When Sakura's tears stop, she does not move her head from his chest and does not move from his lap. He does not move from his position on the couch, even when his legs go numb, and his arms stay loosely wrapped around her.

Neither mentions that the shirt she wears does not belong to Sasuke. Neither acknowledges that despite the many shirts her husband has left behind, she chooses to sleep in Kakashi's.

Kakashi visits her many times after that, always offering a helping hand. He does her dishes, sweeps her floors, sets the table as she makes dinner and Sakura feels so, so grateful. She does not begrudge him of his absence after Sarada's birth; she understands he has had many diplomatic meetings due to the upcoming Chuunin exams, but is happy that he is there all the same.

Sakura watches from the doorway as Kakashi blows raspberries at Sarada while he changes her diaper, watches him grimace as he pulls the dirty diaper out from under the baby, and grins back when he shoots her a familiar closed eye smile.

He turns back to Sarada, finishes changing her diaper, and tenderly brushes ink black hair from her forehead.

Sakura swallows the painful lump in her throat as she thinks that Kakashi would have made a great father.

The time comes when Sakura must return to the hospital, and she is standing in the Hokage's office when she is ordered to. The doctor in charge of the hospital in Sakura's stead has complained to the Hokage that her absence is detrimental to the functions of the medical facility, that her presence there is vital to the survival of many shinobi.

Sakura angrily knows that the man is simply feeling overwhelmed by the workload of being the stand-in Director of Medicine and doesn't want to do it anymore. She seethes with hands clenched behind her back as he continues to rat off reasons to the Hokage why she should return, even though her maternity leave was extended.

The Hokage listens to the man speak until he is red in the face and then interjects with a command that he leave the office while he speaks to the pink-haired woman. The doctor leaves with a bow, and they are alone.

"I can't go back yet," Kakashi hears Sakura say, and he sighs.

"I can't!" she protests loudly, voice frantic, "Sarada is only four months old, she still needs me!"

Kakashi runs a hand through his hair, and connects grey eyes with green and swallows at the torment shown in their depths. He tells her that she's been gone for over five months, that although the male doctor is being a coward, she is still needed at the hospital. He winces at the sound she makes; it is eerily similar to that of a wounded animal and pale hands clench the fabric of the green shirt she wears.

"But Hokage-sama, she…she is still so small and how could I leave her when…" Sakura bites her lip to keep from crying, "when I'm all she has?"

Kakashi longs to wrap her in his arms and comfort her, but he is in his office where he is the Hokage and not her friend, so he fixes her with a hard stare until she composes herself.

He tells her that she will report to the hospital in the morning, that she will find an adequate care-taker for Sarada and that he expects her to understand why she must go back. Sakura nods, stiffly bows and walks out of the office.

The job of the Hokage calls for many difficult decisions, but Kakashi thinks breaking Sakura's heart is one of the worst.

It is a late evening when Sakura hurriedly walks towards her home the next day, intent on seeing Sarada and sending the babysitter home, when she feels the presence of ANBU in the shadows of her house. She stills momentarily, confused as to why there would be so many lurking in the trees, and enters the threshold of her home with a bemused frown. Her mouth opens in pleasant surprise when she discovers just why ANBU has taken a particular interest in the Uchiha mansion.

Kakashi is sitting on her couch, fan spinning lazily overhead, and feeding her daughter. Sarada holds onto his pinky with tiny hands as she sucks from the bottle, eyes serenely blinking up into his masked face.

Sakura places her keys and bag on the kitchen counter and begins preparing dinner. Kakashi walks in with Sarada a moment later and places the empty bottle into the sink. She wipes her hands on her apron, grasps her daughter by the face and gives her a kiss on each cheek with loud smacks. She giggles at her when her eyes squeeze shut, eyes opening in a silent laugh.

Sakura tries to ignore Kakashi's close proximity as she does so, opting to sweep lengthening hair out of her child's face. She tries not to deeply inhale the scent of grass and fresh air that he carries with him–tries to resist the urge to bury her face in his chest and just bask in it, bask in him.

When she returns home the next day and finds Kakashi with Sarada once more, Sakura thinks it odd; and when she finds him again on the day after that, and many after, she finds it sweet because that is his way of apologizing to her, and it is just so Kakashi that her heart skips.

His reassurance by simply being there is something he has always done for her. He has always helped her, has always protected her, and Sakura feels something blooming deep within her heart that she knows will change everything.

She lets it stir, lets it bloom and grow and tries not to think of what it means.

She asks for Sasuke one day, bitterly remarking that she has not heard from him since the day of Sarada's birth six months ago, and Kakashi freezes in the middle of bouncing Sarada on his lap. The baby whines and clutches at his hair and tugs; he gently pries her hand from his hair and sets her down in her playpen. She gurgles and crawls over to her toys, chews on a stuffed puppy Kakashi bought her a few weeks prior.

Sakura chews her thumbnail and averts her eyes as Kakashi focuses his steady gaze on her face. He tells her Sasuke sends weekly updates detailing his progress on his mission, but delays his return until further notice as he thinks he may have leads.

It goes without mention that he still does not ask for his family–not since the last time. Not since he asked for the gender of the child and Kakashi told him it was a girl.

Sakura will never know of that letter, and Kakashi tells himself it is because he is protecting her.

Days later, they sit on the couch, mugs of tea in their hands as they watch a horror movie. Sakura insists on the genre, saying that with Sarada around she can't watch such movies without worrying her daughter will somehow have nightmares. Kakashi chuckles as she jumps at another predictable scare, and her eyes briefly flick over to glare at him before focusing on the screen once more.

He notices her mug is empty and takes it from her hands to set it on the coffee table along with his own. She murmurs her thanks, eyes still riveted on the screen. Kakashi leans back and smiles at the growing apprehension on her face.

A sudden scream from the movie causes Sakura to shriek and her hand reaches out to tightly grasp onto his own. His throat is unnaturally dry at the contact, at the feel of her warm hands and how small they are in his.

The moment has passed and she still holds onto his hand, face still turned to the screen even though her body is tense. Her eyes quickly glance to their conjoined hands, so quick Kakashi would have thought he'd imagined it had he not been observing her.

He boldly (cautiously, shyly) threads his fingers with her own, intertwining them in a way he's never done before, and watches as a warm blush spreads across her face.

They stay like this for the rest of the movie, both hyper-aware of the feel of each other's hands and the strong beating of their hearts.

Sarada is seven months old when it happens.

Sakura hears the jingle of the keys in the door from the living room and eagerly picks her baby up to make her way to greet her ever-present guest.

They walk towards him as he opens the door and slips off his shoes; the smile he gives them that says, I'm home, is so natural–so right–that Sakura forgets herself and greets him with a kiss on masked lips.

The moment he stiffens in shock is when Sakura realizes what she's done and pulls back quickly. She turns around with a hurried apology and heads to the kitchen to prepare dinner. She doesn't see Kakashi raise fingers to touch his lips in wonder, doesn't see him close his eyes to commit the feel of her lips to memory.

She cries herself to sleep that night, knowing just what that momentary lapse in judgement confirms.

Cool summer days are rare in Konoha, and Sakura insists that Kakashi accompany herself and Sarada on a picnic for lunch. He acquiesces and follows the woman and child to a beautiful clearing surrounded by an array of flowers. She tells him that this is where she learned how to pick flowers as a child, that even though she hated the class for kunoichi, she has always loved the beauty of the landscape.

They swap comical stories of their days at work between bites of sandwiches while Sarada plays with toys Sakura has brought along. When Kakashi is done with his meal, he picks her up and tickles her while she screams with laughter.

Sakura watches the exchange with a grin, eyes soft as the cool breeze passes through her hair. She watches with a thudding heart as Sarada reaches towards Kakashi's face, baby-talk spilling from her lips. She focuses her attention on the picture they make: the warm afternoon sun spilling shadows over Kakashi's face, defining his features as the winds blows through locks of silver. She takes in the tender way he holds Sarada, the love that palpably shines in his eyes as he looks at her, and Sakura feels the tell-tale flutter in her belly.

Sarada continues to babble, her gibberish getting louder, and Sakura looks on with amusement as she continues to try to reach for Kakashi's mask. He chuckles as he brings his face closer, and then pulls it away before she can lay her hands on him. Sarada lets out an indignant whine, and Kakashi gives in; he lets her place tiny, chubby hands on his cheeks, feels her pat them and squeeze. She gurgles some more, babbles in a way that Sakura has become used to hearing, and in that unintelligible speak is a word. And when Sarada grasps onto that word, becomes aware of what it means, she repeats it over and over as she continues to run her hands over Kakashi's face.

Kakashi is frozen, heart beating painfully in his chest as he is once again reminded that the world is cruel. And Sakura's heart breaks, but simultaneously swells. Her sorrow is overtaken by the joy of her daughter's first word, and she reaches over to tickle Sarada and praise her for her first milestone.

Sarada continues to happily say, "Papa," over and over again.

But it is not Sasuke she sees when she says it, it is Kakashi.

Kakashi doesn't visit the family much after that, his guilt stopping him from giving into temptation. He thinks himself scum for intruding on a family he has no place in, no matter how much he loves them. He avoids the woman and child avidly, only seeing Sakura when he absolutely needs to. When he does see her, he speaks to her only if he has to, squelches the impulse to ask about Sarada. He attempts to ignore the hurt in Sakura's eyes when he coldly denies her invitations to dinner, excusing his unavailability with paperwork. It's never stopped him from accepting her invitations before, and he knows Sakura knows it.

Kakashi tells himself that he is a dirty old man, that he is trash for forgetting himself and impacting a family so greatly just to satiate his selfish desires–his selfish love for a woman he cannot have.

Kakashi is bent over his desk one evening reviewing mission reports when his doors slam open and an angry Sakura marches in, fists balled at her sides. He notes that her beautiful long hair is tied back, bangs swept to the side and locks framing her pretty face–a face screwed up in fury. He calmly sets his pen down, folds his hands on his desk and calmly says, "yes?"

Sakura lets out an angry shriek, launches herself at him and lifts him up by the collar of his shirt. He doesn't avoid her grasp, doesn't feel the need to because Sakura would never hurt him. She shakes him angrily, demands why he's been avoiding her, and Kakashi notes the unshed tears in her eyes.

"Why do you avoid us?" she punctuates the question with a vigorous shake, "what have we done?"

He gently places his hands on her own, connects calm grey eyes with her own and she slowly places him on the ground. Her hands drop to her sides, eyes downcast and whispers brokenly, "Why did you abandon us?"

Kakashi rushes to her, grasps her face in his hands and vehemently denies doing such thing.

"I would never abandon you," he says, because Kakashi knows he is a bastard of a man but he would never abandon those he loves, "I simply cannot go on living a life of dreams. I cannot delusion myself with a life I cannot have."

Sakura's eyes narrow in confusion before they widen in realization and tears fill them once more. She hold his hands to her face as he wipes the steady stream of tears from her cheeks.

"We need you," she says, "Please don't ignore us. Sarada loves you, I…"

Kakashi does not need to hear the rest of her sentence to know what she means and he inhales sharply through his nose. He thinks the world cruel once more for playing such a terrible joke on him, for dealing the cards of his life. He shakes his head, steps away from her and tells her that she does not mean it, that her longing for Sasuke makes her misplace her emotions.

A slap echoes around the room, and Kakashi holds a stunned hand to his aching cheek. Sakura stands before him, shaking with anger, and green eyes blazing.

"Do not tell me how I feel, Kakashi," she spits, words laced with venom, "I have had enough of the aching, the agony I feel at wanting something I cannot have because it is wrong. I will not live another day of loneliness and misery; I refuse to go through another second of only getting a taste of what I could have if I just simply lived my life for myself and not another."

Kakashi is frozen, mouth agape under his mask, and Sakura's eyes soften. She takes both of his hands in her own, runs her thumbs over the silvery scars on his hands and looks him in the eyes as she speaks, words gaining strength as they go along,

"I have a husband, yes, but I never stopped to question if the love I felt for him was the love that was right for me. I have been pining over him for over twenty years, have dreamed of a life of happiness and children and love for twenty years. And yet, here I am, living a life of torment and uncertainty because I am just as alone as I was when he did not notice me. I have loved a man who has left me twice, who has left my daughter once and does not acknowledge her.

What woman continues to love a man who will always hurt her? A man who continues to impart such agony in her heart? I have wept for this man for over a decade, and in each instance they were not just beads of tears. I remember gasping for air, beating my fist against my chest trying to rip my heart out to get the pain to just stop. He could have skinned me alive and it would have hurt less.

And then I am faced with you, a man who is everything I could ever desire as a woman. You bring joy to my daughter, you light up her life in the way only a father could; and if Sasuke were to return, he would never be able to bring that light for he is darkness in all that he is. Kakashi, you have always been there for me, have given me the support and love I needed for my entire life and I am so stupid for realizing it now. But I need you, Sarada needs you, and you are the glue that binds my family together. I love Sasuke, I do…. but it is a love of nostalgia, of memories and dreams broken long ago. Kakashi, you….you have my heart, but you also have my breath caught in my lungs. Each bone in my spine, each bone in my body. Every muscle aches and surges with you. You have so much more than my heart, Kakashi, you have everything it keeps alive."

Kakashi was rarely at a lost for words, but as he gazes into Sakura's earnest eyes, he does the only thing he can do.

He rips his mask from his face and sweeps her up in a fervent kiss embedded with all of the love and desperation of a man denied. His heart soars when she returns his kiss, hands entangling in his hair and he wishes he could live forever in this moment.

Kakashi is glad that he has always believed that actions speak louder than words.

Sakura sends Sasuke divorce papers within a week, along with a detailed explanation of why she thinks he is not the man for her. She will allow him to spend as much time with his daughter as he would like, but Sakura will not be known as his wife any longer.

The papers return a week later, signed and approved by Sasuke. His letter states that he will visit Sarada for Sharingan training purposes, and it is all he has written.

Uchiha Sakura becomes Haruno Sakura by the end of the month, and she is happy.

Haruno Sakura becomes Hatake Sakura two years later and Sakura couldn't be happier.

Sasuke has yet to return, and she will worry about the repercussions of her actions when he does. But for now, she settles on leaning against the wall to watch her silver haired husband play with her toddler's inky tresses and thinks of the pitter patter of feet belonging to silver haired children.

Sakura hums as she returns to the kitchen, she has always wanted a big family.

End.