James had just stepped out of his long shower and wrapped a towel around himself when Remus showed up. It was the last week of January and the weather was cold and wet. After the long Quidditch training session, James had been frozen despite his warming charm and decided a long shower was just what he needed. In fact, he had taken so long that the rest of the team had already left. James did not mind terribly much, he occasionally enjoyed some time on his own. The appearance of his werewolf friend surprised James. Remus did not take much interest in the practice sessions of the team, so something must be up.

'Oh, good, here you are,' asked Remus. 'I asked Sirius where you were and he told me that you were trying to beat the world record for the longest shower.'

'Sirius is a git,' grumbled James good-naturedly. 'He complained during the full training about the cold and now he is berating me for warming myself up.'

'Do you have a minute?' asked Remus. He looked around the empty room quickly. 'We are alone, aren't we?'

'We are,' said James distractedly. He walked to his locker, opened it and started extracting fresh clothes. 'We can talk as long as you don't mind me getting dressed in the process. I need to put something warm on. It is freezing in here.'

'Sure, go ahead,' said Remus. He tactfully averted his eyes when James removed his towel. James smiled as his friend's antics. Remus should know by now that James was not a very modest person and did not care about one of his friends seeing him naked.

'What is it you wanted to talk about?' asked James, while he slipped on his socks.

'Is there something going on between you and Lily?' asked Remus. 'Things seem rather strained between the two of you. I mean, it is tough to tell as you keep your relationship a secret, but I thought...'

'You are babbling, Remus,' said James dryly. 'And you are right. We had a fight a few weeks ago and things have been tense since then.'

Since they had fought about the animagus secret, there had been an underlying tension between them. Lily had not breached the topic again, but James could tell that she was still seething about his supposed lack of trust in her. James had struggled with his desire to say something about the rift between them, but he had never found the right words. Also, he was not in the wrong and therefore shouldn't have to apologize at all. They still had sex, but it was further in between and less passionate. He was not sure what to do.

'I thought so,' said Remus. 'Do you mind telling me what it was about?'

James hesitated for a moment. On the one hand, Remus was surely going to take the subject of their argument badly. James would bet ten galleons on Remus finding some way to make it his fault. On the other hand, he was dying to talk with someone about this topic. He was reaching the end of his rope and some input would be very welcome. To hell with it! He was going to tell Remus and just see what happened.

'She wants to know what we are doing on the full moons,' said James. 'Don't worry, I still haven't told her. She is not supposed to know anything about us being animagi. It would only put her in danger. I have told her all that before back in November, but still she is pushing me to tell her everything. It is driving me crazy! Anyway, she was giving me this spiel about how it is her job as a girlfriend to help me and that I am supposed to trust her. My temper got the better of me and I told her that she was in no position to lecture me given that she doesn't even want to acknowledge the fact that we are dating to the rest of the castle. That shut her up, but I think I have overdone it. Things have not been the same ever since.'

'Oh dear,' said Remus, running a hand over his face. 'I was afraid that it was something like that. Did you mean what you said to her? That you feel that she is holding back and not really in a relationship with you?'

'Yes, I did and I still do,' said James. 'It just feels so hypocritical! She knows that we do something shady on the full moon, which is more than I have ever shared with anyone, but it isn't enough for her! I just feel like I am overly invested in that relationship in comparison to her! She wants to take everything but is no ready to give anything in return.'

'I see,' said Remus. 'Why do you think she wants to know about our moonlight adventures that badly?'

'Well, she has always been rather nosy, hasn't she?' said James. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. 'But I shouldn't be unfair. I think she really cares about our safety and that she wants to help. She just cannot accept the fact that there is nothing she can do to help instead of backing off and giving us space. I try to make her see it, but I can't get it into her head. Why can't she just let it be? Amber had no problem with me spending the nights with the rest of the Marauders!'

'Amber is not Lily,' said Remus sagely. James laughed hollowly at the statement.

'That's certainly true,' he said. 'A blessing and a curse at the same time.'

'Why don't we just stop the full moon excursions?' asked Remus. 'I have been saying since the beginning that it is too dangerous. Lily has a point here. And I don't want to endanger your relationship just because the three of you want to make me feel better.'

'Absolutely not,' said James. 'You know how terrible your transformations are when you are on your own. I am not going to make you go through this hell alone. This is the whole point why we became animagi in the first place.'

'Yes, and while I am forever grateful for your support, it was a stupid and reckless idea in the first place,' argued Remus. 'I begged you not to go through with it, but as usual, all three of you have ignored me. I am not denying that you have helped me a great deal with your support, but I am not willing to let you jeopardize your relationship with Lily just because of me!'

'It is just a relationship, your health is much more important.'

'Don't give me that rubbish!' said Remus impatiently. 'Lily Evans was never just another girl for you! You have mooned after her for years! She is the girl you have always wanted and you want to tell me that now after such a long time of courting, you are prepared to throw the relationship away? Don't fool yourself, James!'

'What kind of person gives up on a friend in need just because of a girl?' asked James hotly. 'You are right: Lily is not just any girl. Still, if I had to choose between her and being able to help you, I would pick you in a heartbeat. I have lived without dating her for years and I am able to do it again in the future even if it will be painful. However, I would never forgive myself if I abandoned you when you needed me!'

'Merlin's beard, you are actually serious,' said Remus. His eyes were a bit misty and James could tell that his friend was touched. 'I... I don't know what to say.'

'Then don't say anything,' said James. 'Just promise me that you are not going to make me stop helping you on the full moons because of some misguided desire to help me.'

'Done,' said Remus in a slightly choked voice. 'But we have to figure out what to do with Lily nevertheless. I don't want you to have to choose.'

'I am open for suggestions,' said James bitterly. 'I just don't see how we are going to manage it. So far, it seems like I am the only one taking this relationship serious enough.'

'I think you are being overly negative about this,' said Remus. 'You have slept with Lily, haven't you?'

'Yes, how do you know?' asked James. 'I have never told anybody about that.'

'James, please,' said Remus. 'I have known you for more than six years by now. While you are quite cheerful by default, you don't spend days with a slightly demented grin on your face without a very good reason. Your incredibly good mood started on the first day of the New Year and Lily just happened to spend the night at your place. It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together.'

'Right,' said James, being slightly embarrassed. 'I thought I had been reasonably stealthy as neither Sirius nor you asked me about it. Who else knows about it?'

'Peter was actually the first to notice it,' said Remus. 'It is easy to overlook him, but he has is rather good in reading people. I am not sure if anyone else knows, but I wouldn't be surprised if Marlene is in on the secret as well. She is close to Sirius and Lily after all.'

'There is no way she knows,' said James quickly. 'She would have teased me into next year if she knew that I was dating Lily of all people.'

'Maybe,' said Remus pensively. 'I just thought that Lily might have shared her secret with one of girls. Marlene seems like a logical choice.'

'Lily is too terrified of what the other girls would think to do that,' said James. 'I think she does not want to admit that she has been wrong about me all along. The whole blood purity nonsense does not help.'

'Anyway, what I am trying to say is that Lily is putting some effort into the relationship even if she is not moving as quickly as you want her to,' said Remus. 'I can see why you are frustrated, but you had a lot of more time to come to terms with the thought of dating her than she has. You have spent years lusting after her after all.'

'I wasn't lusting after her,' protested James. Remus quelled him with a disbelieving look.

'You were, shut up,' he said, smiling slightly. 'Fine, if you want to put it more delicately, you have fancied her for a long time. Also, you have never cared overly much what other people thought of you. You were not afraid of ridiculing yourself for months chasing after her. Lily is a strong person, but she is not used to acting out like you nor is she used to other people's scrutiny. Everybody in the school knows who you are, you are the heir of a prominent family, and you have had experience in dealing with all this attention for your whole life. Lily has never experienced anything like this. The moment your relationship will be public, she will have to deal with it and I think she is afraid of that. I think she will get over it with time, but until then, she is only going to work at the relationship in secret. Did you take her virginity?'

'What?' asked James, thrown by that rather indiscrete question.

'Her virginity,' said Remus, rolling his eyes. 'Did you take it?'

'Yes,' said James. 'But I don't see what it matters.'

'It matters, because the first time is something special, especially for a girl,' said Remus. 'Do you think she would have let you shag her if she wasn't serious about being with you? You do have the reputation of a womanizer after all even if it is not quite justified.'

'No, she wouldn't have let me,' said James slowly. 'And she did take her sweet time with it. Lily is everything but easy to shag, so naturally it did mean something to her when she decided she wanted to lose her virginity to me. You are right, maybe I am overreacting to her not wanting to go public about our relationship.'

'I am glad you see it now,' said Remus. 'Just because you are angry with her about her curiosity, doesn't mean that you should start doubting everything about your relationship. It is not easy to tell as you are not out as a couple in public, but I have the feeling that the two of you are quite a good fit.'

'Maybe, maybe not,' said James. 'Honestly, it is too early to tell, even though I am obviously want it to be true. Still, what I am supposed to do now? Lily is mad because I am keeping secrets from her and I am not going to apologize. I have done nothing wrong after all. This issue will keep popping up at least every month and I absolutely cannot tell her the truth. It would put every one of us in danger. Lily has proven that she can keep a secret when she kept quiet about your lycanthropy, but the situation has changed. If we break up and things get messy there is no telling what she might do about it. I am not comfortable with taking that risk. She does not have as much to lose as we do after all.'

'I think it is very interesting that someone as trusting as you would be that cautious,' said Remus. 'After all, you would never suspect one of us capable of betraying your secret, but you can picture Lily doing it.'

'You three are different from Lily,' said James dismissively. 'I am not dating one of you, am I? You know what girls are capable of if you treat them badly enough. Just look at all the messy breakups Sirius had had in the past. Or think back to Marlene's last relationship. Davies was crushed when she was done with him and I think he would have loved to give her some payback. There is no telling what can happen in a relationship.'

'I think your heritage is showing,' said Remus. 'Always on the lookout, planning steps in advance, trying to be in control: You might a reckless and brave Gryffindor, but occasionally you are cool and calculating like a Slytherin.'

'That hurts, Moony.'

'It is not a bad thing,' said Remus. 'Occasionally thinking about the consequences of your actions is rather smart, don't you think?'

'True, but Slytherins are evil nevertheless,' said James. 'Just look at the number of Dark Wizards this house has produced! That cannot be a coincidence. Slytherins are known to be ambitious and cunning, a combination which must be a breeding ground for the Dark Arts. I don't want to have anything to do with it!'

'Fine,' said Remus looking rather exasperated. James knew that his best mate had a point, even though it was only a tiny one. Still, he was sensitive about the issue nevertheless. As the heir of old pure-blood family, many people expected him to support all the blood purity non-sense. James was sick and tired of fighting against this reputation.

By now, he had finished dressing and as a finishing touch, put on the heritage ring of his family. Even though the ring was impervious to water, it didn't feel right to wear it when he was showering. Remus watched him slip it on and raised an eyebrow.

'You have been wearing the ring every day for quite a while now,' he commented. 'Have you gotten used to it? I remember you complaining about it back in sixth year.'

'More or less,' said James. 'My family is a part of me after all and there is no point in denying who I am. But I am not too happy with the extra protection my father has put on the ring. It is a bit invasive.'

'What do you mean?' asked Remus puzzled.

'The ring tracks my location and reports it back to my father. He put the enchantment on it after our little mission during the holidays. He is worried that the Death Eaters will capture me or one of my parents to force us to join them. I think he is being a bit paranoid. Things have been quiet for so long now, I think they have given up. We have never heard anything from them since our delivery.'

'Right,' said Remus. 'But Rosier has been looking very smug over the last few days. Maybe something it up.'

'Rosier is smug cunt every day,' said James dismissively. 'At first I wanted to refuse to wear the ring after he told me, but my mother begged me to do it nevertheless. She pointed out that I was mostly in the castle anyway and that there was no invasion of my privacy as they couldn't tell exactly what I was doing. It is a small comfort, but it is something.'

'Your father must be seriously worried if he resorts to that kind of methods,' said Remus. 'It seems rather excessive that he put a tracking charm on the ring.'

'Excessive is right,' said James. 'Originally, he wanted to turn the ring into a portkey as well, so that I can return to the manor whenever I am in danger. However, he couldn't find a way to make it work in conjunction with all the other enchantments on the ring, so he discarded the idea for now. I would have preferred the portkey to the tracking charm, though.'

'What has happened to spook him so much? Have the Death Eaters reached out to him again? They wanted him to prove his loyalty to the cause as well, didn't they?'

'They did, yes,' said James. 'But they haven't contacted him as far as I know. However, rumour has it that the Greengrass family has put their lot in with the Death Eaters as well, after staying on the fence for quite a long time. My father things that they have convinced the Greengrasses by abducting their eldest son. Nothing was proven, of course, but everybody is very anxious at the moment. I am not sure whether I believe it, though. The Greengrass family has a reputation for flirting with the dark arts, so they could have chosen to support Voldemort for much less nefarious reasons than blackmail.'

'It doesn't hurt to be careful,' said Remus. 'If the rumours are true and the Death Eaters are prepared to blackmail pure-blood families with their heirs as bait, then you are going to be in danger, James. I think it is perfectly understandable that your father is worried about you. The Death Eaters would love to finally recruit you after all. They wouldn't have made so many attempts to do so if they weren't serious.'

'If they really think that I would even consider joining them, then they are even bigger fools then I have thought,' said James. 'Anyone who even remotely knows me, knows about my stance in the whole blood-purity business. The mere thought of me as a Death Eater is ludicrous. I am still surprised that my family has managed to stay on the fence for so long now. Everybody should know that we are going to oppose the Death Eaters as long as we live.'

'Your father does not seem to agree to that,' said Remus. 'He seems to think that it is possible for you to survive the conflict without taking an active part in it.'

'My father is old and overly cautious,' said James. 'He is a brilliant political mind, but he does not have the heart to fight for what is right anymore. We should be out there standing with the Ministry against the Death Eaters. Not hiding behind ambiguous words and actions trying to pull a fast one over both sides! I don't care that it is the smart thing to do. People are dying and we are sitting here doing nothing!'

'You are not even finished with school, James,' said Remus. 'There is nothing you can or should to about the war going on outside. If you want to make a difference, finish school and join the aurors when you are done.'

'My mother is going to go ballistic,' said James with a wry smile. 'She has tried to push me away from the auror's department for as long as I can remember. She has always been going on about how dangerous the job is and that my father has been a fool for not getting out of fieldwork sooner. But I can deal with it. I think you are right, Moony. I should join the aurors when I am done with school. If my father does not want to directly support the fight against Voldemort, fine. He is the head of the family, he makes the decisions. But he doesn't control what I do for a living. I can decided to be an auror just fine on my own.'

'I thought you were also considering playing professional Quidditch,' said Remus. 'What has changed?'

'Nothing and everything,' said James. 'I still think that I am good enough to go pro after school and I still want to do it. It has been my childhood dream for Merlin's sake! However, I feel like I have to do my part in the fight against Voldemort and that getting out of the fight by playing Quidditch would be the wrong thing to do. What if he wins while I am off playing Quidditch? What if I could have made a difference if I only had joined the aurors? I can't take that risk, can I?'

'Wars are not won or lost depending on a single soldier,' said Remus. 'But I understand what you are saying. Have you reconsidered your career plans because of Lily?'

'Why do you think that?' asked James.

'Well, I suppose it makes things even more personal,' said Remus. 'She is a Muggleborn and therefore a direct target of the Death Eaters. You hardly know any other Muggleborns and you have never fancied another Muggleborn girl. I know that you are no blood purist out of conviction, but that does not mean that Lily couldn't be the final nail in that particular coffin.'

'I guess it helps,' said James, 'but I would fight against Voldemort whether I was dating Lily or not. It is just the right thing to do.'

'Sirius has always said that you are a romantic,' said Remus, smiling slightly. 'I guess you are also an idealist.'

'Sirius is talking rubbish as usual,' said James. 'Anyway, we are getting side-tracked here. We are going to deal with the war after we are done with school. I have to deal with Lily now. What should I do about her? I don't see a way to get her to back off without hurting her even further.'

'Just promise her that you will tell her later,' said Remus. 'How about when school is done? Just tell her that you would love to tell her, but first want to see whether the two of you work in the long term. That ought to be enough to keep her satisfied for now.'

'Maybe,' said James slowly. 'What if she realizes that I am only trying to buy some time? I have made it very clear that I would prefer not to tell her at all because our secret is dangerous. If she puts two and two together, she might see what I am trying to do. After all, I still don't want to tell her. It is too risky and will only put her in danger.'

'I have thought about that as well,' said Remus. 'Sirius and I have done some research. He faces a similar problem to yours.'

James blinked.

'Is Marlene bothering him about the full moons?' he asked incredulously.

'Apparently she is,' said Remus. 'Sirius said that she had a go at him on the last one because she thinks he is shagging other witches.'

'Unbelievable,' said James. 'On the one hand she is harping on about how they are not-dating and then she gets jealous if Padfoot spends the night with us.'

'Sirius is aware of the irony,' said Remus dryly. 'He managed to deflect her questions, but it got him thinking nevertheless.'

'Don't tell me he wants to tell her,' said James. 'That would be utterly ridiculous. Sirius is an incredibly guarded person. It took him years to ever tell me how rotten his parents treated him and that was nothing compared to us being animagi.'

'Obviously, he doesn't want to tell her,' said Remus. 'He just wants to be prepared that is all. Oh, and naturally he denies that this means that Marlene is someone special to him.'

'Of course,' muttered James, shaking his head. 'Merlin's beard. At this rate, he is going to ask her to marry him one day, while claiming that it doesn't mean that he cares about her.'

'Anyway,' said Remus. 'The two of us did some thinking and I think we have come up with quite a good solution. I assume you know what an Unbreakable Vow is?'

'Are you mental?' asked James sharply. 'Are you aware what happens when you break such a vow?'

'Yes, you die,' said Remus calmly. 'That kind of is the whole point, to be honest. We want protection against either Lily or Marlene from leaking our secret. Hence, we need to make sure that they don't. The Unbreakable Vow achieves that. We just need to find out a way to do a proper wording and we will be safe.'

'Don't you think that this is too extreme?' said James. 'Unbreakable Vows are only used very rarely in wizarding society and for good reason. Very few people are willing to make such a vow because of the great risk involved. If Lily and Marlene have an ounce of sense, they will never agree to this.'

'Good,' said Remus. 'Then we have a reason not to tell them. Getting exposed as an illegal animagus can earn you five years in Azkaban. Are you willing to just take the risk? You have just told me that you want to keep Lily out of this and I quite agree. In the best case, the vow will stop her from bothering you, as she knows that we are not going to tell her without it in place. If she decides to take the vow, then we will be protected and all she has to do is to keep the secret. Something she should be doing in the first place. And if she decides to betray us, well, that is her burden to bear.'

'That's cold, Moony,' said James. 'We are talking about Lily and Marlene here! They aren't our enemies! We shouldn't have to make them keep our secrets at all!'

'So, you are willing to tell Lily about you being an animagus just because you have faith in her?' asked Remus.

James opened his mouth, but couldn't think of anything to say.

'I thought so,' said Remus. 'Look, I understand that we are walking a fine line here. I like both Lily and Marlene and I want to trust them, but Sirius, Peter and you are my closest friends and I have to make sure that you are protected. Telling Marlene and Lily is a risk and we have to mitigate it. It is for their safety as well as ours. There was a reason why you never told you parents about our secret and the very same reason also applies to Lily and Marlene. It is best for all parties involved if we keep the knowledge to ourselves. The Vow is just a backup plan if we have to tell the girls at some point in the future. We will just keep in on the backburner for now and see what happens.'

'I don't like it,' said James.

'You don't have to like it,' said Remus. 'Just keep it in mind and think about it. It is the best Sirius and I could come up with. Just remember that most people are not as trusting or as trustworthy as you are. Even Sirius betrayed one of secrets after all.'

'You can quite cynical sometimes, do you know that?' asked James. 'Seems like you have a Slytherin side as well.'

'Maybe, but it is better to be cynical and prepared than being trusting and helpless,' said Remus. 'Besides, I have quite the experience with keeping secrets, haven't I?'

James supposed that this was true. He grabbed his bag and walked back to the castle with Remus in silence.