Chapter Fourteen: Familiar Places
The moment Shepard ended the call with Admiral Hackett with a sharp salute, she sighed after she dropped it. Missing marines? The last thing she needed right now was to deter away from stopping Saren, but she was a human before she was a Spectre. She was an N7, not a Citadel lapdog.
Her own home planet, even if she had not been born there, came first.
"Alright, Joker, set a course for the coordinates Hackett sent."
"Aye, aye, commander."
Shepard moved through the ship and paused in front of the elevator. It was better to just ping them.
She turned and walked to her quarters instead.
"Garrus," she called over her comm, holding her omnitool up to her mouth as she shuffled through datapads of reports on her desk she needed to finish.
"Yes, commander?"
He only called her commander when others were around, so she needed to keep the teasing to a minimum.
"Remember how you said Therum wasn't that bad?"
There was a pause. "Yes?"
Shepard grinned, and she knew that he knew she was grinning. "Suit up. You're going with me on this next ground mission. Grab Williams, too. Be ready in half an hour."
"Aye, aye, commander."
She closed the link after his agreement.
.
While this planet wasn't nearly as hot as Therum, Shepard was still having trouble with the temperature. Williams had been burning death glares in the back of her head ever since they landed. The Mako would only get so cool before the heat became too much, and their fans were still working double time.
"What's the verdict, Vakarian?"
"This is a nice summer day on Palaven," he answered, but Shepard could hear the slight tilt in his voice that said otherwise. The heat was affecting him too, but he was trying to push through.
"You're both insane," Williams muttered over the comm, panting so hard it was fogging her helmet glass. "Can we go somewhere cold next? Please?"
"Noveria is next on the list."
"Screw you, ma'am."
Shepard laughed. "Noted, chief."
.
FROM: FADM S. Hackett
TO: CMD A. Shepard
SUBJECT: re: Geth Distress Beacon
Shepard,
I received your report of the incident on Metgos. I will make other ships aware of the geth and to be on the look out for any fake beacons. Good work, Commander.
Hackett
FROM: Toni
TO: Max
SUBJECT: re: re: re: Visit for the holidays
I don't know, Max. Things are hectic out here right now. I'm sorry I can't let you in on anymore than I have, but the Alliance would have my head if a civilian knew the stuff I have to do.
T
FROM: Max
TO: Toni
SUBJECT: Or you'll have to kill me
You are the worst cousin ever. I'm taking back my offer to name my kid after you.
M, aka, the best cousin in the galaxy
FROM: Toni
TO: Max
Subject: re: Or you'll have to kill me
I don't know why you would want to curse that kid with a name like mine. Seriously, I hate my father for naming me Antonia. Why do you think I try to erase it?
T
FROM: Max
TO: Toni
SUBJECT: Names
Reminder: My parents named me Maxine.
M, aka, still the best cousin in the galaxy
FROM: Toni
TO: Max
SUBJECT: re: Names
You win this one.
T
PRIVATE COMMUNICATIONS THREAD OPENING
USERS LOGGING IN
0152 TS: Are you awake?
0154 GV: No.
0155 TS: Good. I wanted to go for a joyride in the Mako. Maybe I'll invite Tali.
0157 GV: Not funny, Shepard.
0157 TS: I'm hilarious, Vakarian. You're just jealous of my human humor.
0200 GV: Go to sleep.
0202 TS: I can't.
0204 GV: Too busy thinking of a certain turian?
0205 TS: Yes, but not the one you think I'm thinking of.
0209 TS: Garrus?
USER HAS DISCONNECTED
Shepard worriedly looked at her omnitool. Maybe he had simply fallen asleep? She sat on her bed, chewing on her lip, before the stillness became too much. There was a bar she had installed near her window overlooking space, and she wasted no time in grabbing hold of it and pulling her chin to touch the bar, before hanging again. She repeated this process, not dropping until her chin hit the bar, until the click of her door sounded.
Sometime after the night they had spent together before Therum, she had coded the VI to let him in whenever he arrived. No need to make he walk all the way over to the controls and let him in that way.
She didn't stop her chin ups, but she did curiously listen for his movements. What was he doing?
There was moments of silence before she finally dropped down and turned to face him.
Garrus was leaning against her desk, no longer in his modded armor and instead in some civvies, watching her with those space-blue eyes.
"Don't stop on my account."
She smirked at him and shook her head. However, his playfulness fell and so did her smirk.
"Shepard, we need to talk."
Her eyes closed as she cursed under her breath. She knew this was coming.
"Oh."
"No, wait, I- Shepard- Spirits, that sounded a lot more ominous than I meant." He rubbed at the back of his neck, and then he sheepishly fidgeted with his hands. She had to keep from cooing at him.
Shepard laughed softly, but her smile didn't reach her eyes. "Is it a right now kind of thing, or can it wait?" It felt odd asking him to wait, especially when this was going to be an important conversation between the two. (She was scared. So, terribly scared.)
"It can wait, but I'd rather it be sooner than later."
"We've got to head to the Citadel, but I'll order some shore leave, yeah? We could all use a break, even if it's just a day."
"Sounds like a date."
Shepard smiled, truly smiled, and he returned his closest imitation. A flick of a mandible, a warm purr that tickled her ear, and a look so soft she thought she would melt.
"Go catch some sleep, Garrus."
He waited for a moment, almost as if locked between two warring decisions of what to do. She half hoped he would...
"Dream well, Shepard."
Garrus pushed away from the desk and walked back out the door he had entered. When the doors shut behind him, she sighed and walked over to her desk. It was covered in datapads; leads on Saren, different assignments from Hackett, a possible promotion from Commander to Captain...
Captain Shepard.
Didn't have as much strength as Commander.
Shepard pulled off her tank top and turned to climb into her bed, hoping to fight off the insomnia that seemed to strike her that night, but her door clicked open once again. She barely had time enough to turn around before she felt Garrus' ungloved hands grab her waist and lift her up to his height. His lip plates pressed firmly to hers and his tongue was like warm crushed velvet against her own.
She could get use to this kind of talking.
He placed her back down, bending to keep their lips from separating but finally parted. She made a sound of protest.
"Sleep." Was his only word, and he walked out again.
Shepard followed the command, lips warm as she grinned.
.
"First it's the missing marines," Shepard grumbled, crossing her arms as she took the co-pilot seat next to Joker. They were busy scanning nearby planets as they jumped from Mass Relay to the next, heading to the Citadel. "Then it's the missing scientists. Now it's the missing engineers. What's next? The case of the missing matching sock?"
Joker let out one of his usual loud laughs, and it softened Shepard's deep frown.
"C'mon, Commander, who else would they have to do their dry-cleaning?"
"Preferably not me." He laughed again, and Shepard sighed, sinking further into the seat. A repeating ping signaled to the two that there was more than minerals and rocks awaiting them on the planet's surface.
"Looks like we found those engineers, Commander."
"Yeah, yeah, I hear you." She sighed heavily before pulling herself out of the seat and heading to her armor locker. Trebin had lots of hills and lots of sand. Not as much sand as Edolus had, but enough that it made Shepard shiver at the prosperity of a maw. Akuze had been sandy, too. She shivered again at the thought.
The Mako was waiting, with Kaidan and Wrex taking her six this round. If turians could pout, Garrus was surely doing the equivalent of it as he watched Shepard click her helmet into place. She offered him a two finger salute, and his mandibles flicked out in response.
Be safe. Come back to me.
Always.
When Shepard went to reach for her flask, hidden in a small compartment in her armor, she found the space empty. She looked back at Garrus just as the Mako doors closed. The asshole had probably taken it out sometime the night before. Asshole. Now she couldn't have her lucky drink, like she did before every mission.
While she originally had it planned in her head to let Wrex drive the Mako and Kaidan man the radar, it seemed the two men had better plans. Wrex sat (almost begrudedly) behind the communications terminal, while Kaidan took a main seat at the wheel. Shepard was happy that her gunner position was still open.
"Ready, team?"
They both grunted in answer. Shepard accepted it. For now.
.
"God fucking… why a thresher maw! I could handle anything else!"
Kaidan swerved the Mako out of the way of the Maw's spewing acid. The wheels kicked up the sand, blocking them from view as Shepard went over her options. Garrus wasn't there to keep her steady. She took a deep breath, gathering herself.
"Alenko, flank the damn thing!" Her hands gripped the gun trigger a little harder. "We're taking that beetle breath mother fucker down!"
If it wasn't for the blood pumping hard in her ears, Shepard would have heard Wrex's who-rah!
Shepard felt the familiar ache in her back, across her cheeks. Her ears were ringing. She could smell the acid through the vents as it sprayed toward the circling Mako again and again. Shepard felt the gun recoil as it shot another rocket. This one straight for the eye.
The creature screeched something otherworldly before falling into the sands of the planet. The ground rumbled as it moved, Wrex giving Kaidan positions as they picked it up on the radar before it disappeared completely.
"Is it gone?" Kaidan asked.
All was still. Shepard's breath was fogging up the glass on the inside of her helmet. Sweat creeped down the back of her neck and into the fabric of her under armor. It pooled at the base of her back as she watched the monitors.
Finally, with one last exhale, Shepard leans back against her sheet, but refuses to release her hands from the gun controls. Kaidan moves slowly over the sandy dunes, Wrex keeps his eyes on the radar. They roll until they're at the base of a mountain, and while Shepard does not relax, she opens the radio to the Normandy.
"Joker, start a transfer. Tell Ash to suit up, I'm going back to the ship."
She does not wait for him to reply, and simply lets Alenko work with the flight lieutenant so an evac point. Shepard does not realize she's shaking until she stands on her own two feet and walks toward the open bay door. Ashley walks down, and the two pass, but Shepard keeps her head straight.
Garrus is waiting for her but does not move when she walks right past him and into the elevator to go up to the command deck.
Once the elevator doors close and the lift begins to rise, Shepard hits the emergency stop button so hard she momentarily fears she has broken it. Her hands unclip her helmet and she searches for her flask of liquid courage in her armor, but remembers it was taken from her. She punches the inner wall of the elevator and leaves a dent the size of her fist. The sting is strong, but she is stronger.
The elevator only begins to move again half an hour later when the maintenance tech overrides her emergency stop. They find her sitting on the floor of the box, eyes distant. She is still in that vehicle, still on that planet, still staring up at the creature that has haunted her life like a shadow for the past half dozen years.
They take the stairs.
Shepard sits in the elevator for almost an hour later until the doors open again and a familiar Turian sits down beside her. Garrus says nothing, but his presence haunts her as well.
"Nihlus did not deserve to die," she told him. "He should have gone on. He was a great Spectre, a great Turian. Over the few weeks I had gotten to know him, he made me realize something."
Garrus looks to her, but Shepard does not look to him.
She pauses.
"Life is too short to keep looking over your shoulder. That's why God put a gun in my hand and a bullet in the chamber. Either it's me, or them, and red doesn't look good on me."