A/N – Trigger warning

The announcement that the Sin'dorei had joined the Horde spread through Silvermoon like wildfire. Several musicians set up an impromptu concert in the Court of the Sun, so that we had music streaming in from the open windows.

Sitting at a balcony just behind Sylvanas, I watched the revelers below. They all seemed so happy. We had sacrificed a lot to make Quel'Thalas safer, but would it remain that way for long? The Dead Scar was still full of the Scourge that would attack at every available opportunity, and the survivors of Deatholme would probably rally around a new leader before long.

Sylvanas reached out for me and I took her hand. The chill of her skin against mine felt blissful, but even that wasn't enough to bring a smile to my face.

She pulled me to her, "Will you act happy?" she asked me. "You're looking like you're watching someone get executed."

"I am happy," I told her.

"Try harder," she hissed, letting me go.

No, don't let me go…

I got to my feet and gave the most natural smile I could to the people on the balcony with us, "I'll be right back." I made an exit, getting to the nearest bathroom before I burst into tears.

A second after I'd begun to cry, Sylvanas came in, startling me. She closed and locked the door behind her and just watched me as I composed myself.

"Are you done now?"

"How do you turn off all emotion?" I asked her, still hiccupping.

"It comes with undeath, Faith."

"Oh, does it? For everything? Because I heard you screaming out my name when I was hit."

Sylvanas closed her eyes, as though praying for patience, "We both know how I feel about you. And I'm sorry about Felicity." She knelt next to me and brushed a tear from my face, "Do you need more time?"

I nodded.

She stayed with me, watching me cry and not saying anything. When I'd finally calmed down enough to rejoin the others, she gave me a long hug, allowing me to kiss her cheek.

"Thank you," I said to her.

"It's my job."

"No. Your job is to lead the Forsaken, not to babysit me."

She put a hand on my cheek, "You are my job, first and foremost."

I dropped my head on her shoulder, "And you say you don't want to marry me."

"Faith, please." She backed away and looked at me directly, her features hardening, "Don't mention that again, okay?"

"You started it," I muttered.

"Yeah, I know."

I could see that, whatever she was thinking about, she was in pain, and so I hugged her again, "I'm sorry, my love. I don't mean… I don't want to hurt you. Don't pay attention to me when I'm being a maudlin fool." I wanted to marry her. She was the love of my life, and I wanted nothing more than to have to the whole world know it. But she didn't, and I understood that, even if I didn't like it. "I'll stop."

"Good. Then maybe I won't have to kill you." She pressed her forehead against mine for a second before she let me go. "Ready?"

"Do I look like I've been crying?"

"Yes, but if I have to wait for you to put your makeup on again, I think I'll lose my mind."

"But I –."

"You look fine. Besides, they won't care."

She was right about that: they didn't care when we came back. Halduron was dancing with Lady Liadrin to a soft love song, while Thrall and Lor'themar talked together. Sylvanas and I stood close to each other, listening to the music. It was a beautiful song that I'd heard before. It conjured up memories of my watching Sylvanas as she rode across Everstone Village, my need for her so strong that it had taken my breath away.

I looked at her. She looked at me. Heat simmered between us. My knees suddenly gave out from under me, but she was right there, putting an arm around my waist and holding me up against the wall, looking perfectly casual about it.

We spent the rest of the evening like that, listening to the music. After a while, she took her arm away from me, and some time later, I bid everyone good night.

"I'll join you," said Sylvanas to me.

Thrall, Lor'themar, and Liadrin said good night to us. Halduron wasn't anywhere around, but when we got to the second floor, we both stopped. I turned red. Next to me, Sylvanas chuckled, "Sounds like he's having a good time," she said quietly, listening to the gasps and cries coming from his room. "Though I never had anybody call me that before in bed."

What? She had…

"In bed?" I asked her. I could swear I felt myself paling.

She glanced at me, taking my hand and leading me upstairs to her former room, which I was still occupying.

"I wasn't a virgin before I started loving you. You know that, right?"

If anything, that statement made me feel worse. I'd known, of course I had known, but that didn't mean I liked to think about Sylvanas being with anybody.

"And if you hadn't been so stuck on me, you wouldn't have stayed a virgin very long."

I didn't want to hear this. Feeling wretched, I went to the wardrobe and pulled out one of Sylvanas' old pajamas, white cotton shorts and a matching tank top, and put them on.

"I can't believe you're actually pouting!" Sylvanas sounded amused. "Did you expect me to stay a virgin my whole life, even before you were born?"

"You're mine," I said, not looking at her. "And you've always been mine."

Sylvanas digested this. I could tell she hated that I thought of her as property, but she let it slide.

"How would you feel if I were to start screwing a random someone?" I asked her.

"I'd hate it, to be honest, but we're not talking about that."

"Yes we are."

"Faith, I became Ranger-General of Silvermoon when I was twenty-five years old. And I had sex. Not every day, but I did have lovers that I spent time with every once in a while." She took her cloak off, then the dress she'd been forced to wear for the party. "I can't believe I have to explain this to you. The point is, it was a long time ago."

Sylvanas joined me, naked, at the wardrobe and reached inside, grabbing hold of a gown that was almost the exact same blue-gray shade as her skin. I put my hand on her belly, and she looked at me.

"I just don't like to think of you with anybody else."

"You're actually jealous. You're jealous of men who, years ago, bedded me. Are you going to be jealous of Arthas too?"

A wave of pain and fury swept through me. I rounded on her, taking my hand away from her, "I can't believe you just… how could you…"

I left the room, but she followed me.

"Faith."

"Get away from me, Sylvanas," I snapped. "Just go."

"And what will you do if I don't? What? You'll curse me?" She looked at my hand, which was crackling with energy.

"I want you to get as far away from me as you can."

She raised her eyebrow at me, "First you want me with you, the next you want me gone. Would you care to figure out your moods?"

I slapped her hard enough for her head to snap back. "How could you make light of what that bastard did to you?" I screamed. "He raped you, and you're treating it like it's some big joke! What the hell's the matter with you?"

She stared at me. I could see anger on her face, turning into something more dangerous.

"You always do this!" I cried. "We get close, and you get scared, so you find the one thing that's sure to break us apart, and you use it!"

"You think I'm scared?" she asked, her voice dangerously low.

"You don't care, Sylvanas!" I raised my hand, but she grabbed it and twisted it behind my back so quickly that I ended up on the floor.

"Really. You're telling me that I don't care. I died for you! Arthas would have done to you what he did to me!"

I struggled against her, but she had me pinned.

"He would have beaten you and raped you so savagely that you wouldn't have been able to walk for a week if you'd survived. And you think I don't care!"

"Let me go!"

"No. You're going to listen to me now, Faith. He whipped me as I was chained there, dying. He used the whip everywhere. I tried not to scream and not to cry, I didn't want to do that, but I did anyway. And when he raped me, I cried. I cried out for you."

Cried out for me.

"And you weren't there!"

Wasn't there.

Sylvanas released me. "I died, alone, because I didn't want the same thing to happen to you."

Alone.

Sylvanas had died alone.

Sylvanas had died.

Sylvanas was dead.

I was alone in the corridor. I didn't know where Sylvanas had gone, but it didn't matter. I didn't need her for what I was about to do. I walked into the first room I saw, and looked around, finding what I needed in the first drawer. A small dagger.

A tear ran down my face. Sylvanas was dead. Nothing else mattered.

I pressed the dagger against my wrist, cutting deep. Blood sprayed everywhere in a warm gout, staining my clothes a deep red.

The door opened with a bang. I don't know if I'd expected Sylvanas, I felt too numb with pain. The shriek she gave as I cut my second wrist in front of her was loud enough to wake the dead, but I didn't hear her.

The dagger fell from my hand as I collapsed into her arms.

"Faith!" she screamed. "No, no, no, no, no, Faith… Oh, by the Sunwell, why would you do this?" She ripped her gown and wrapped the scrap of material tightly around my left wrist.

People ran into the room. I saw Halduron wearing nothing but a pair of shorts. Lor'themar still in full ceremonial garb.

"I love you, Sylvanas…" I whispered as my world turned black…

… I opened my eyes.

A cold gray arm was wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly. Someone was stroking my hair. My wrists were wrapped in clean white bandages and were heavy. I felt groggy, my head full of cobwebs.

"What… what happened?"

"She's awake," said someone.

"Faith?" Sylvanas came into my field of vision. I'd never seen her looking like that before. Her face wasn't just the gray color of the dead, it looked sick. Her eyes were swollen and weren't glowing, but looked strangely empty. "Honey, can you hear me?"

I nodded. "What happened?" I asked again.

Sylvanas pressed her head against my chest, her shoulders shaking, so Lor'themar answered for her.

"You tried to commit suicide, Faith."

Oh. Right.

Despair came over me again and I began to cry.

"Shh, Faith, it's okay. It's okay."

I shook my head.

"Yes it is. It's going to be fine. You're going to be fine, and so's Sylvanas."

"It's my fault."

"No. No, baby girl, it's not your fault." Sylvanas, her face stricken, looked at me, kissing my forehead, my cheeks, my lips. "What I said yesterday, I didn't mean for it to sound… I always wanted to keep you safe. I didn't want to see anything happen to you. That's why I died, honey. I don't blame you for it. How could you think I'd blame you for it?" She kissed me again, pulling me to her and holding me. "We'll get married if that's what you want. I'll marry you. Just please, baby… don't… don't die."

"You don't want to…" I whispered.

"I want you alive, not dead. I don't care what else happens."

Lor'themar sat on my bed, "Faith, sweetheart, you need help. I'm so sorry, we should have seen this sooner."

"What kind of help?" asked Sylvanas, keeping a vice grip on my body.

"I think we're going to send you to Dalaran for a while. I didn't think you were going to need it, because you were functioning so well, but obviously, that was a front."

I didn't say anything, keeping my eyes closed.

"She's not crazy, Lor'themar," said Sylvanas.

"She just sliced her wrists open because of a comment you made, Sylvanas. She needs help. And you should stay in Undercity while this happens."

"No," I whispered, pressing myself against Sylvanas.

"Shh, my love," she said to me. "I'm not leaving you."

"She needs to get help alone, and learn to deal with the fact that you're dead."

"I can help her with that."

"You're part of the problem, you know. Faith loves you so much, even now that you're dead, and, while I think you love her too, it's not a healthy thing the two of you have going. You're angry about what happened to you, and believe me, I understand that, but when your anger filters down to the one person who's always been there for you, it becomes dangerous."

"Please don't leave me," I begged Sylvanas.

She kissed my lips, "I'm right here, baby."

A priest came forward, "The portal to Dalaran is ready. Lady Sylvanas, you can take her through yourself."

"You'll come back here afterwards, or go back to Undercity if you want. It's up to you."

"Are you hearing me? I'm not leaving her."

"Enough."

Thrall walked into the room, "Sylvanas, Faith nearly committed suicide because of you. Because of something you said. The two of you need some real time apart so that she can heal, both physically and mentally."

"I don't want her to leave," I said, starting to cry again. I didn't want to be anywhere without Sylvanas.

"You'll see each other again soon," said Thrall. "You'll come back to us stronger and better able to bear everything."

Sylvanas moved. I clung to her, whimpering, and she picked me up, kissing my forehead, "It'll just be for a little while, my darling."

"No!"

"Shh, Faith."

She carried me to the portal, where people were waiting for us. I saw Rhonin, and understood he was going to take me away from her.

"No!" I began to scream and fight, and Sylvanas knelt with me in her arms, wrapping herself around me until I calmed down. "No, Sylvanas."

"Listen to me, Faith." She kissed me and stroked my face gently, "Listen to me. I love you, and I will always love you. I will always be with you, no matter how far apart we are."

"No…"

"Yes. This needs to happen. You need to get better."

"I want to stay with you."

"I know. But you can't now."

This was reminding me so strongly of the time when she'd said goodbye to me before Arthas had killed her that something snapped within me. I began to sob. "Please, Sylvanas, don't force me to go!"

"We'll be together soon," she told me. "I promise you, Faith."

Rhonin stepped forward, and Sylvanas moved away from me.

"Noooo!" I wailed. "No!" Rhonin picked me up, and I tried to fight him off, but couldn't. I cried out Sylvanas' name.

"I'll see you soon, Faith, I promise."

Rhonin took me away from her, and I just screamed, fighting so hard that my magic flared and nearly destroyed the portal as we stepped through it.

I kept screaming as we landed in Dalaran, calling out Sylvanas' name over and over again until my voice gave out.

"You're safe," said Rhonin, sweating from the struggle to keep me from doing something insane.

"Syl…"

"Sylvanas is safe too. You're going to be with her soon, and it'll be like you've never been apart, okay? She loves you so much, Faith, you have to get better for her."

"For her…"

"Yes." He picked me up again, "I'm going to take you to the clinic, all right? We'll take a look at your wrists again."

I looked down, seeing that the bandages around both my wrists were stained red. "I miss her…"

"I know, sweetheart. I know how much you miss her.

"I used to watch her. She was so beautiful…"

"Yes, she was."

I wasn't aware of any time passing by, as memories of Sylvanas came over me. Times we'd spent together, almost holding hands. Roasting marshmallows around a fire. Splashing around in the sea.

I'd spent good times with her. My love.

The last thing I thought of before I felt a sharp pain in my neck was the kiss she had given me before we'd separated.