Glad you all enjoyed that little foray into the early parenthood days for Derek and Emily. Appreciate the reviews - y'all are awesome sauce, ya hear?

We're jumping back a few year in the timeline for this one... After I watched "200" I knew I had to do a conversation on the jet... So, fair warning - spoilers for "200" in this one, which was written entirely to the haunting tune "Kolniður" by Jónsi, which featured in Prentiss' departure episode, so it kind of brought everything full circle.

Happy reading =)

"Saying goodbye isn't the hard part, it's what we leave behind that's tough." – Unknown

I blink a few times as her words echo loudly in my mind. My mind's wheels begin turning frantically as I try to piece together what my next steps are. She's right – I need to find a way to flip the script. If there is a double agent in ops, then I need a way to figure out who it is. Best bet is probably interrogation, and it's the course of action that would most likely be allowed to proceed…but I doubt Strauss would sign off on it…which means I need to go over her head. I close my eyes and let out a sigh as I realize the amount of ass-kissing it's going to require to get approval. I begin to mentally compile the list of phone calls I'm going to have to make, when suddenly I hear a quiet sigh.

My eyes fly open and I realize where I am and who I'm sitting with. I feel a wave of shame wash over me as I realize Emily is spending the last few hours with a familiar face that she'll have for a long while talking about my problems. This should be about her. She's the one who'd barely escaped with her life after her run-in with Doyle. She's the one who was going to have to be isolated from everyone she knows. She's the one who was leaving her friends and her family behind.

"Emily," I say softly, meeting her gaze.

"Be careful, JJ," she says, interrupting me. There's something unreadable in her eyes that worries me.

I frantically try to come up with some words of comfort for her. It can't be easy knowing she's severed all ties to the life she'd tried so hard to rebuild for herself. I want to promise her that we'll catch him and bring her home, like I had those weeks ago in the hospital, but I know the words would be empty. And Emily Prentiss has never appreciated empty words.

They wouldn't be empty because I didn't mean them – God knows what I'd do to the man if given the chance – but because I'm not sure we'd be able to make it happen. If anyone could track him down, it would be the team, but it would take a while until they were firing on all cylinders again. Losing Emily had hit them hard, and to a certain extent I'm relieved I'm not around to see their grief. Holding in that secret while they grieved the loss of their friend would be too much.

"You too," I say softly, when I realize I've been quiet for a little too long.

She shakes her head dismissively. "I'll be fine."

I blink at her quick response, realizing those damn walls have gone up again. She was closing herself off from everyone, and for once I can't say she's entirely wrong to do so. I can't imagine facing what she's going up against without trying to cut off emotions. Hell, I can't really imagine facing what she's going through at all. It would break me. That much I know.

I open my mouth to offer a weak protest, but she beats me to the punch. "You just worry about everything you've got going on. You don't need to worry about me."

"Yes, I do," I reply stubbornly. "Emily, I can't begin to imagine what you'll face, but please believe me when I say I will think about you every day."

"JJ, you don't have to-"

"You're one of my best friends," I say, my voice gaining strength as I interrupt her once more. "Do you really think I'd be able to just forget about you?"

Emily looks away quickly, fixing her stare on a window on the opposite side of the jet. "You've got your own family to worry about," she says, shaking her head.

"Yeah," I agree. "And a part of it is sitting right in front of me."

Emily shakes her head again slightly but this time doesn't respond.

"I will do everything in my power to get you back home. Do you hear me?"

"Can we just…talk about something else?" Emily asks, a pained expression on her face.

I open my mouth to protest but shut it when I see her expression. I let out a breath slowly before answering. "Sure," I say with a gentle nod. Pushing the issue isn't going to get me anywhere, and she's only going to shut down further if I do.

"How's Henry?"

I find myself smiling despite the gravity of the situation. "He's good. He's been asking after you. He apparently is still holding you to your promise of taking him to the zoo."

She lets out a brief chuckle. "If I get back, I'll definitely take him, I promise."

I blink worriedly at her choice of words. She said "if I get back" not "when I get back". I begin to worry that Doyle finding out she's still alive isn't the worst case scenario. Maybe being left alone with her own destructive thoughts is a far worse situation for her to be in. It's not such a stretch to imagine that she would survive but wouldn't be really living…

"And how about Will?" she asks, prompting me to continue.

I open my mouth to give her an answer, but I find that I can't make any words form. My mind is still fixated on "if I get back". If she gets back?! What the hell are Hotch and I doing all of this for if she's not going to make it back? Does she mean Doyle will find her and he'll finish the job he started? My heart clenches painfully at the very thought of her suffering at his hand. Again.

But it occurs to me that she probably means she just won't return. It isn't so far-fetched to consider that she might just take the money she'll be given and find new, untraceable identities, letting her truly disappear. Could she do that, knowing that both Hotch and I know she's alive? Would she do that?

It's not so crazy a thought, and it's that realization that has my stomach twisting in knots. As painful as it's been the past month keeping this secret from my friends, I'm not sure I'd be able to deal with actually losing her. In fact, it might be worse than thinking she's dead. Not knowing whether she's alive, or happy, or coping…abandoning her to her fate… I'm not sure my heart can take that.

"JJ?" she says, shooting me a look of concern.

I realize my mind had drifted off once more, and we'd fallen into silence. "What? Oh, he's okay."

"JJ," Emily says, a hint of exasperation in her tone.

"What?"

"Give me something here. Please. I…I need something to remember," she finishes almost desperately. But her desperation is shy, as though she's trying not to express it.

I bite my tongue to prevent myself from flinging an accusation at her. "Are you actually going to remember?" is what I want to ask…that part of my mind still worried over her apparent flippant attitude toward her own life. But I know I can't ask her that. And just like when she'd asked me to stay with her in the hospital, I grant her this request. It's the least I can do for her.

"He still asks me every day."

"Yeah? You ought to say yes one of these days," she says pointedly.

"I know."

"Do you? Because you two have been dancing around the issue of marriage for years."

"I just…I'm happy with how things are. Is it so wrong for me to not want things to change?"

"Things changing is inevitable, Jayje."

"Well maybe I just want to delay that inevitable."

"Do you love him?"

"Of course I do," I say sincerely. It's true – I love the man more than I ever thought I could, even if we fight and bicker over the job seemingly constantly now.

"Then don't wait, JJ."

"We already have everything we could ever want."

"If you did, he wouldn't ask you every day," Emily points out gently. "Don't wait, Jayje. There are no guarantees with this job…"

I shoot her a look of sympathy when she trails off. She knows all too well what this job can do to people. What's it's done to her… "I'll think about it."

She scrutinizes me for a moment before offering a small smile. "Do you think you two will have any more kids?"

I blink in surprise, trying to keep a neutral expression. A fierce debate launches in my mind…should I tell her? It's not as though she's going to tell anyone… But it would probably just be another painful reminder of what she's missing here at home. I settle on a vague, non-committal answer.

"Maybe someday, yeah."

"You should. You and Will make gorgeous babies."

"Because that's a good reason to have children."

She grins and I can't help but feel some relief at the genuine happiness in her eyes, even if it's only for a fleeting moment.

"I suppose there's also the fact that you two are great parents."

"But that's only an afterthought, right?" I tease.

"Exactly," she replies, her grin spreading and a faint twinkle appearing in her eyes. But, her grin fades all too quickly and is replaced with a serious expression. "So what's the plan when we land?"

I scrutinize her for a moment before breaking eye contact and leaning over toward my bag to retrieve a small envelope. I eye it for just a moment before handing it over to her. "This should be enough to get you a place for a few nights while I meet up with a contact of mine to finalize some details."

I watch Emily closely as she nods in understanding, a carefully constructed neutral expression forming on her face. She opens the envelope briefly to thumb through some cash before closing it and tucking it inside her purse.

"We'll meet up on Thursday at this café," I say, handing her a piece of paper with an address written on it. "And I'll have more for you."

She nods and turns her gaze out the window. I can see she's shutting down, trying her best to lock away the emotions – and honestly, I can't really blame her. Maybe it's the hormones, or maybe it's the fact that there is a very good chance I'll never see one of my best friends ever again, but I feel tears threatening to spill. I can't break down though. She needs me to be strong.

I watch as her hands twist in her lap, her fingers pulling at what's left of her fingernails, a telltale sign of her stress. She'd accepted my instructions without question or comment, and that worries me. Maybe she knows this is how it has to be. Or maybe she's planning to disappear before we meet again. Considering everything I've learned about her in the past month, nothing would surprise me at this point.

The jet comes to a stop and I find myself rooted to the spot. I don't want to move, because if I do, it'll mean separating from Emily. It'll mean saying goodbye. No, that's not quite right. It'll mean saying see you later. Not goodbye. Goodbye has a certain…finality to it. But we can't delay forever, I have a contact waiting for me, and Emily's life is quite honestly depending on that meeting, so I get up and grab my things before heading toward the now open exit.

My forward movement is halted though when I feel Emily's hand grab my arm suddenly.

"You'll take care of them, won't you?" she asks in an almost timid voice. I find myself startled by how small she seems. In all the time I've known Emily, she's had this presence. Confident, and composed, she was this pillar of unwavering strength. Now she just seems so small and defeated.

The guilt is written plainly on her face and I find that it too surprises me. For a woman known for her compartmentalizing, she sure wasn't doing much to hide her guilt and regret.

I blink in surprise, feeling tears form in my eyes. I will them not to fall, because I know if they do, I won't be able to stop. "Of course."

"Keep an eye on Reid, okay? He's gonna need someone."

Why does this feel like a scene out of a movie where the character chokes out some last minute instructions on their deathbed?

"And Penelope – just…make sure she still sees beauty in the world. She needs to be able to see sunshine."

Oh god. That's exactly what she's doing. She doesn't expect to make it through this. She doesn't believe she's going to come back home.

"Tell Hotch I'm sorry he had to make this decision. Tell him…tell him that it was an honour working with him."

This isn't happening. Just stop. STOP. I want to scream at her, but words won't form and instead I just stare at her, my expression a cross between horror and sadness.

"And maybe drop in on Rossi once in a while? He'll be okay, but sometimes he just needs someone to pry him open a bit, you know?"

I nod because it's all I can manage.

"And Morgan…" she trails off and I swear I hear her choke back some balled up emotion. "Don't let his anger get the best of him. Don't let him stew over this. And make sure he knows that having him there was more than I ever could have asked for. Make sure he knows that it helped."

I can't help the tears from falling. She's saying goodbye. She's saying goodbye because she doesn't think we're ever going to see her again. "Em," I choke out, finally managing some words.

"And you, Jayje. Take care of yourself and your family. Take care of that little boy, he's-" she stops abruptly to wipe away some tears. My eyes widen at her tears – is she really doing this? "And thank you. I'm sorry we didn't spend more time together after your transfer. You've been a good friend."

"Emily, don't do this," I plead. "We'll see each other again."

She shakes her head as she takes a breath to collect herself. "Yeah," she says, but it's painfully far from convincing. I feel my heart clench in sadness. She was walking to her death. Maybe not physically, but she'd already resigned herself to the fact she wasn't ever coming home. My mind kicks into overdrive trying to come up with a way to give her a link to home without compromising her. She needed a reminder of what was waiting for her with open arms.

I didn't have much time, but I had to come up with something. Emailing was out of the question, so were letters, and phone calls were definitely not going to happen. There had to be something… Then it hits me. I turn to her and ask an all important question. "How do you feel about Scrabble?"

Did I hit you in the feels? What's the consensus on the general vibe on the chapter - bittersweet? hopeful? depressing? If you've got the time, I'd love to hear your thoughts...