I went to the bathroom to clean myself up. I wanted to shower but Billy was sleeping soundly and it was around one in the morning,, So I thought the better of it. I looked into the mirror at my face which was flushed, my lips plump and red.

My hands touched them and I couldn't help the little giggle bubbling up in me. Looking at my shoulder I wondered what exactly happened. The place where Jake had bit me was now just a faint pink circle where his teeth had been, there would be no scars.

I sighed, my mind still on what had just happened in Jake's bed. It wasn't exactly sex, but it was definitely the most intimate that I had ever been with anyone, EVER!

Finally I ran the tap on warm and began to wipe my body with a clean wash cloth and a bit of soap. I turned to were I had put the shorts that belonged to Jake's sister on the counter. She was a bit more voluptuous than I, so when I pulled then on I had to pull the strings very tight so that it wouldn't slide off my hips.

Walking back into the room I noticed Jake had put on a different pair of shorts too. I could't help but smile.

Snuggling back into the bed was no where near awkward except for the unanswered question that still hung in the air around them.

Jacob played with strands of my hair as I used his arm as a pillow. Our legs tangled with one another, we lay in silence for a moment.

As I began to lazily play with his fingers, running my fingers down his and setting palm to palm with his and feeling just how much smaller mine was in comparison.

"Bella?" He said a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Hmm,"

"What does this mean?"

What did this mean? I was unsure of it. I linked my fingers with his and brought it up to my heart holding it against me.

I could't answer.

More than ever I was feeling so confused. This, here in his arms, it felt right. But I knew it could never happen. Not as long as the threat from the Volturi remained, there was only one out come for me. And that was becoming a Vampire eventually.

"Jacob," I sighed. "This feels right. Being held in your arms," I pause to bring my lips to his knuckles and place a gentle kiss there. "But things in my life aren't so simple. And as much as I love you . . ."

I looked up into his eyes, the spark of hope grew to a flame. A flame that I was going to douse with my next words. I didn't want to have to say them. I could feel the pain in my chest as my heart started to feel constricted. It hurt so bad.

"I . . . I just cannot be with you at the moment." I said sitting up. "I don't want to cut you out of my life. I'm being selfish I know. But very soon I'll . . ."

Jacob sat up as well. Anger in his eyes. But despite that his voice was eerily level and calm.

"Very soon, what Bella?"

"It's nothing. I just can't be with you." I turned feeling so numb but I could't fall apart in front of him. His eyes, my words had dulled them bit.

I pulled my knees into my chest wrapping my arms around them and hiding my face. He was right, why hadn't I waited for him before I jumped. I wouldn't be hurting the both of us now, we'd be free to be together as we pleased.

"What's the problem Bells? You love me and I love you. So why can't we be together?" He asked confused.

"Because I am Edwards girlfriend and he's . . . I love him." I stated. "I'm sorry."

"Why," He took a deep breath. "Why would you do that with me and than push me away? Why do you keep going against your heart."

"Because I love you! As much as I love Edward. And I'm really confused about what I want. And . . . "

I can't be with you because it's the only way to keep you and Charlie safe. I thought in my head.

My headache began to return, along with it a burning in my chest from the congestion. I began to cough thinking well this is just great.

"I'll . . . I'll go and get you some tea and honey." Jake said getting up and going into the kitchen.

I followed him with a heavy heart. "Are you upset with me?" I don't know why I even asked, of course he would be.

"A little, yes?"

"I'm sorry," I looked over at where the phone was setting on the end table by the couch. "I could call Charlie and ask, if he's not busy, for him to come and pick?"

He stopped moving at the kitchen counter, his shoulders dropping, maybe I should have said that. "If that's what you want, Bella."

"No, that's not what I want Jacob," I took a little step in his direction. "I know I'm hurting you, so I'm asking if that's what you want. I'll gladly do it for you." I sighed looking at him. "Because that's all I can do for you."

Jacob left the counter in only a few stride he was pulling me once again into his arms. "You should better than to ask me what I want." Immediately my arms wrapped tightly around his waist. "Because I don't want you to go home. I don't even want Charlie to come and get tomorrow morning. I want you here, in my arms safe and loved by me and only me."

As his words penetrated my heart leaving me warm and fuzzy, I felt an anger plaguing my happiness. An anger that caught me by absolute surprise. I was angry with Edward! At his stupidity that had us in this situation.

For a fleeting moment I found myself wishing that Alice hadn't come to check on me.

She didn't bother when Laurent had come and wanted to kill me to spare me from Victoria, they had all acted as if they didn't care. She should have stayed away!

My fingers dug unconsciously into Jacob, and although it didn't hurt him he still looked at me with concern.

"Bells are you alright?"

"I just wish things had taken a different route, that's all." I answered feeling the tears pool in the corner of my eyes.

"You don't have to be with him, Bella. I could tell when I picked you up that you're not sure of him anymore. Leave him."

"I can't . . . " I buried my face in his chest taking a deep breath of his musky woodsy scent.

Jacob ran his hands through my hair soothing me farther.

"Okay, let's just put this in the back burner for a bit. Let's just focus on us here and now. And right now your with me. Hmm?"

I nodded my head in agreement, swallowing back the tears and the need to cry. He was right. We should just focus in us right now. I could do that.

He took a step back and seem to take all the warmth if the room with him. My body long to follow his, to be close to his again. His hands on my shoulders the only contact I had with him and it wasn't enough. It seemed now that it'd never be enough.

"Okay babe, have a seat on the bed. I'll finish that tea for you."

As he said that another bout of coughing ensued. He chuckled before turning me so that I could go and wait in his room. I walked forward taking a glance back at him before going into the little hall and than finally his room and plopping down in his bed.

I buried my face in my hands. My long wavy hair creating a curtain around me.

Leaving him was going to be the most painful thing I'll ever have to do. But I'll do it knowing he and my dad would be safe. I was replaceable and they weren't. Besides I wouldn't really be dead. But I wouldn't be able to come home either. And why would I? What I was setting out to become would be something that was his natural enemy. He'd hate me for sure. That bit of truth knocked the breath from her lungs.

With a heavy sigh, I laid back on the bed looking at the ceiling.

Hello readers,

I hope your holiday's have been great and that the new year is even better.

I wanted to thank all of you who have taken the time to read and comment on this story, Also making this story a favorite and following it as well.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. :)