AMERICA'S POV

People had been tiptoeing around me ever since it happened. I had had very little contact with anyone as no one seemed to say more than 'are you ok?'. What was I even supposed to say to that? How could I be ok after losing my child before I'd even met them. I had a life inside me last week, and now it's gone! If I nodded then they'd leave me alone, generally with a tray of food that I didn't feel like eating.

I spent a lot of time on the balcony, breathing in the fresh air and staring out at the gardens. Dr Ashlar said it was a good thing to have more fresh air and said that it might help me to recover. Silvia, on the other hand, thought I had neglected my duties for too long (apparently I wasn't allowed more than a few days to recover from my miscarriage).

What annoyed me most about Silvia was her sudden change in opinion over the necessity to have children. When we told her I was pregnant, as my advisor we had to tell her early on, she told me it was the most important thing I would do for my country and that I was 'fulfilling my role as Queen'. Obviously, that thought was not making me feel good about myself at the moment, the idea that I was no longer fulfilling my role.

However, Silvia did not think it would be good to shut up about it for more than a few minutes. No, she thought that she would tell me every time she visited that there would be 'other children' and that we could try again. I don't think she saw how much all of that upset me, at least…I hope she didn't see it, or else she was purposely trying to upset me.

After giving me two days to grieve, Silvia started me off 'easily' allowing me to simply reply to the letters that I had been sent. Once again, I think she had no idea that what she was giving me was going to be as upsetting for me as it was.

How could you do that to him? Maxon has recently lost his parents and now he's lost his child as well? You are a despicable human being who does not deserve the love of such a wonderful person.

The first letter I opened read, I was horrified and opened the next, thinking it must just be some cruel idiot with no idea what was really going on.

Seriously? You can't even carry a child? How do you expect to run a country? Maybe we should get a new queen, one that can actually fulfil her duties. Maybe Kriss Ambers is still available!

And who had leaked my miscarriage? I thought that we were just going to say I was ill…

You know, the best way for you to actually do the country some good would be to leave and let someone who knows what they're doing take over.

After several letters each including similar statements I gave up. There were tears falling down my face as I realised what a horrible human I was. When I realised how much Maxon was hurting right now, because of me. I tore one of the unopened letters in frustration and saw that someone had sent me an envelope with black soot that now covered the light pink dress I was wearing.

I stormed back through to my room to change. When I walked past the mirror I stopped and looked at myself. Who do I think I am? I thought to myself. Why did I ever kid myself I could do this when clearly I can't, I've always known it somewhere inside of me. I can't do this anymore! I thought to myself and ran through to my wardrobe.

I began tearing through the clothes that filled the walls until I finally found it. My backpack with the clothes I wore when I came here. I quickly put on the white shirt and black leggings and sat straight back down at the mirror and removed my smudged make-up. I put my hair up in a loose bun and walked back out to the balcony. Quickly I rounded up the letters that were now scattered on the floor and stuffed them into an empty envelope that wasn't too shredded. I grabbed some of my own paper and scribbled: When it's raining you'll find me on the roof on a sheet and stuffed it inside as well. I wrote Maxon's name on the front of the envelope and ran through to his room to place it on his bed.

Though the letters would probably be a good enough reason, I wanted something that came from me to give him too. I picked up some more paper, my pen and headed up to the roof. Maxon would be in his meetings for another hour or so, and even then he might not have time to come back to the suites, so I would have plenty of time to write my letter so that that would be all he would find of me.

I sat perched on the edge of the roof, my legs dangling over the gardens below. It seemed right that it should end here where, in many ways, it started. I thought fondly of the time Maxon had brought me up here, it was when I'd realised I loved him. And it was because of his love that I had to do this.

I had written my letter quickly and it was shorter than I'd wanted but it still explained how I was feeling enough so that he would understand and wouldn't blame himself. After all, it's my fault, not his. I read through the letter one last time to make sure it was perfect.

Dearest Maxon,

I'm sorry.

Today I realised just how much I'd ruined your life. In the few months that we have known each other I have shouted at you, hit you, lied to you, cheated on you, had you whipped by your father, blown royal secrets that I shouldn't have even known, hurt you, and – worst of all – I've killed your first child.

After being told by many people that I have ruined your life and probably the country, I have decided that this is the best way for you to get everything you deserve; a family, a good Queen. By the time you read this it will all be over and you will be able to carry on with your life.

Please remember me as the girl who loved strawberry tarts, and as the girl who loved you so much that she gave her life so that you could be happy. Marry whoever will make you happy and stay well for as long as you can. You are an amazing King, Maxon.

Yours Lovingly,

America

I wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall so that I could see the words on the page. It had to be perfect. After all, this was going to be the thing that I left behind.

I stood. My hair being blown backwards by the gusts of wind. I felt tears blowing off me face as well, leaving behind dampness that would remain forever. I was doing the right thing, wasn't I? With me gone then Maxon would be free to marry someone who could have children and my family would be safer, not being related to a queen. I trusted that Maxon would look after them, at least until they found their feet again.

"America?" I turned at the sound of his voice as Maxon ran through the doors, out of breath as if he'd been running.

"Maxon… I was going to just leave this here and be on my way. But perhaps it's better that I give it to you in person." I handed over the envelope and left a lingering touch on his hand as I moved across the roof. I didn't want him here for this.

"America, what are you doing?

"Please Maxon. It's for the best. You know it too. Just let me do this one thing for you and then get on with your life. It's all explained in my letter." I turned back and stared down at the ground.

"No. America, please. I am begging you. I promise, It's all going to be ok. Just come back inside, please?" I hesitated.

"What if I can't do it." I whispered. I felt his hand touch my shoulder and flinched slightly.

"What can't you do? You're America Schreave. You can do whatever you want."

"What if I can't have children! What if I can't be a good queen? What if one day we wake up and everyone has realised that you'd be better off with anyone else than me?" I turned and stared at him through the tears that were falling fast down my face.

Suddenly I felt his arms around my waist as he carefully dragged me away from the wall and towards the door. I clung to him and quickly began sobbing on his shoulder.

"America, why do you always do this?" He kissed the top of my head softly. "You won my heart before the selection even began." He placed his finger under my chin and tilted my head up so that I was looking into his brown eyes. "Ignore what those idiots think, they don't know me, they don't know you. They don't know how much worse my world would be without you in it." He softly began stroking my cheek and brushing away the tears that had fallen. "You are the one that I chose. And I chose you for two reasons: I love you more than anything else in this world, and because I knew you would be a great queen. As for worrying about not being able to have a family, my parents had two miscarriages before me and after me, too. And we're young. Everything will be just fine." He kissed me softly. "Now will you please come back inside."

"Can we just sit up here, away from it all for a while." I whispered, praying he would say yes, I wasn't ready to face that mountain of hate again.

"Ok. I am yours America. As your husband it is my job to protect you and I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from this pain." He carefully put me down on the floor and held me close to him.

"I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that I couldn't cope, I'm sorry that I fell apart, and-" He silenced me with a soft kiss.

"Shh, dear. It's all ok now. It's all going to be just fine." After sobbing for several minutes more in the arms of my husband, I felt the world drifting away from me as, for the first time in days, I fell asleep.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter, please drop me a review and have a great Christmas/Hanukah/Diwali/New Year/whatever else you may celebrate and I'll see you all soon!