Chapter 13!

Disclaimer: I do not own VOCALOID! They all belong to their respected owners!

Chapter Thirteen

Anguish

~RIN~

Complete silence.

That was what it was as we sat down to eat breakfast. My fever had finally run down so Meiko insisted that I at least ate, so that my recovery would be much faster. The moment we bumped into Len as he exited his room, the aura between Meiko and him suddenly grew cold. Somehow, I had accidentally made it worse when I insisted that Len eat with us. Therefore, this is what is happening right now-

The most awkward breakfast I have ever had.

I tried to start a conversation but every time I did, it was either Meiko or Len who would suddenly comment on it, ending the conversation as if the silence was far better than a simple chat.

"The food here is good isn't it Meiko, if Kaito and Piko had come along then I'm pretty sure all the food would have been devoured completely." I said, trying to attempt another conversation. Meiko just nodded as she continued to sip her soup, while Len, seemed more interested in his food than to listen to what I had just said.

"Pray tell me what is wrong with you both!" I nearly shouted angrily, my patience finally tested. Meiko, Len and a few onlookers looked at me with surprised expressions but I did not care. Now that I have Len and Meiko's attention, it is about time I settle this dispute for good.

"Now as I was saying, care to explain why both of you are suddenly avoiding each other?"

"This is none of your business Rin." Len quickly answered. I slammed my hands on the table making both of them flinch. I hated it when they said that I had no right to butt in, no right to speak out when in fact I am already a part of it. Len saying those words to me was like a stab to the back, I spilled out all my worries and secrets to him when we were young and yet he cannot even confide in me about a simple spat. As for Meiko, I thought she trusted me as I did in her. So why can she not tell me these things?

Do they have no faith in me?

"I have every right Len since you already made me a part of it! Now I will ask again, what is wrong with you two?" I tried asking again and this time, Meiko was the one who answered.

"This is between me and Len, Rin. I hope you understand. I don't want to burden you with this problem."

"Do you mean to brush me aside too Meiko?" It was surprising for her to say that I had no right in the mess they had both concocted. Did I not deserve at least a small right to know what is happening? Did I not deserve their trust?

"We do not mean to brush you aside Rin, it's just-,"

"That I have no right because it is not my fight is that it Len? Is that what you are trying to tell me?" I interjected.

"No that is not what I meant Rin! Listen when I am trying to talk to you okay." He nearly shouted back taking me by surprise. Meiko quickly stood up and eyed Len angrily making him turn to her.

"What? You think I have it easy, this all your fault and you know that!" Len angrily said to Meiko. Her fault…what did Len mean by that?

"My fault, tell me Len, how much do you value her? Your fiancée I mean. Looking at things, the longer this trip goes on, the less you seem to notice it." Meiko added in, her voice getting louder. Len's face grew red with anger as he glared daggers at Meiko, had I not butted in then he would have surely hit her.

"Len stop! Do not make the situation harder than it is now." I tried to say while stopping Len, my anger finally turning into concern. Len brushed my hold on him and glared at me.

"You think I'm the one making the situation even harder? Don't joke with me Rin, you're the one who started this in the first place."

"W-what are you ta-talking about Len?" I nearly faltered, surprised by the venom in his voice. It took only a few seconds before Meiko jumped in and slapped him in the face. A few collected gasps and mutters brought me back to reality. I tried to stop Meiko but she had already started screaming at Len before I could even say my side.

"Don't drag Rin into this Len! She's your friend for god's sake."

"Friend… Heh, when did we become friends?" He wondered aloud as he turned to me.

"As I recall, Rin had told me that we were nothing more but acquaintances. Therefore, you have no right to tell me that I can or cannot drag Rin into this mess Meiko. Seeing as she wanted to be part of it in the first place." He said to Meiko.

"W-who are you?" I suddenly blurted out, making him turn back to me with a smile on his face. This is not Len…what happened to him? I no longer see him in this person standing before me.

"Who am I Rin? Why, I am Len Kagamine, your acquaintance, remember." He smiled a smile so fake that it frightened me.

"Len, what the hell are you doing!" Meiko grabbed him to face her but Len slapped her hold off with the back of his hand.

"Don't you dare touch me, by now; you should already know where you stand." He said angrily and left.

"What did I do wrong Meiko, tell me, what made Len into that?" I asked her while we watched the dolphins following us at the side of the ship.

"It's not you Rin…it was me." She said quietly.

"But he blamed me didn't he, why do you say it was your fault he turned into that?"

"Because…"Meiko bit her lip as she looked at me.

"You're hiding something from me aren't you Meiko?"

"I'm sorry Rin but truly, if I told you then this situation would get even more difficult for the both of you." She admitted before turning back to the sea.

"I'm not getting you Meiko. What do you mean more difficult for us?" I tried to ask again but Meiko shook her head.

"I'm in no position to tell you Rin. Len alone can tell you that." She replied.

"Len hates me right now Meiko. I doubt that he'd want to listen to me right now." I frowned but Meiko only smiled.

"He's prideful sometimes Rin. He must've screamed at you like that because he wanted to prove to you something."

"Prove to me what Meiko? He did not have to prove anything to me. He has everything- the money, the adoration…Miku. What else does he want?"

"What he wants Rin is the forgiveness of his friend." She answered. Len wanted forgiveness. Reconciliation for what he did is that what Meiko was trying to say. That I guess is what must have hurt him. When I announced to him that he was nothing more but my acquaintance, I never really realized what Len felt back then. I guess my own anger and resentment for him hating me and for not…choosing me, made me blinded to my own pride. That must be why he is mad at me.

He was right…it was my fault.

"Meiko, I think I'll go apologize to him. Tell him I'm sorry for saying those things back then and that I was nave to even understand his feelings." I said. Meiko sighed and then nodded.

"Go and speak with Len. Reconcile with him. And tell him…tell him I was sorry for what I did awhile back." Meiko told me before giving me a tight hug.

"Meiko…"

"I just want you to be happy. I'm sorry." She whispered as she let me go.

"I'm already happy Meiko, being with the people I love- that's what makes me happy." I tell her and Meiko smiles.

"Then go Rin, just promise me, that when you ever get into trouble, just know that I'm here okay." I nod at Meiko's final words before I run and look for Len.

It was almost seven in the evening when I found Len by the deck of the ship.

He looked deep in thought when I approached him, so he did not see me until I got close enough for him to notice my shadow. The moment our eyes met, Len quickly looked away and stared at the ground.

"I was looking all over for you; you had me worried for a minute when-,"

"What do you want Rin?" Len interjected as he turned to me. He was definitely still mad.

"I want to apologize." I replied, trying as hard as I can from not shaking.

"Apologize? Tell me, how much do you mean that Rin?" He asked me his tone mellowing down. He did not seem mad now; he looked almost tired as if his anger awhile back had suddenly subsided until there was almost nothing left.

"I mean it Len."

"You're not lying now are you?"

"Did I ever lie to you?" I reminded him and this time he looked away from me.

"Yes Rin, you lied to me. And I never expected that that lie would be the worst lie you have ever told me."

"I don't get it Len? What lie are you-,"

"Colourful…" He murmured and then looked at me.

"That's not what you were trying to tell me back then before you left. Am I right Rin?" He added. I could not reply as his sapphire-blue eyes looked bore deep into mine, reading my soul, wondering how I would react.

"Len I-,"

"I love you…Those were the words you mouthed back then. Don't deny it Rin, you yourself told me that the other night."

"I never told you anything Len." I reminded him and Len shook his head

"In your sleep Rin, you told it to me when you fell asleep in my room." That night I had a fever, so Len must have heard me say something before he left. How much more secrets did I suddenly mutter in my sleep? How much more did Len know about them?

"Well Rin, am I wrong?" He asked me and I shook my head, he did not look surprised so it must mean that he was expecting that answer but I knew that even if he knew he would never call it off for me. I never should have said it to him back then, we would not be in this position had I never admitted my feelings. Len was already happy with Miku, he chose her not me- it was always her never me.

"And what if I told you that you weren't?" I asked back, my voice quivering. He looked at me sadly as if he was trying to feel my pain but I knew he did not feel what I felt.

"I'm sorry Rin…I never should have come. Rei warned me and I refused to listen." He was at the railings now, gripping the steel bar tightly as he looked up.

"It's no one's fault but my own Len. I should've known my place…" I admitted painfully as I looked up at the sky too. Again, Gemini was nowhere to be found; the clouds had hidden it again, ready to pour down the rain that was almost like my tears.

"You deserve someone better Rin, not me. You have to move on…"

"That's what makes it painful Len! There is no one better, no one like you! That is why I cannot move on. It's eating me inside and it hurts!" I cried back at him making him flinch. Now I know why he was so upset awhile back. He found out but he was afraid to tell me…afraid to hurt my feelings. He should not be though, every moment he spends loving her is like a bullet to my chest, a bullet that does not kill me but eats me up until I am completely incapable of anything else.

"Rin! You have to let go, I cannot bear to see you hurting like this. Don't destroy yourself Rin…let go." He placed both hands on my shoulder, forcing me to face him. He was begging now, his faced looked in pain. Seeing me like this- it was too much for him to bear.

"I-I can't Len, it's too hard…" I replied hoarsely. Len was shaking his head as he let me go. I hugged him tightly, refusing to let go. Was it cruel of me to be at least this selfish? Even for at least a while, that he would stay this close to me, to feel how much he meant to me?

"I'm being too selfish am I Len? We have been together since we were little kids, made me hopeful that because it was just us you would soon realize my feelings for you. However, the moment Miku came, I knew it could not be…"

"I'm sorry…" He whispered into my ear as he pulled me back, that small magic drifting away as he did.

"Never like this Rin…were friends and that is all it is ever going to be between you and me. I'm sorry." He added as he looked away from me. Nothing more nothing less, I will be nothing to him but his friend.

"That's why Rin, let go…" He pleaded again, his hands clenched into a fist. He was trembling, he was afraid to see me hurting because of him.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I can't Len? I am afraid to let go, it is as if I am holding a live wire. It hurts but I just cannot let go, I do not care if I am chasing nothing but air Len! I'd rather die than let go."

"Do not say that! You hear me; do not hurt yourself any more than this Rin. Please, for me, do not waste your life away like this!" He shouted at me.

"Do not let me lose you again." He cried.

"Len I-,"

"Onegai Rin…" He begged. It hurts so much to hear him say that. As if there was no hope left, not even a shard of it. He pleaded to me as a child would plead for his lost toy back.

"If I let go Len…would you be happy now? Would you continue to smile as I drown in the depths of my own pain and resentment?" I added bitterly.

"Who are you!? You are no longer the same girl I shared my life with when I was young. Your sweet smiles, that laughter that brought life to the house…Where did it go. Tell me, why are you covered in so much regret Rin?" Len wondered making me stop. What have I become to Len then? My own regret turned me like this…in Len's eyes I have become nothing but a monster.

"I-I-," I trembled and ran, refusing to turn when Len called my name.

I was too afraid to face him now; he has seen who I am now and I have stabbed him too many times than I stabbed myself. I cannot face him like this…

The monster that I have become…

So sorry it took so long but I updated as fast I could, Thank you so much for those who rated and commented I really appreciate it!

-xXGemini14Xx-