Hi everyone!
I swear to God that I'm usually very punctual, so this whole updating late thing is a bit shocking for me. This is a bit of a mediocre chapter, the writing didn't turn out as well as I hoped it would, so I just hope it doesn't disappoint! Thank you for your continued support, I truly appreciate it, and I apologize for this being two days later than promised. School has been kicking my ass lately; all of my teachers want work handed in before Christmas Break so everyone is like high-key stressed at the moment, myself included. Writing this story is such a great escape, and you lovely people make me look forward to update days, even though they are late at times! At any rate, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, I certainly enjoyed writing it! I've mentioned this before, but please feel free to PM me if you have any questions/just feel like chatting, I love communicating with you guys!
You guys are absolute gold, love you all!
-SleepingStarlight
From Josh:
To Maya:
Hey, we need to talk.
Maya sighed as she reached in her closet for the third time that evening, eyeing her phone in the process. Truthfully, she didn't want to talk, hell they had no reason to talk. It was just a kiss on the cheek, hardly news-worthy. But at the same time, she reasoned, they couldn't just magically move on from friendship to something more. They had to talk it out, and she knew they would be able to. Spending four years playing the Long Game, they had found ways to connect without being in a relationship, a practice which brought them together like nothing else. They didn't reach out very often- in fact they rarely did. But those few conversations from holiday parties or New Years always left her smiling like an idiot, a sentiment she had always hoped he reciprocated.
Unfortunately, that didn't make the difficult conversations any easier. It could be hard at times to maintain distance on an emotional level, but Maya knew if she let him venture too deep, she could never turn back. He was a bit like a drug at times: taken when absolutely necessary, sometimes recreationally, and always coveted. Not to mention highly addictive.
So she tossed her phone onto her bed fitfully and buried her face into a pile of sweaters. Why can things never be simple? she thought miserably, before reaching over and grabbing a sweatshirt from the shelf below. There really wasn't much point in trying to look nice. Not only was it just the Matthews, but she had already embarrassed herself with Josh the night before. It really could only go downhill from there anyways.
"Maya! Come on," Riley called exasperatedly, walking and leaning against the door frame. "It's literally our first time visiting since we moved out, do we have to be late?" Riley, strangely enough, couldn't help but be slightly nervous. Growing up in a successful family, she always felt the need to prove herself and make her parents proud. However, living on her own lead her to encounter a certain dilemma. She had always basked in her parents approval, but now, living without their constant reassurance, she felt a blow to her self confidence that it would take some time to rebuild. She missed home with something palpable and could not wait to go back. "Are you honestly going to wear that?" Riley questioned skeptically, repressing her excitement as she surveyed the blonde's messy state.
"It's just your house Riles," Maya sighed, running a hand through her hair and sweeping it back into a ponytail. "Besides, I'm not entirely sure why you're dressed like you're dining with with the Queen. To each their own, I suppose."
"It's a bit much, isn't it?" Riley asked hesitantly, suddenly second guessing her dress and heels. She may have gotten a bit wrapped up in impressing her parents.
"Here," Maya called, tossing her an identical sweatshirt and a pair of sneakers, "I can't guarantee these'll make you look normal again, but they would definitely look cute."
"Yeah, I guess," Riley said dispassionately while reaching for a pair of leggings. With the impending winter, fall had become rather chilly at nights and in hindsight, the dress may not have been the best idea.
"You know I said to bring an umbrella," Maya stormed, cursing that she didn't grab her hoodie instead. The rain fell on them ceaselessly and Maya could feel the water squelching between her toes, causing her to grimace with every step towards Josh's apartment.
"Embrace it, Peaches!" Riley said ecstatically, lifting her face to the elements and smiling as they hit her face. She reached instinctively for Maya's hand, and pulled away- causing Maya to twirl semi-gracefully.
"We are not dancing, Riles!" Maya groaned, "I swear you've been possessed by a ten year old hippie Topanga." It truly did happen every once in awhile. "This is not cool, I just want to go dry off somewhere."
"I know you do, but where's the fun in that," Riley asked testily as she turned to her best friend with a grin, only to be met with a resolute frown. "Okay. Compromise. How about we skip there?" She asked, knowing without doubt that it was Maya's secret, favourite mode of transportation.
Maya looked up at her, a smile spreading over her face, "Deal".
And if anyone questioned why two university students were skipping through the park and down the sidewalks, they didn't say anything. They obviously just didn't understand.
"Riles, let's just wait down here. We don't want to invade his apartment!" Maya begged, not wanting to bust in uninvited.
"Maya." Riley sighed, growing slightly impatient, "It's raining outside. We are soaked. I know his apartment number. Someone left the lobby door open for us. He was going to meet us down here in five minutes anyways. So I don't know about you, but I'm not waiting out here any longer!"
"But-"
"No. It was just a kiss on the cheek," Riley groaned, reaching for the door handle and pulling it open, "I think you can handle saying hello five minutes earlier than you planned to. You'll live," before walking into the lobby and forcing Maya to follow.
"Why do you hate me, Riles?" Maya sighed as she planted her feet firmly on the elevator floor, leaning against the rail surrounding its perimeter.
"Not funny Maya," Riley quipped while digging out her phone and texting her parents. The elevator dinged, and Riley reached for Maya's hand without looking, peeling her frame off the elevator wall and dragging her down the hallway. "Perfect, 32 B," Riley said, happy that she didn't have to roam the entire floor to find her uncle's stupid apartment. She knocked carefully, clasping Maya's hand tightly when she began to attempt to pull away.
The door opened quickly, revealing an unfamiliar face struggling to put on a pair of earrings. Her short red hair hung in loose halos around her face and the smile that spread over her face was one of the most genuine that Riley had seen. She was gorgeous. Maya stood slightly confused and was about to ask Riley whether she had the wrong apartment number before the redheaded individual across from her spoke.
"Hey! You're here for Josh right?" She asked brightly, opening the door further to let them walk in.
"Yeahhhh," Riley said, confusion muddling her features. Maya remained stock still, beginning to fear her own suspicions.
"You're his niece, Riley, right? I think he showed me a picture of you before." she queried, her eyes switching to Maya and smiling as recognition crossed over her face, "And I'm guessing you're Maya, right?" Her blond locks and heart-shaped face were still entirely recognizable from the old family photos Josh had shown her when they were down in Philly.
"Um, yeah," Maya said somewhat timidly, "that's me."
"Oh my god, you're both sopping," The redhead realized as she looked more carefully at the two girls. "Here I'll grab Josh and a few towels for you to dry off."
"It's okay," Riley interjected, she had been the first to overcome from their initial confusion. "We're about to head back out anyways, so there's not really much point."
"Are you sure?" she asked, concerned.
"Yeah, it's no big deal," Riley reassured with a smile. The initial shock had worn off to a degree and she was beginning to warm slightly towards the stranger.
"Okay, if you're sure," she responded hesitantly, "I'll just go grab Josh, be right back."
As her back disappeared into what Maya assumed to be the bathroom, Riley turned carefully to Maya, knowing how her best friend sometimes jumped to conclusions. "I'm sure it's fine," she said softly, muffling her voice as she heard footsteps returning.
"Hey, niche!" Josh called half-heartedly, keeping his eyes mostly on Maya. He could see slight panic in her features, it was subtle, but still apparent under close inspection. "Ready to do some math?" he asked, hoping to keep his voice neutral.
"Maybe when I dry off," Riley replied with a grin.
"Why the hell didn't you pack an umbrella?" he questioned incredulously as he reached for his raincoat in the closet.
"It wasn't raining when we left," Riley responded defensively.
"That's true Josh," the redhead called from the other room as Josh rolled his eyes with a slight laugh. "It only started raining five minutes ago."
"I was in the shower, Alina, you know that," he responded while laughing.
"Like hell I do," she called back in a joking tone. "If you took any longer I would be late for my interview."
Maya glanced nervously towards Riley, apprehension dawning on her features as she began to understand the situation before her.
"You'd better get going, Matthews!" Alina called as she walked out of the bathroom and grabbed Josh's hand, pulling him in for a quick peck on the cheek, before rushing to look for her shoes. "You don't want to be late for dinner again, Core's going to flip out if you do."
"Maybe that's why I'm late," Josh teased, searching for a big enough umbrella to cover the three of them on the walk.
"Ugh, whatever," Alina joked, turning around to grin at him sweetly. "Just get going you lazy ass."
Josh reached for her hand again, slightly tense and highly aware of his audience, yet leaning forward to place a chaste peck on the redhead anyways. "Your interview will be amazing," he said carefully, "You're going to kill it."
"We'll see," Alina smiled and pulled away, playfully shoving him towards the door. "Now go have fun with your family, I'll see you when you get home."
"Deal," Josh said, holding the door open for his niece and Maya, who trailed out with shock muddling her features.
"Bye girls!" Alina called as she returned to rushing around the apartment and preparing for her interview within the hour.
The door closed, and immediately Riley turned to her uncle, giving him a hard shove away from her. "You know what that's for," she said coldly, before grasping Maya's elbow and pulling her down the hallway, very aware of the turmoil in Maya's thoughts at the moment.
Josh trailed behind them, words trailing off his lips as he attempted to form them. Someday wasn't that day, but that never meant he had wanted to hurt her. He and Alina had been together for well over a year, and no matter what strange heart palpitations he had around Maya, he would not give up where he was in his life now. He was happy, he was in love, and surely he could sort everything out with Maya- communicating had always been one of their strengths. But seeing the hurt look in her eyes when she glanced back briefly, he knew why he had waited so long to tell her. He was a coward, and he never was able to stand hurting her. Yet he had done exactly that by not laying all of his cards on the table. His greatest fear was that he was no longer trustworthy, because fuck it, he knew she would never be as open with him again. Maya either hated or adored people; there was not much middle ground. And to his extreme sadness, he knew what side of the partition he was on now.
Maya sat on the couch at the Matthews, flipping through channels while simultaneously attempting to rid her mind of the thoughts that reverberated endlessly. She could hear Cory and Topanga arguing in the kitchen about parsley and laughed quietly. They loved each other so much, but they were never able to get over their differing opinions on the specific herb. She often joked with Riley that had it been any other couple, it likely would have been cause for divorce based on how adamantly they stood by their preferences. What a pair, Maya thought as a small smile spread over her face. They made everything seem possible.
"Buddy, you got it!" Josh laughed from across the room as Auggie began to finally understand the logic behind Pythagorean Theorem. Maya couldn't help but detest Josh as she listened to how easily he carried himself despite very recently stomping on her heart. She was bitter to say the least, and rightfully so. However, her distaste vanished as she heard Auggie's joyful laugh; that kid could always put a grin on her face. She reflected aimlessly while watching the television screen in front of her, being home felt right. Even the tall brunette across the room couldn't make her feel any differently, because in all honesty, Maya knew that this was how things were supposed to be.
She was so consumed in her thought process that she missed the light footsteps crossing the room towards her. "MAYA!" Auggie yelled in her ear joyfully, "I GOT IT!"
"Good job, kid!" Maya responded without shifting her eyes from the screen, knowing that if Auggie had walked over, he likely had as well. "Maybe now you can teach me, Aug."
"Woah, wait," Auggie began, his eyes bugging, "You don't know how to do this?! You're like 18!"
"Yeah, okay," Maya sighed dramatically, "cue the dumb blonde jokes, I can take it. But tell me this," she paused, turning and looking at Auggie with a challenging glare, "can you explain the significance of Van Gogh's Starry Night Over the Rhônde?"
"Well," Auggie started hesitantly, "you did tell me a little bit about it, so maybe yeah." Riley began to giggle from the corner where she had been hiding with her book, as Maya got up slowly and circled the perimeter of the couch before setting herself in front of Auggie, shooting him death glares while attempting to ignore the other Matthews flanking his right side.
"Are you implying that you're smarter than me, kid?" She asked menacingly, watching the young boy flinch before responding with careful articulation.
"Well-"
"Ookay, let's avoid that disaster," Josh intervened, shoving Auggie behind him and turning to face her growl. "We need to talk," he stated, internally trembling at the mixture of threat and pain that was apparent in her features.
"No." She snarled, attempting to turn away from him. "We don't."
"Yes. We do." Josh said simply as he reached for her hand and pulled her back before leaning forwards and throwing her over his shoulder, despite her protests. "You can't avoid this Maya," he said quietly, smiling as he considered his next words. "Bay window, bay window right now."
Riley observed the scene from afar, highly amused. She knew from personal experience that Maya hated to be man-handled, but those two really did need to talk. And better yet, it likely wouldn't grow destructive due to the nature of their time restraint. Dinner was almost ready after all, and she was more than happy to loan out her bay window in the meantime. She was still furious with Josh, but she couldn't help but hope that it would be put to good use.
"What do you want, Josh?" Maya groaned as she sat on Riley's bed exasperatedly. She really didn't need this right now.
"Maya, you know we have to talk," he replied while walking over to sit on the bay window, figuring that she likely needed some space at the moment.
"About what?" She threw back at him viciously. She was tired, upset, and emotionally drained, and this was not helping anything.
"Maya, you know what." Josh responded while rubbing his forehead in frustration. They had always been able to talk, so he couldn't understand why she felt the need to dance around the topic. Unless, he hurt her that much. And as tragic as that was, it was entirely possible.
"Oh really?" She asked sarcastically. "I do now, do I? Hmmm, I wonder what could possibly be bothering me?". She paused, catching her breath before continuing ragefully, "Maybe it was the slap in the face when I walked into your apartment? Or-or, maybe it was our flirting? Oh, no, I think I got it this time: maybe it was my kiss? Or maybe it's because I TRUSTED you, and you didn't give a fuck! Who the hell do you think you are Josh?!" She yelled at him, releasing all of the emotions she had collected throughout the evening.
"Maya, I'm sorry. I never meant to lead you on," Josh pleaded with a forlorn look in his eyes. He knew a version of this would happen, yet that didn't stop his guilt from increasing tenfold when he looked into her pained blue eyes.
"You never meant to lead me on? So what was that thing you told me, all those years ago? I can't seem to recall it." She stated, shredding him into slivers with her mocking tone. "It was something about being together in the end, I think. Something about a long game, Josh! Do you even know what that means?!"
Josh looked at her carefully, watching as she paced the room while ringing her hands- unable to contain her agitation and a few tears beginning to gather in the corners of her eyes. Of course he knew what that had meant; he had suggested their deal after all. But it was unfair to expect life to diligently follow the route they had intended it to.
"Yeah, I do." He responded quietly, not daring to say anything else.
Maya stopped pacing and sat on the bed again, looking at her shoes and allowing her hair to form a curtain around her face.
"When did you meet her?" She asked, unable to keep the pain from lacing into her tone.
"Second year," he answered diligently, his heart racing guiltily. It sounded significantly worse when he said it aloud.
"How long have you been together?" Maya asked, cringing internally as she heard his answer.
"A year and a half," he replied, avoiding the glare she shot him.
"What the fuck?" Maya questioned incredulously, "Why haven't I heard about this before?"
"Well, we didn't really see each other that often, so it never really came up. Cory and Topanga knew, I was surprised they didn't tell Riley."
Maya sighed knowingly, slightly annoyed with her best friend's parents. "They wanted to protect me. They knew it would tear me up."
Josh remained silent, feeling a twitch in his hand. He had never wanted to hurt her like this.
"Do you love her?" Maya asked with a small voice, terrified of his answer as she tucked her hair behind her ear and met his gaze hesitantly, loving and hating how his eyes softened as they met hers.
Josh gulped nervously, but never broke eye contact with her as he blushed and smiled slightly, "Yeah," he admitted quietly, "I do."
Maya looked at him with the intention to smile, but she couldn't force herself to. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. She could feel her heart racing in her chest and closed her eyes as she felt another tear attempt to squeeze out. "I have to go," she stated calmly, despite the raging emotions causing turmoil inside. She just couldn't look at him at the moment, it was like reopening a wound. So she wordlessly grabbed her things and stalked out of the room, not pausing to listen as he called her to stop, if only for a minute.
It was late, but she couldn't find it in herself to care. She walked quickly to the subway station and ran into her apartment when she saw it in sight, promptly lying on her back and looking at the glowing stars on her ceiling. Why did this have to hurt so much, she questioned pointlessly. She lifted her arm and began to trace constellations aimlessly- a habit from her childhood. It never got old and she never lost her love for it. She couldn't help but question how if something as irrelevant as that was indispensable, what made her relationship with Josh so easily the opposite? Was their progress simply a figment of her imagination?
She turned onto her side and looked at her alarm clock, remembering with a smile when Riley had given it to her. She had been consistently late to pick her up before school, and Riley (with a type of exasperation atypical to her usual personality) had gone out and bought the loudest alarm clock she could find, snuck into Maya's room, and installed it, gluing a box over the outlet so Maya could never unplug it. Of course, they had had to rip it off before they moved, but Riley did not hesitate to reinstall it in their dorm, despite warnings from the heads of doing anything which may permanently damage the room.
The soft yellow glow was soothing, and Maya stared at it until she began to feel her eyelids drooping. Within ten minutes, she heard the door to her room open and felt a pajama clad Riley climb into her bed and curl her arm around Maya's side. The alarm light seemed to be flickering, and Maya couldn't help but compare it to a candle before she finally closed her eyes- tempted for the escape only sleep could offer her at the moment.
She woke up the next morning and felt a sense of calm wash over her. She smiled, grateful for the warm, brunette-haired bundle curled into her side, and turned to check her phone, only to see a single text from Josh on her homescreen.
From Josh:
To Maya:
I'm sorry, I understand if you need space.
Maya sighed and closed her eyes, attempting to come to terms with events from the night before. It wouldn't happen immediately; she had experienced enough disappointment in her life to know that deep cuts took time to heal, and even longer if they were not cared for. So she turned to her screen, mustered her strength, and typed what was likely the most concise and painful text that she had ever sent.
From Maya:
To Josh:
I'm happy for you.
She watched as he began typing immediately, surprised that he was hanging on to her every word so carefully.
From Josh:
To Maya:
I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I didn't want you to find out this way.
Maya hesitated as she read his text. It was a bit of an understated apology. He could write it in the sky and she would still be livid. So she replied as graciously as she could in the circumstances, attempting not to jostle a still sleeping Riley.
From Maya:
To Josh:
Just promise you'll tell me if this ever happens again. This hurt more than it should/could have.
From Josh:
To Maya:
I promise. Maybe we should have planned this whole someday thing a bit better :/
Maya groaned, letting her head hit the pillows again as she tossed her phone to the foot of her bed. She was incredibly fed up, because, in all honesty, they probably should have.
Brief Author's Note: Please don't hate me, eeep! It may not seem like it, but Alina's character is absolutely crucial, and I'm like low-key in love with her myself. She's honestly just an amazing person. We'll learn more about her and Josh in the next chapter. So, until the next update!