(Mal)
Discomfort ricocheted through Mal's body for several reasons as she exited the dorm building into the slightly chilled afternoon air, and she wasn't entirely sure which one constricted her chest the most; the memories of the morning that now rested only a short way into the past, the idea that she had been summoned to the castle, or the tanned boy who walked beside her. A part buried inside her threatening to rise told her that it was the first one.
Having never experienced what the people she was now with called 'a holiday', she hadn't entirely been expecting the bright and beautiful face of Evie as she was gently coaxed from sleep, the warmth of the girl's body hovering over her being the only reason she hadn't woken with a startled cry due to the haunting memories that had been plaguing her unconscious mind; the memories that always plagued her during the night. And she definitely hadn't been expecting to see presents stacked into four neat piles. She had counted again and again, trying to remember how many people Evie had mentioned coming for Christmas morning, but quickly found out that only Carlos and Jay were to keep them company. Carlos had told her Evie had bought her several presents, but she hadn't entirely believed him, unsure of how anyone – especially Evie – could care about her enough to include her in the festivities, and as she had stared at the surprisingly sizable pile she realized that the blue-haired beauty hadn't been the only one to get her something.
By the time she had gotten a message asking her to stop by the castle at some point during the day she still hadn't completely registered the amount of presents she had received, or deciphered the presence of adoration she had glimpsed in both Evie's and Carlos' eyes whenever she had met their gazes. She hadn't been nearly as surprised as she felt she probably should have been when Evie had immediately offered to accompany her. She had denied her quickly, only for Jay to follow her out of the room with the intention to escort her to the castle, and given the fact that this was the first time she had really been alone with the boy she had immediately tensed as they descended the stairs to the lobby.
Now they journeyed side-by-side as they made their way to the towering castle that housed the royal family. Mal's teeth still ground together at the thought of one person holding such unwavering power over united kingdoms, especially a seventeen-year old boy, but she bit back her distaste for the idea since Ben had never given her a reason to fear him. Still, she couldn't stop the images of being controlled, chained, and tortured by the power wielded by a single man from flashing across her eyelids every time she blinked.
Her discomfort only grew as the guards by the castle doors watched them closely as they approached, not missing the thin layer of distrust coating their judging eyes. Before, Mal would have snapped at them, or possibly even hit them, but now she merely averted her gaze to the ground where her feet landed on the ground as she came to a stop.
"Ben sent a note saying he wanted to see Mal," Jay spoke before she could even wonder if there was something official she had to say.
Their gazes slid over Mal again, and she found herself surprised when she couldn't feel the heat of their eyes, having grown accustomed to penetrating stares due to how much time she spent with Evie, the girl having watched even when she had spent her days trying to successfully ignore her; a mission that had clearly been impossible given how determined the girl seemed to be. She thought; maybe it's only Evie. It wouldn't surprise her, the blue-haired girl having an impeccable skill in seeing straight into her and understanding everything she never dared whisper into the air. She didn't know if she enjoyed it, or feared it.
Finally, the guards opened the door for them, and she glanced up at Jay, the boy gesturing for her to enter first. So she did, avoiding eye-contact with the guards as she stepped into the castle, remembering that the last time she had been inside this enormous building she had been drug in at the orders of a furious middle-aged man; Ben's father. Jay repeated his announcement to the next guard, and the armored man grumbled as he led them down a hallway and to an overly spacious room, the capacity of it causing Mal to inhale sharply before her gaze landed on the tall, sandy-haired boy sitting at the large table in the middle of the room.
"Your Majesty, the girl has arrived."
Every head turned to the doorway, and only one smile greeted her as recognition settled into the royal family's features, though a second – more hesitant – one arrived shortly after as Ben's mother tried her best to appear welcoming. Mal figured she had caused the woman enough trouble to make the sight of her unsettling, and a sharp spike in her head reminded her that she was used to being viewed with disappointment and disgust. Shaking the pain from her mind she watched as Ben grabbed something from the seat beside him, standing to make his way over to where she and Jay stood, still waiting by the door their escort had closed as he slipped from the room.
"It's good to see you again, Mal," Ben greeted, his smile never fading as he came to a stop only a foot away from her. He tampered gently with the package in his hands before holding it out to her, using his other hand to scratch the back of his neck as he chuckled awkwardly. "I got you this. I mean, it's not much, but I hope you like it."
Mal's throat constricted at his words, her green eyes dropping to the delicately wrapped package in his hands, hesitant to accept it. "I… you didn't…"
"I know," Ben interrupted, seeming just as nervous as her, if not more. "I just… I saw it and thought of you, so I got it. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas," Mal breathed out, the words foreign on her tongue as she finally reached forward to clasp the present in her hands.
"Go on, open it," Ben's smile grew wide once again, his hazel eyes glinting with hope.
Having not believed that she'd gotten even a single present in the first place, possessing another one felt utterly strange to her, the packaging smooth under her dry fingertips as she slid them over the surface in search of the easiest way to pry it open. Part of her mind screamed at her not to accept the present, that she didn't deserve a single one, let alone the pile she had woken to this morning, but she defied herself by swiftly tearing the tape sealing the package before her mind could talk her out of doing so. Jay looked curiously over her shoulder as she slid the book out of the wrapping, its purple cover completely blank except for the word that stretched across the top; SKETCH. Eyebrows knitting together she brushed her fingertips over the indented word, wondering why Ben would give her a sketchbook.
Mal slowly lifted her gaze to hazel eyes. "I don't know…"
"Don't say anything," Ben interrupted, clearly reading what she had been about to say. He brought his hands together behind his back and cleared his throat with a light chuckle. "I've seen you admiring the art that's displayed in the hallways. And when I was last visiting you I saw the journal you keep on your bedside table, it was propped open and there were several sketches littering the pages. You're incredibly talented, Mal, and I thought you might enjoy having a book just for sketching."
For the first time in her life, Mal found herself utterly dumbfounded. She had no idea what to say to Ben, how to thank him. The boy never ceased to surprise her with just how much he listened to her, how much he noticed simply from the things she surrounded herself with. Her heart screeched a warning that Ben had seen her spell-book, but everything else inside her told her she didn't care, that he was worth trusting. The idea sickened her, coiling her stomach over repeatedly with the thought that she could ever trust a King, the overflowing power he held in his hand screaming at her to despise him though he had never done anything to her that suggested he took advantage of that power. And it was only now that she realized Ben would never strive to control her, never chain and torture her in the way she had been so many times. It was a power he didn't wield, one that he possibly didn't even want.
With that realization, she didn't think twice when she stepped forward and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, burying her face against his shoulder and inhaling the pleasant scent of him. It was incredibly different than the only other scent she had allowed herself to bask in, and though her chest craved for the sweetness of Evie she found that she didn't mind the smell currently radiating onto her and settling in. Strong arms slid around her body shortly after she had thrown herself into the tall boy, and she quickly found herself not wanting to let go, the comfort from Ben's embrace warming her entire body as a word she'd heard spoken millions of times flashed through her mind. Friendship. This was what it felt like, and she decided that she could definitely get used to the feeling.
"Thank you," Mal said as she stepped away from the boy, her arms falling back to her sides, the sketchbook now clasped tightly between her fingers and palm.
"It was my pleasure," Ben replied, smile brighter than she had ever seen it. "I hope you'll let me see what you draw in it someday."
Mal nodded, dropping her gaze to the book bound in purple. You should have gotten him something. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, ridding that sentence of its accusation by telling herself that she couldn't have known he had planned on getting her something.
"I should get back to my family," Ben spoke again, glancing over his shoulder briefly. "I'll come see you later?"
Once again – for lack of any words – Mal merely nodded.
"Okay, I'll see you later," Ben reached out to gently squeeze her shoulder. "Merry Christmas, Mal."
When Ben finally turned to leave he offered Jay a wave, and Mal shifted so she was facing the shorter, tanned boy who was lowering his arm from returning the gesture. Dark-brown eyes lowered to meet light-green, and a thick eyebrow arched as Jay asked her a silent question; you ready to head back? Nodding, she followed Jay out of the large room and kept her pace behind him as they exited the castle, the excessively clean and organized decorations still unsettling to her.
Once they were outside, however, Jay slowed his stride until they were walking side-by-side, seemingly growing uncomfortable with the idea of leading her. Neither of them spoke; Mal too caught up in her thoughts, and Jay seeming to recognize and understand that. The silence was only broken when they approached the school on their way back to the dorms.
"Hey, I need to grab something from my locker real quick. Is that cool?"
Slightly confused as to why he felt he needed to ask permission, Mal answered his question with another. "Do you want me to wait for you?"
"If you want," Jay shrugged nonchalantly. "You don't have to, though."
Nodding her understanding, Mal came to a stop as Jay turned to make the short journey to the school, disappearing around the corner to another set of outdoor lockers.
Her gaze slid over the building and a small sigh brushed passed her lips as she studied the school's shield, the beast symbol in the middle of the crest seemingly taunting her. Even before she had broken down and been withdrawn from the school she hadn't really attended, only showing up to classes to keep a close eye on Evie. She hadn't learned a single thing – she hadn't cared to – had never even glanced at one sheet of paper handed to her before tossing it to the side and forgetting about it completely. She hadn't regretted it either, not until today. Now, when she looked at the stone building her chest tightened with mixed emotions. She wanted to actually attend, she wanted to learn, she wanted another chance.
Eyelids fell over tired eyes as another heavy breath escaped cracked lips, Mal's head beginning to hurt with the knowledge that she couldn't catch up no matter how hard she tried to. She hadn't had even a month of schooling; let alone the years she would need to be at the proper level. If someone asked her to solve a mathematical problem, she wouldn't be able to do it; if someone asked her to recall history, she wouldn't be able to do it; if someone even so much as asked her to write, she wouldn't be able to do it. Sure, she knew how to speak and read, but she wouldn't know how to even begin shaping those letters herself, let alone spell the more challenging words. Not only had she grown up with a woman who didn't care for her in the slightest, but she had spent the rest of her time in an agency that found little need for written words; it was a wonder she even knew how to read. There's no way, she shook her head, keeping her eyes shut in attempt to shut out the thoughts of education. There's not even any point in trying, she realized as she remembered why she was in Auradon.
Someday, she would be gone, and she would probably never return; she couldn't. She knew that Head would never allow her to return to Auradon and live out a normal life, he'd rather kill her than let her slip through his fingers. No; she would still have to steal the necklace and hand it over to Head, and as she thought about how long she had already been here she realized she would have to do it soon if she wanted to avoid his wrath. In fact, the agents from other agencies had seemingly stopped lunging for the necklace, which meant they believed she already had possession of it; it meant they were planning their attacks on Head at this very moment, thinking he would be the owner of it before the week came to an end, or that he already was. She needed to act now, and the idea of stealing from Evie – or even having to kill her – and disappearing from this life forever twisted her chest more than she would have ever thought it would.
Her eyes still closed and her attention soaked up by her mind, she didn't hear the approaching footsteps, the threat whispered in the force behind every step, and she only opened her eyes with enough time to shift her body so that the blur connected with her forearm instead of her head. The unforgiving force behind the blow would have easily killed her, but instead she felt the sharp pain of a bone snapping coat her entire arm as her knees collided with the soft grass. Before she could think about how to respond, thick calloused fingers gripped her throat and crushed her windpipe as she was lifted briefly from the ground only to be slammed harshly into it a second later. She couldn't breathe, and black coated her vision as she reached up to grab hold of the wrist attached to the hand holding her, prepared to use any amount of magic necessary. But she stopped abruptly when a realization hit her, and it was enough to have her hand falling back to the ground limply as her breathing came raggedly through her nose.
"This is the bitch that killed so many of our brothers?" The man holding her spat, his teeth bared at her as if he wanted to rip out her throat. "She's pathetic."
She's pathetic. Those words rang louder in her mind than anything else they said, and their voices quickly vanished as she was torn from reality. Weak. Useless. Hopeless. Forgotten. Unloved. Being caught off guard hadn't stopped her from winning fights before, and she could easily win this fight as well if she used her magic, but that was just it; she needed her magic in order to win. Weak. Weak. Weak. You couldn't win a fight without your magic even if your life depended on it. Useless. Useless. Useless. Your only value is your magic; you can't even write. Hopeless. Hopeless. Hopeless. You beg for things that will never happen, for love you'll never find. Forgotten. Forgotten. Forgotten. Jay left without you, and he wouldn't even save you if he saw you pinned down like this. Unloved. Unloved. Unloved. Nobody would care if you died.
And she just took the abuse, both mental and physical, waiting for the moment everything would finally turn to black. She thought of Evie, her chest constricting as the girl's beautiful face covered the back of her eyelids, and as she glanced at the purple book lying on the ground a few feet away from her, wondering what it would feel like to stain the pages with ink, she slowed her breathing, the pain from the fingers gripping her throat causing her eyes to water.
She could fight, she could easily win if she summoned her magic to burn the men to crisps, but she didn't. However, it wasn't only because her mind shouted at her again and again that she didn't deserve to continue living, in fact, that hadn't been a considered factor in her decision to lose at all. The decision had been made based solely on the fact that she didn't want to go through with her mission; she didn't want to give Head the satisfaction of possessing the necklace that was meant to caress Evie's flawless skin, and she didn't want to return to her old life, but most of all, she didn't want to take the necklace from the girl that had crawled effortlessly into every part of her. If she went through with it she would be taking everything Evie had told her, everything she'd given her, and drowning it in the bottom of the ocean; she would be stating that she couldn't care less about every moment Evie had told her she cared, every moment she had fought to get to her side; she would be shutting down everything Evie believed about her and proving everything she had once believed about herself; she would be disappointing Evie in a way worse than she had her mother.
And she couldn't stand the idea of disappointing the girl that now ran through her veins, feeding her heart with energy and desire, the girl who made her want to discover herself, the girl who made her want to open to a world that had only repeatedly beaten her down.
If she died here, right now, she wouldn't have to go through with the mission given to her, she wouldn't have to kill Evie and take her necklace back to the man who was using her for his own personal gain. Evie would be left without protection, but Mal knew enough about the girl's friends to know that they wouldn't allow anyone to hurt her; Evie had Jay and Carlos, Lonnie and Ben, Doug and Chad, she didn't need Mal too. Mal wouldn't mind dying knowing that she would finally be free, that she would finally be liberated from Head, liberated from herself, and she would gladly die knowing that she would never have to harm Evie.
However, the darkness never washed over her, and she was led from her personal world by the feeling of the fingers around her neck being torn from her skin, the air rushing back into her lungs dragging her the rest of the way into reality. Gasping, she glanced around in search of the agent, only to find the man wrestling with Jay, the tanned teenager holding his ground despite being a noticeable amount smaller than the brutish man he fought. He saved me. She couldn't believe it. Jay had thrown himself into the agent in order to get him off her, in order to keep her from dying. Jay saved me. He rescued me. He cares.
Her mind went reeling at the last two words.
Weak; every fight she had won since arriving flashed through her mind. Not weak, but a fighter. Useless; Ben's words when he had given her the sketchbook. Not useless, but talented. Hopeless; the progress she had been told she'd made. Not hopeless, but recovering. Forgotten; Jay throwing himself into danger for her. Not forgotten, but rescued. Unloved; every word, every look, every touch she had been given from both Evie and Carlos. Not unloved, but wanted.
It was only now that she realized she wanted to live, that she wanted to give everything she had received and more to those who had changed her life. Evie had fought to be allowed by her side; Mal would give everything to earn her place in the Princess' life. Carlos had taught her about caring and friendship; Mal would be the best friend she could for him. Ben had made her realize what she wanted mattered; Mal would show him how much he mattered to her. Jay had showed her that people deserve protection; Mal would protect him with every ounce of fight she had in her.
And it was for the stubborn girl who fought to show her that she's truly worth something; it was for the boy who had cared enough to stay; it was for the King who refused to chain and control her; it was for the enemy turned friend that fought for her; it was for all those she cared about that she fought, it was for them that she lived.