Disclaimer: I do not own VOCALOID and the Song used! They all belong to their respected owners!

Please listen to this on you tube to enjoy the story better:

Sad Lullaby - Flower of Sorrows-

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(Just delete the parentheses and exchange them with what they really mean)

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Different Kinds of Love and Reasons

~RIN~

"Look at you! You look like a drowned rat." Meiko embraced me tightly when I came back with Len to the inn. Len took his seat on one of the chairs, his face contorting in pain whenever he moved. Gakupo began calling for the doctor while Meiko got me some clothes to change in after I took my bath.

Now what made me worried was that Rei was nowhere to be found.

"Hm? He went with Len to look for you. Didn't you see him?" Meiko replied when I asked her where Rei was. Len gave me the same answer when I asked him and this made me worry. Did he get lost when he and Len split up to look for me? Just when I was about to dash to the door to look for him, the inn's door opened and in came Rei, drenched in sweat and his face masked in an expression I couldn't read.

"Where have you been Rei! You had me worried sick." I scolded him, my worry getting the best of me. Rei didn't flinch but rather he looked at me with a frightening smile on his face.

"I'm glad you at least worried about me Rin." His smile started to falter and before I knew it, his eyes fluttered shut and he collapsed on the floor.

"Rei!?" I ran to his side and felt his temperature. He was feverish and his skin started turning pale, the colour draining from his face. I then helped him up and along with Meiko took him to his room.

"It seems he has developed a cold, he should at least get a few days rest to recover." The doctor said after examining him and prescribing some medicine. After packing, he then turned to Gakupo and Len and followed them to have Len's injury checked.

"This is my entire fault…" I blamed myself while watching Rei's sleeping figure. That's right, if I hadn't gotten lost then he and Len wouldn't be in this situation. If I wasn't always such a klutz then they wouldn't always be getting hurt for me.

"Rei wouldn't want you to worry so try and cheer up Rin." Meiko tried to assure me, I returned the assurance with a nod but deep down I knew that she was only trying to cheer me up. How can I say that everything's alright when two important people to me are hurt because of what I had done.

"I'll go get some tea Rin, a tea can always calm the nerves." Meiko suggested and left to fetch us some refreshments.

"Neh~ Rei…I'm sorry for putting you in this state. If I wasn't always getting myself into a mess then maybe you wouldn't be suffering." I said aloud, hoping Rei heard me. As if hearing my prayers, Rei's eyes fluttered opened, his honey-coloured eyes looking at me.

"Oh thank goodness you're awake Rei!" I hovered to his side, checking to see if he was all right. Rei looked at me for a long time and then before I could react, he grabbed me by the arm and pulled down next to him, our faces inches apart from each other.

"Rei?" I asked worriedly when I saw that he wasn't talking. His eyes looked unfocused when he looked at me but his grip on me was still strong. With a light chuckle, he moved his face near me, his forehead resting on mine. I could feel his fever and my eyebrows creased with worry.

"Stay here for a while longer Rin. While I still have the chance to be next to you- please stay by my side." He whispered to my ear, his breath tickling it. I could feel the colour rise and my cheeks turning pink.

"Rei, I think the fever is getting the best of you. Let me get you some water." I suggested and was about to get up when Rei pulled me down again and this time restrained me in a tight embrace. I could feel his hands on my hair and when he pulled me back; his lips claimed mine, his kiss so powerful- hungry as if seeking something.

My heart made a tap dance and my stomach felt like it was doing summersaults. I tried to pull away but Rei was too strong for me. He quickly got up and lay on top of me, his hands restraining mine. Rei looked like he was possessed or something…his eyes looked so scary it had me paralyzed. There was no softness in it…

He had completely become a different person.

"Are you scared? Sorry about that but…I'm so tired right now, not because of the cold but of the fact that no matter what I do you'll never look at me as more than a friend. Didn't you already learn enough that brother would never love you? I'm here and yet-," He stopped midway and kissed me again. I fought again, panic rising. Why is Rei doing this? I don't understand…

"Let her go!" The door to Rei's room burst open and Len came in and pried Rei off me.

"Len!" I felt Len's hand on mine and he pulled me up behind him. Rei got up from the floor and turned to look at both Len and I. His eyes grew wide and he sighed before slumping to the ground.

"Please leave…" He muttered. I was about to reason out with him but Len stopped me and pulled me out of the room.

"Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" Len asked me and I shook my head.

"But he looked conflicted Len…I just don't get it."

"He's right about one thing Rin." He muttered and then winced. It was then realization had struck me that he was still hurt and I hovered to him but he brushed me aside.

"Is it just me or…I have to go Rin. Stay away from Rei until he cools down a bit." He quickly changed what he was about to say and walked a bit farther away from me.

"And you?" I asked, worried why he was acting all distant now. His blue eyes turn to me and I felt as if there was conflicting emotions building up in it before he hid it behind a mask.

"It would be best if you stay away from me until I sort this one out." Was all he said and quickly entered his room and locked the door. Stay away? I don't get it, stay away from him until he sorted it out. Sorted out what?

"Sorted what Len!? Why can't I come to see you?" I run to the door and began banging on it, hoping he'd open it and tell me why.

Sadly, it felt like I was only deluding myself again with hope.

~LEN~

It didn't take a while before Rin stopped knocking and I heard her footsteps recede off into the distance.

There it is again, that constricting feeling whenever I hurt her. I don't understand these emotions anymore. When I came to visit Rei and saw him straddling Rin on the bed, I knew that saving her was the right thing to do because I knew she didn't want it but the second emotion…the anger that was building up inside of me when I saw them like that- I didn't understand it.

"I look so pathetic right now don't I?" I say to myself and plop myself on the bed. Lately I've been having this feeling of not wanting to leave, Miku would've been worried by now because I hadn't been back for a while. With that in mind, I'd usually hop on the first ship to her but right now that wasn't the case. There are times that when it rains I feel happy because I know I can't leave yet…why don't I want to leave?

What's making me want to stay?

"It's Rin isn't it?" I wonder to myself and sigh. Are these emotions tied to that as well? Didn't I tell her already that I didn't love her and that she had to find someone else better than me.

"You're falling for her aren't you?" I quickly get up and I see Rei, leaning by the windowsill, his face pale and his eyes hazy.

"Shouldn't you be in bed? Your fever won't go away if you keep on moving." I watch him as he walks up to a chair and sits on it while resting his feet on the desk.

"You didn't answer my question nii-sama."

"I doubt I need to answer it since you clearly know the answer."

"Should my answer be 'Of course no, since you have Miku' or 'Yes, you do love Rin.'?" Rei's eyes turned hard and he got up and paced back and forth in front of me. I watched as he turned to me and lifted me by the collar.

"Why? Of all people, she had to fall for you! I want to believe that you have no romantic feelings towards her but every day when I see you look at her…I know for a fact that I'm only fooling myself!" He angrily said between gritted teeth.

"Rei, I think the fever's getting to you." I only said and he pushes me back but I make no attempt to counter him.

Because deep down, I know that what he's telling me is all the truth.

"It makes me wonder if you're only using Miku as a scapegoat to free yourself from the guilt that you fell for Rin when it was too late. You think you can force to love someone else but it's not that simple." He continued talking and I only sit there to listen, I can't argue because what he's saying is the truth and it's only going to eat me up if I try to pretend that it was some awful joke.

"If I told you that you were right Rei, would you stop me?" I ask him and I saw his face darken.

"I wish I could but…it would mean hurting her and I didn't want that." He whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear and then he turned to me with a pained expression before walking out to the window and into his room.

He left me there with those words hanging in the air. To think that he was that self-sacrificing…when I, on the other hand, have always done whatever I could to get what I want, without giving any notice to those who I would harm because of it. If I chose Rin, it'd mean abandoning Miku- the one who I first loved…But then if I chose Miku, it would be giving up whatever I had for Rin right now …

Would I be able to save her by not loving her though?

*Knock* *Knock*

A knock from my door snaps me from my thoughts and I get up to open it, there before me was a tray of food and next to it a card that had Rin's handwriting on it. I then look to the left and I see that she too had left something for Rei but it seems that he didn't open his door to get it. I pick up the tray with one hand, trying to hide the pain from my back, and closed the door behind me. I then open the card and read the contents of it.

You and Rei didn't come down to eat…if it was my fault then I apologize for it. Meiko insisted that you two needed rest but I wanted to at least try to help you both. I know I might've caused a lot of problems but you're both brothers right? Please don't fight any more than this.

I hope you both get better soon…

-Rin

I frown at the card and close it. Was she blaming herself that Rei and I were fighting? Though I admit that she was involved, we didn't even put it to mind that she was the one who caused our little argument. Even Rei would agree if he read this. Why would she say that it was her fault? The urge to talk to her was strong but I did my best to fight it. If I walked out right now, without sorting my feelings, then it'd only confuse us more. I didn't want giving her any more false hopes or promises because of my recklessness. I love her but…

If I showed it or even said it, then I'd only be putting fuel to a fire I know I can never stop.

~RIN~

I wonder if they both read the card?

It was a last minute decision. I know that they'd never let me in so this was the only plan I could think of. I took a peek and saw Len take the tray and close his door, at least he heard me. I looked at Rei's door and noticed that he had refused to open it even after I knocked on it many times. I knew he didn't want me around him for now and Len had strictly told me not to talk to him until he cooled down but it worried me that he was somewhat different than a while ago. The incident a while ago was proof of that.

He said he loved me, yes I admit it was surprising, seeing as I never saw him as more than a friend. So it pained me to see him in such a state. I could never return his love and he knew that, that's why he was doing all his best to hold back and allow us to only be friends. But after Len found me in the woods…he sort of changed when he got back. His eyes back then looked so sad when he looked down on me when he toppled me on the bed. He knew what he was doing was wrong but…I could see that he just couldn't help it anymore.

"Didn't you already learn enough that brother would never love you? I'm here and yet-," His last words struck me like an arrow. I know that Len could never love me… if Miku and I were both about to fall off a cliff; no doubt he's save her first because he loved her. Rei knew of my pain, that's why he offered himself, because he loved me. Loved me to the point I could see the agony in his eyes whenever I looked away from him for even a second.

I loved them both so much but my love for both is different. Even if I repeated this to the both of them countless of time, both would always give me the answer I didn't want to hear. Nevertheless, I had to hear it, because it was the painful truth that no matter what I did, even if I were to die here right now, Len would never love me and Rei would but I would always continue to hurt him.

That much I know was how cruel life was.

I snapped back to reality when I saw Rei's door open. I watched him put his coat on and walk past the tray of food on the floor. He walked towards the window at the end of the hall and jumped out of it. I ran towards the window and I saw him gracefully land on the ground before walking off. At this hour, I wonder what he was up to? I wasted no time pondering for the answer and ran down the steps to follow him. Knowing Rei, he was bound to do something reckless again.

"Rin where are you going?" Meiko noticed me putting on my white coat. I made up an excuse of buying something and ran outside quickly before I could hear a protest. It didn't take a while before I saw his figure, walking through the cul-de-sacs of the town.

"Re-," I was about to shout when I felt a hand cover my mouth. I struggled to pry free but the grip only got tighter. I watched Rei make a turn before the figure let me go. I ran as fast as I could after Rei but the figure behind me took me by the hand and embraced me tightly, my back facing the figure.

"I'm sorry…" I heard the voice say before I felt something hard hitting me and I lost consciousness.

SORRY! I know I'm the one who made you all wait and I doubt that a simple sorry is going to be enough for that. Asking for your forgiveness is not enough to make me realize how I SUCK so bad at updates. And yet, even if I am so bad at it, you all still forgave me by continuing to support the story! Thank you so much for the reviews and likes guys!

-xXGemini14Xx-