'lo folks. Thanks again for your kind and insightful comments.

This one is tagged to the season 5 episode "Reckoner".

Happy reading =)

"I mean, when the world comes for your children, with the knives out, it's your job to stand in the way." – Joe Hill, Horns

I stare ahead as my mind tries to come to grips with the last couple of days. It hadn't been a personal case – not for me, at least – and yet it's left me wondering and thinking about my own life. But these cases always seem to do that to each of us in one way or another.

Rossi is no doubt remembering an old friend or two, and a life he'd thought he had long left behind. Hotch is focused on Jack and the distance this job has brought to their relationship. Morgan is still wondering about Hotch, and if he's ready to be back in the thick of it all. Me? I'm trying to shrug off the feeling of the judge's blood as it splattered onto my face and neck. Emily seems to be surprisingly unconcerned – but then again, I'm fairly certain the woman wouldn't flinch if you held a gun to her head. Her skills with compartmentalization continue to impress me, and I still wonder how someone coming off a desk job could be so accomplished at it. Just what had happened in her life to make her so good at it?

I'm startled out of my thoughts when I realize Emily's put down a mug of tea in front of me. I offer a half-hearted smile as she pats my knee – her own version of making sure I know she's here. I slip my hands from under the blanket and bring the tea to my face, inhaling the comforting scent before sipping at it. I glance sideways and find Emily reading a thick novel of some kind – the same one from last week. She must feel my eyes because she looks up from the page and gives a small smile.

"What's up?" she asks softly.

I shake my head. "Nothing," I reply. "Just thinkin'."

"What about?" she asks, putting down her book and picking up her own mug before turning slightly in her set to face me.

"You," I answer honestly.

Her eyes widen in surprise. "Me?"

I nod. "I was just thinking about how nothing ever seems to get to you."

She shrugs. "I compartmentalize."

"Yeah, but we see some pretty terrible stuff."

"All the more reason to lock it away," she explains. "I know it's incredibly difficult with this job and its hours, but they say it's important to keep work at work," she finishes with a cheeky grin.

"Of course, but don't you find the stuff we see sticks with you?" I reply, ignoring her efforts at lightening the conversation. "It's some of the worst that humanity has to offer…and you just shove it into boxes and forget about it?"

"Something like that, I suppose."

"How?" I ask. It's a skill I think would be very beneficial to learn.

She shrugs again. "I don't think I'm the right person to be asking that."

"Why not?" I ask, a frown forming on my face. "You give Hotch a run for his money when it comes to keeping emotions in check."

She sighs. "You ever read Harry Potter?"

"I saw the movies," I answer slowly.

"Ugh, the books are so much better," she says as she looks to the heavens, clearly unimpressed.

"So not the point right now," I counter.

"Still," she insists. I shoot her a look. "Fine," she relents. "Did you see Order of the Phoenix?"

"Which one is that?"

"The fifth one."

"Uh, I think so."

"You remember how Snape tried to teach Harry Occlumency?"

I struggle to remember the detail she's noting…and then it hits me. "Trying to block his mind from Voldemort, yeah?"

She nods. "Yeah. Remember how poor a teacher Snape was?"

"Uh-huh," I say slowly, not really seeing where she's going with this.

"I'm Snape here…can't teach it to save my life."

I arch an eyebrow at her. "You really needed to reference Harry Potter to explain that you couldn't teach me how to compartmentalize?"

She grins and chuckles. "When will you people learn? I'm a nerd!"

"I call bullshit," I counter. "I've seen your closet, and there is no way a nerd has that many stylish shoes."

She laughs. "All right, I'm a stylish nerd then."

I narrow my eyes at her dramatically, but ultimately let out a light laugh. "I never did like Snape."

"Why not?"

"He was creepy."

"He was mysterious," she corrects.

"He killed Dumbledore!"

"Because he asked him to! Snape was the biggest part of the story! He was such a hero…it's not easy deceiving people, particularly powerful ones."

"Speaking from experience there, Em?" I say, noting the particular way in which she said it.

It takes her less than a second to reply. "You saw what happened in Colorado."

"That had absolutely nothing to do with how convincing you and Reid were. For all we know if that idiot hadn't leaked to the press, you two would've gotten out without any bumps or bruises."

"Maybe."

"You do a lot of undercover work on your desk job before this?" I ask doubtfully. She'd gone undercover with us a time or two, but she'd always seemed very comfortable with the practice…maybe she hadn't ridden a desk the whole time before she joined the BAU.

"No, I got to be a regular agent every now and again, and there were a few cases that required it," she explains.

"Oh. Where did you work before this anyway?"

"You've read my personnel file," she points out quickly, and I shoot her a guilty expression. "Between you and Garcia I don't think I'll ever be able to have any secrets," she says with a laugh.

"Probably not," I say, joining in with her laughter.

We fall into silence after that, each of us sipping at our tea.

"Does it ever get to you?" I ask finally.

She sips at her tea again, taking a moment to collect her thoughts before she speaks. "You remember a few years back, not long before Gideon left actually, there was that case on the mountains with those two brothers who hunted people?"

I frown as I try to pluck the memory from my mind. Finally it surfaces. "Yeah."

"The woman we saved, she asked me how the brothers could do that."

"What did you tell her?"

"That we don't think like they do, but I realized that we do think like they do. And I wondered what that made us. I still wonder that."

"You have to get in their heads – it's your job."

"I know," she says, her voice soft. "But it's a bit strange how much faith people put into us when we actually think like the monsters we're supposed to be chasing."

"Maybe, but I think they see the same thing that Garcia and I do."

"What's that?"

"That you're heroes, not monsters."

"Don't sell yourself short, Jayje," she says. "You're one of us. You may not have the piece of paper that says you're a profiler, but you're going into those situations with us, and you do a lot of profiling too. You're a hero as much as the rest of us."

"I guess."

"Hey, how's Henry?" she asks suddenly, probably in an effort to shift the conversation to a lighter topic for my own sake.

I smile as I think of my little boy. "Oh, he's good. Missing his Aunt Emily though. It's been too long since you visited, you should come over and have coffee sometime."

She smiles. "Next weekend we aren't on a case, I'll stop by and spend some time with the little man."

"Good."

"What's sticking with you, Jayje?" she asks softly after a moment.

"I'm just..." I trail off, trying to figure out how to phrase it. "Hotch has lost everything because of this job. Rossi's watched his colleagues and friends burn out."

She doesn't respond to my disjointed and unfinished thoughts, but her brows furrow as she shoots me a look of concern and silent support all wrapped into one.

"I think about Henry, and my role as his mother, and I wonder whether this job is worth it in the long run."

She tilts her head, but stays quiet. She's always had a knack for knowing when people have more to say.

"I know I wouldn't be able to sit behind a desk and do nothing, knowing these people are out there in the same world as my friends, and my family. But I can't help but wonder how long I'll be able to stay in this job and still be a good mother to Henry."

"You're worried about losing your humanity?"

"A bit, I guess."

"I think there's something incredibly noble about what you and Hotch do."

"You say noble, Will says stupid."

She frowns. "Stupid? He actually says that?"

"Well, no," I concede. "But he gets frustrated by the job and how much it takes me away from Henry."

"I happen to think it makes you an amazing mother."

"You do?"

"You're actively making the world a safer place for your child."

"But there are long periods of time that I'm away from him."

"True, but who said you had to be there with him every single moment of every single day? He'll know that you love him, and that you'll be there for him when he needs you. You have to remember that you matter too, Jayje. In order to be a good mother, you need to do things for you too."

"I still feel guilty that I'm missing so much…"

"Look at Jack and how much he loves Hotch – and that man has spent more time at the office than all of us put together."

"And look what Foyet's done to him and his family because of the job."

"It's horrible, I know, but it's just in Hotch to chase these guys and make sure they can't hurt his son, or anyone else's son. He can't just turn that off, even for his son. And I think maybe you're a bit like that – you can't just turn off what you've done for all these years."

"But-"

"You're making a difference, Jayje, in a more significant way than most people can say, and I think that it's something that's incredibly difficult to just walk away from."

Emily gives my knee another pat and then turns back to her novel and opens it back up, her eyes focusing on the page once more.

I stay quiet as I consider her words. I could've gone into public relations at any number of corporations and still have been successful, but the Bureau just feels like I'm making an impact for the better on the world. And it makes the long hours and horrible images worth it. I think it's something I knew all along, and just needed someone to tell me.

So...did you enjoy the parallels with Harry Potter? Did Emily's explanation make any sense? Like the hints to Emily's past? Sympathize with JJ for her worries? Let me know!