Disclaimer: I DO NOT I repeat DO NOT own anything!

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

Before All Could be Said

~LEN~

After the party I resigned myself to my room and refused any visitors to come.

Could Meiko be right and I did indeed fall for Rin? Could fate be any crueler to me and Rin? No doubt I can no longer look at Rin right in the eye and force her to give up on me. I paced in my room and flopped to the bed as I stared at the ceiling.

The marriage… if I backed out no doubt it'd hurt Miku but if I didn't… No! I rose from my bed and closed my eyes. No backing out now, this is my decision and I made it final to Rin. I won't drag her any lower just when she's beginning to move on.

"Oh… Rin, I'm so sorry." I muttered to myself as I leaned by the desk that overlooked the festive city. I could hear laughter and shrieks of people having fun, the sky decorated by the bright lights of the fireworks. Even if the town looked happy… I could not even smile for it.

"Len, it's me Rin." A soft tap came from my door and I turned to find Rin standing by the doorway, her eyes regarding me with worry.

"How did you get in here? I could have sworn I locked the door."

"Well you didn't lock it so here I am."

"I said I wanted to be left alone and that includes you in the list of people not allowed here for now."

"If there is something troubling you Len, you might as well tell me." She said and I shook my head. How could I ever tell her that the trouble lay at the thought of ever telling her these feelings?

"You needn't bother yourself with me Rin. Just enjoy the festival."

"Needn't bother? We've known each other for so long Len. You should know by now that I'm not just going to leave you sulking here while I have fun." Rin huffed and grabbed me by the hand taking me by surprise.

"Let go! Where on earth are you taking me?" I retorted as Rin pulled me outside of the inn. This time it was Rin who had the iron grip. Her iron grip made it impossible for me to escape as she half-dragged me towards the beach where I saw people gathering.

"Oh would you stop struggling and look."

"I told you Rin I-," I stopped midway when a flash of light shot up from the sky. I turned and saw a splash of colored light paint the night sky. I felt Rin come closer and turned to see her smiling at the fireworks.

"Aren't they just beautiful, Len."

"Like Fire flowers in the night sky." I could only reply and smile as well at the spectacle before us. Had it been different then maybe this moment would have been more memorable for us. Sadly, I can feel nothing but a painful sensation within me as I watch the fireworks with Rin.

After all, this scene for us is nothing more but a fleeting emotion of what could have been.

~RIN~

Regardless of the throbbing headache I had, it made me glad to finally see him smile.

I didn't know what was wrong with him but ever since the festival began, Len had been more distant and upset with almost everyone in the inn. He'd do his job and smile for the guest but there was this sense of sadness in his eyes whenever he'd look away. Did he miss Miku, I wonder? I guess it goes to show that compared to Mistress, this was all I could to make him smile. It was so easy to make him smile then… I'd just put up a silly face and he'd be laughing in seconds but right now, not even that looked like it was enough to make him smile, let alone laugh.

"I guess it's time for us to go now, Rin." Len finally said the fireworks died down and people began to walk away. I stared at the sky and closed my eyes while nodding. With the end of the festival came as well the end of our trip. Tomorrow, all of us would be sailing back to Claridan and in a few months the wedding will begin. The knot in my chest as that day came made me wince in pain. Truly, no matter what they said, I still loved him.

"Rin? Is there something wrong?" Len asked me worriedly. I refused to look at him so that he wouldn't read my eyes. Len always could read me like an open book after all. I gave him the most genuine smile I could manage to assure him I was alright regardless of the knot in my chest and headache I was having. He didn't have to worry that much about me. He should be worrying how Miku was faring right now and not some girl like me.

"If you say so… but thank you for asking me out to see the sky. It's been such a long time since we watched the sky again."

"But even now Gemini is nowhere to be found." I could only say to remind him of our future. Len remained silent to my sudden reply. Either he didn't understand what I meant or he was afraid to say anything to ruin this moment, I didn't know. I no longer knew him after all…

"It's still there, just hidden by the clouds." He finally answered, still looking up at the sky as if he was looking for any sign of it.

"Why bother to search for it? If it wants to be found then it will be found…" I added bitterly while massaging my throbbing head and saw him frown at the sky before turning to me. There it is again, the way he talked as if he wanted me to think there was even a shred of hope for me. That's why I keep hoping sometimes, because he always made it look like there was one.

'Or maybe it's all because of me misinterpreting his mixed signals.' I thought to myself and then shook my head and scoffed at the idea. It's not the mixed signals nor the misinterpretation. It was all because of some stupid feeling called hope. I had always been told I was too optimistic for my own good and true enough they were right… I should have realized that not everything could go your way and that there are times you'd just have to accept it and give up.

"I'm sorry…"

"Stop apologizing! I'm sick and tired of hearing it… just, just stay silent. That's all I'm asking." I answered angrily and then softened, my voice already getting tired of the repetitive arguments Len and I are always having. Even if it's just these short moments, all I want is to spend this silence with him to make me feel like the confessions and the mistakes never happened. That everything was back to the time before all the drama. So that even if my life were to be short, then at least this would be part of those times I'd never want to forget.

"Rin, I-,"

"Len!" I turned and saw a blur of blue cut off whatever Len was going to say to me with a tackle. There I saw Miku on top off Len hugging him as tight as she could. I controlled every nerve in my body to walk away and forced a smile as I greeted the Mistress.

"Len, you meanie! How could you neglect to write to me for almost three days?" Miku pouted and I saw the look of surprise on Len's face as if he wasn't expecting Miku to be here.

"Ah, Rin. There you are. Miku and I have been looking all over the inn for you guys." I turned and I saw Rei walking towards us just as Len and Miku got up from the ground.

"What are you doing here, Miku? I thought you were going to ready the orchestra for the wedding?" Len asked and once again Miku huffed like a little girl.

"Is it wrong to see you? I missed you so I came to visit the town."

"I bumped into her when I went to the town to buy some flowers with Meiko. Really, nii-sama, she was so worried when you stopped writing to her." Rei narrated and I saw Len's eyes soften making me flinch. That knot in my chest stayed there making me have to turn around so I couldn't see more. I felt a hand on mine and I looked to see Rei looking at me worriedly. Guilt and pain enveloped me and I shrugged his hand off making him flinch.

"Excuse me." I only say as I walk away to avoid the ripping sensation in my heart. I've never felt so pathetic in my life. I'm chasing after a taken person and then giving mixed signals to his own brother. I promised Rei I would be his reason but all I'm doing is hurting him… the same way Len's done to me all because of my selfishness. Everyone around me is getting hurt all because I tried to play the victim when I'm not… I'm a cruel person, that's what I am.

I hate myself so much…

I locked the door behind me and collapsed to the ground, tears streaming down my face at the thought of all of this… I should never have confessed to Len that day and I never should accepted Rei's confession. I always thought it was only right to be selfish for once, because I never had the chance to have what I wanted… but I was wrong, this is all wrong. I overstepped my boundaries and now everything is crumbling down too fast.

"If maybe, I just died then no one would be hurting." I only mumble to myself and cried until there was no more tears to shed and fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up and groggily got up, leaning my body by the door as I scanned my room and walked to my bed. I could hear the sound of Miku's cheery voice from downstairs and the occasional laughter of each and every one of them. I didn't have the stomach to have breakfast, nor did I feel like going down to greet everyone. I'd only just dampen their mood with my bedraggled appearance. After all, today was a day of celebration because the inn won the Fantasy Fest. Just as promised, Gakupo and Luka finally reciprocated their feelings for each other and now they were officially an item. The look on his face that time was so happy, I didn't want to be the cause of making it sad for him today.

"Rin?" A soft tap followed by Meiko's voice made me open my eyes. I stared at the door contemplating whether or not I'd open it. I didn't want her to worry but knowing Meiko, the mere fact I didn't answer her was enough to make her worry.

"I still want to sleep." I lied lamely.

"It's half past eight. You're usually the early bird among us, Rin. Please just let me in." Meiko pleaded and I sighed.

"What happened to you? Are you sick?" Meiko asked me worriedly when I finally let her in the room. I wasn't surprised with her reaction, I looked like a mess so it was only normal if she worried. I could only manage a slight shake of the head as I sat next to her by the bed.

"Is it Len?" The moment his name left her lips I shook my head quickly and curl up into a ball.

"It's not Len, nor Rei or anyone. The fault lies in me." I tried to control myself from crying again as I rocked back and forth on the bed. Meiko looked at me confusingly but nevertheless she just sat next to me, patting me gently by the back until I broke down again.

"I've been so stupid, Meiko. All this time I kept on thinking that it was only right to be selfish… even if it was only for a short time. It only seemed fair since all I ever did was give but now I know I was wrong! Now look what happened, I've made Len so confused and I'm starting to lead Rei the wrong path… Now both brothers are fighting all because of something stupid that I had done." I wailed and I felt Meiko's gentle embrace around me, her soft voice cooing me like a mother would to a crying child. Having been raised in an orphanage, I never really found a mother figure I could look up to. Maybe this was what it felt like to be caressed and be loved by a mother.

"We make mistakes, it's what makes us human. Isn't that why we do our very best to fix them?"

"But even if you did mend it… it won't be the same. The scars are still there and there's no way to fix that!" I cried softly and Meiko only hugged me tighter, trying her best to calm me down.

"Scars are what makes us human too. I believe Len and Rei would never hate you. If they did then why are they still here? It just goes to show how selfless their love is. You've been selfless about your feelings too, remember? You just got a little lost but that's why we're here, Rin. So you can find your way back to us… You're never alone, okay?" Meiko assured me as my cries faded into soft sobs and hiccups.

Never alone? I guess I was so blinded by feelings and rejections I lost sight of those around me. Meiko and the others were there just next to my heart and yet I didn't look around to see them. They too have been selfless in love it made me feel guilty about not returning it back. I looked back to Meiko, my eyes still moist but nevertheless, hugged her back.

"I'm sorry and… thank you for everything." I felt her hand on my head and saw her smile back.

"You needn't apologize, Rin. Just the mere fact you are happy assures me you're alright. It isn't like you after all to always cry and frown."

"I-I guess." I managed to say as I wiped the remaining tears in my eyes.

"Meiko…"

"Hm?"

"I've decided that maybe… it's best I-," I tried to say until the entire room spun before me. I could feel the headache from last night coming back as I collapsed to the bed, Meiko's frantic calls for help reverberating through the room.

I heard several footsteps follow before I was soon engulfed in darkness.

I'm back!

Sorry for the loooong break but I came here to finally finish what I started. I don't want this story to end like my Kingdom Hearts BBS fic (which I deleted, sorry for that) so I want to finish this up with a bang. Sorry for the inconsistencies, I admit my writing is rather terrible when the stories I write start to become long. I hope you'll forgive me for making you wait for such a short chapter, barely even five pages long :( but as I said, I want to finish what I started… so yeah.

Please don't forget to R&R just to let me know what you think :)

-xXGemini14Xx-