Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! If I did then Rin and Len would be a couple and there'd be an anime of Vocaloid!

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

The Truth of What I Feel

~REI~

The sound of Meiko's call for help made us scramble to the source of her voice.

It was early in the morning and we were just busy preparing for breakfast when Meiko worriedly asked us where Rin was. Truthfully, it pained me just to hear her name. I didn't know what happened between her and brother but for some odd reason, that night, she looked at me so guiltily I couldn't fathom what had caused it. I tried talking to brother but Miku's completely glued to him that I didn't want her getting involved in this.

"I find it odd how she's late at waking up." Meiko worriedly said but they all assured her that she might just be tired from last night.

"Well, I go check up on her then." She just said and walked upstairs to Rin's room. I followed her retreating figure before looking back to the table, that worried feeling still lingering. I stared at brother and watched him busily eating with Miku. The moment our eyes met, he quickly looked away as if he too had something to hide.

Why are people so dear to me hiding something from me?

That was what continued to plague my thoughts before we heard Meiko's shrill cry for help. We all ran for the stairs, me being the first to slam the door to Rin's room open. I felt every color drain from my face when I saw Meiko trying to shake Rin to wake up. Brother was next to her in minutes, reading Rin's pulse to see if she was alright. I felt Miku leave my side as she followed Gakupo to quickly call for a doctor.

"…ei! Rei!" I snapped from the mental shock I was having when I heard brother calling for me, telling me to help him get Rin into a carriage. I quickly rushed to Rin's left and grabbed her by the waist as we both hefted her up.

*Cough*

Rin coughed violently, her body doubling over with her left hand on her mouth. Blood oozed from her hands and I saw Meiko and brother turn pale. I wasted no time and lifted Rin, letting the adrenaline energize me, as I quickly made my way downstairs and to the carriage that was now waiting for us.

"Oh, dear! Rin!" Miku panicked as I lifted Rin into the carriage. Regardless of her protest, Miku had to stay with Gakupo since brother didn't want her to worry too much if the results came out. So it was Meiko, brother and I who brought Rin to the doctor. I could still feel my heart hammering from both fright and worry as I saw Rin leaning by my shoulder, her forehead perspiring as she did her best to breathe while coughing terribly. What on earth happened to her? She looked so healthy and well that I didn't think that she was this sick.

Could she have been hiding this pain all along?

"Did you know brother?" I knew it was wrong to accuse brother but if he had known then he should've at least told us about it. Brother shook his head before saying he never even knew she was hiding something as alarming as this.

"But how could you not have known? You've been with her longer, you should have at least noticed!?"

"I didn't know about this, Rei. But it upsets me that I didn't, as hypocrite as it is to you since it came out from my own mouth, believe me when I say that if I had known then I would never have put her in harm's way. All those pains I put her in… If I could turn back time then I'd rewind it back those days and stop myself for having done it."

"Ha, it is funny coming from you. Why only realize it now when she's near death's door? If you really cared then all those time's she needed you, you should have been there for her not me! That's all I ever saw in her eyes… now I know why she was guilty that time. Because she was afraid of turning into you, the one who she loved so much but could never have! She didn't want me to end up like her… and yet I…I…" I clenched my hands into fists as I controlled the urge to hit him. And yet even in all of this I loved her so. I could never hate her even when she looked at me and all I saw in those eyes of hers was not me but my brother.

"I-I…" I could hear my brother fumble for the words to say but I knew he could never say it. He could never let his heart dictate his mind after all. Even if his heart screamed for what it wanted, the guilt of his wrong choice always clouded his mind. That's what I was seeing right now, even if he already had Miku, his heart still yearned for someone else.

"Stop fighting! All we have to do is focus and help Rin. It doesn't matter now who hid what. All we need is get her to medical help." Meiko shouted, her voice trembling so much as she looked at Rin. For the short time Rin stayed with them, it surprised me that Meiko had actually grown a maternal instinct on her. I didn't retort any further and instead did my best keep Rin from shivering violently, her flushed cheeks full of life now turning paler by the minute.

"I-It's all my f-fault…" She tried to say, her voice hoarse and barely audible. Brother and I stared at her in confusion, was she dreaming?

"R-Rin?" I asked worriedly while shaking her gently. She didn't react to my worried shaking as but only continued to mumble about having done the wrong thing and the like. What on earth could she be dreaming? Enough to blame herself for something…

"We've arrived…" I heard the coachman say and that was our cue to quickly jump out of the carriage and help her to the medical ward. Several people already noticed our arrival and were quick to carry Rin to a bed and roll her into the emergency room. Meiko followed suit, stating that she was Rin's guardian and followed the doctor. Seeing as brother and I weren't in any way her relatives, we stayed outside, pacing back and forth as time wore on.

Please… I prayed, hoping that somehow God could hear me from the heavens.

Let her be safe…

~LEN~

When the doctor came out, I thought that it was all over and everything would be fine.

It didn't matter if Rin hated me, if Rei could never forgive me, if Miku was angry at me… Actually, I didn't care anymore if the whole world wished me dead. If it meant that she would live through that ordeal then that alone would make me happy. But as always, I knew that was impossible.

"I'm sorry but we did all we could…" The doctor shook his head sadly when he told us the news. Meiko only sobbed at news, Rei's face was completely unreadable and I… I just stood there without a word coming out from my mouth.

Tuberculosis…I didn't think she hid something so big from us this whole time. The doctor found it shocking that she made it this far… being an incurable and deadly disease, not much people lived long enough. When we asked him if there was any way to prolong her life, he could only shake his head and when he stated how long she would live, I felt as if the whole world just stopped. My hands shook violently as I felt hot tears drip down my face.

Three months… that was all the time she had left before she-

"You can't be serious!? You're doctors! You're supposed to assure us not give us any more bad news." Rei argued. My expression hidden, I lifted my arm to stop Rei from doing any more and apologized to the doctor as we excused ourselves. I didn't want him to make it any worse for all of us.

"What are you doing!? I thought you cared? So wh-," Rei was about to shout but stopped. Did I look that obvious? I could feel my hands shaking uncontrollably from both shock and fear. More tears streamed my face as I inwardly cursed at all of this. I said I didn't want to make it worse, I wanted to start over. Even if we couldn't be what Rin wanted, I wanted to at least be her friend again, after all the wrong things I've done to her… it was all I could do. How is it that just when we've finally tried to make it work out, all of it suddenly comes crumbling down in the harshest way possible!?

"Curse it all!" I slammed my left fist to the wall as I rubbed the tears away. Why couldn't it have just been me? I'm the bad one here, the one who caused her all the pain so why? Why did it have to be her and not me? I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned to see Rei, he didn't look worried but there was that understanding between us. That we had to be strong, for her sake we had to.

"We promised her. To protect her and be by her side." Rei said and I felt as if the world stopped spinning from what he had just said.

-Flashback-

"If it was never your intention for making me love you then those promises back then mean nothing after all." She replied.

"Promise?" I asked and watched Rin flinch and clench her fist tightly.

"No matter what I swear I will protect you and stay by your side!" She suddenly cried taking me by surprise. How did she know of my promise with Miku?

"How did you know that?" I asked and in turn received a slap, shocking me even more.

"How could you forget Len!? Are you really that dense or maybe you're right and I'm starting to become demented."

"You made that promise to me long ago first. I was first not Miku, how could you be so forgetful! Maybe that's all I am to you after all a forgotten memory." She snapped back and pushed me aside trying to move the table out of the way.

-Seven years ago-

"Len stop it!" She tried to stop us. It was my usual visit to the orphanage with Father but this was one of those days. Those days where Rin was always bullied by the kids because of her connection to us.

"Really Rin? You're so weak, relying on the rich to protect you." Yukio taunted as he lifted me by the collar and tossed me aside like a rag doll. No matter how much I picked a fight with them, I could never be strong enough to protect her. It was so frustrating to be so weak to even protect those important me.

"Yukio stop it! You promised you wouldn't hurt him." Rin begged as she tried to grab him by the arm to avoid him from hitting me.

"Step aside Rin or I'll hit you first." Yukio shouted trying to shake her off. I tried to muster a weak plea for her to step aside and let Yukio hit me. If it meant protecting her then it was fine if I was the one hurting in her place

"Hit me all you want! I won't let you hurt Len again." She shouted angrily.

"Fine then, you asked for it!" Yukio slammed her to the wall and started hitting her.

"Rin!" I shouted as I grabbed a nearby chair and hit him with it. Yukio fell to the ground with a thud. He wasn't hurt, just unconscious. I stared at Rin's frightened figure and limped to her before taking my seat beside her.

"You know Rin you should leave this orphanage… You're always getting bullied it makes me angry." I said as I stared at the unconscious body of Yukio. That's right, if she just left then none of this would be happening.

"I have nowhere else to go Len…Besides; I'm used to him hitting me." She admitted wiping the blood trickling down her head. I frowned at her bleeding forehead and took out my handkerchief and wrapped it around her head.

"Sorry for not being able to protect you Rin- Sorry for being so weak and watch you suffer." I apologized again and again and felt her hands on my head and I saw her smiling.

"You don't have to be sorry Len- like I said; I'll protect you no matter what." She grinned. I returned the smile but looked away and towards the distant clouds. Protect me? I didn't need that, she was the one who needed to be protected from getting hurt… not me.

"I'll change that promise Rin- When I'm old enough… I'll come back and take you away from this dreaded world. I'll take you to a world where no one can hurt you and where you'll always be happy." I mustered the courage and shouted what I felt. She looked at me rather surprised but smiled and nodded.

"No matter what I swear I will protect you and stay by your side!" I added and made a pinkie swear with her

"Forever?" She wondered aloud.

"Forever." I said with a smile

-End-

How could I have forgotten something so important?

How much more did I dig that knife to her heart by saying I never remembered it? I promised her I would be doing the protecting but now… That's not what I'm doing right now. All I'm doing now is hurting her, maybe even ten times worse than what Yukio had been doing to her. How could I… and to think I thought I gave it to Miku first…

"I'm such a cruel person." I muttered to myself. That's right, I'm a terrible person, and I don't deserve her smile, her happiness and even that friendship I thought we could fix. Maybe… maybe if I had been more observant then I would have understoo all of it. Her pain, her anger and even her sickness. I chose Miku over and over again without even noticing that Rin all this time had been waiting because of a promise she thought I could give. I failed her and everyone. Just how much have I hurt those around me because of all the stupid decisions I made in my life?

And now she's suffering and has just three months left to live. I gave her such terrible years all because of that forgotten promise. Was that how shallow our friendship was? Was that how little I cared for her? Clenching my fist tighter, I could almost feel the skin ripping from the nails that dug into it. How little was my love for her?

I don't want to say good-bye to her like this. I want to set things right, I want her to know how much she mattered to me. That she wasn't just a blank face amongst my other friends. She was a canvas full of the most wonderful things that happened in my life. She still mattered to me as an important friend. I could never hate Miku but she could never replace Rin's position as my most important friend.

But why does it feel so wrong just saying it like that?

"Loved her Len. So now you know where your heart lies." Meiko's words echoed in the innermost part of my mind and my eyes went wide.

"L-loved her?" Did I really fall for Rin? Was this what a friend would have felt? This feeling of always wanting to see her, to ask for forgiveness and hope I could make her smile again. To undo all those errors, start from the beginning and be a better person who could protect her. It was the same with Miku but why… why does it feel just right when I think of doing it for Rin? There wasn't this slightest doubt in my heart when I think of it.

Those happy times… Would I have grown to love her had Miku not come? I don't want to push Miku to the edge too and yet, it'd feel so wrong if…

"Heh…" I chuckled sadly to myself. So it's only now that realized it. How much Rin meant to me. Did I rush myself and chose the wrong one? I cared for Miku too but Rin- she…

Or could it be my feelings playing with me again just when Rin's in front of Death right now? Why did I only realize it now? Just when I might lose her… is it right for me to say that just when I lose that important person, I realize what I really feel for them. That my feelings for Rin were more than just the broken friendship I wanted to fix. Could it have been more?

Did I really love her more than just a friend?

"Len!" I spun to see Miku running to my side and enveloping me in a tight embrace.

"Please tell me the doctors are lying!? Rin she- she can't be dying!" She cried as I reluctantly hugged her back.

"It's no lie but…" I said but stopped myself. But my love for you might have been I mentally hit myself and pushed her away. I deserve to suffer not Rin nor Miku. I'm the antagonist of this story and it's only right I suffer for it. I don't want either of them to suffer any more because of me.

"I'm sorry, Miku." I only say as I turn around to walk away. I felt her grab me by the arm and I turn to see her worried and panicked look.

"What on earth is going on, Len!? Why are you apologizing? None of this was your fault!"

"All of this is my fault, Miku! Had I only known, had I not made her think there was hope and now look at me… I'm making you suffer too. I don't deserve either kindness from both of you." I said as I pulled the ring off my finger and handed it to her. That's right, I also don't deserve the happiness Miku's been giving me. That kindness she possesses, someone else deserves it more than me.

And Rin?

I don't have any right… Rei would make her happy but me- I'll only drag her deeper into hell.

"L-Len? What's this all of a sudden!? Why? I don't understand? Why?" Miku sobbed, tightly holding on to me but I shook her harshly off.

"Don't you get it!? It's over, I don't deserve your kindness, and I'm not the person who could make you happy. I could never make anyone happy, all I do is make people suffer. So I've decided… Someone else would make you happy Miku but it can't be me." I only say as I walk away, the sound of Miku collapsing to the ground and crying the last thing I hear as the doors to the hospital close behind me.

I don't deserve their happiness if in exchange I could only make them feel pain.

Ugh, I'm so sorry, when was the last time I updated? November? That makes it two months since the last chapter. College has been nothing but bad news and I swear, if I could change course then I'd gladly take that opportunity! This week has been nothing but exams and it isn't even midterms yet T-T I just want to hang myself but then…who'd update the story?

Luckily, I managed to update this time since I have no classes today. I know it's cruel of me to be doing this to all the cast but then what'd be the point of putting drama if there was no drama? The title is 'Until the Bitter End' so yea… expect nothing but angst throughout this story.

Summer's almost there so… plenty of time to update since my summer classes are just general subjects. Pretty easy so expect updates! Thanks for the views and please R&R to let me know what you feel.

-xXGemini14Xx-