Chapter Fifteen
The elevator reaches the lobby and the doors open to reveal people waiting to enter, who are startled and concerned at the sight of Max sitting inside crying. It forces her to rise and struggle past them, tugging away from their efforts to help her so she can run through the lobby to escape the misery this hotel has wrought. He cell phone rings and rings as she makes her way out into the street, so she removes it from her pocket to see Chloe's name on the screen. Max ignores the call and turns her phone off, then just picks a direction and runs.
Portland was so vibrant and beautiful before, but all the color and life from the place seems to have faded away. Where Max had seen bright paint and blooming spring flowers before, now she sees cracks in the walls and litter on the sidewalks. The harmonious songs of small birds have given way to the incessant cawing of agitated crows. Floral scents of spring blooms seem washed away by the rains overnight, leaving only the odor of car exhaust behind.
Crisp, cool air bites at her flesh as Max runs along the sidewalk, feeling as if the world is wilting and dying along with all her hopes and dreams. She had cheated fate and saved two lives, and it already took a new one in their stead, but is still one short. Ice flows through her veins as she feels the fingers of death on the back of her neck, reaching out to punish her for her theft. She runs through the red hand of crosswalks, ready to be struck down by a passing vehicle at every intersection, but death refuses to end her suffering. Eventually she runs out of streets to cross and finds herself at Tom McCall Waterfront Park, a railing and a river blocking her from running in that direction anymore. She stops to catch her breath as she grips the rail, watching the water slowly flow in front of her.
I'm so stupid. Why would I convince myself that I had a future with Chloe? She's so cool and fun now, and I'm such a dork. Of course she'd rather be with someone like Rachel, even if she is mostly straight. I'm sure Chloe convinced her to stay girlfriends until the end of the school year at least… God, what am I doing here? I was supposed to be in Seattle taking pictures with Kristen and Fernando. I should have just called the Arcadia Bay police and told them what was in the letter. I should have never flown down here. Nobody wants me in Oregon… this whole timeline is fucked! I'm sure my future self will just erase it and try again, so what does any of it matter now?
The wind is harsher in the open channel of air the park and river create, whipping the teen with cold air and biting any exposed skin. After all the running she feels hot and sweaty at her core while the cool air and brisk wind have her face and limbs feeling too cold, the mixture uncomfortable and not helping her to feel better. As soon as Max catches her breath she stuffs her hands into her black hoodie's pockets and turns to walk north.
The people of Portland show their good nature and reach out to the distraught teen, several citizens interrupting their jogging or bicycling to ask if Max is alright or if she needs someone to talk to. She lies and tells each of them she just needs to walk it off and she'll be fine, but the gesture alone is enough to keep her on her feet. When a nice middle-aged lady gives her a hug it almost makes her smile in the moment, though afterward it just makes her miss her parents.
Her walk north eventually leads her to the Bill Naito Legacy Fountain where her eye for art stops her. All the crisscrossing bricks in the plaza and the many water spouts shooting over the stones make for some good pictures, and the young photographer can't help but put her broken heart aside to snap a few shots. After satisfying her creative side she heads to the waterfront to sit on one of the metal benches, staring out across the wide river at the view of the other side.
Max pulls her phone from her pocket as she sits there, turning it back on and seeing all kinds of missed calls and texts from Chloe, but she's not interested in those right now. She goes through her contacts to find her father and looks at the text he sent on Wednesday morning wishing her well and inviting her to call him any time of day if she needs to talk. She finally decides to take him up on that, tapping the call button and holding her phone to her ear.
"Hey there, kiddo." Ryan greets her in a happy tone. "You sure took your time checking in. You know it's been seven days since we last spoke, right?"
"Daddy…" Max immediately feels choked up by her sorrow as all the mishaps of the trip flood her mind at once. "I want to come home."
"Oh no." The first word is telling enough even without the rest, as Max doesn't call her father Daddy anymore unless something is very wrong. "Max, what happened?"
Max struggles with her words, wanting to tell him everything but knowing she has to omit the time travel parts of the story. She talks about her childhood crush on Chloe keeping her from having any steady boyfriends or girlfriends over the years, and how Chloe accidentally admitted she had a childhood crush on Max as well. She tells about the fight between Rachel and Chloe, how she thought everything was over between them, and the beautiful first kisses she shared with Chloe, where she thought everything was beginning for them. Then there was the harsh reality of Chloe not being fully over Rachel yet, and all of Max's plans to make a grand romantic gesture like in the movies to win Chloe over. Lastly, she tells of the spike to the heart, catching Chloe and Rachel in bed again.
"That's… a lot to take in, princess. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. Spring Break is supposed to be a happy vacation to get away from the stresses of life. If I had known this volatile love triangle was waiting for you down there I would have never put you on that plane." He sighs and pauses, feeling responsible for his daughter's pains and searches for a solution. "You have to answer one very important question, Max."
Max blinks a few times and hesitates before responding. "I… I do? What?" She can't help but feel apprehensive, not imagining anything easy is about to be asked of her.
"When you were eight you wanted a pony. Do you remember?" He has a calm and soothing tone as he suddenly shifts topics.
"Um… yeah." Max glances around, wondering how that could possibly be an important question to answer, or even be relevant to this situation.
"But, your mother and I didn't buy one for you." Ryan reminds her. "You had just read some old western book and wanted to be a cowgirl. You wanted a pony, a pistol, and a whole fancy outfit to channel a fiction that had thrilled you. Just like when you were ten and did that school project about the forest, then wanted to become some kind of park ranger or wilderness explorer, and again you wanted all these tools and outfits that would help you with your adventure. And when you were twelve you wanted to become a pirate and sail the high seas with Chloe after you two watched those Pirates of the Caribbean movies. That one stuck for a few years, so we did end up having to buy you some pirate themed things."
"Right, yeah, I remember all of that, dad. What are you trying to say?" Max lets him know how confused she is.
"Well, those were phases. Passing fancies that you wanted that year. But, when you were seven years old and you found my old Polaroid camera, you didn't want to become a photographer… you knew you were going to become a photographer. You've carried that camera everywhere, Max, and I'll bet you have it on you right now. Don't you?"
"Yeah… I do." Max admits.
"Then this is the one very important question you have to answer, Max. What is Chloe to you? Is she a cowgirl, a park ranger, a pirate, just some passing fancy that you want this year? Or… is she photography? Is Chloe a passion that you will carry with you for the rest of your life?"
Max lets the question sink in, all the way to the depths of her heart. She relates her feelings for Chloe with the familiar feelings she's had about that old western, the forest project, those pirate movies, and her cherished photography. When she realizes it she can't help but to start crying again. "She's my photography! I don't want her in my life… I need her in my life!"
"Then fight for her, Max! Vanessa didn't just fall into my lap one day. I had to fight for what I needed in my life. That's how love works. You just have to open up your heart and let everything out. Don't be afraid to get hurt. If you let fear hold you back you're going to miss your shot. Forget about the past, everything that happened before now is done. Forgive her of anything she's done wrong and ask her to do the same for you. Just focus on the future and make sure she knows how much you need her in yours. And you have to tell her before you fly back up here. Tell her face to face, so she can see it in your eyes and feel it in her heart."
Max sniffles and wipes her eyes as she hears her father out, and imagines saying those things to Chloe. "What if… she says no?"
Ryan sighs and takes a moment before responding. "What if she would have said yes? That's what you'll be asking yourself for the rest of your life if you don't try, kiddo. You have to try. There's no other path to take from here. Be brave, believe in yourself, and give it your best shot… that's all anyone can ever ask of you. If it doesn't work out then we'll get through it together when you fly home on Sunday. OK?"
Damn, this is such a difficult position to be in. My dad's right… I have to just pour my heart out and pray that Chloe accepts me. It's going to leave me so vulnerable, and it's going to hurt so much all at once if she rejects me. But if I just give up and run away then it'll hurt a little every day forever.
"OK. I'll do my best." She takes a few breaths, shivering from the cold and all her emotions overwhelming her body. "Thanks, dad. I love you."
"I love you, too, princess. Go win the love of your life." He speaks with such confidence in his daughter that it even bolsters her own opinion of her chances.
As soon as the call concludes Max taps and drags her thumb along her phone's screen to see that Chloe tried to call her eleven times since she left that hotel room. Then she taps into the series of text messages to finally read through them.
"11:08am: Max, please answer your phone!"
"11:09am: Just let me explain, it's not what you think!"
"11:11am: I'm so sorry, give me a chance to tell you what happened."
"11:24am: OK, I see your phone is off, so here goes. Rachel and I were talking about life, cause of what your letter said. We realized it's dumb to stay mad at each other and were forgiving each other and some weird moment happened. It was a mistake… or goodbye sex… I don't fucking know what it was, but we're not getting back together. She's into dudes, remember? Just come back, let's talk about this."
"11:55am: We're still here in the hotel room. We're starting to get really worried about you. At least let us know you're alive. Please, Max. Rachel won't stop crying. She feels so bad."
Max checks the time. It's 12:16pm, so she looks through her phone to find nearby restaurants for a place to eat lunch. She finds Lechon, a South American style restaurant that uses a wood-fired grill, just two blocks south of her, and decides it's the best choice. But, all she wants to give Chloe for now is a text, still thinking over how she's going to handle the conversation.
"12:19pm: Meet me at Lechon in ten minutes. Let's talk over lunch."
Max rises from the bench and slowly walks south, thinking about everything her father told her and everything in Chloe's texts as she makes her way to the restaurant.
Chloe says she isn't getting back together with Rachel. Rachel feels really bad about what she did. I have to tell Chloe face to face that my love for her is real, and prove it's not just some kid crush. But do I have to tell her right now? I have until Sunday… ugh, come on, Max. You have all the pieces you need to come out on top of this. Just figure out what order to put them in. This is the most important puzzle of your life… don't screw it up!