Chapter Sixteen
Guacho, chimichurri, ceviche, chivito, so many words Max doesn't recognize. She has time to look over Lechon's menu since her ten minute timeframe was seemingly too short for Chloe and Rachel to make, the girls arriving in twenty. Max is just inside the door of the restaurant waiting for them, one hand in a hoodie pocket and the other holding that menu while she wonders if she chose a venue that's too exotic. When Chloe enters the restaurant and Rachel comes in right behind her, Max looks up with a blank expression. She keeps all her emotions in check as she watches the other two, wanting to see what mood they brought with them.
Chloe looks so worried as she enters and slowly approaches Max, her right hand fiddling with her bullet necklace as she looks over the girl. The stonewall response doesn't help her nerves, making Chloe swallow hard and gnaw on her lower lip as she considers what her first words will be. It's so uncharacteristic for her, always being so nonchalant and caring little for how her words and actions affect the world and people around her, but she clearly cares now.
Rachel tries to hide behind Chloe as well as her enormous SoCal style sunglasses, clearly ashamed of how her actions hurt Max. It's hard to tell if she's making eye contact behind those sunglasses, but she keeps her face low and shoulders slumped, trying to appear small. Her hands are folded in her lap and thumbs slowly circling each other to show her tension.
"Max…" Chloe breathes the name out, standing a few feet away from the girl stonewalling her. "Are you OK? You look so… emotionless. Do you want a hug?" She opens her arms as she stands there, giving a hopeful expression.
Of course I do! I would love a hug right now. It's been the shittiest morning ever… but I can't. I can't just let you off the hook like that, Chloe. Not this time.
Max presses her lips together tightly and shakes her head as she just stares Chloe down. She musters all her strength and just turns away from those waiting arms to approach the hostess of the restaurant. "My party of three is ready to be seated now, miss."
The woman can feel the tension, and while it definitely makes things awkward, she's a professional and is still able to put on a smile as she grabs three menus and escorts the girls to their seats. They're given a booth tucked against a brick wall with a view of an aquarium in the center of the restaurant. Max slips onto one side and sits right in the center of the booth, letting the other two know to sit across from her without saying anything to them. The suspense just builds and builds as Max keeps her feelings masked until the hostess excuses herself.
Chloe is just a mess, squirming and fidgeting as she watches Max. "Dude, please say something! Even if it's horrible, I just want to hear you speak, Max. Seriously, anything you want to talk about… the letter, David, me and Rachel… me and you?" She throws that last one in there hoping to tug at Max's heart, already knowing the girl loves her.
Max scrunches her face up into a scowl, seeing right through the manipulative tactic and not appreciating the cowardice one bit. She hisses through her teeth, a lot of intensity in her tone but with great effort to keep her volume low. "You fucked Rachel! After you said you two were done, and you said you were going to give me a chance… you said 'I'm all yours'! And while I was out shopping for a belated birthday present for you, you fucked Rachel!"
Chloe sinks back into the booth as her eyes start to glisten with moisture at the realization. "That's why you wanted to borrow my keys? You were… shopping for me? Jesus, Max… I fucked up so bad. I'm so sorry." She pushes forward to rest her hands and elbows on the table. "I never meant to hurt you! It was just that letter, learning how we were gonna die. That's some fucked up shit you dropped on us, Max. It really affected us. Especially Rachel. We were just forgiving each other and deciding to stay friends, just like you wanted, but then there was this moment…" Her eyes go down to the table as her mouth stays open, but she can't find the words fast enough.
Max glances over at Rachel, who has removed her sunglasses but only to dab a tissue under her eyes, crying over the upset she caused between Chloe and Max but staying out of the conversation. "Yeah, a moment where you realized you're still in love with her, Chloe! Just admit it!"
"No…" Chloe shakes her head and pushes her elbows off the table to lean back again, not feeling comfortable sitting in any position. "That's not what I felt when we did it. It felt like goodbye. Spoken by the body, not the mouth. It was… fuck! How do I explain it? Rachel, you might wanna fucking help out with this shit."
"Ah…" Rachel exhales a meek sound, then sniffles and sits up a little straighter as she looks at Max. "You watched our relationship end, Max… when I told Chloe the truth and she hit me. You promised you'd help us to stay friends after this trip is over, but how could we be friends? With that shitty ending hanging over us… it would've torn us apart. What we did this morning… it was all my fault, Max. I initiated it. Hate me all you want, that's fine. But it was just me saying goodbye to our romance the right way, killing that last ending and replacing it with something that would allow us to stay friends. Chloe and I are done now… we ended it the right way. I promise you, Max, I'm not gonna stand between you and Chloe." She jabs her index finger on the table top to emphasize her point.
Max shakes her head and huffs out a frustrated grunt as she glances between the two. "All these promises. How can I trust either of you after what you just did? I'm flying away on Sunday. It would be so easy for you to continue having sex and keeping it from me."
Chloe shakes her head and wipes the backs of her wrists over her eyes to clear the moisture away before it forms tears. "Max… Rachel and I talked it out in the last hour while we were waiting for you to respond. What we had is over. She was with me because she was afraid I would do something awful to myself otherwise, but I'm OK now. She doesn't have to put her natural urges aside to keep me happy anymore. She's back to being my best friend now, which means I'm totally single and we didn't lie to you or betray you on purpose… but I get it if you can't trust me anymore. I'd be hella pissed in your position. I don't know if I'd be able to forgive myself if I were you…"
The waiter approaches the table to greet the girls merrily and asks if they've been to Lechon before. He can see the upset on their faces and feels the tension in the air, but he has to give his first timer speech to them anyway, and tell them about the daily specials. Max wants to get the orders out of the way, so she just blurts out that she wants the Chicken Caesar Wrap. The others scramble to pick something out, Chloe deciding to try their Seafood Farro Bowl, and Rachel orders the Farmers Green Salad, none of them really knowing what to expect from the South American restaurant. Once the waiter excuses himself an awkward silence fills the air as Max stares the other two down.
"Alright…" Max takes a breath as she recalls what her father told her, softening her expression and warming her tone as she tries to make peace. "I didn't call Chloe when I landed in Seattle. I handled the note poorly and got David killed, and I'm so sorry about both of those things. But, you've both said some really hurtful things to me this week. Rachel, your lies really hurt Chloe. Chloe, you actually struck Rachel in the face. And both of you hurt me so badly this morning. So… let's just admit that we're all a bunch of dumb teenagers and we fuck up sometimes. Let's forgive our past mistakes so we can just move on. That's the whole reason I was sent on this trip by my future self, to make a better future, not a worse one! I want to be your friend, Rachel. And I want to try and become your girlfriend, Chloe, if that's possible for us. But I can't do that if we're just going to keep hurting each other like this. It has to stop."
Rachel slides out of the booth and switches over to Max's side. "I'm totally down to start fresh! I'll never hurt you again, I swear. You're such a sweet girl, Max. You've got a friend for life." She leans all over Max's left shoulder and hugs her in the booth.
When Chloe sees a small smile creep into Max's expression she's not about to be shown up or left out. She disappears under the table and crawls up the other end to take Max's right side, surrounding her by hugs and warmth. "I accept the terms of this parley, Captain Calico Max. You drive a hard bargain, but all faults are forgiven."
Max snickers and shakes her head as she's squeezed between the girls hugging her, the physical affection something she desperately needed after the morning she had. "Good to have you back aboard, First Mate Price. Now quit squishing me and go… swab the decks or something."
Chloe hesitates for a few moments as she thinks. "Wait, are you asking me to go down on you under the table?"
"What the f…?" Max goes wide eyed and looks around at the other people in the restaurant. "Chloe! It's midday and we're in public! Behave yourself. Both of you, get back on your side."
Rachel just laughs and slides out of the booth to return to her side. "Chloe, behave? Now that's funny."
"Chill, Max, I was just fucking with you." Chloe disappears under the table and pops back up on the other side. "And I was totally gonna yell at you for getting David killed, but I can't now that all is forgiven. So, what are we gonna talk about?"
Rachel is quick to offer the answer to that. "Um, duh, time travel. It's real. Max did it. Discuss."
The girls spend most of lunch talking about time travel, and while the conversation starts out very serious, they soon devolve into talking about movies like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Back to the Future, The Time Machine, The Butterfly Effect, Déjà Vu, and things end very silly as they discuss the recent comedies Hot Tub Time Machine and Safety Not Guaranteed. The mood definitely improves and they're back to their usual smiling selves, at least on the outside. Max doesn't know what lingers within the other two, but she can feel that nagging sixth sense that something is amiss.
I felt like everything was wonderful before… more than once, and it ended badly. Every time I take a breath and think I'm through the drama and the pain, something awful happens. It feels like everything is turning out right again, but I don't trust it. They must be lying to me about something, or keeping something from me… oh man, I sound so paranoid right now. This trip has traumatized me. I'll go with this happy vibe, because I'm just too emotionally drained to deal with any more drama today, but I'm not letting my guard down again.
As the three of them leave Lechon they decide to spend their final afternoon in Portland on photo ops, since the day is cool and the skies are clear, giving them good photography conditions. They visit popular photo spots like the Keep Portland Weird Mural, the pink Voodoo Doughnut wall, and the gothic St. Johns Bridge viewed from Cathedral Park, asking strangers to take pictures so all three smiling girls can be in every picture. Conversation stays on safe topics during the afternoon as they cap their road trip properly by commemorating Portland, immortalizing their emotional adventure with bright smiles in every photo as if they battled a great beast and emerged victorious.
When the dinner hour comes around Rachel has another of her Mexican food cravings, but Max insists on finding something healthy. After a little searching on their phones the girls find Santeria, a Mexican restaurant with healthy vegetarian and vegan choices. As the girls sit and eat they joke about how Portland has everything, and how nice it must be to live in such a city full time. That conversation, of course, leads to Chloe complaining about how terrible Arcadia Bay is and how she just can't wait to get out of that "hick town". The idea latches onto Max's mind and makes her drift off in thought for a few minutes.
I have to use this. Chloe hates it in Arcadia Bay, so I know she wants to leave. Why not move to Seattle to be with me? Seattle isn't that different from Portland and she seems to really like it here. There's definitely a way to talk her into moving to Seattle, but if I handle the conversation wrong she'll think I'm being selfish or that I'm trying to pressure her into something. It would remind her of her plans to move to L.A. with Rachel and I'd run into a brick wall of negativity. Maybe I can like… Inception her into thinking it's her idea to come to Seattle after she graduates. I'm going to have to plan this one out, maybe even write down a speech and practice in front of a mirror. And I still don't know when and where will be the best time to even talk about this… I'm running out of time, but I can't jump the gun either. This is more nerve wracking than finals.
After dinner the three of them head back to their hotel room to pack everything up and check out so they can hit the road. Max requests the window seat this time, so Rachel kindly sits in the middle, and while she and Chloe rock out to their punk music Max spends the trip going through all her photos and writing in her journal. By the time they get back to Arcadia Bay Max has everything totally chronicled, sparing no detail about the good and the bad of that road trip, preparing the history her future self requested in that letter. All the pictures taken are organized by date and put into little envelopes that are tucked in with each journal entry to complete the time capsule of memories.
As Chloe pulls up to the Blackwell parking lot at around 10pm, Rachel twists to give Max a hug. "It's been so nice meeting you, Max. Even if you didn't bust through time and save my ass like a total boss I'd still wanna be friends with you. You're the bomb, Max."
"Awww." Max gives the girl a squeeze as she smiles happily. "You're a wonderful person, Rachel. I'm glad I was given that letter and had the opportunity to save you. I know you're going to do amazing things in life."
Chloe sniffs at the air and looks around her truck. "Is something baking? It smells like mushed potatoes." She expertly deadpans her joke about how mushy the others are being.
Max releases the hug and turns on Chloe, leaping at her with open arms. "Oh, are you jelly? Then I'll mush you, too!" She squeezes Chloe and plants kisses on the girl's cheek to make her squirm, but Chloe clearly loves the attention.
Rachel just laughs and steps out of the truck, heading to the back to pull her suitcase free from under the tarp. She walks back to the open door and leans in to smile and wave. "Have a good night. See you two tomorrow." And with that she pushes the door shut and heads to her dorm.
It's a quick drive back to Chloe's home, the lights still on inside as Max and Chloe haul their suitcases to the door and enter the home. They find Joyce inside watching TV, but she pops right up to give them both great big hugs. Max can't help but feel guilty about causing the woman's husband to go to his death, and she becomes quiet as Joyce asks how everything went, leaving Chloe to give her vague and sarcastic responses. Joyce inquires about the red streaks in Max's hair and the girl is shy and awkward with her response, her mind stuck on David. But, luckily for Max everyone is tired and the conversation doesn't last long or cover anything deep, and soon the teens are excused to go upstairs and get ready for bed.
Once brushed, flossed and in her night shorts and the white t-shirt with the doe graphic she wore that day, Max flops onto Chloe's low bed and exhales as she stares at the ceiling. "We made it."
Chloe lights up a joint and brings her red Oregon ashtray to rest on her stomach as she lies on her back next to Max, offering the girl a drag. "Like I said. Portland, not Mordor. No army of orcs."
Max puffs and passes the joint back, smiling at that reference returning. "You know, when I first saw you a week ago, I was scared. I thought you might be a totally different person. I thought maybe the Chloe I had a huge crush on was long gone. But I can still feel you in there. All the important parts that I love are still there."
Chloe casts a thankful smile toward Max. "Guess I'm lucky you're such a forgiving hippie. A lot of people wouldn't love me anymore after the shit I put you through this week."
Max nibbles on her lower lip for a few moments as she thinks the week over, then twists to gaze into Chloe's eyes. "Just because we decided to forgive each other of our faults and move on doesn't mean we're not allowed to talk about stuff. If you have strong feelings about something, I'd rather you share them with me than keep them locked away."
The offer makes Chloe knit her brows and avert her gaze, staring at the ceiling as she takes another drag and blows a long stream of smoke into the air above her. "You already know you fucked up. You got all awkward down there the moment you saw my mom. You're obviously already punishing yourself for killing my stepdad. I don't feel like throwing salt at your wounds."
Max fidgets and slowly twists to rest on her side so she can face Chloe. "Does that mean you forgive me or are you just going along with what I said at lunch today? I need to know how you truly feel, Chloe."
The blue haired girl frowns and sighs. "Max… I didn't fucking like the guy. Between the two of us, you did me a favor. But you really fucked with my mom's life. It's her forgiveness you need, but she doesn't even know what you did. It's gotta be hella awkward knowing what you did to her, and knowing she doesn't know it was your fault. You owe my mom big time, and I can't help you with that."
"OK. I understand." Max can't help but sound sad and lonely in her response, but she asked for Chloe's feelings on the subject and she received them. "Well, what about Rachel? Do you really feel differently about her? Are you going to be OK with not being her girlfriend anymore?"
Chloe twists her face to look at Max again, clearly agitated by the questions. "Didn't we already go over all this shit?" She sees the hurt look she put into Max's face and softens a little. "Alright, look. After we had sex and we were just lying in bed together, a few minutes before you came back into the hotel room, I could just tell it was over. The way she was petting my hair, the way she looked at me… it felt like goodbye… like I was about to get on some ship and sail away forever. Rachel's straight. She didn't have a sudden urge to fuck a girl. That was a goodbye present… from the heart. So quit getting all hung up on that like it's gonna stand between us. Not like it'll matter anyway."
Max pushes up to her elbow to look down at Chloe from a better angle, a great deal of concern in her face about that final addition. "Why won't it matter? Don't you want to be with me, Chloe? I love you… doesn't that mean anything to you?" Her eyes well up even though she's trying so hard to keep her emotions in check.
As Chloe gazes up at Max she catches the shimmer in her eyes and lets out a labored breath, putting the joint in the ashtray and setting it aside. "It's hella unfair to lay your love on me like that right now, Max." She twists to prop herself on her elbow so she can properly face Max, reaching out to cup and rub the girl's cheek to show her affection. "Of course I wanna be your girlfriend! It's just not realistic. My life is here and yours is in Seattle. All my future plans to move to L.A. with Rachel just blew up in my face! I don't know what I'm gonna do after graduation anymore, and I don't feel ready to make new plans yet. I could go to college somewhere, or peace out and travel the world for a few years, or maybe just go work at the Two Whales Diner to make my mom's life easier and help her get through losing David. Max, I can't let you go back to Seattle expecting me to show up in a few months to be with you… it's not fair to you. I don't know what I want to do yet. Please tell me you understand."
It feels so much like rejection that Max can barely keep from breaking down. She leans forward to wrap her arms around Chloe and buries her face into the teen's neck to try and hide her tears. "I understand." She whimpers the words, feeling so powerless to change how Chloe feels.
Chloe slowly lies back down and curls her own arms around Max, trying to soothe her by gently brushing her hands up and down the soft t-shirt wrapped around the girl's body. "It's OK to cry, Max. I know it sucks hard to deal with reality… like it did for me when you left. I wish you never moved away, Max. I wish you were my girlfriend for the last few years. But that's not what happened, and we have to be strong and face reality." She pauses to let out a heavy breath, struggling with her own emotions as she brushes her nose through Max's hair. "I hope that we can be together someday. I just don't want to raise your hopes with promises I might not keep, and then hurt you later on. I can't bear hurting you again, Max."
Max sobs openly, no longer holding her sorrow back when she's given permission to cry. She can't respond, but there's nothing left to say. Chloe's made her position very clear, and all that's left is to cry it out. It takes more than a few minutes for Max to release all her sadness, her dejection slowly giving way to the exhaustion of a long and arduous day. When Chloe feels that the time is right she twists away from Max, breaking contact to move the ashtray off the bed and pluck a few tissues from the box so the girls can clear their noses. She turns all the lights off and returns to bed to curl up behind Max, spooning the girl and nuzzling at her red streaked hair to try and soothe the sadness away with gentle affection.
Damn it. I know she loves me. I can tell. But she won't trust those feelings and make plans to move to Seattle, not after breaking up with Rachel only a few days ago. Ten days wasn't enough time to win Chloe over. I should have faced reality from the beginning, like she's telling me to now. I was never going to leave here as Chloe's girlfriend. So what do I do? Should I just apply to Blackwell Academy and move down here in the summer to be with her? If that's even an option… this Jefferson Prescott scandal could be the end of Blackwell Academy. So if that's not an option, then all I have is this weekend. I only have that belated birthday present, my grand romantic gesture… if I can just find the right time and place, and deliver it with the right words and feelings… I have to believe it can work. But I feel so powerless, so worn down, so sad… this week has taken so much out of me. God, help me… I need the strength to reach Chloe's heart this weekend. The happiness of my entire future depends upon it.