The first thing Sara learned in System Alliance boot camp was this: Keep Moving.

Mission gone sideways? Keep moving. Half your equipment and three quarters of your rations are missing or destroyed? Keep moving. Lost and separated from your team? Keep moving.

Not blindly, of course; first, figure out where you were and what you had to work with. Then make a plan. Then move.

Moving gave you purpose, gave you options, gave you (a chance at) life.

Not moving never solved a thing, and often made the situation worse.

Keep moving.

In the rare moments that Sara had time to think about anything besides the next challenge that would be thrown at her, she figured this was a pretty good way of dealing with most parts of life. Certainly it was a better way of dealing with this indescribable, nebulous grief. So, she moved.

The second thing that Sara learned in boot camp was this: eventually, sheer mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion will wear away the sharp edges of anger and grief, until it is a smooth thing that you can live with. Not easily, not comfortably, and certainly not forgetfully, but you could live with it.

Like the rotten board on one of the obstacle courses; they all learned to avoid stepping on it, so no one got hurt… but the very act of avoiding it kept that board in their thoughts, they could never forget it. Sara learned to live with her grief in the same way; never forgetting it, just… avoiding it.

And so, at the end of three weeks of boot camp, when she finally returned to her barracks room, and had access to her terminal, she was pleased to see messages from her family, instead of angry.

There were three from her mother, all variations on a theme. I love you. I'm sorry we hurt you. Be safe. CALL ME. She would, in a bit. Despite her angry words, they had both known that it wasn't possible for her to stay away from them forever. They were family.

There was a message from Scott, which sounded distinctly worried and very unlike her twin.

Sara-vara,

Don't hate me! I swear, I didn't know anything about anything! Honest!

~Scott

She replied to that one immediately,

Hey baby brother,

I've always known that - glad you're finally admitting it!

Love you,

Sara

This, of course, prompted a more Scott-like letter in return.

Oh wise and knowledgeable elder sister,

See what I get for being nice? Hmph. Come home soon, I'm headed off to boot camp myself - can't be too far behind you, again!

~Scott

P.S. I'm only one minute younger than you! Twit!

The letter from her father was predictably straightforward. I'm sorry you're hurt. I love you. I'm proud of you.

Not, she noticed with a grudging feeling of amusement, "I'm sorry I lied to you." That was Dad, though, once he decided on something, he saw it through, and never second guessed himself. He may have changed course when needed, but he never moaned about things that were done. Right. Keep moving. Her father had gone through the Alliance training as well.

She did go home, of course, before her first posting, and as often as possible between missions. Often, it was just her and her mother in their apartment on the Citadel; Scott had been stationed out at Arcturas, and Dad had never spent much time at home anyway.

In some ways, this was good. She loved spending time with her mother, talking over her work guarding scientists on distant planets. In other ways, it was uncomfortable.

The privacy gave her mother far too tempting an opportunity to quiz her on her love life. Sara's first reaction was shock.

"How can you ask me that? How would I ever be able to be in a relationship with someone else, knowing they weren't the right one?"

Ellen sighed. "Sweetheart, most people don't find their soul mate. A good portion of people don't even really bother to look. The rest look for a time, then find someone they can care about without that tie, and get on with their lives."

"Most people." Sara scowled. "Most people don't know anything about their soul mate, may not even really believe they have one. I'm not most people. I know I have - had - a soul mate, and he's gone. How could I try to shove anyone else into being the... the matching part of me that I could almost feel, but was always just out of reach? It wouldn't be fair to either of us.

"I'd always be looking at him and wondering: what would the right one have done differently?"

Her mother looked at her with tears swimming in her eyes. "People do go on after losing someone they love. You don't have to think that way, act that way. It may take more work, but all relationships take work, darling. I know this is the worst thing that has ever happened to you, but it isn't the worst thing that can happen in this galaxy. I hate to see you living your life alone; I want you to be happy."

Sara took a deep breath, and reigned in her temper. Her mother didn't understand. How could she? She had found her soulmate.

It was a story Sara had loved to hear when she was younger. How her mother, eating dinner with her parents, looked up as Alec walked through the restaurant. Their eyes met, and she stood up, walking away from her parents in the middle of a conversation, paying no attention to anyone but Alec. He had stood there while his friends jostled him, trying to get his attention, staring at her in shock. He'd recognized her as soon as their eyes met - soulmates always did - but he hadn't truly believed he had one until that moment.

They had been inseparable after that, of course. His friends, her family, they all came a distant second in Ellen and Alec's attention. The wedding had quickly followed.

Now though, the story just emphasized how little her mother could understand Sara's loss. This was the worst thing that could happen to her, and it would never be made right, or even easier.

Sara looked into her mother's eyes, worried and filled with love for her, and knew she couldn't explain any of that. Instead, she mustered a smile and said,

"I'll try to keep an open mind, mom. And I truly am happy. Honestly."

The conversation moved on to easier topics, they enjoyed the rest of their evening, and when Sara returned to her team, she managed to push the conversation to the back of her mind.

This was the conversation she would remember when she went home for dinner to find out that her mother had accomplished the impossible: Scott and their father were both home at the same time.

It was only after dinner that she learned that there really were worse things that could happen than losing someone you'd never met, and never known.

Her mother was dying, and nothing any of them could do would stop it.

When her father finally explained his work with the Initiative, and asked them to go with him to Andromeda, Sara and Scott didn't hesitate. They signed on with the Andromeda Initiative, and went to sleep for 600 years.

Sara's last thought before falling into cryosleep was that perhaps her two griefs, public and private, would not survive the trip through dark space.